I have AIDS

bipolar boybipolar boy keep going PExer
It was more than two years ago when I have decided to get myself tested for HIV. That was after when I was hospitalized due to a skin illness identified as “shingles” or Herpes Zoster. Since hindi ako familiar sa sakit na yun noon, I googled it at most articles states that it’s one of the symptoms of HIV. I waited weeks before I got the confirmatory result of my HIV Test. And yun nga, paglabas ng resulta, I was HIV positive. Ipinaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang susunod kong gawin. Pero tila ba nabingi ako dahil sa takot. Nagsara ang isipan ko na tila ba wala akong narinig. Nanaig ang takot sa’kin and I feel helpless.

I did not get myself treated. Pinagpatuloy kong mabuhay na para bang wala akong sakit. Kinalimutan ko ang lahat ng iyon. I lived in my old life with my same old vices: alcohol, smoke, puyat etc. I tried to live a normal life. Sa loob ng dalawang taon na yun, hindi ko naramdaman ang sakit ko. So I thought I was okay.

Until last year 2015, I have again developed “shingles” on my skin. By then, I already knew it’s another symptom. Few months after I get myself cured from that illness, I have suffered from continious fever for two weeks. When it got worsen with cough and difficulty in breathing, I have decided to get admitted in the hospital. The findings was Pulmonary TB. My doctor did a private talk to me and politely asked me of my sexual preference. By that time I already knew kung ano ang gusto nyang malaman at kung saan patutungo ang usapan namin, so I have decided to tell her the truth. She advised me to get myself tested again and have myself treated before everything gets worsen.

The next big move I did after that is to tell my sister. She was obviously surprised but she never showed any dismay although ramdam ko na deep inside herself ay natatakot siya for me. My sister was all supportive for me to get treated as soon as possible. She found a good treatment hub for me and she even accompanied me there. So, I had myself tested for HIV again. They confirmed it’s positive and I was scheduled for a CD4 testing. My CD4 was so low at 2 which clearly means, I have AIDS.

Hindi na ako nagulat as I kinda expected it. Napagod na rin akong matakot. What I promised to myself is to fight for this battle. I won’t waste this chance dahil kung tutuusin, in my condition, I could have died pero I am okay. Despite my damaged immune system, I am still feeling fine – hindi na ako nagkakasakit at wala na akong nararamdaman masyadong kakaiba. And I keep thanking God for that.

I can still live the life I wanted. But not the same as before. No more alcohol, smoking and I will be on a lifetime medication. Have I ever thought of myself dying? Yes. Probably a hundred times. Pero ngayon it’s not a big issue for me na. We will all gonna die. To be honest, during my hospital confinement, I was ready. But when I recovered, it was a sign that God is giving me another chance to change everything and start a new beginning.

Regrets? Hindi mawawala yan. Pero hindi ko na masyadong isipin ang pagsisisi na kung saan two years ago pa when I found out that I am positive ay nagpa-treat na ako, eh di sana hindi na lumala condition ko. It won’t do anything good. I willjust keep me stressed. And I have nothing to do about it. Nangyari na eh. So why worry about something you can’t do anything about? Hindi ba? I keep myself free from worries and negative thoughts. Hindi makakatulong yan. Alam kong hindi magiging hindi kadali ang buhay sa kin sa mga susunod na araw, linggo, buwan pero kapag naiisip ko yun, iniisip ko na lang din na may ilang taong sumusuporta sa akin tulad ng kapatid ko at mga taga treatment hub, plus of course itong chance na ito na ibinigay ni God. And with these, I still see myself lucky.
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Comments

  • bashilluscereusbashilluscereus iamsuperbash2.0 PExer
    I just want to say, continue living a normal life and don't forget your ART medication and your follow up CD4 tests. :)

    To everyone who will read this as well, whether you feel na may symptoms ka or not, it doesn't hurt kung magpapa-ELISA test ka. Prevention is always better, pag bumaba na yung CD4 mo from normal, I won't say na there's no turning back, but I would say mas mahirap na yung situation. Just sharing.
  • macoy151macoy151 Moderator PEx Moderator
    It was more than two years ago when I have decided to get myself tested for HIV. That was after when I was hospitalized due to a skin illness identified as “shingles” or Herpes Zoster. Since hindi ako familiar sa sakit na yun noon, I googled it at most articles states that it’s one of the symptoms of HIV. I waited weeks before I got the confirmatory result of my HIV Test. And yun nga, paglabas ng resulta, I was HIV positive. Ipinaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang susunod kong gawin. Pero tila ba nabingi ako dahil sa takot. Nagsara ang isipan ko na tila ba wala akong narinig. Nanaig ang takot sa’kin and I feel helpless.

    I did not get myself treated. Pinagpatuloy kong mabuhay na para bang wala akong sakit. Kinalimutan ko ang lahat ng iyon. I lived in my old life with my same old vices: alcohol, smoke, puyat etc. I tried to live a normal life. Sa loob ng dalawang taon na yun, hindi ko naramdaman ang sakit ko. So I thought I was okay.

    Until last year 2015, I have again developed “shingles” on my skin. By then, I already knew it’s another symptom. Few months after I get myself cured from that illness, I have suffered from continious fever for two weeks. When it got worsen with cough and difficulty in breathing, I have decided to get admitted in the hospital. The findings was Pulmonary TB. My doctor did a private talk to me and politely asked me of my sexual preference. By that time I already knew kung ano ang gusto nyang malaman at kung saan patutungo ang usapan namin, so I have decided to tell her the truth. She advised me to get myself tested again and have myself treated before everything gets worsen.

    The next big move I did after that is to tell my sister. She was obviously surprised but she never showed any dismay although ramdam ko na deep inside herself ay natatakot siya for me. My sister was all supportive for me to get treated as soon as possible. She found a good treatment hub for me and she even accompanied me there. So, I had myself tested for HIV again. They confirmed it’s positive and I was scheduled for a CD4 testing. My CD4 was so low at 2 which clearly means, I have AIDS.

    Hindi na ako nagulat as I kinda expected it. Napagod na rin akong matakot. What I promised to myself is to fight for this battle. I won’t waste this chance dahil kung tutuusin, in my condition, I could have died pero I am okay. Despite my damaged immune system, I am still feeling fine – hindi na ako nagkakasakit at wala na akong nararamdaman masyadong kakaiba. And I keep thanking God for that.

    I can still live the life I wanted. But not the same as before. No more alcohol, smoking and I will be on a lifetime medication. Have I ever thought of myself dying? Yes. Probably a hundred times. Pero ngayon it’s not a big issue for me na. We will all gonna die. To be honest, during my hospital confinement, I was ready. But when I recovered, it was a sign that God is giving me another chance to change everything and start a new beginning.

    Regrets? Hindi mawawala yan. Pero hindi ko na masyadong isipin ang pagsisisi na kung saan two years ago pa when I found out that I am positive ay nagpa-treat na ako, eh di sana hindi na lumala condition ko. It won’t do anything good. I willjust keep me stressed. And I have nothing to do about it. Nangyari na eh. So why worry about something you can’t do anything about? Hindi ba? I keep myself free from worries and negative thoughts. Hindi makakatulong yan. Alam kong hindi magiging hindi kadali ang buhay sa kin sa mga susunod na araw, linggo, buwan pero kapag naiisip ko yun, iniisip ko na lang din na may ilang taong sumusuporta sa akin tulad ng kapatid ko at mga taga treatment hub, plus of course itong chance na ito na ibinigay ni God. And with these, I still see myself lucky.

    Sir, reading your story makes my heart break. Seryoso.
    But I salute you for your resiliency, courage and most especially, on having unshakeable faith. May mga friends rin akong may HIV and they live their lives normally. Alam kong rinding-rindi na rin sila sa motivation, pero kung yun lang ang dahilan para makasama namin sila, gagawin namin yun.

    Just like what your avatar says and just like what time is doing -- just keep going. You've got nothing to lose as long you're living. Big hugs for you Sir, carry on always!
  • InMyCloset101InMyCloset101 Member PEx Rookie ⭐
    Lahat naman tayo mamamatay, sa iba't ibang paraan nga lang. :) cheers!
  • bluespark_22bluespark_22 Lalake - Mapagmahal PExer
    BIG HUG to you bipolar boy!
    Kaya mo yan, and you'll make more difference by sharing your experiences on how to be healthy and keeping your faith.

    Salute!
    Take care - keep safe always!
  • kwinkapusokwinkapuso Member PExer
    God is merciful and forgiving. God loves you so much!
  • kaldereta75kaldereta75 Member PExer
    Thanks for sharing your story TS. I am sure this will help gays out there to rethink and evaluate their lifestyle. A reminder to be grateful and be careful with our precious lives.

    And i totally agree with kwinkapuso, how merciful, forgiving and loving our God is.
  • thezealotthezealot Big Member PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    Hi Bipolar Boy,

    Nice to know that you mustered the courage to share your story. I'm pretty certain all of us did something at least once that we are not proud of, it's just that these things have varying degrees of repercussions. What's important is, we are taking responsibility of our actions. :)

    As you have said, lahat naman tayo mamamatay. Yes that's right, and we even don't know in what way. So as they also said, live your life to the fullest and take care of yourself always. From what I went through with my own life, worry is something that you can't take away. But you also have to take a step back always and assess the situation objectively because too much worrying without trying to do something is useless.

    So go lang ng go, okay? Keribels lang yan teh.

    - Z
  • 3bkf1693bkf169 Re-Member PExer
    You are lucky. Unlike in the old days, AIDS is no longer a death sentence. You just have to keep taking your meds and take better care of yourself. Who knows, they might even come up wit a cure in your lifetime, right?

    I DO hope that, if you're sexually active, you're doing the right thing by practicing safe sex and telling your partners (old and new) about your condition.

    The country has the fastest growing number of cases of AIDS per the UNICEF :whatthe: so you all better be smart and safe.
  • Pinoy2DabonePinoy2Dabone Member PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    tanong ko lang, sagot pa ba ng gobyerno yung gamot ngayon? parang ang laki ng gastos kung kailangan mong inumin araw araw.

    second question is: were you engaging in unprotected anal sex? the reason im asking is i have a very active sex life but i dont engage in anal sex. i mean there are very very rare occasions na tumira ako pero i ALWAY ALWAYS use protection. pero NEVER ako nagpatira kahit once. just asking cause my last test was more than 6 months ago already. always negative naman.
  • mr.6footermr.6footer Member PEx Expert 🎖️
    Is there a chance na kahit gumamit ng condom yung partner mo possible pa rin ba pumasok yung virus that causes hiv?just asking guys I'm a little bit worried!
  • survivorangelosurvivorangelo Study Hard! Dance later... 🐯 Tiger Squad🥈
    punta na lang tayo sa LoveYourself Clinics for HIV Testing

    free namana =)
  • pc03pc03 Member PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    The thread title caught my attention. Salamat sa pag share. I wish na sana lakasan mo pa ang loob mo. Lagi mo lang inumin ang gamot mo and live life to the fullest kahit may sakit ka na ganyan.

    Mabuhay ka!
  • macoy151macoy151 Moderator PEx Moderator
    mr.6footer wrote: »
    Is there a chance na kahit gumamit ng condom yung partner mo possible pa rin ba pumasok yung virus that causes hiv?just asking guys I'm a little bit worried!

    Wearing/using condoms can decrease the risk of transmitting HIV. There's also a specific amount of viral load na dapat ma-attain para ma-transmit ang virus sa katawan.

    Always practice safe sex, mga kaibigan. Always.
    Also, let's erase the stigma of this.. hindi nakakatulong sa totoo lang.

    Take care of yourselves, love yourselves.

    ----


    Kamusta na kaya si TS? I hope he is doing fine.
  • mr.6footermr.6footer Member PEx Expert 🎖️
    macoy151 wrote: »
    Wearing/using condoms can decrease the risk of transmitting HIV. There's also a specific amount of viral load na dapat ma-attain para ma-transmit ang virus sa katawan.

    Always practice safe sex, mga kaibigan. Always.
    Also, let's erase the stigma of this.. hindi nakakatulong sa totoo lang.

    Take care of yourselves, love yourselves.

    ----


    Kamusta na kaya si TS? I hope he is doing fine.

    thanks macs! miss you! how about mac nabutas yung condom while ****ing may risk ba yun?
  • macoy151macoy151 Moderator PEx Moderator
    mr.6footer wrote: »
    thanks macs! miss you! how about mac nabutas yung condom while ****ing may risk ba yun?

    Heyaa! Haha!
    Yes may risk na ma transmit ang virus lalo na kung nabutas talaga ang condom tapos may essence na lumabas from your ano. Haha!

    Kaya lagi gumamit ng lube po, para hindi nasisira ang condom! :D
  • nyahahanyahaha ~Amusing Myself~ PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    What's the best brand of lube for us gays?
  • mr.6footermr.6footer Member PEx Expert 🎖️
    macoy151 wrote: »
    Heyaa! Haha!
    Yes may risk na ma transmit ang virus lalo na kung nabutas talaga ang condom tapos may essence na lumabas from your ano. Haha!

    Kaya lagi gumamit ng lube po, para hindi nasisira ang condom! :D

    Mac what is the best brand for lube at saang mall makakabili?
  • Cici_FegCici_Feg Member PEx Rookie ⭐
    Hi guys! I want to share my story too. Like the TS, I was diagnosed with HIV. However, I'm sort of in a hurry right now but I will post my pieces of advice nevertheless because it might be of some help to some of you.

    1. Once your told by the doctor that you might have HIV/AIDS, you follow ASAP what he told you to do. Get yourself tested right away. That was what I did when told that I might have HIV.

    2. If the test says you're positive, do everything you can ASAP to CONFIRM. When tested positive in October 2012, I searched the net right away what I can do to save myself. Luckily, I found a site telling me that RITM Alabang has confirmatory test that will be available the same day (if I'm not mistaken). So I went there the soonest.

    3. Don't worry if you might have HIV. Do your research. Some of the HIV patients told me that they always see me calm and collected as if nothing happened. What they didn't know is that I already know that once you have HIV, all you really need is to religiously take in medications. Once you do it, your chance of living longer is substantially the same as people without HIV. I have always kept that in mind. And perhaps because of that, I was never afraid.

    4. The earlier you know your status, the safer you will be. I learned my status when my CD4 was 424... so it has kept me at safer levels. However, since they have the policy that medications won't be given to you if your CD4 is still above 350, I waited until my CD4 went as low as 305. Since then, I have been taking medications religiously. My CD4 count now is 408 but it could be higher now since that was more than 6 months ago. I have not encountered as much problems as most HIV patients since I exerted efforts right away and just followed everything told me. And I also kept in mind that I can still LIVE MY LIFE NORMALLY AS IF MY HIV STATUS IS JUST ANOTHER NORMAL PROBLEM, WHICH IT REALLY IS!

    5. Lastly, practice safe sex. And best if you could abstain. Prevention is always better than cure.

    I will post more about my story but that's it for now.
  • Cici_FegCici_Feg Member PEx Rookie ⭐
    macoy151 wrote: »
    Wearing/using condoms can decrease the risk of transmitting HIV. There's also a specific amount of viral load na dapat ma-attain para ma-transmit ang virus sa katawan.

    Always practice safe sex, mga kaibigan. Always.
    Also, let's erase the stigma of this.. hindi nakakatulong sa totoo lang.

    Take care of yourselves, love yourselves.

    ----


    Kamusta na kaya si TS? I hope he is doing fine.

    Do you know the level?
  • nyahahanyahaha ~Amusing Myself~ PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    Cici_Feg wrote: »
    Hi guys! I want to share my story too. Like the TS, I was diagnosed with HIV. However, I'm sort of in a hurry right now but I will post my pieces of advice nevertheless because it might be of some help to some of you.

    1. Once your told by the doctor that you might have HIV/AIDS, you follow ASAP what he told you to do. Get yourself tested right away. That was what I did when told that I might have HIV.

    2. If the test says you're positive, do everything you can ASAP to CONFIRM. When tested positive in October 2012, I searched the net right away what I can do to save myself. Luckily, I found a site telling me that RITM Alabang has confirmatory test that will be available the same day (if I'm not mistaken). So I went there the soonest.

    3. Don't worry if you might have HIV. Do your research. Some of the HIV patients told me that they always see me calm and collected as if nothing happened. What they didn't know is that I already know that once you have HIV, all you really need is to religiously take in medications. Once you do it, your chance of living longer is substantially the same as people without HIV. I have always kept that in mind. And perhaps because of that, I was never afraid.

    4. The earlier you know your status, the safer you will be. I learned my status when my CD4 was 424... so it has kept me at safer levels. However, since they have the policy that medications won't be given to you if your CD4 is still above 350, I waited until my CD4 went as low as 305. Since then, I have been taking medications religiously. My CD4 count now is 408 but it could be higher now since that was more than 6 months ago. I have not encountered as much problems as most HIV patients since I exerted efforts right away and just followed everything told me. And I also kept in mind that I can still LIVE MY LIFE NORMALLY AS IF MY HIV STATUS IS JUST ANOTHER NORMAL PROBLEM, WHICH IT REALLY IS!

    5. Lastly, practice safe sex. And best if you could abstain. Prevention is always better than cure.

    I will post more about my story but that's it for now.

    Thanks po. We will wait for your updates. 😃

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