THE OUTSIDERS: unmasking the masculine nonstraights | Family, Friends and Society | PinoyExchange

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  1. #1
    handsome hairless hobbit
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    Metro_Manila

    THE ODDers: unmasking the masculine nonstraights

    IN AND OUT

    "...the people you are after are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we drive your ambulances. We connect your calls, we guard you while you sleep. Do not... fück with us." - Fight Club

    strangers in a strange land. we live in a society whose idea of sexual norm is far within our reach. our likes have been discriminated against or mocked at. we have been unjustly portrayed by the media. they called us names that make even our own stomachs heave just as we fancy a life that doesn't closely resemble this hellish condition. they made us outsiders just because we are not like them. they took part in making us what we are right now. and let us be whoever we are.

    others might view us as just another closeted or coward gays. undecided *******. because we are masculine. we don't look gay enough to curl your hair or fancy a catwalk in some branded get-up.

    we are men. men is what we are.

    ... and we prefer the masculine psyche. and body. and essence. we are strong and we are fantabulous. narcissistic, yet true.

    we don't want to seek refuge under a single label. being labeled a gay/bisexual doesn't make you one. there is more to a word.

    and so we are out here.

    i beckon people to challenge themselves. you know who you are.


    ***


    there are only two questions to ask oneself in order to assess if you are an ODDer.

    1) Do i fancy/love/like the same sex in ways that would be enough to question my sexuality?

    2) Do i measure up to the masculinity of the unmistakably straight guys? am i butch enough that no one would ever believe that i'm not straight?

    (in a nutshell, don't you just think Reichen and Chip and their kind are so cool?)


    welcome aboard, guys.
    Last edited by garppp; Sep 17, 2003 at 05:47 PM.

  2. #2
    handsome hairless hobbit
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    Metro_Manila
    some thoughts on being OUT.

    i am out to myself. to my close friends and family.
    i have a boyfriend right now. a partner. and there is more to that. we really love each other.

    for almost four months we have been sharing a room in a condo which my brother and i shared just half a year ago. i've outed myself to him 4 years ago. he told me he accepted me but this was only manifested lately. my brother accepts me and my partner. for what we are. and there has been OUTsiders who have visited our place and my brother is civil and even friendly with some. i know this might be hard for him to swallow, to be surrounded suddenly by guys who like guys.

    but he did accept it. eventually. even his gf acknowledges our relationship.

    this made me think. having the society to accept us is a gradual process.

    it starts within yourself. then to people very very close to you. then wider in scope.

    i don't intend to out myself to everybody. but then again i might. but i also don't find the need to. but again i might. i just don't know when.

    but it feels good to be accepted. it feels GREAT to be loved.

    and cliche, yet true enough, love makes the world go round.

    i am not invoking people to out themselves. i am asking you to accept yourself. and step into the light.

    the first step might be as hard as a baby's first, but the toddler won't be able to walk if he didn't take the risk, will he?

  3. #3

    The egg is now cracked.

    oi oi garppp what's this all about? Hehe. Joke lang po! Suportahan taka, kupkop.

  4. #4
    handsome hairless hobbit
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    Metro_Manila
    sheesh. the name the ODDers seems better than the OUTSIDERS. basically the same concept pero more playful and pronounceable yung ODDers. hehe can't change the name of the thread, though.

    ODDer. odd, weird, queer. hehehe mas masaya.

  5. #5
    bakit ganun? bakit parang ang dating ng ibang thread dito e pinagpipilitan iba kayo.

    ang sinasabi ko lang, some of us here are exerting too much energy on not letting other people lump you in the "gay" crowd. some of us use terms like PLU, aliens, SNAGG, and now, ODDers, but still, the bottomline is that we'Re gay.

    i'm active lurker of the gay threads, and found it disconcerting that the guys resist the changes we're experiencing here in PEX.
    Last edited by Le_Peruque; Sep 17, 2003 at 08:55 PM.

  6. #6
    PExing is living!
    Join Date
    Mar 2001
    Location
    Metro_Manila
    Wow!

  7. #7
    Sa dinami na ng PEx threads na nagka-classify ng non-straights and seeing what people talk about in those threads. . . I dunno. . .

    I'm not straight. I like guys. I'm generally out.

    I'm not entirely masculine, but the "gay scene" doesn't appeal to me. I don't belong to a gay posse, and I feel like an outsider when I'm in Malate. Mas gusto ko pang kasama ang mga straight.

    So far, the Straight-Natured Gay Guys thread has become more gay lifestyle channel than otherwise. (Okey lang 'yon, di ko lang trip.) The Alien Nation appears to have a civil war every so often, and seem to be cautious of newbies. (Okey lang 'yon, ganyan talaga kapag demokrasya.)

    Would I then be an OUTSIDER? An ODDer? Pero kung pag-uusapan ang question #2, olats na.

    Level 5 ako sa StraightActing.com. Does that count?

    Maybe I just need a group of non-straight guys with whom I can connect with. Kase sa dinami-dami ng baklang nakikilala ko, parang . . . OP ako parati.

  8. #8
    ashere! ashere!
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    sea of waking d

    invisible

    ain't that really ironic, eh? you feel like a phantom within the midst of your fellow gays -- invisible most of the time.

    two nights ago a a text pal asked me this question -- "do you ever feel invisible sometimes?" i told him that amongst the gay crowd i do (most of the time). but never did i ever feel invisibility amongst the straight crowd. he further inquired if it is good or bad. i answered that it does not matter at all, cuz i always know who my real friends are.

  9. #9

    So this is the Ice-World Europa

    Ahoy There!

    So we have a new thread here mate? So what's this all about? Does it answer our subconcious thoughts about ourselves? Would it be more open and flexible around here? Anyways come along, we have a lot of things to do...

    Regarding your questions.


    1) Do i fancy/love/like the same sex in ways that would be enough to question my sexuality?
    Yea, I fancy, love, lust the same sex in ways that would be enough to question my sexuality. No matter how conflicting sometimes, but ey, that's what my heart tells me.


    2) ) Do i measure up to the masculinity of the unmistakably straight guys? am i butch enough that no one would ever believe that i'm not straight?
    You know me personally.

    We've been housemates for 8 months. We both know our feminine sides (If there was any) , and the masculine egos that we tried to mutually respect.

    I've already established myself as a malate person - been comfortable mingling with gays. Who are we to avoid them?
    Seen many guys like us - men who you wouldn't believe that they are not straight.

    In all aspects, I guess we are one and the same... but we have already surpassed our issues regarding homosexuality, gone are the days of hiding...

    This time it's for real.

    ----------------------

    Andito na ako kapatid. So panong set-up natin dito? Do we establish a structural framework? *** ha, di mo man lang sinabi sakin na gagawa ka ng thread na bago.

    Shoot ka lang ng shoot. Suportahan taka.
    Last edited by Machina; Sep 17, 2003 at 09:25 PM.

  10. #10
    ashere! ashere!
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    sea of waking d

    on labels

    hey le peruque!

    gay is fine with me -- clear enough to be identified as human

  11. #11
    hello garppp. hello will_truman. hello to all.

    I am definitely not straight, no question about that. I have had two ex-boyfriends (or buddies) and I am currently in a relationship. My close friends know about me and so does my mom. My friends are cool with me being "unstraight." One even envies me for having a boyfriend. As for my mom, while she knows about me, I cannot really say that she accepts me for who I am. Every now and then my sexuality would be brought up. She would almost always take my sexuality as something bad, something unfortunate. As I mentioned in a previous post in another thread, there was an instance where I was about to doze off (she probably thought I was already sleeping) when I heard her mumble "bat ba naman naging bakla pa ang anak ko." I used to keep quiet everytime she would hit me for being who and what I am. Lately though, I have learned to say the words "eh ano ngayon" to her.

    No doubt about it, it has not been easy to be non-straight, bisexual, homosexual, or whatever term we assign to our "ourness." I went through the usual phases of denial, rejection, depression, etc. but I have learned to accept myself. I hope that the time would come when I would be able to introduce my boyfriend to my mom without eliciting a response full of "punyet*s."

    I do not wear skirts nor put on make-up. I still am a normal guy, wearing normal clothes, talking in a normal way. Of course, normality here is what is conventional. I admit that these conventions could be symptoms of what has been termed elsewhere as a phallocentric, patriarchal system. Challenging these conventions are admittedly political, and in a way, I admire people who have the guts to do so. As of the moment, I do not see myself going to that extreme (and I do not think I ever will). On the one hand, I am apprehensive and uncomfortable (it is just not me). On the other hand, retaining the trappings of "straightness" can also be strategic and tactical. Alienating people is definitely not the way to be accepted by society.

    I am glad that PinoyExchange provides "space" for the discussion of the issues affecting us. Although I am admittedly apprehensive by the possible negative implications of PEX lumping us all in the GLB&T, I also look at it as an 'official' recognition of our existence. The resistance posed by some PEXers is a sufficient assurance for me that there is indeed space for contestations.

    The voices are out to be heard.

  12. #12
    petyr
    sharp eye you got there. it really should've been le peruque, but when i got confused it with the la the first time i used it.

    my personal opinion about this glbt sub-forum is that it should've been under the family, friends and society forum - much more flexible.

    rccola
    at least you mustered enough courage to go into relationships. im still trying to find the courage to do the same.

    after reading your post, i just remembered how a close friend usually calls me - unconventional. it might've been her way of implying, you're kinda gay, but i'm not sure. ;-)

  13. #13
    handsome hairless hobbit
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    Metro_Manila
    and the die has been cast

    la_peruque, yes we're gay. BUT not all of us accept the term. how many of us have suffered or have dreaded the terms bakla/bading/gay when we are all still closeted. we mask ourselves with many appellations but we still remain what we are. we're here, we're queer. it takes a lot of spit to swallow, but yes, i agree we (our kind) belong here in this forum. and some people just cannot accept their condition even though they already have gone to the extent of having boyfriends and parading in malate every saturday. how can they be too naive?

    sorbetero, if you think you belong here, then you do. and we cannot do anything. hehe your choice, dude.

    petyr, i feel the same thing. actually i was thinking of albert camus when i thought of the term outsider/stranger from his novel as another simile for our case. i also remember ralph ellison's invisible man. sometimes i felt like him. being black in a society that discriminates a person by color, i felt his anguish. i felt invisible many times even in my own circle of acquaintances. like nobody really knows the real me before. now that i've accepted myself, it feels odd that i do feel still invisible YET enjoying it because i know many things that others won't know. hehehe sort of like transforming weakness into power.

    kapatid, i don't have any plans for a structure. i don't think i'd be strict with this. except that we should be on topic. that means we tell stories based on who we are. that is enough i think. and we'll continue to explore.

    rc: this expresses my exact sentiment. "Alienating people is definitely not the way to be accepted by society" hahaha may ibubulong ako sa'yo sa friday why we should be happy about this thread. harharhar

    will_t,

  14. #14
    wapo, way to go!

    whilst i commend you for creating a new and timely thread, i still feel a wee bit sad that you had to leave nation. (of course, outside the thread, the friendship remains) it won't be the same without you and the rest of the gang. ohwell, we've proven once again that nothing is absolutely permanent in this world, except CHANGE.

    regarding to the two questions broached....well, i won't say that i'm the most masculine gay guy. not by a mile. but definitely, i don't fit the stereotype gay (not that there's anything wrong with it.)

    do we really have to be so concerned with labels? we're all gays, and yet, we are so plumb scared to be called one. weird.

    i had a date last night. it was a blast. during our conversation, he told me that there's this guy who was looking at him. i asked him if the guy was gay, and he said that the guy was indeed gay. i told him to introduce me to his "gay" acquaintance. he seemed perplexed when i said that.

    "do you like gays?", he asked.

    "hellyeah! aren't you gay?"

    i was floored. i couldn't believe the question.

    "i'm not gay!" he said.

    "so what the hell are you?"

    "i'm bi!"

    whoa! i snickered a bit. my half-suppressed laugh wasn't unnoticed.

    "man, all bisexuals are gay, but not all gays are bisexual!"

    "yeah, i believe so."

    "so that makes you gay."

    hehehhehe, of course, he wasn't miffed. he likes me hell of a lot, eh?

    mwah to all the familiar faces! BATH, the former mint will have its grand opening on friday, september 19. free entrance and 50% off on booze! SEEEEEEEYYAAAAAAAAAA!

  15. #15

    Theme Song For The Moment

    My Kind of Scene
    PowderFinger


    Tell me where I'm
    supposed to begin
    an unhappy life working
    some kind of dead end job
    for everything you thought you had
    has gone from worse to bad

    Lean to the side
    whisper it quiet
    the end is in sight to working
    all night around the clock
    for everything you thought you had
    has gone from worse to bad

    But it's not my kind of scene oh yeah
    footprints on the other side
    remind me where I've been oh yeah
    I'll watch from the other side

    Tell me where I'm
    supposed to begin
    move out of sight and onto
    some life I'm dreaming of
    for everything you thought you had
    has gone from worse to bad
    so I'll just wait and watch the wheels
    while you're turning back

    But it's not my kind of scene oh yeah
    footprints on the other side
    remind me where I've been oh yeah
    I'll watch from the other side

    Pulls me over and it drags me under
    Pulls me over and it drags me under
    Alright now alright now

    -----------------------

    The future is
    written by the victors
    no matter how painful to leave the past
    behind sometimes
    Last edited by Machina; Sep 18, 2003 at 02:28 AM.

  16. #16
    outside looking in..
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Metro_Manila
    kudos...

    1. yes
    2. let me get back to you...im currently fluctuating, you know, being in advertising and all -- you aint cool when you are not outlandishly and loudly gay -- but i aint one....outlandish and loud gay that is...am i making any sense?


    peace out

  17. #17
    POWER. PLEASURE. PAIN.
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Makati City
    SORBETEROMAN -- I so agree!!! :-)

    Dear All,

    In light of the current crisis in categorization, let me share with you this wonderful quote that someone shared with me just a couple of days ago. It is from the book East of Eden by John Steinbeck:

    "And once a boy has suffered rejection, he will find rejection even where it does not exist - or worse, will draw it forth from people simply by expecting it."

    ________________________________________

  18. #18
    that was a very enlightening quote, chase. thanks a hell of a lot.

    does low-self esteem ring a familiar bell?

    d_alchemist

    you aint cool when you are not outlandishly and loudly gay -- but i aint one....outlandish and loud gay that is...am i making any sense?
    it's what you call OXYMORON.

  19. #19

    Some Thoughts on being a homosexual: The Beginnings

    I used to believe that those who call themselves homosexuals are either effeminate gays or old dirty men who keep on hunting for young boys.

    But I've known before, even when I was straight that something is weird about the way I think. I was a straight before, but I wasn't too sure if I could remain that way for a lifetime.

    Then came PEx, I've stumbled upon the first Bisexual thread. Immediately I found a sense of belonging to them, even though we haven't met yet. You know, fantasizing about men, while digging in women were the fad in those days.

    Almost one year and six months have passed since the first time I outed myself to them. At that time, I was in a heterosexual relationship, and still studying. That's why I kept my steps very small and quiet. I was afraid then, I don't know exactly anyone who shared my sentiments.

    Along the way, I've met some friends who think the way I used to be, my first concept of a bisexual relationship was having a girlfriend while maintaining an intimate relationship with a guy who I could pass as my bestfriend. It never materialized.

    Three months after I've joined the Bi group, my gf and I broke up, thus giving me an opportunity to explore more. At that time, I had friends to guide me by - especially someone who became an integral part of my pre-homosexual days.

    Eventually I've established myself withing the Gay and Lesbian circles here in PEx. I've been a constant companion to those who were still curious about the lifestyle - making sure they'll never tip over while exploring the tracks where I've been to.

    Three months have passed and a thread came out that ultimately decided my fate today. It was the other thread and despite all it's imperfections, my entire history was embedded there.

    Side by side, I've been posting personal greetings to the bisexual thread, and my deeper and darker thoughts about the lifestyle here in the new thread. Yeah, I've been a newbie once and it was very very difficult to explore the grounds alone.

    Then, while meeting a newbie from the old bisexual thread, I've accidentally met some guys in Malate, who claimed they are bisexuals but man, no one would expect that they were one. It was my first real contact with masculine PLUs.

    And that changed my concept of homosexuality forever. That was the first time, the word Ultraman came out of my mouth.

    -----------------------------

    End of Part One

  20. #20
    handsome hairless hobbit
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    Metro_Manila
    wapong mrav, the only reason why we argue so much on the labels is because of their connotations. being called a bisexual doesn't elicit much attention than being tagged a homo. heteropeople would think, "oh he got a chance to straighten things up." BUT we know that we won't. we are bent. and it takes more than an amnesia and psychological torture to change that. so let us be human, for once. accept our own self and identity. we deserve more than tolerance and distant respect. acceptance is the key.

    chase and d_alchemist, you are most welcome.

    kapatid, i've read your PM. i'll keep my reactions to myself until we meet personally.

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