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Is parenting going to suck forever?

After several years and two heartbreaking pregnancy losses, I am now the mother of a gorgeous 5-week-old boy. Unfortunately, I am finding myself becoming more and more miserable every day and I am starting to think that I've made a big mistake and that I am not cut out to be a parent at all. I think part of the problem is that breastfeeding has gone poorly from the very beginning, due to a number of different factors. He is about 50% breastfed right now, which is not the end of the world but not at all what I had planned on or hoped for. But even aside from our nursing struggles, I am finding that I just do not enjoy taking care of him and I'm not sure I really love him like I am supposed to. I spend all day alternating between boredom and frustration. Everyone said it would get so much better once he started to smile at me, but he started smiling for real this week and...it's cool and all, but it doesn't make me feel any better the other 98% of the time. To add insult to injury, my husband is adjusting marvelously, is totally in love, and always knows just what to do for the boy. I find that I am counting down the days until I go back to work and put my son in daycare. I really don't think I have postpartum depression--I have been depressed before, and this doesn't feel like that. I just think that I really have made a bad mistake and that I am too selfish and rigid to be a parent. What can I do to make this better? Will taking care of my son ever be less of a drag?


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