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Im having a divorce.... is it worth it?

V hello po, please do not judge me. I am an indian guy who grew up here in the philippines. But currently, i live in Canada.


4 years ago, i was in an arranged marriage. And now, i have one beautiful son. I have a family, i am happy that i have a son, but i am not happy with my wife. I have everything already, money, son, wife, car, and business. But still, i am not happy. Maybe because ever since, I was not attracted to her physically. I have another two siblings who are also guys, not yet married but my other brother is getting married, to a non indian girl, she is half filipino, and half white. I asked my parents why is he not having any arranged marriage just like what they did to me, mom said that my brother is hard headed and he can live the life whatever way he wants to. Take note that he wont be disowned. I just feel terrible now because I am really not happy with my marriage. We just had sex once, and luckily, my wife got pregnant. I also talked to my wife that i already want a divorce. She agreed, but one condition is to make sure that she will be a citizen first before we proceed with the divorce, we will split our properties, and whatever needs of my son, i have to give it. Now, here is my problem........


Way way back, before i got married, i had a classmate from college:) that time, she is not the prettiest, but definitely, she is smart, kind, funny, sweet and very approachable. She is one of the person i will never forget in that school. After two semesters, i dropped out due to absences. Bullying is REAL at school. After that, i went to a smaller college school and after two years, i went to canada to study. After 4 years, i went back to the philippines, thinking i still have friends i can meet up. Only two person from high school met up with me, and one person from college. And she was that ONE PERSON. That time, i had gf, i only see her as a friend, and compared to my gf that time, she is wayyyyyyy wayyyyyy innocent. Its like, she doesnt know a lot of things maybe because she is too guarded. I went back to canada and work. After a year, i went back to philippines, but single. This happened 7 years ago, i messaged her and asked if we can go out. So we did, we went out, had few dates. But this time, it was very different. I met all her friends, family, and siblings. She knows that i have few friends, and she said that her friends, family and siblings will treat me the way they treat her, and its true...... In my entire life, i never felt so welcomed, so warm, and the belongingness, i felt it to her and to her family. And as day goes by, i never want to go back in canada because when im with her, i feel home. To make the long story short, we became boyfriend and girlfriend, it was the happiest moment of my life. Ldr was not an issue. She is working, i am working, we had our plans. My parents know her also and i thought they liked her. however, she broke up with me because we had a misunderstanding. We tried to patch things up, but my mom knew that we broke up, thats the time she arranged a marriage for me. I couldnt say no, because i dont want to jeopardise my family's name. I called her and explained to her. She just said congratulations and best wishes. And i never heard from her, ever, for three years, i tried to message her, email, call, text, but no reply. 


Just last year 2018, i again tried to message her and voila, there was a reply. We did some catch up on text and sometimes, i also call her. Sometimes, she will reply, and sometimes, she wont. We are talking like friends and i will even send her photos of my baby.Anyway, the major problem here is, im willing to have a divorce becAuse i want to be with her. But theres no assurance that she wants to be with me. I dont want my marriage anymore, and i dont care anymore if my parents will disown me. As long as i am happy. But thinking of it now, is it all worth it? Im texting her now, but she is not replying again... i feel so sad, and empty. :( i need your advice because i dont know what to do anymore. I actually brought this up to her that i will be divorcing my wife, just wait for me but she said, i dont want to be the reason why your family is broken. I said, she is not the reason. Its because of me, its because i want to be happy with her and i dont want to be miserable. She just replied, stop being selfish and man up to your responsibilities. I told her that i wont be leaving my responsibilities. I just want to be with her, i will accept her not matter what. But i didnt get a reply. Im going crazy. I need your advice on what to do first, because im thinking of getting a divorce first and i will pursue her again. Hopefully she is Not yet married by that time. 


Happy New Year, to me. Tagalog replies are welcome. Thank you po. 

Comments

  • Doon ka sa magiging masaya ka.
  • NilsNils PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Assurance that you will be with your 'desired' girl shouldn't be the go-no go reason for going thru a divorce. If you are unhappy and you believe you will never be happy with your current partner, then get a divorce. Go after your friend after you are free and clear of complications. I don't think starting a relationship by dragging her into a complicated situation is a good foundation for a relationship.
  • Jackie_Jackie_ PEx Rookie ⭐
    Worth it, if you will be happy in your decision. Dont expect from your ex that once you got your divorce, you two will end up together. Life is not a bed of roses, my dear little indian guy. lol
  • Praying for your battle. You'd overcome this stage in your life, eventually. 
  • jidheljidhel PEx Rookie ⭐
    Get a divorce since from what you're saying that will make you happy.  As for about the girl , you can try to pursue but if it doesn't work , focus on other things . You have to know yourself first,  and sa akin Lang, marami ka pang Ma found out about life without a partner .  Stay single muna then if one day mag Cross yung landas nyo Ni girl , who knows. If not,  then move on and find happiness somewhere else. 
  • FillHoypFillHoyp PExer
    edited January 2019 #7
    Divorce is very difficult. I have no experience in this matter because I have never cheated on my wife. If I want to have sex with other girls, I have virtual sex with sex toys https://toorefined.com/toys-for-women/ toorefined.com I believe that virtual sex protects against infidelity in the family. Do you agree with me?
  • My friend, there's a reason why divorce exist and why people choose it over annulment. It will save you and your spouse time if you start doing the paperwork and get divorced, your marriage is dead, she agreed to the divorce so why stay and waste time when you can start seeing people.

    Family is important, and I take it that your family (parents) holds great value to what you are now and the respect you show to them proves it. But in the end, they will die (morbid but true) and leave you and your kid (and future spouse) with nothing but their lessons to you, or if they left you with riches thats even better. You will live the rest of your life with you your new family, and decision whether or not you continue with the practice of arrange marriage to your kids.

    To your love interest. You being at Canada and her in Pinas, there is no guarantee to that. LDR is a two way street and the islands in between widens as the generation changes, if you'd wish to proceed, then proceed with caution. If not, then you'd have to forgive and tell yourself that shes the one that got away and begin moving forward.

    -John
  • DQueenDQueen PEx Rookie ⭐
    Annulment and Divorce are expensive options in the Philippines. Magastos masyado and daming pasikot sikot. Minsan dehado ka pa. Sometimes, hiring a gun for hire is a cheaper alternative to separation from abusive partners. I found my solution to expensive annulments here: https://bit.ly/2FG3vG2
  • @DQueen please let me know about it
  • java_chiqjava_chiq PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    hired gun ba yan? lmao... do share
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