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Pregnant and abandoned. Need advice please

maan1997maan1997 PExer
edited June 27 in Love - Dilemmas
My boyfriend left me while 4months pregnant. We are both 22. Simula kasi nabuntis ako di na kami nagkakasundo. Madalas kami nag aaway. February to April. Lagi ko na syang inaaway. Madalas naiinis ako saknya. Small things. Big things. To the point he broke up with me April 30 kasi nawalan na daw sya ng gana. Im hurting so much right now. Ive seen no flaws kay ex bf simula nung naging kami. Binigay nya lahat, at di sya nagkulang. He said he felt unimportant, unloved and unappreciated. But this all just started nung February. I tried to tell him na pinaglilihian ko lang sya and this was all pregnancy hormones but di sya naniwala. Still i could have been more easy to him daw. The thing is he had a 4 yrs relationship before me. He left the girl for me last year kasi super nainlove sya sakin. Now i just found out they are dating na ulit and nagkaayos na sila. My whole world is falling apart. 1 month din ako nag beg saknya to give me another chance. Magbabago ako i said. Still nagalit sya kasi pwede naman pala magbago. Pero why did i choose to hurt him ng paulit ulit sa mga away namin. Soft hearted kasi si ex bf. Super bait nya. Wala akong nakitang flaws sakanya sa buong relationship namin. Inaamin ko i shared huge part sa desisyon nya. Ikakasal na dapat kami this May din. I tried to talk to his parents. They said hayaan ko na daw sya since ayaw na daw talaga nya. My parents said the same thing. Altho galit na galit sila skanya kasi he just asked my parent's blessing nung April palang for the wedding. Kaya nashock ako sa desisyon nya na iwan ako. The baby is planned. He still wants to be a father but no longer wants me. I think his ex contributed to his decisions din since sinalo agad sya ng ex nya and accepted him back. His ex told me this is my karma for taking him away from her. My ex told me if only i treated him like asawa o boyfriend this wont happen at all. He said i treated him more like trabahador. I didnt know nag kikimkim pala sya ng mga sama ng loob sakin tuwing nag aaway kami. Kasi sinumbat nya lahat ng wrongdoings ko. He said he just woke up and realized i dont deserve him. Too controlling, too demanding, masungit, matapang, high maintenance daw ako. Pagod na pagod na daw sya dealing with me and maybe we are not meant to be. They said baka magka change of heart sya once nakita na nya si baby. Duedate ko is October pa :(
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Comments

  • First, I'm sorry for what you are going through. My advice would be that you let go and live your life. Your baby needs you healthy and strong, with or without a father. Any decision you take will not only affect you, but also your unborn baby. Don't regret, I believe that relationship wasn't just meant to be. A careless boyfriend would definitely be a careless and iresponsible husband and father. Just appreciate that your baby was conceived out of love and not rape, and prepare yourself psychologically and financially to give it the best life you can afford. That guy will come back crawling some daye, but even if he doesn't your child will still appreciate your love
  • They said men dont realize fatherhood till they get to see the baby. I remember back then he was jumping out of joy nung unang ultrasound ko. I kept blaming myself because below the belt yung mga insults ko skanya pag nagagalit ako. His mom never liked me pero pinaglaban nya ako nuon. Now he's like telling me he realized im not worth it pala  
  • ethan911ethan911 Member PEx Rookie ⭐
    Ang problema kasi sayo ....
    Anyway, ang BF mo ay nabibilang sa mga "Tigas tt, pero walang *****".
    Time and time again pangaral yan ng mga matatanda, ang babae ang laging argabyado sa huli.
    Walang kwenta ang itsura kung wala namang *****.
    Ang masama kung panget na nga wala pang *****.

    Kidding aside, best thing to do is to stand up for yourself at buhayin ang anak mo ng walang ama.
    Always think of the worst case para madaling matanggap ang kahit na anong mangyari.
    Wag ka na umasa sa kanya dahil wala ito sa control mo, unless tutang kinapon sya, pwede mo kontrolin.
  • coccomomoacoccomomoa PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    Kaya mo yan, you don't need men like him na walang b***s.  
  • panis_na_putopanis_na_puto Member PExer
    Sumingil ka na lang ng suporta sa inyong anak. Pero WALA na kayo. Sana matutong aral ito sa iyo.
  • madonnafbcmadonnafbc Hi Hello PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    real talk matagal mag mature ang mga lalake..22 pa xa immature pa yun malamang. wag mo na habulin si lalake kasi kung mahal ka nun at may commitment siya hindi mag fefade yung love niya sayo porket buntis ka na..pakita mo sa kanya na kaya mo.. and please wag ipilit ms. baka kasi gumaya ka sa iba na magpapakasal porket nabuntis ang ending niyan maghihiwalay kayo... mahirap pero kayanin mo nalang anjan na yan e.
  • panis_na_putopanis_na_puto Member PExer
    Leccion sa lahat: huwag kayo makikipagtalik kung WALANG SUOT NA SUPOT!
  • C.I.C.C.IC.I.C.C.I Member PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    this is one reason why I go for abortion
  • coccomomoacoccomomoa PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    Okay, firstly, if your husband lefts you pregnant and does not take care of you whatsoever, give him a taste of his own medicine. Like confront him and you know, do the talk. Secondly, we all know in that case, abortion is an option BUT it's not a need, so you don't have to go through all of that pain just to let your precious baby die. Lastly, tell yourself you can do this, you reached this far in your life and you're just going to let some sh*thead ruin it? Ofc not, you should rebuild yourself into a strong indepedent woman that you were meant to be. You yourself can take care of your family no matter what.
  • blue_tracerblue_tracer soundscapes PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    at this point wala ka nang choice kundi maging matatag para buhayin mo 'yang paparating na bata. kung nag survive ang milyon-milyong single moms sa buong mundo, so you will.

    mahirap pag na-take for granted natin ang isang tao kasi madalas hindi rin naman tayo uma-action. sasagarin talaga 'yung tao until it's too late and nothing else can be done. 

    magandang lesson itong thread para doon sa ibang hitads na feeling prinsesa. 🤔

    sana ts, makahanap ka ng bagong magmamahal sa iyo in the future. at doon mo na lang ibuhos at bawiin ang mga pagkukulang mo doon sa ex mo. medyo huwag ka na umasa na babalik pa sa iyo 'yung ex mo, mukhang malabo.

    goodie lak. 

  • DacsDacs Bummed bу Αdmin PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Kung gusto may paraan, kung ayaw may dahilan...

    Humanap lang ng dahilan ang ex mo para makawala sa iyo.

    Wala ka nang aasahan dyan. Ayusin mo na lang yung support na kelangan nyang punan bilang ama.
  • GUYS ASK KO LANG KUNG PAANO KO MALALAMAN KUNG BUNTIS AKO. PERO 3 MONTHS DELAYED NA AKO TAPOS NAG DEED KAMI NG ASAWA KO DINEPOSIT NIYA MULA NUNG THURSDAY TO FRIDAY. IMPOSIBLE PARIN BANG MABUBUNTIS AKO? NAG PT AKO KANINANG UMAGA PERO NEGATIVE NAMAN. HAYS HELP ME NAMAN PO GUYS
  • blue_tracerblue_tracer soundscapes PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    pag duda pa rin sa result ng PT kit, doctor na ang kasunod na dapat puntahan. 
  • chocoholic09chocoholic09 PEx Rookie ⭐
    Mukhang malabo nmn na bumalik si ex mo dahil nagawa nyang iwan ka ngaung time na you really need him dahil buntis ka... sabi mo the baby is planned so sana hindi nmn sya maging absent father... 

    Don't beg him to come back for the sake of your baby.. kaya mo yan at kakayanin mo for your baby :)
  • lordlapulapulordlapulapu PEx Rookie ⭐
    maan1997 said:
    My boyfriend left me while 4months pregnant. We are both 22. Simula kasi nabuntis ako di na kami nagkakasundo. Madalas kami nag aaway. February to April. Lagi ko na syang inaaway. Madalas naiinis ako saknya. Small things. Big things. To the point he broke up with me April 30 kasi nawalan na daw sya ng gana. Im hurting so much right now. Ive seen no flaws kay ex bf simula nung naging kami. Binigay nya lahat, at di sya nagkulang. He said he felt unimportant, unloved and unappreciated. But this all just started nung February. I tried to tell him na pinaglilihian ko lang sya and this was all pregnancy hormones but di sya naniwala. Still i could have been more easy to him daw. The thing is he had a 4 yrs relationship before me. He left the girl for me last year kasi super nainlove sya sakin. Now i just found out they are dating na ulit and nagkaayos na sila. My whole world is falling apart. 1 month din ako nag beg saknya to give me another chance. Magbabago ako i said. Still nagalit sya kasi pwede naman pala magbago. Pero why did i choose to hurt him ng paulit ulit sa mga away namin. Soft hearted kasi si ex bf. Super bait nya. Wala akong nakitang flaws sakanya sa buong relationship namin. Inaamin ko i shared huge part sa desisyon nya. Ikakasal na dapat kami this May din. I tried to talk to his parents. They said hayaan ko na daw sya since ayaw na daw talaga nya. My parents said the same thing. Altho galit na galit sila skanya kasi he just asked my parent's blessing nung April palang for the wedding. Kaya nashock ako sa desisyon nya na iwan ako. The baby is planned. He still wants to be a father but no longer wants me. I think his ex contributed to his decisions din since sinalo agad sya ng ex nya and accepted him back. His ex told me this is my karma for taking him away from her. My ex told me if only i treated him like asawa o boyfriend this wont happen at all. He said i treated him more like trabahador. I didnt know nag kikimkim pala sya ng mga sama ng loob sakin tuwing nag aaway kami. Kasi sinumbat nya lahat ng wrongdoings ko. He said he just woke up and realized i dont deserve him. Too controlling, too demanding, masungit, matapang, high maintenance daw ako. Pagod na pagod na daw sya dealing with me and maybe we are not meant to be. They said baka magka change of heart sya once nakita na nya si baby. Duedate ko is October pa :(

    Unang una, normal lang sa magasawa na trabrahador ang treatment ni misis kay mister.

    I feel sorry for your fatherless baby. Pero pareho kayong immature eh. How can you 'plan' for a baby eh di naman kayo kasal? Like many women who made this mistake akala mo siguro mas matatali sya sayo kapag nagpabuntis ka! But anyway talagang a-sshole ang ex mo, part of the reason kayat bakit ka laging naiinis sa kanya! Wala ka nang magagawa dyan, huwag mong asahan iyung pampagaang nya ng loob sayo na baka magbago isip kapag nakita ang baby. Lalong tatakbo iyan, lalo na kapag kelangan na niya magbayad ng child support. 

    So ang advice ko, lalo mong gamitin mo pagka-strong personality mo against sa kanya. For the sake of your baby utakan mo at siguraduhin na magbabayad sya ng child support. Ipa-tulfo mo kung kinakailangan. Make his life a living hell kung umiwas yan sa obligation nya!

  • LTLT Member PEx Icon 🎖️🎖️🎖️
    dear ts, i don't mean to further add to your stress especially in this delicate situation of yours but a few things lang..

    first, mature of you to admit your faults.  bait naman pala ex mo at pinaglaban ka pa nya sa nanay nya so ba't mo naman inaway? wala pala sha kasalanan sayo, iniwan ka tuloy. 

    may sawa factor din ang guys in case you girls didn't know lol

    second, maganda yan actually. nanay ka na, single ka pa.  you have all the joys of having a child without the stress and worries/limitations of having a spouse.  best all of all, you retain YOUR FREEDOM as you fully enjoy your life and your kid.  saya kaya nyan, perfect situation if you ask me.   =)

    i'm happily married btw, with kids.  but i'm also happy for those who are happily single, but also have kids  =)

    so iwan mo na ren sha if da ka na ren nya gusto


    third, mukhang immature pa nga kayo re this matter.  22 lang kayo eh, still young and very impulsive.  so hayaan mo muna sha, and ikaw ren.  wag ipilit ang sarili sa isa't Isa kung kung ayaw talaga

    grow up some more, both of you, para you can be better parents to your kid even if you guys did not end up together


    fourth, and this is the most important, papanindigan naman nya yung bata eh.  so he just wants to be a father to your child, and not a spouse to you.. ok na yun, at least katuwang pa ren kayo sa anak nyo at di mapapabayaan yung bata (most important).  basically co-parenting, though not cohabitating hehe

    good luck!  since you're a 'tough girl,' then kaya mo yan, especially since di naman pala aabandonahin ng ex mo yung anak nyo
  • LTLT Member PEx Icon 🎖️🎖️🎖️
    First, I'm sorry for what you are going through. My advice would be that you let go and live your life. Your baby needs you healthy and strong, with or without a father. Any decision you take will not only affect you, but also your unborn baby. Don't regret, I believe that relationship wasn't just meant to be. A careless boyfriend would definitely be a careless and iresponsible husband and father. Just appreciate that your baby was conceived out of love and not rape, and prepare yourself psychologically and financially to give it the best life you can afford. That guy will come back crawling some daye, but even if he doesn't your child will still appreciate your love
    to be fàir, he's not abandoning his kid, just the mom

    if they're happier apart, mas ok na yun.  kesa naman mag-sama sila tas mag-aaway lang more than necessary, mas kawawa bata pag ganun

    good thing they're not married yet; mas complicated ang hiwalayan pag married na
  • LTLT Member PEx Icon 🎖️🎖️🎖️
    maan1997 said:
    They said men dont realize fatherhood till they get to see the baby. I remember back then he was jumping out of joy nung unang ultrasound ko. I kept blaming myself because below the belt yung mga insults ko skanya pag nagagalit ako. His mom never liked me pero pinaglaban nya ako nuon. Now he's like telling me he realized im not worth it pala  

    no offense, pero lesson learned yan ts

    if you wanna be treated well , dapat ganun ka ren sa kanila.. di ba golden rule yun?

    at any rate, maganda pa ren nangyari sayo: may anak ka na, at may kalayaan ka pa  : =)
  • LTLT Member PEx Icon 🎖️🎖️🎖️
    Okay, firstly, if your husband lefts you pregnant and does not take care of you whatsoever, give him a taste of his own medicine. Like confront him and you know, do the talk. Secondly, we all know in that case, abortion is an option BUT it's not a need, so you don't have to go through all of that pain just to let your precious baby die. Lastly, tell yourself you can do this, you reached this far in your life and you're just going to let some sh*thead ruin it? Ofc not, you should rebuild yourself into a strong indepedent woman that you were meant to be. You yourself can take care of your family no matter what.
    di pa sila kasal, walang obligasyon si ex kay ts, dun lang sa anak nila
  • LTLT Member PEx Icon 🎖️🎖️🎖️
    maan1997 said:
    My boyfriend left me while 4months pregnant. We are both 22. Simula kasi nabuntis ako di na kami nagkakasundo. Madalas kami nag aaway. February to April. Lagi ko na syang inaaway. Madalas naiinis ako saknya. Small things. Big things. To the point he broke up with me April 30 kasi nawalan na daw sya ng gana. Im hurting so much right now. Ive seen no flaws kay ex bf simula nung naging kami. Binigay nya lahat, at di sya nagkulang. He said he felt unimportant, unloved and unappreciated. But this all just started nung February. I tried to tell him na pinaglilihian ko lang sya and this was all pregnancy hormones but di sya naniwala. Still i could have been more easy to him daw. The thing is he had a 4 yrs relationship before me. He left the girl for me last year kasi super nainlove sya sakin. Now i just found out they are dating na ulit and nagkaayos na sila. My whole world is falling apart. 1 month din ako nag beg saknya to give me another chance. Magbabago ako i said. Still nagalit sya kasi pwede naman pala magbago. Pero why did i choose to hurt him ng paulit ulit sa mga away namin. Soft hearted kasi si ex bf. Super bait nya. Wala akong nakitang flaws sakanya sa buong relationship namin. Inaamin ko i shared huge part sa desisyon nya. Ikakasal na dapat kami this May din. I tried to talk to his parents. They said hayaan ko na daw sya since ayaw na daw talaga nya. My parents said the same thing. Altho galit na galit sila skanya kasi he just asked my parent's blessing nung April palang for the wedding. Kaya nashock ako sa desisyon nya na iwan ako. The baby is planned. He still wants to be a father but no longer wants me. I think his ex contributed to his decisions din since sinalo agad sya ng ex nya and accepted him back. His ex told me this is my karma for taking him away from her. My ex told me if only i treated him like asawa o boyfriend this wont happen at all. He said i treated him more like trabahador. I didnt know nag kikimkim pala sya ng mga sama ng loob sakin tuwing nag aaway kami. Kasi sinumbat nya lahat ng wrongdoings ko. He said he just woke up and realized i dont deserve him. Too controlling, too demanding, masungit, matapang, high maintenance daw ako. Pagod na pagod na daw sya dealing with me and maybe we are not meant to be. They said baka magka change of heart sya once nakita na nya si baby. Duedate ko is October pa :(

    Unang una, normal lang sa magasawa na trabrahador ang treatment ni misis kay mister.

    I feel sorry for your fatherless baby. Pero pareho kayong immature eh. How can you 'plan' for a baby eh di naman kayo kasal? Like many women who made this mistake akala mo siguro mas matatali sya sayo kapag nagpabuntis ka! But anyway talagang a-sshole ang ex mo, part of the reason kayat bakit ka laging naiinis sa kanya! Wala ka nang magagawa dyan, huwag mong asahan iyung pampagaang nya ng loob sayo na baka magbago isip kapag nakita ang baby. Lalong tatakbo iyan, lalo na kapag kelangan na niya magbayad ng child support. 

    So ang advice ko, lalo mong gamitin mo pagka-strong personality mo against sa kanya. For the sake of your baby utakan mo at siguraduhin na magbabayad sya ng child support. Ipa-tulfo mo kung kinakailangan. Make his life a living hell kung umiwas yan sa obligation nya!

    no offense, but it's not normal.  it's actually less prefered/undesirable, kaya nga sila naghiwalay eh

    second, di naman fatherless ung bata, spouseless lang si ts. co-parenting mangyari not cohabitation

    third, wrong 'tapang' pinakita ni ts (no offense), and absolutely unnecessary and even counterproductive at this point bec panindigan naman ni ex ung anak nila

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