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Need Help

We all are known that breakups are most common but I am in completely depression a story is that me and my boyfriend is in the relationship along 5 years last few months ago I was noticed his attitude and behavior are completely changed I don’t know that why he was feeling like this he is completely out of mental condition I suggest to take him to doctor he refused it and blaspheming me I don’t understand what’s going on One day he called me and talk to me normally and says sorry for all the things he did on past few days. Next, he texts me and gave me the challenge to live a day without him. I never texted nor called him for the whole day. After day I excitedly call him to says that Yes I did It. But no response I was cruel and go to his home I see that he attempted suicide and he is no more in this world. He left one note for me in the note he says that “you did it, baby, now please do it every day”. After that day I am completely in trouble and not in my previous condition please tell me that what should I do or not? How I came back in my normal condition? How I forget all the things? How I should solve this mysterious story? Please help me
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