Straight Best Friends

dummy10dummy10 Member PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
edited April 28 in LGBT Forum
I don’t have someone who I can say as my “bestest” friend.

I must say that I am someone who belongs/can belong to any set of friends and does not have certain people I can share bestfriend stuff (talk, hangout, secrets, etc.) with.

As we go through life, we meet people who have the same wavelength with ours, enjoy the same hobbies that we do, have the same perspective of the world around us.

Simple lang naman yung ganitong proseso. Kaibigan lang naman. Best friends. Best bud. Regardless of what you are. Pero para sa mga tulad natin, hindi.

There are times we meet people you think you can best buddies with BUT you don’t think they deserve you (and you don’t deserve them) because you can’t totally open up your life to them since you are in the hiding.

Akala mo pwede mo na silang maging matalik na kaibigan pero parang hindi pala pwede.

There will be times that you have to steer clear from certain topics because you don’t have any experience or idea in that field. And these moments may give a hint to them of who you really are.

On the other hand, trying to engage in such would be risky. You, most of the times, will end up lying. That alone is a great reason that you don’t deserve people in general.

I just really want a simple and normal life but all these complications won’t let me have it.

How about you guys? Do/Did you have the same dilemma/frustration? Care to share? Any advices? Thank you.
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Comments

  • hachibi118hachibi118 Member PEx Rookie ⭐
    I have a straight bestfriend of more than 10 years up to now. Gwapo at Crush ng Bayan. 

    Our likes are the same -- food, movies, basketball, massage, etc. except that he likes girls, while i am the weird one out (best of both worlds)

    Medyo clingy siya, nangyayakap, massage, hug, dagan, makulit..your typical straight dude 

    He doesn't know (closeted and manly ako bro) and i dont think i need to tell him my preference. Hindi naman niya na open up ever.

    total bestfriends lang naman kami.  It would be cool to have friends rin like me soon.
  • ClarkReidClarkReid Member PEx Rookie ⭐
    I have a straight bestfriend of more than 10 years up to now. Gwapo at Crush ng Bayan. 

    Our likes are the same -- food, movies, basketball, massage, etc. except that he likes girls, while i am the weird one out (best of both worlds)

    Medyo clingy siya, nangyayakap, massage, hug, dagan, makulit..your typical straight dude 

    He doesn't know (closeted and manly ako bro) and i dont think i need to tell him my preference. Hindi naman niya na open up ever.

    total bestfriends lang naman kami.  It would be cool to have friends rin like me soon.
    Every charade will always end. Good for you your bestfriend has not yet questioned your sexuality. But as everyone ages, your bestfriend will marry a girl sometime in the future, most likely in his late 20s. Malapit na yun.  Ikaw, ano gagawin mo?  

    Sa lipunang ito, ang hindi nag-aasawa in their 30s ay considered bakla. Not all, but it's always the assumption. Good luck!  :D
  • dummy10dummy10 Member PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    I have a straight bestfriend of more than 10 years up to now. Gwapo at Crush ng Bayan. 

    Our likes are the same -- food, movies, basketball, massage, etc. except that he likes girls, while i am the weird one out (best of both worlds)

    Medyo clingy siya, nangyayakap, massage, hug, dagan, makulit..your typical straight dude 

    He doesn't know (closeted and manly ako bro) and i dont think i need to tell him my preference. Hindi naman niya na open up ever.

    total bestfriends lang naman kami.  It would be cool to have friends rin like me soon.
    Ang dilemma ko talaga is do we deserve them? Kahit di natin sinasabi ang lahat sa kanila. Para kasing in a way we are deceiving them. 😕
  • dummy10dummy10 Member PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    edited May 1
    ClarkReid said:
    I have a straight bestfriend of more than 10 years up to now. Gwapo at Crush ng Bayan. 

    Our likes are the same -- food, movies, basketball, massage, etc. except that he likes girls, while i am the weird one out (best of both worlds)

    Medyo clingy siya, nangyayakap, massage, hug, dagan, makulit..your typical straight dude 

    He doesn't know (closeted and manly ako bro) and i dont think i need to tell him my preference. Hindi naman niya na open up ever.

    total bestfriends lang naman kami.  It would be cool to have friends rin like me soon.
    Every charade will always end. Good for you your bestfriend has not yet questioned your sexuality. But as everyone ages, your bestfriend will marry a girl sometime in the future, most likely in his late 20s. Malapit na yun.  Ikaw, ano gagawin mo?  

    Sa lipunang ito, ang hindi nag-aasawa in their 30s ay considered bakla. Not all, but it's always the assumption. Good luck!  :D
    +1 on this.

    how your discussions with your friend or even other people go when marriages, exes, boy stuff are being brought up? Minsan kasi pwede mo sila sagutin ng pabiro. Pero pag mga seryosong usapan, like inuman, how do you go around the topic? Di naman sa lahat ng panahon nakakaiwas tayo.

    And yeah, as ClarkReid mentioned, ang hirap ng culture natin. When you reach that age, your friends, colleagues are more likely getting married, having their first child, having their kids sent to school. Nakaka pressure sa totoo lang.

    Then there comes weddings, reunions, tatanungin ka “O ikaw kailan?”.

    Some of you may tell me na “sus, dali lang gawan ng palusot yan”. Yes, I am doing that for so long. So long na nagsstart ba sila mag dig deeper into you.
  • hachibi118hachibi118 Member PEx Rookie ⭐
    ClarkReid said:
    I have a straight bestfriend of more than 10 years up to now. Gwapo at Crush ng Bayan. 

    Our likes are the same -- food, movies, basketball, massage, etc. except that he likes girls, while i am the weird one out (best of both worlds)

    Medyo clingy siya, nangyayakap, massage, hug, dagan, makulit..your typical straight dude 

    He doesn't know (closeted and manly ako bro) and i dont think i need to tell him my preference. Hindi naman niya na open up ever.

    total bestfriends lang naman kami.  It would be cool to have friends rin like me soon.
    Every charade will always end. Good for you your bestfriend has not yet questioned your sexuality. But as everyone ages, your bestfriend will marry a girl sometime in the future, most likely in his late 20s. Malapit na yun.  Ikaw, ano gagawin mo?  

    Sa lipunang ito, ang hindi nag-aasawa in their 30s ay considered bakla. Not all, but it's always the assumption. Good luck!  :D
    haha "sa lipunang ito, ang hindi nagaasawa in their 30s..blah blah" saan galing yan na conclusion. Survey? Tsismis? Pulse Asia? Feasibility? Market Research?

    I know a lot who did not marry or walang balak. 😂

    If they marry Im happy for them. Choice ko rin naman to marry if may girl na dumating sa life ko since i also like them.

    I wish you luck also in this world. I knowmmy happiness 😅🤭
  • ClarkReidClarkReid Member PEx Rookie ⭐
    dummy10 said:
    Ang dilemma ko talaga is do we deserve them? Kahit di natin sinasabi ang lahat sa kanila. Para kasing in a way we are deceiving them. 😕
    Being in the closet is really deception.  You're not just deceiving other people, you're also deceiving yourself.  But it's not something intentional since it's the natural consequence in a society where being gay is a social stigma. 

    It's up to you if you continue with the charade. In my case, I've never been attracted to my close friends. So, I don't have this guilt at all. 
  • ClarkReidClarkReid Member PEx Rookie ⭐
    edited May 2
    haha "sa lipunang ito, ang hindi nagaasawa in their 30s..blah blah" saan galing yan na conclusion. Survey? Tsismis? Pulse Asia? Feasibility? Market Research?

    Sorry to burst your bubble, but it's the case. Try to meet more people to see the wider picture. In fact, even straight men feel the pressure to marry in their 30s. Just saying.

    Well, good for you if you don't feel the pressure. Continue living in your bubble.  B)


    I know a lot who did not marry or walang balak. 😂

    You always hear that from people who have no clue about life. From teens and people who have not yet finished college. It's understandable to have that mindset at the moment.  But your perspective will change once you arrive at the age of 30 (Yes, I knew of people who spew such statement confidently but came back saying I was correct after all :D ). Not only that you age but many things will happen in your body such as hormonal changes. That's why depression is increasingly common among people in their late 20s.  These are people who feel being left behind. And that feeling is surely devastating.  I'm not saying you will encounter this but by planning your future, it's possible for you to see the many possibilities as well as failures. 


    If they marry Im happy for them. Choice ko rin naman to marry if may girl na dumating sa life ko since i also like them.

    I wish you luck also in this world. I knowmmy happiness 😅🤭
    Actually, the scenario is not you being happy for them but their thoughts about you not marrying. This thread is, after all, about being in the closet.  :D
       
  • hachibi118hachibi118 Member PEx Rookie ⭐
    edited May 2
    ClarkReid said:
    dummy10 said:
    Ang dilemma ko talaga is do we deserve them? Kahit di natin sinasabi ang lahat sa kanila. Para kasing in a way we are deceiving them. 😕
    Being in the closet is really deception.  You're not just deceiving other people, you're also deceiving yourself.  But it's not something intentional since it's the natural consequence in a society where being gay is a social stigma. 

    It's up to you if you continue with the charade. In my case, I've never been attracted to my close friends. So, I don't have this guilt at all. 
    who are you to say its deception? Choice namin yun because of the straight environment we grew up with.

    Be out, loud and proud if choice mo rin yan brother if that is your environment na medyo open.

    Be closeted if its your choice rin, low key muna.

    If time comes na may nakaalam, then let them know the truth (esp. if they are accepting). If that time comes, You only need a few people in this world as you grow old and malalaman mo who will stick with you.

    For now, closeted muna kami mga closeted ha and sa mga nakameet ko at nakausap, nalaman ko reasons why they need to in the closet and nakakarelate kami. If hindi ka makarelate sa environment ng mga closeted, respect na lang.

    Enjoy your life rin bro. Wish you happiness in the open 🤗
  • ClarkReidClarkReid Member PEx Rookie ⭐
    dummy10 said:
    +1 on this.

    how your discussions with your friend or even other people go when marriages, exes, boy stuff are being brought up? Minsan kasi pwede mo sila sagutin ng pabiro. Pero pag mga seryosong usapan, like inuman, how do you go around the topic? Di naman sa lahat ng panahon nakakaiwas tayo.

    And yeah, as ClarkReid mentioned, ang hirap ng culture natin. When you reach that age, your friends, colleagues are more likely getting married, having their first child, having their kids sent to school. Nakaka pressure sa totoo lang.

    Then there comes weddings, reunions, tatanungin ka “O ikaw kailan?”.

    Some of you may tell me na “sus, dali lang gawan ng palusot yan”. Yes, I am doing that for so long. So long na nagsstart ba sila mag dig deeper into you.
    Seems like hachibi has not yet attended weddings or binyagan. So he has not heard of those questions. Bata pa malamang to. So it's understandable he has infantile ideas. Sige lang bata, enjoyin mo lang buhay mo ngayon, pero wag ka ma-depress ha pag dumating na ang panahon na sinasabi namin. :D
  • KenClarkKenClark Member PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    edited May 2
  • hachibi118hachibi118 Member PEx Rookie ⭐
    ClarkReid said:
    dummy10 said:
    +1 on this.

    how your discussions with your friend or even other people go when marriages, exes, boy stuff are being brought up? Minsan kasi pwede mo sila sagutin ng pabiro. Pero pag mga seryosong usapan, like inuman, how do you go around the topic? Di naman sa lahat ng panahon nakakaiwas tayo.

    And yeah, as ClarkReid mentioned, ang hirap ng culture natin. When you reach that age, your friends, colleagues are more likely getting married, having their first child, having their kids sent to school. Nakaka pressure sa totoo lang.

    Then there comes weddings, reunions, tatanungin ka “O ikaw kailan?”.

    Some of you may tell me na “sus, dali lang gawan ng palusot yan”. Yes, I am doing that for so long. So long na nagsstart ba sila mag dig deeper into you.
    Seems like hachibi has not yet attended weddings or binyagan. So he has not heard of those questions. Bata pa malamang to. So it's understandable he has infantile ideas. Sige lang bata, enjoyin mo lang buhay mo ngayon, pero wag ka ma-depress ha pag dumating na ang panahon na sinasabi namin. :D
    Hindi po ako madedepress haha. Actually may ka date ako now na manly closeted haha pag nasa public kami akala mo magbestfriend lang hahaha ayiie 🤭

    My goal in life is to travel the world pala and eat, not to get married and have kids.

    Pero malay mo, mag iba bigla haha.

    Goodluck rin sa life niyo, have a nice one.

    You are the author of your own life 🤗
  • ClarkReidClarkReid Member PEx Rookie ⭐
    edited May 4
    who are you to say its deception? Choice namin yun because of the straight environment we grew up with.

    It's deception however you look at it. Try looking it in a dictionary. :D  If it's not, you could have told your best friend about your true self.  :D      


    For now, closeted muna kami mga closeted ha and sa mga nakameet ko at nakausap, nalaman ko reasons why they need to in the closet and nakakarelate kami. If hindi ka makarelate sa environment ng mga closeted, respect na lang.

    Gets naman na closeted ka. Ang isyu dito ay ang iyong bestfriend na walang alam sa totoo mong pagkatao. Gets? :D

    Hindi po ako madedepress haha. Actually may ka date ako now na manly closeted haha pag nasa public kami akala mo magbestfriend lang hahaha ayiie 🤭
    Actually, I'm not talking about your lovelife now. I'm talking about the potential depression you'll encounter related to your closeted self and expectations of people around you. 

    This goes back to my previous situation-er. What happens if your best friend knows about your date?  Don't you think he will change negatively and disown you? You know, it's a legit question because most straight men are homophobic. 

    Moreover, the main point of this discussion is hiding in the closet is not forever. Finding you out is just a matter of time.  Have you ever accounted for the case when your friends especially your best friend will be no more? It's a legit question because these are the possible sources of your depression later on.  I don't care about your plans outside of your best friend since it's your life after all. :D  

    My goal in life is to travel the world pala and eat, not to get married and have kids.

    Pero malay mo, mag iba bigla haha.

    Kaya nga, wag ka magsalita ng tapos. Dahil bata ka pa, hindi mo pa naiisip ang mga bagay-bagay. Like right now, you still don't feel the pressure of society vis-a-vis marriage and having kids because, again, you're still clueless about life in general. 

    Sabihin mo yan confidently when one by one, your friends are getting married. And come back to tell us about your depression. :lol:
  • hachibi118hachibi118 Member PEx Rookie ⭐
    Whatever. I choose my battles. Ayoko na sa nagmamagaling na LGBT 😂. 

    Sa mga manly and closeted dyan just PM me 🤗
  • dummy10dummy10 Member PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    Hi Guys — I am sorry that this thread has opened a can of worms amongst us. Feeling down recently that’s why I started to start a conversation here.

    All of us here shared reasonable talking points. I just hope that we can continue doing so by not resorting to hurtful attacks and snide remarks.

    Can we just agree to disagree? Thank you. ☺️
  • ClarkReidClarkReid Member PEx Rookie ⭐
    Whatever. I choose my battles. Ayoko na sa nagmamagaling na LGBT 😂. 
    Hindi nagmamagaling ang tawag dyan.  It's called experience, you know.   =)  

    Kaya nga may kasabihan na:

    "Papunta ka pa lang, pabalik na ako." 

    Unless, you call your parents as "nagmamagaling" then so be it.  ;)
  • hachibi118hachibi118 Member PEx Rookie ⭐
    Thank you sa mga nag PM sakin na being closeted is a choice at nakakarelate. Bonding soon 🤗
  • Hindi naman masasabi deceiving sa isang kaibigan kung hindi mo sinasabi lahat sa kanya kahit tinuturing mo sya "best friend". May mga bagay na masmabuti huwag mo nalang sabihin sa iba, dahil hindi yun makakatulog at maaaring hindi ka nila maiitindihan. Ganun din naman kahit sa mag-asawa. 

    Mahirap makahanap ng totoong kaibigan kaya kung makatagpo ka ng isa, ingatan ito at pahalagahan.
  • ClarkReidClarkReid Member PEx Rookie ⭐
    Hindi naman masasabi deceiving sa isang kaibigan kung hindi mo sinasabi lahat sa kanya kahit tinuturing mo sya "best friend". May mga bagay na masmabuti huwag mo nalang sabihin sa iba, dahil hindi yun makakatulog at maaaring hindi ka nila maiitindihan. Ganun din naman kahit sa mag-asawa. 

    Mahirap makahanap ng totoong kaibigan kaya kung makatagpo ka ng isa, ingatan ito at pahalagahan.
    Paki-tingnan sa dictionary ibig sabihin ng deceiving.  I'm waiting. :D
  • hachibi118hachibi118 Member PEx Rookie ⭐
    Hindi naman masasabi deceiving sa isang kaibigan kung hindi mo sinasabi lahat sa kanya kahit tinuturing mo sya "best friend". May mga bagay na masmabuti huwag mo nalang sabihin sa iba, dahil hindi yun makakatulog at maaaring hindi ka nila maiitindihan. Ganun din naman kahit sa mag-asawa. 

    Mahirap makahanap ng totoong kaibigan kaya kung makatagpo ka ng isa, ingatan ito at pahalagahan.
    meron dito talaga napakatalino bestfriend, wag mo na patulan or replyan. You don't need to please people and may kanya kanya tayong life na better without them 🤗
  • ClarkReidClarkReid Member PEx Rookie ⭐
    Hindi naman masasabi deceiving sa isang kaibigan kung hindi mo sinasabi lahat sa kanya kahit tinuturing mo sya "best friend". May mga bagay na masmabuti huwag mo nalang sabihin sa iba, dahil hindi yun makakatulog at maaaring hindi ka nila maiitindihan. Ganun din naman kahit sa mag-asawa. 

    Mahirap makahanap ng totoong kaibigan kaya kung makatagpo ka ng isa, ingatan ito at pahalagahan.
    meron dito talaga napakatalino bestfriend, wag mo na patulan or replyan. You don't need to please people and may kanya kanya tayong life na better without them 🤗
    bestfriend71 joined date: May 31
    Post count: 1

    Ano yun? Gumawa ka ng account para may kakampi ka kamo?  :D 

    One word: Desperation    :p

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