Normal or slob or compulsive hoarder in the making?
hermeownini
PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
in Buhay Pinoy
I made this thread because... I . GIVE . UP
At least temporarily I give up. I'll snap out of it later.
Bago ako maakusahang OC or obsessive compulsive, no I'm not. I'm lazy and I can be a slob too, but to a manageable extent. I know when and where to throw trash. I don't just throw stuff on the floor as if the world was my basurahan. I have no problem letting go of things once they become of no value and start becoming a health hazard. My sister's kids are messy but her house looks like an actual house with happy children living in it. Her kids also know how to clean up. I know this sounds like a minor problem, but it's not. Without my assistance, I'm sure it's going to be way worse. I've seen my husband's room (then bf) in his aunt's old apartment and half of his bed was cluttered with random things like paper, bolt, keys, nail filings, water bottle, bottle cap, wires, toothpick, coins... Just stuff that are not supposed to be there. A normal person would be bothered by all of that but he's not. He can breathe in the same space as his pile of trash on the bed. He also doesn't shower much or clean himself. I don't know what it is...but everyone's telling me I'm bipolar or [insert mental problem here] and I have the inability to take care of myself...and here I am married to a guy who has an obvious problem taking care of himself, his belongings and letting go of old decrepit things that don't serve him well, like his super old car that he's been trying to resuscitate forever. Everyone's ignoring the elephant in the room.
It's pretty unhealthy out here. I've been doing some spring cleaning for days (um tamad ako so I don't do yung frequent general cleaning gaya sa Pinas lol) and here's what I've accomplished so far. Lahat ng pinapakita ko mga walang kwentang bagay na ayaw niya itapon. No matter how much I sort out the mess and clean it up, nagiging ga-bundok ulit ang basura dahel mukhang immune siya sa basura. When he's looking for something, hinahalukay niya and he doesn't clean up after his mess. His mom hates me to death because I took her special needs child but she must be happy too cause now she no longer has to clean up after him. Trust me, she would complain about my husband, telling me he punches holes in the wall, doesn't clean up after himself, parks his piece of shiyet car in her garage and he has empty water bottles piling up in her house. Now her problem's solved. She should probably thank me instead of making an enemy out of me. :rotfl:
This is a spot in our bedroom that I don't immediately see and marami medyas at mga mineral water diyan na nakasinget saka mga basura. Inayos ko na yan pero mas makalat yan kanina. Mga kahon na yan, walang laman. He just doesn't wanna throw them.
Yan yung laman ng drawer niya. Some of it. Damet dapat ang laman pero sinasaksak niya lang ang mga basura niya sa lalagyan niya ng damet.
That's his pokemon binder. Whenever I get mad, I threaten to throw away his Pokemon cards. I threw some of it and he got mad at me forever. I learned from that na. Touch everything except his Pokemon.
This is what you will normally see lying around the house. Stuff that don't make sense. At least yung mga collector, they have collections of certain things. He just lets garbage pile up.
He likes to keep empty boxes.
At least temporarily I give up. I'll snap out of it later.
Bago ako maakusahang OC or obsessive compulsive, no I'm not. I'm lazy and I can be a slob too, but to a manageable extent. I know when and where to throw trash. I don't just throw stuff on the floor as if the world was my basurahan. I have no problem letting go of things once they become of no value and start becoming a health hazard. My sister's kids are messy but her house looks like an actual house with happy children living in it. Her kids also know how to clean up. I know this sounds like a minor problem, but it's not. Without my assistance, I'm sure it's going to be way worse. I've seen my husband's room (then bf) in his aunt's old apartment and half of his bed was cluttered with random things like paper, bolt, keys, nail filings, water bottle, bottle cap, wires, toothpick, coins... Just stuff that are not supposed to be there. A normal person would be bothered by all of that but he's not. He can breathe in the same space as his pile of trash on the bed. He also doesn't shower much or clean himself. I don't know what it is...but everyone's telling me I'm bipolar or [insert mental problem here] and I have the inability to take care of myself...and here I am married to a guy who has an obvious problem taking care of himself, his belongings and letting go of old decrepit things that don't serve him well, like his super old car that he's been trying to resuscitate forever. Everyone's ignoring the elephant in the room.
It's pretty unhealthy out here. I've been doing some spring cleaning for days (um tamad ako so I don't do yung frequent general cleaning gaya sa Pinas lol) and here's what I've accomplished so far. Lahat ng pinapakita ko mga walang kwentang bagay na ayaw niya itapon. No matter how much I sort out the mess and clean it up, nagiging ga-bundok ulit ang basura dahel mukhang immune siya sa basura. When he's looking for something, hinahalukay niya and he doesn't clean up after his mess. His mom hates me to death because I took her special needs child but she must be happy too cause now she no longer has to clean up after him. Trust me, she would complain about my husband, telling me he punches holes in the wall, doesn't clean up after himself, parks his piece of shiyet car in her garage and he has empty water bottles piling up in her house. Now her problem's solved. She should probably thank me instead of making an enemy out of me. :rotfl:
This is a spot in our bedroom that I don't immediately see and marami medyas at mga mineral water diyan na nakasinget saka mga basura. Inayos ko na yan pero mas makalat yan kanina. Mga kahon na yan, walang laman. He just doesn't wanna throw them.
Yan yung laman ng drawer niya. Some of it. Damet dapat ang laman pero sinasaksak niya lang ang mga basura niya sa lalagyan niya ng damet.
That's his pokemon binder. Whenever I get mad, I threaten to throw away his Pokemon cards. I threw some of it and he got mad at me forever. I learned from that na. Touch everything except his Pokemon.
This is what you will normally see lying around the house. Stuff that don't make sense. At least yung mga collector, they have collections of certain things. He just lets garbage pile up.
He likes to keep empty boxes.
Comments
Making use of some of the empty boxes.
This is the built in cabinet doon sa spare bedroom. It gives me a nervous breakdown looking at it.
More empty boxes... and his spare tires. This is right next to the kitchen. Those are water bottles. Yup. It's sharing the same space as his dirty tires.
He shoves his crap everywhere but in the balcony.
Is this normal? I know meron makalat na mga tao and to some extent it's normal. But I just think this is not normal. I definitely think he's a budding hoarder. I want to just throw away all this stuff but it will drive him crazy so I don't know what to do. We have a spare room, a storagr room and a balcony... but he decides to store his things in the kitchen...ya know, the place where regular people make their food. He has lots of clothes, he keeps buying more, and he ends up wearing the same hoodie and pants everyday. Every. Single. Day. This is not a joke.
I've been told it's gonna be a death trap with this guy cause firstly his family are bad people and they're just using me as a pawn to get what they want. They see me as an expendable and they don't care how evil they are, they will do whatever it takes to win. His mom always has something dramatic to share whenever I hear from them and their cultural and religious values are so radicalized and outdated and inappropriate for Canada that I'm disgusted. My husband can be a bad person but mainly because of how he was raised, but he's so lovable. He's like a dog. Dogs make lots of mess, they don't do much, they sleep and poop a lot, but they make you happy. Pero nakakahiya da ba kase tao siya? Di ko man lang makumpara sa bata, sa hayop talaga dapat :rotflmao:
Sa case ko, tamad din ako pero I can't stand the trashes piling up all over the place. I bursted mga twice or twice na because of that and I will never do it again. Yung SUV namin na si wifey palaging gumagamit, she doesn't have time to clean it it so once or twice a month, ako naglillinis nun, pag sinabihan ko na maglinis ng sasakyan, sagot eh, ilan ba ang anak mo? May hashtag pa na [#]momof4[/#] ako :glee: Pag dadating ako sa bahay galing office, parang binagyo palagi ang bahay and sobrang iritable ako but I realized, I shouldn't blame my wife kasi mas madaming importanteng bagay na dapat unahin niya more than maglinis like magluto, maglaba, magpatulog ng baby at magapahinga. We do the cleaning together pag sleep na mga bata at pag hindi pa kami pagod :glee: So yeah, thrashes are just small stuff and we don't sweat it for now.
pssst ....... that is why he hired you. you are supposed to clean up after him beside cook, wash teh dishes, do the laundry, give him a shower, rub his back and have sex.
I skimmed through my husband's medical file written by his psychologist when he was a teen and it said there may ADHD siya and some sort of autism and he will permanently have difficulty standing on his own too feet. I thought this doctor was full of shiyet but it turns out she's not wrong.
I'm like his caregiver...but I'm really unfit to be his caregiver cause like I need a caregiver too. Kapag inaatake ako ng saltek, I have a hard time doing anything productive. Sometimes it lasts for days, weeks and even months.
There's at least 6 people in your household, correct? To be honest, if you have 4 young children and your house is spotless and all the chores are taken care of, that would be more suspect
Hoarding is very unhealthy because you just don't wanna throw away trash. My husband is low key a hoarder what with all the empty boxes, bolts, screws, dead bulbs, pens, keys, dirty toothpicks, empty casing, strings, wires "that he might have a use for later".
He goes to school full time and he works where I'm working twice a week. We don't do much at work. It's a relaxed work environment. People drain my energy but otherwise there's not much work to do. It's boring. Once I close a sale my supervisor lets me do what I want. I can even go home
I'm sure you have stuff like this lying around your house too??
We have months-old garbage. We had bug infestation in January because I just shut down mentally and I didn't do any dishes or anything at all, not even take a shower... Of course he didn't do nothing either so the kitchen was disgusting.
The second he got home:
I had to make sita because tinapon niya lang sa sala with no facks given.
Ngayon alam mo na, ikaw na ang magpasya kung mananatili ka pa rin o aalis na. Malaya ka sa anumang nais gawin.
Mahal ko siya, bro
Ang keso pero seryoso.
Imagine pag iniwan ko na siya, hahanap-hanapen ko na naman siya tapos mawawalan na ko ng mga reklamo sa buhay. Makaka-move on na rin ako sa ginawa sa akin ng pamilya niya at magkaka-peace of mind na rin ako sa wakas dahel tatantanan na ako ng impaktitang nanay niya na "life journey" daw niya ang ipa-deport ako sa Pilipinas. So boring! Wala nang challenge. Parang ayoko na mabuhay non...
Charrr :rotfl:
Kung masaya kang buhay-api, sige lang.
Pero kung hindi, tiwalag. Malay mo may ibang mas maayos na walang sayad na magmamahal sa iyo....
You're not the first one to say that. You're like the 50th person to say that actually. It's definitely good advice.
I'll probably just stay single for life if this one doesn't work out. I'm not exactly laspag, no kids, I'm aging as I'm supposed to, I'm physically fit and I have a bright future ahead of me...but it's my second marriage at 30 and I sound very laspag when we put it that way. I made a lot of rash decisions in my 20's. I was also extremely, severely medicated which totally made shiyet worse cause I had no real control of my behaviour. Those crazy meds made me fearless.
I was seeing a therapist but my supervisor made it look like I was such a weak *****$ pu$$y for seeking help so I stopped seeing her. It's a social worker, they don't dispense prescription, we discuss stuff that bothers me and it helps so much because the fact that someone is listening to me without judgment is therapeutic in itself..but out of shame I canceled. That was in January...when I had a meltdown.
Ika nga, ang nagwawagi ay hindi umaayaw at ang umaayaw ay hindi nagwawagi.
Gamitan mo na lang ng female instinct. Alam mo na dapat kung uurong o susulong....
I suggest you wrap this empty boxes ng mga colored papers then label them separately so madali din niya makita in case bigla niyang hanapin.
With his condition na ADHD and Autism, which were diagnosed siguro when he was younger, it's a process. He should've taken some medications also, which we might doubt considering your stories about her mother too.
With his hoarding of things, it's somehow consistent with people who has a broad spectrum Autism and ADHD. They do that to take away the pressure building inside them. With OCD naman, it's repititive, but not hoarding things. OCD is more on the actions done repititively with the notion that it wasn't done right the first time, so I have to do it all again.
I suggest with his hoarding of things is to talk your way through. Makakausap naman siguro siya kahit papaano. You're husband and wife now and who would help him best than you. Make him understand simple suggestions like the ones I've mentioned with the boxes.
On your stories about your personal development issues before, re: taking meds. I am glad to know na you, at least didn't loose your concrete awareness of the things happening around you, of the things happening on a daily basis in your life. Most people with personality development that didn't get through life easily ended up mentally incapacitated for life. They struggle each day and some end up in mental institutions.
You've stopped your medications and I suggest you continue with the social worker thing. Your being shy coz people will look at you as if you're sick and just needs attention will not help you but will help them pick on you even more.
You have to talk to people who understands you like that social worker who knows how to assist you and know the exact words you need to hear.
Oftentimes people who disregard their condition will, later on in their lives, will go back to what they were before. If not properly sorrounded with people that will help you like your family, your real friends, to guide you back to reality. So kung ang social worker thing is available to you right know, I strongly suggest you continue with that.
Goodluck
also what kind of a mother would allow her house to look like that?
even i snapped out of that phase after i finished college. lol
Kung nabasa mo ang mga nakaraang pahayag mababatid mo na MAY SAYAD din ang kanyang biyenan.
My goodlord, naway di ko matagpuan ang ganyang klaseng lalakwe.
Ako naman ay mahilig magtapon ng mga kalat *okay*
Kaya ang anak ko kapag nawawala ang isang bagay alam na nya sino nagligpit
Kaya ang advise ko sa bata ko sige magkalat ka at isang pikit lang wala nayan kaya better clean up and arrange your stuff men.
Disiplina lang naman iyong sa anak mo.
Iyong asawa ni TS ay MAY SAYAD talaga. Hindi maaaring disiplinahin ang MAY SAYAD. Kailangan ipagamot ito kung may gamot nga.
Thanks gerl. He doesn't wanna let go of the rusty, dusty stuff. Nagkandasugat sugat na ko and he still doesn't wanna do anything. He needs it daw for his car... Trust me, he doesn't need any of that. When he needs something for his car, he just goes to the store to pick up new stuff. Kaya nga gabundok ang mga abubot sa bahay cause that what he does.
Yung mga kahon we probably need some of it in case we wanna resell some of the stuff. We have 2 printers, there's a third one being delivered. He throws out naman some of the boxes kaso we live in a condo and for bigger stuff we can't throw it in the garbage chute. He's lazy to go downstairs for the bigger trash. And I am too... :rotflmao: We have a bunch of new furniture in boxes that we haven't taken out yet. His aunt said, don't buy furniture cause it'll be a problem moving it when it's time to move... So I just keep all the shiyet in the plastic tubs. I hate the control that they have over me, man. Liek this is my life... We can't even have a couch cause when it's to move it'll be to heavy to move. His parents gave us a couch and she's like, sell it that's too heavy.
I do think my husband needs to see a therapist too. Willing naman siya. That will probably help a lot. Kase the way his brain is wired, he thinks tama siya, b0bo ang lahat. As in I have to show him pa sa Google na mali siya... He just think he's the best. I checked his old school files. They call it oppositional defiant disorder.
Wala namang gamot sa sakit niya na ADHD/Asperger's. It's not really a sakit. It's like his brain is just wired differently like if you're left handed or if you're gay, you can't change that da ba. So parang ganon siya except he's autistic. He's kind of high functioning but his work is really lousy. He needs some behavioural therapy/attitude adjustment and if anything, medication for his anger. He is irritable and he gets angered quickly. His road rage is tremendously bothersome. One time he was so annoyed with this car and he didn't expect it to be our coworker. Todo sorry ako the next day sa guy buti na lang the guy is so relack lang. I also have worse anger issues and he just blames everything on me. All the problem is diverted on me actually so we never get to address his problems. I'm the bigger evil between us.
I've been seeking medical help. The doctor gave me Prozac. I was never given Prozac in my life ever... and guess what... It's a miracle drug
Doctor also suggests I have borderline personality so I'm doing more therapy... I've been super honest about myself with him and I wasn't expecting he'd say that... I was expecting it would be autism or something... cause all throughout my life babaeng autistic talaga ang bansag sa ken... and talagang yung pakikipag kapwa tao has always been a struggle and yung mga nakaka close ko lang talaga eh yung mga may topak, may self esteem issue and/or ms/mr. personality so I never had long term friendship with people.
Meaning nung bolded part? He doesn't live na at his mom's house. His mom used to bug me all the time about it though and I thought she's exaggerating. Calling me on the phone saying how her son is turning her house into a pigsty and punching her walls, blah blah blah... Making reklamo all the time... The first time I met them, his sister cleaned his room. I thought nothing of it. I mean I'm messy too. Everyone has their moment. It turns out it's a REAL problem. His problem is he's never bothered by garbage and disorder so it accumulates. It's okay naman to make a mess. Most people put it away when they realize it, but he never does unless someone pinpoints it, and goes crazy over it. I think he finds comfort in chaos, or he just doesn't care.
His car is actually a total mess...
And since I eat in his car, he just blames me for it. I'm not the real reason why his car is messy. There's wires and towels and rusty bolts and screws and pliers and oily bottles everywhere and I have nothing to do with that.
Nung bago ko lang siya kilala his dont-care attitude was sexy...but now that I know him better, it's disturbing, cause he literally doesn't care about hygiene and sanitation...
Yup. You can stay single naman. Don't worry... Or just find the right man.
Nanay at tatay ko din maaasahan sa ganyan like you. Pinapapunta ko nga sila dito para tulungan nila ko kase sila lang talaga ang gumagawa nito para sa akin back in Pinas. All I do is PEx back home. Charaught
If my marriage doesn't work out, I'm just gonna stay single...or I'll go for a white guy. Kinda typical and boring, but white guys are a safe bet. Gusto ko rin ngang magpasara ng matris, but I've only spoken to one doctor and she doesn't wanna do it. Kase daw di pa ko nagkakaanak and I'm only 30. It's unethical daw or something. Well I mean it's okay to have kids but like do they know me... sometimes I go through uncontrollable phases and my kids will end up in foster care or they'll end up damaged cause I'll be such a bad parent or something... Da ba??? GOsh!!! :rotflmao:
PS. Third husband has to be an established white guy with a nice unintrusive family who makes at least 100k/year so I can travel travel lang and do what I want lang and not do any serious type of work and be lazy lang. I want to weigh 90 lbs and have a 20 inch waist line too. Um what??? :rotflmao:
Charaught everrrrrrrr :rotfl:
And his aunt is actually like our secretary for some odd reason so she files for his taxes, she even pays for the monthly rent...and she told me my husband didnt pay his rent of share pa rin... I never talk to my husband about money because he shouts at me... I get scared. I just assumed he paid rent na cause he ordered stuff. He has this new PS4 Steering wheel and the new Pokemon 3DS. This is driving me crazy. He's just a student and I dont have a proper job.
I wish I just married yung chat mate ko from Norway or somewhere... I think he's still single and hes the most normal ever and the females in his family seem ok... :rotflmao:
Well this is bad. Whenever im on medication I get the courage to leave whoever Im with, and I actually do it... I mean have u ever seen my online postings in the past. I mean Ive always had thoughts of leaving but when I log off the internet I domt even think about it... But I actually just wanna leave my husband now. This medication gives me the strength to leave. Bye husband... I dont fack with you...