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What is the point of marriage nowadays?

I do not want to look misogynistic, believe me... at kung sino man ang naniniwala sa mga bagay na ito, please continue and disregard this thread. Let me preface kasi sasabihin ko lang ang gusto ko sabihin.

Thinking from a logical standpoint, I haven't been able to pinpoint any good reason to get married or have children. I'd like to think the most love forums on the internet hasn't gotten into my head with it's negativity, but real life examples have actually verified the typical anti-marriage ways of some of the things posted there.

Let's look at some scenarios;

Divorce rate = 50%
http://www.divorcerate.org/

(50% na sugal ang mahpakasal. Not the greatest odds, IMO)

"About 2.5 million people get divorced every year"
http://www.childcustodycoach.com/child-custody-statistics.php

Average wedding cost = $18-30k
http://www.costofwedding.com/

LOL @ paying 18+ thousand to "prove" that I love a woman through some lavish binding ritual I don't even want. Who would I invite? My mom and 4 friends? Even if the bride's family pays for the ceremony, why would I ask them for such an morbidly expensive event? I'd rather they pay off my student loans (yes srs). That would be far more valuable to me...

Average cost of a ring = $3.5-5k
http://financialplan.about.com/od/gettingmarried/a/buying-an-engagement-ring.htm

Why!? I'd much rather have an elaborate vacation to Santorini or Croatia or something than pay that much for a fancy piece of jewelry. It'd be more fun for both of us, and a lot more memorable, IMO. I've purchased SUV's for less than half the price. So ridiculous...

I'm expected to invest about $21.5k (low end) on something that has a 50% chance of blowing up in my face? What do I gain from this? Nothing.

I don't need a legal document to profess my love. I don't need an elaborate ceremony to be joined as one in the eyes of a god I don't believe in.

Hell, common law is free (if your state or country recognizes it)

So I'm supposed to take this gamble, while enveloping myself in debt, just for the sake of appeasing a woman who may ultimately tear me apart down the line? For the sake of the social status quo's approval?

Not to mention that in the event of a dispute, half my earnings are potentially hers (unless we sign a document - one that the discussion of would undoubtedly cause a dispute in itself).

Not to mention inheriting each others bad credit, being expected to have joint accounts, being responsible for each others financial decisons, etc (mas mahirap pa sa kanya ito, lol)

Not to mention divorce precedings can range from $3k-20k

Hmmm... not likely.

Now for children...
In case any of you missed this from the other thread:
http://img220.imageshack.us/img220/3935/o5895h.png

"75% of custody awards are to the mother"
http://www.childcustodycoach.com/child-custody-statistics.php

False Abuse claims:
http://www.childcustodycoach.com/falseabuse.html

And I'll be honest on this topic, I've heard more than some people I know in my social circles na muntik na mawalan ng anak because the wife alleged the husband was an abusive **phile.
The husband has to go through psych evaluation, be subjected to child pornography, and be closely monitored for a period of time - in an embarassing and life-changing event.
And the kids! They have to undergo psych evaluation, get asked if daddy ever touched or beat them, etc. Holy fuk!!!! Can you imagine how traumatic?
All over a broad crying wolf to win child custody. Wag na uy.

The statistics alone are enough to make any man cringe.
All of a sudden a woman can just "stop liking you", and some are forced into poverty, torn from their children, and tossed in the dumpster - even though you worked your *** off to be a loving, providing father (and often she's an uneducated, unfit parent).
There was also a graph I saw on this (can't find it now), where those possessing less than a college education were reproducing and divorcing at substantially higher rates than those with an education.

In the event that you're lucky enough to keep it:
Average cost of raising a child to 18 years - $222,360
http://www.childcustodycoach.com/child-custody-statistics.php

I could buy a house for that! At least the value of the house/land will go up!

On top of that, I'll be blunt - I don't have the patience to deal with screaming babies. My first instinct is to just put duct tape over their mouth - but apparently that's all kinds of criminal and would land me in jail.
I also don't want to deal with a creature covered in its own snot, food, diarrhea, urine, filth, and whatever else it can find.
I could also deal without having to spend my every waking minute watching this creature like a hawk so it doesn't drink bleach, set itself ablaze, play with the garbage disposal, or just generally break/deface every single item I own.
All of this, in case I didn't mention, while the little terror just screams bloody murder at the top of it's lungs, and somehow never loses its voice.

Ano ang mapapala ko dyan? I wouldn't mind raising a child from like 4 years on, but a baby - no effing way. I am definitely not willing to take that on.
How is enduring that torture while breaking my bank to do so a "blessing" in any way? What am I missing?


SO PEX,
if you can... please help me see the light.
Give me some hope reason to believe that marriage and children are in my best interest.
Give me some beacon of hope that there is a justifiable logic behind this madness that I've just been overlooking.

CLIFFS
Marriage sucks
Babies suck
Read the statistics
Convince me why this is such a good idea pls

Comments

  • SPRINGHEEL69SPRINGHEEL69 PEx Rookie ⭐
    Well, depending on how to treat this. For me, marriage is very important. And this is a big feast. We had a great wedding in India, everyone had good impressions. We celebrated in such a beautiful place - Conrad Pune! Here - https://pune.wedding.net/venues/ you can find review of this place, and many another useful information for wedding planning. My wife and I love each other and live happily ever after. :)

    Sigh....

    Ok, how does an advertisement for a wedding venue answer my questions on those outrageous statistics on how wrong a marriage can go?

    SMH
  • ameleensyameleensy 🙄 PEx Expert 🎖️
    Like you, I don't see the point (and have never fancied) of an expensive engagement ring and a lavish wedding.

    As regards children -- if you're lucky, you might find a woman who shares your views on children. I don't believe that parenthood is for everybody. But if you end up loving someone who wants to be a parent, you've got something important to reconsider.

    As regards marriage (not wedding) -- I'm going to beg to disagree. I'd need some sort of commitment, if I were to be with someone. If we take the lavish wedding ceremony out of the equation, will a civil ceremony and signing a contract with someone you say you love still be so bad?
  • Di kailangan gumastos nang malaki upang ikasal. Di nga kailangang magpakasal, e.

    Iyong pag-aanak para sa akin ang anak ay puhunan sa aking pamilya. Pangarap ko magkaroon ng mga apo at ipagpatuloy ang aking lahi!

    Pero ang pag-aasawa at pag-aanak ay di para sa lahat. Kung ayaw mo ay HUWAG.
  • AxelprimeAxelprime PEx Rookie ⭐
    This would be long and mostly base on my own experience so be patient

    Can't believe I'm replying to this thread after all my posts :lol::lol::lol: anyway, why get married? It seems you're living outside the Philippines,never mind if not. Have you attended any weddings yet? If so, have you looked at the bride and groom? look how happy they are, most of the people are telling them how lucky they are to have each other and how jealous they are having seen a lavish wedding. Although I admit some bride/groom have hidden agendas why they marry the bride/groom and you're right the spouses are entitled to have 50/50 worst, nothing especially outside the Philippines. Since sa pinas legal separation takes 6 months to be granted at a 50/50 chance para daw masave pa ang marriage. Annulment takes a minimun of 1-2 years with a minimun expense of 100k-500k mas matatagalan pa kung lalaban si spouse na hihiwalayan.

    My point. It's all about ego with love. Love, if men really love their better half they give everything to make them happy it goes the same with women. Ego, they want everyone to be jealous because they want to look the best for their spouse to be.

    After the wedding.

    Yes, problems arise. Whether it’s because of the extended family living with the spouse’s house or poor financial capacity for being laid off. Love and Ego comes again. Love, if the wife is working because the husband has been laid off. (positive)Ego, because the husband doesn’t work he deals with the house chores as not to be seen as a free loader by the in-laws . (negative) walang pakelam dahil lalake eh that goes for the house husband. Love, the husband works hard for the wife, because well, that’s what husbands do. (positive) Ego, the wife takes care of the husband (safely managing finances, keeping the house tidy, etc,) because it’s the right thing to do. (negative) wife doesn’t care about the husband. overspending,asking in-laws to do everything and only listening to her parents, hence, the so called pinakasalan mo ko eh! Tiis ka dyan.

    Children
    You say you don’t want to deal with that negative sh!t like changing diapers taking care of them when they’re sick. Waking up at late night to fix formulas and taking care of their crying. Ok, that’s a shitload of work I don’t like it too. I don’t like it before but seeing my child grow step by step. the smile, the unexpected things they do that makes you happy, the love your child is giving you it is totally worth that shitload of trouble. Sabi nga satin halik at yakap lang ang bayad ng mga anak natin which is true especially kung mga toddlers pa lang sila its really pure love because they are really innocent di mo mararamdaman yun hanggat wala kang anak. My aunt which is now 57 years old nagka asawa sya nuon but decided to have an annulment because of my grandparents since that time she was the bread winner. Now I can see her loneliness pagka nakikita nya mga anak ko. Matandang dalaga sya wala anak and asawa. Money can't buy happiness. You can't buy the love and the ego of marriage.

    So my conclusion bakit magpapakasal ka is love and ego better than the love and ego of having a common law wife. kasal, it is much more challenging but it’s also much more rewarding.
  • darmonxdarmonx PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    In the past, marriage has been reserved only for royalty para malaman ng buong sambayanan na may asawa na ang prinsipe at di magtatagal.. uusbomg mga bata na ultimo magiging hari ng sambayanan..

    Ngayon.. mga pobreng wala namang yaman o ari arian na ipapamana.. nakisawsaw na rin..

    So.. the purpose of marriage is too maintain family power by ensuring the future.

    Kung wala ka namang mahalagang ipapamana sa mundo.. wag kang mag asawa because there is no point.. yesterday, nowadays, or future days.
  • SPRINGHEEL69SPRINGHEEL69 PEx Rookie ⭐
    Axelprime wrote: »
    This would be long and mostly base on my own experience so be patient

    Can't believe I'm replying to this thread after all my posts :lol::lol::lol: anyway, why get married? It seems you're living outside the Philippines,never mind if not. Have you attended any weddings yet? If so, have you looked at the bride and groom? look how happy they are, most of the people are telling them how lucky they are to have each other and how jealous they are having seen a lavish wedding. Although I admit some bride/groom have hidden agendas why they marry the bride/groom and you're right the spouses are entitled to have 50/50 worst, nothing especially outside the Philippines. Since sa pinas legal separation takes 6 months to be granted at a 50/50 chance para daw masave pa ang marriage. Annulment takes a minimun of 1-2 years with a minimun expense of 100k-500k mas matatagalan pa kung lalaban si spouse na hihiwalayan.

    My point. It's all about ego with love. Love, if men really love their better half they give everything to make them happy it goes the same with women. Ego, they want everyone to be jealous because they want to look the best for their spouse to be.

    After the wedding.

    Yes, problems arise. Whether it’s because of the extended family living with the spouse’s house or poor financial capacity for being laid off. Love and Ego comes again. Love, if the wife is working because the husband has been laid off. (positive)Ego, because the husband doesn’t work he deals with the house chores as not to be seen as a free loader by the in-laws . (negative) walang pakelam dahil lalake eh that goes for the house husband. Love, the husband works hard for the wife, because well, that’s what husbands do. (positive) Ego, the wife takes care of the husband (safely managing finances, keeping the house tidy, etc,) because it’s the right thing to do. (negative) wife doesn’t care about the husband. overspending,asking in-laws to do everything and only listening to her parents, hence, the so called pinakasalan mo ko eh! Tiis ka dyan.

    Children
    You say you don’t want to deal with that negative sh!t like changing diapers taking care of them when they’re sick. Waking up at late night to fix formulas and taking care of their crying. Ok, that’s a shitload of work I don’t like it too. I don’t like it before but seeing my child grow step by step. the smile, the unexpected things they do that makes you happy, the love your child is giving you it is totally worth that shitload of trouble. Sabi nga satin halik at yakap lang ang bayad ng mga anak natin which is true especially kung mga toddlers pa lang sila its really pure love because they are really innocent di mo mararamdaman yun hanggat wala kang anak. My aunt which is now 57 years old nagka asawa sya nuon but decided to have an annulment because of my grandparents since that time she was the bread winner. Now I can see her loneliness pagka nakikita nya mga anak ko. Matandang dalaga sya wala anak and asawa. Money can't buy happiness. You can't buy the love and the ego of marriage.

    So my conclusion bakit magpapakasal ka is love and ego better than the love and ego of having a common law wife. kasal, it is much more challenging but it’s also much more rewarding.

    You're right. I'm not in the Philippines, I'm in Denmark.

    I don't want to be so negative about it! I'm seriously grasping at straws trying to justify it.

    The only positives I can think of are:
    Kung religious ka at requirement ng simbahan mo yon. (Thankfully i'm not)
    Kung mahilig ka sa bata
    Kung gusto mo ipakita ang pagmamahal mo through a legal binding contract.


    Other than that, all the reasoning I could fathom falls into one of two categories:
    1) Scared of foreveralone
    2) Peer/social approval

    When it comes to having kids, the biological argument is probably the most feasible one in all honesty.
    "to continue the legacy/heritage/bloodline..."

    I don't really have a legacy, lol. Could start a new one I suppose...
  • ^^Ayos lang. Ang pag-aasawa ay 'di para sa lahat. Ang iba ay magiging mas masaya sa pag-iisa!

    Kung saan ikabubuti mo ay doon ka!
  • JUST_JT_JUST_JT_ PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    i share ts' sentiments and points.. but u know what all of that go out the window if/when u find the right woman. u even might want to outdo your wouldbe wife in planning your lavish wedding :D

    i want to experience that with the right woman
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