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Long term relationship probs, advantages & disadvantages. Any??

Hi.. "LONG TERM" here means as in matagal na yun relationship as bf-gf. Mine is already more than 10yrs & counting.
YES po, as in more than 10 yrs as BF-GF since college days till now that where both working. We are both now in our early 30's..BUT, my problem is (dunno know if it is really a prob or I'm just being overreacting!) We've been this long, both of us has income (but not so so!), our friends & even our families keep on pushing us to get married na kasi tagal na daw namin, but HELLO! its not the term di ba po?? Kung alam lang nila, WALA pa po kami both naiipon for us in the future. Dahil our income monthly is just enough to spend with our respective family's expenses & wants & needs. But why do i have this feeling na HE should be the first to show na he's making a move for our future kasi lalaki siya? tama po ba yun? Kaya kung minsan pinag aawayan namin yan bagay na yan.. hays..

pa advice po.. saka share also your thoughts with this topic.. Thank You :)
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Comments

  • NilsNils PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    lee_gurl wrote: »
    Hi.. "LONG TERM" here means as in matagal na yun relationship as bf-gf. Mine is already more than 10yrs & counting.
    YES po, as in more than 10 yrs as BF-GF since college days till now that where both working. We are both now in our early 30's..BUT, my problem is (dunno know if it is really a prob or I'm just being overreacting!) We've been this long, both of us has income (but not so so!), our friends & even our families keep on pushing us to get married na kasi tagal na daw namin, but HELLO! its not the term di ba po?? Kung alam lang nila, WALA pa po kami both naiipon for us in the future. Dahil our income monthly is just enough to spend with our respective family's expenses & wants & needs. But why do i have this feeling na HE should be the first to show na he's making a move for our future kasi lalaki siya? tama po ba yun? Kaya kung minsan pinag aawayan namin yan bagay na yan.. hays..

    pa advice po.. saka share also your thoughts with this topic.. Thank You :)

    For a 10+ yr relationship.

    Disadvantages:

    Nagkakasawaan.
    Tumatanda
    - women's fertile period is limited.
    - mas maraming complications kapag nagbuntis.
    - mas malaki ang chance ng disorders sa bata.
    - mas matanda kayo bago kayo matapos magpaaral ng mga anak.
    You start to resent your partner.


    Advantages:

    None.


    ---

    Hindi kaya dapat kayong magpakasal na para yung kita nyo ay sa inyong dalawa na mapupunta at hindi sa mga pamilya nyo?

    Kung ayaw magpakasal ng bf mo, humanap ka na ng bago dahil hindi ka na bumabata. Late 20s ka na. Kailan ka pa gagawa ng hakbang na lumagay sa tahimik (kung yan ang gusto mo)? Iintayin mo bang 35 ka na? 40?
  • balbolskibalbolski PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    pano kung hindi pala kayo magkasundo sa ibang bagay.. naglive in na ba kayo?

    alam mo na ba lahat ng pinaka tatago nya gaya ng birthmark nya sa ilalim ng bayagg? tanggap mo na ba ang buo nyang pagkatao at haba ng kanyang manoy? masarap naman ba ang sex? mga importanteng bagay yan na dapat mong bigyan importansya.


    try mo makipag break tumikim ka ng iba tapos tsaka mo icompare...

    TS wag ka padalos dalos ng desisyon! maaga pa yan 10+ years pa lang kayo! :glee:

    baka pag mag asawa na kayo 10 araw lang magsisi ka na :glee: :lol:
  • balbolski wrote: »
    pano kung hindi pala kayo magkasundo sa ibang bagay.. naglive in na ba kayo?

    alam mo na ba lahat ng pinaka tatago nya gaya ng birthmark nya sa ilalim ng bayagg? tanggap mo na ba ang buo nyang pagkatao at haba ng kanyang manoy? masarap naman ba ang sex? mga importanteng bagay yan na dapat mong bigyan importansya.


    try mo makipag break tumikim ka ng iba tapos tsaka mo icompare...

    TS wag ka padalos dalos ng desisyon! maaga pa yan 10+ years pa lang kayo! :glee:

    baka pag mag asawa na kayo 10 araw lang magsisi ka na :glee: :lol:

    hindi po kami live in.. salamat po sa payo & opinion :)
  • Nils wrote: »
    For a 10+ yr relationship.

    Disadvantages:

    Nagkakasawaan.
    Tumatanda
    - women's fertile period is limited.
    - mas maraming complications kapag nagbuntis.
    - mas malaki ang chance ng disorders sa bata.
    - mas matanda kayo bago kayo matapos magpaaral ng mga anak.
    You start to resent your partner.


    Advantages:

    None.


    ---

    Hindi kaya dapat kayong magpakasal na para yung kita nyo ay sa inyong dalawa na mapupunta at hindi sa mga pamilya nyo?

    Kung ayaw magpakasal ng bf mo, humanap ka na ng bago dahil hindi ka na bumabata. Late 20s ka na. Kailan ka pa gagawa ng hakbang na lumagay sa tahimik (kung yan ang gusto mo)? Iintayin mo bang 35 ka na? 40?

    opo, alam ko naman po mga risks ng late na pag aasawa lalo na sa mga babae. kaso ayoko naman po "nga-nga" kami pag mag asawa na kami. sinasabi naman nya sa'kin na may mga plans naman daw sya for us like own simple house, or simple business na kami daw mag rurun etc. kaso paano naman mauumpisahan eh zero balance lagi ang ATM.. hehehe... kung minsan nga po, i consider him na as breadwinner sa family nya, pero he keep on denying..he's just giving back *** daw goodness ng parents nya in raising him saka pinaaral siya..(which is good naman)..kunsabagay naiintindihan ko if breadwinner siya. Kaso till kelan ako iintindi, kapag 50 y/o na kami.. hahaha! anyway, thanks po sa payo & opinion
  • balbolskibalbolski PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    lee_gurl wrote: »
    hindi po kami live in.. salamat po sa payo & opinion :)

    tskkk kita mo.

    ayan pano kayo makakaipon nyan check in pa lang zero na ATM kagad... :glee:
  • F-A SoldierF-A Soldier PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Dapat kasi pinipili mong partner eh...yung alam mo expiration date medyo...mataas. :glee:

    In seriousness naman, I'm not going to pretend to know in real life what that means ha. Longest I've had was less than five. But in my opinion from experience and at least what I see and had seen from happy relationships (whether legally married or not) is that it's really work.

    For example, I often hear "she got fat". Well first of all, you can't tell her she got fat when you aren't that great looking yourself. :glee: Nine times outta ten most fat women wives have not so decent looking bodied husbands. If you want her to look great, maybe start motivating her with your actions. At least they have excuse (estrogen, children etc.), you don't. Lots of fit women I've seen around it's because their significant others are fit as well.

    Part of successful relationship IMHO is ability to have your own life. If you live on your own, if you have time on your own, you don't get too bored of each other and still find means to be yourself. Parang ulam, kahit anong sarap, kung araw araw, mawawala yung appeal. Siguro find creative ways to make it zesty, and for those things you really can't substitute, change, just learn to live with it. :glee: "...grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change..." :glee:

    Maintaining a relationship is tough work, kudos to those who have kept it all these years.
  • balbolski wrote: »
    tskkk kita mo.

    ayan pano kayo makakaipon nyan check in pa lang zero na ATM kagad... :glee:

    oo nga po eh.. iniisip ko na *** po brighter side, hayaan ko na *** po ienjoy namin ganitong status namin as bf-gf.. tutal wer' very happy so far.. baka hindi pa po talaga kumakatok sa amin magandang opportunity para makaipon ipon naman na for us.. :)
  • Dapat kasi pinipili mong partner eh...yung alam mo expiration date medyo...mataas. :glee:

    In seriousness naman, I'm not going to pretend to know in real life what that means ha. Longest I've had was less than five. But in my opinion from experience and at least what I see and had seen from happy relationships (whether legally married or not) is that it's really work.

    For example, I often hear "she got fat". Well first of all, you can't tell her she got fat when you aren't that great looking yourself. :glee: Nine times outta ten most fat women wives have not so decent looking bodied husbands. If you want her to look great, maybe start motivating her with your actions. At least they have excuse (estrogen, children etc.), you don't. Lots of fit women I've seen around it's because their significant others are fit as well.

    Part of successful relationship IMHO is ability to have your own life. If you live on your own, if you have time on your own, you don't get too bored of each other and still find means to be yourself. Parang ulam, kahit anong sarap, kung araw araw, mawawala yung appeal. Siguro find creative ways to make it zesty, and for those things you really can't substitute, change, just learn to live with it. :glee: "...grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change..." :glee:

    Maintaining a relationship is tough work, kudos to those who have kept it all these years.

    thanks po for a very well said thoughts & advice :)
  • ka_denizka_deniz PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Question. Are you still excited about each other?

    Baka kasi nag plateau na relationship nyo and you are taking each other for granted na.
  • ValorianValorian PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    hanggang kelan magiging breadwinner yang jowa mo?

    sinasabi niya na, na parang tanaw utang na loob ginagawa niya, ang tanong pano naman siya makakabuo ng sarili niyang pamilya kung masyado pa siyang nakatali sa pamilya niya?

    sa mga kakilala kong nasa 10 years na magjowa bago ikasal, yung lalake e either nakatira pa kasama ng pamilya niya at nagibigay pa para sa kanila pero may sariling ipon o kaya nakabukod na siya sa pamilya niya

    both of them, parehong nakipagsapalaran sa ibang bansa, isa seaman, isa architect na sa SG kasi mag pinaglalaanan

    feeling ko, hindi pa handa yung bf mong lumagay sa tahimik..its either, you wait for him to be ready or leave him and stop wasting your time sa taong puro pangarap lang

    tanong rin, breadwinner ka rin ba, sabi mo kasi nagbibigay pa kayo ng panggastos sa kanya kanyang pamilya niyo? ano rin ginagawa mo para maka-ipon kayo?
  • SAMSAYSAMSAY PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    10 years na kayo at parang walang ganap? Walang level up?
    Mamaya nagsasama na lang kayo for the sake of the "title/status".
    Baka magulat ka na lang isang araw nasa ibang babae pala ang mga plano nya sa buhay.

    Parang ang boring ng buhay nyo mag jowa. Nag uusap ba kayo kung pano sisimulan ang future nyo na hindi involve ang pera?
    Like.. "dito ka kaya muna mag stay sa bahay namin pang samantala."

    Obvious naman na wala syang ka plano plano. Nag aaksaya ka lang ng oras at panahon.

    Nasa sayo na yan. Kung ang hanap mo sa buhay ay ka date lang pang habang buhay or kasama habang buhay.

    [#]DatingFor10yearsAndForever[/#]
  • darmonxdarmonx PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    after 10 years wala na dapat issue sa trusts or doubts..

    the fact that you are asking things about him... so 10 years later.. how well do you know him. dapat alam mo na.. kung hindi pa.. how are you still together?
  • ka_deniz wrote: »
    Question. Are you still excited about each other?

    Baka kasi nag plateau na relationship nyo and you are taking each other for granted na.

    ayy opo excited pa din naman. the love did'nt changed all these years po.. ganun din po sya..di ko lang talaga maiwasan minsan maikumpara ang relasyon namin sa ibang relasyon na settled na at may magandang buhay at nakabuo na ng sariling pamilya.
  • darmonx wrote: »
    after 10 years wala na dapat issue sa trusts or doubts..

    the fact that you are asking things about him... so 10 years later.. how well do you know him. dapat alam mo na.. kung hindi pa.. how are you still together?

    hi po. we are just like typical bf-gf.. dating, celebrating anniv, monthsaries, travel either with my family or his family. ganun po.. actualy im happy with it. may time lang po talaga na im asking if "ganito na *** forever?" no plans for just "us"?
  • SAMSAY wrote: »
    10 years na kayo at parang walang ganap? Walang level up?
    Mamaya nagsasama na lang kayo for the sake of the "title/status".
    Baka magulat ka na lang isang araw nasa ibang babae pala ang mga plano nya sa buhay.

    Parang ang boring ng buhay nyo mag jowa. Nag uusap ba kayo kung pano sisimulan ang future nyo na hindi involve ang pera?
    Like.. "dito ka kaya muna mag stay sa bahay namin pang samantala."

    Obvious naman na wala syang ka plano plano. Nag aaksaya ka lang ng oras at panahon.

    Nasa sayo na yan. Kung ang hanap mo sa buhay ay ka date lang pang habang buhay or kasama habang buhay.

    [#]DatingFor10yearsAndForever[/#]

    hello po.. yup napauusapan naman mga bagay na yan, in fact my mga plans but no action yet so far.. hehe.. tnx po sa reply :)
  • darmonxdarmonx PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    lee_gurl wrote: »
    hi po. we are just like typical bf-gf.. dating, celebrating anniv, monthsaries, travel either with my family or his family. ganun po.. actualy im happy with it. may time lang po talaga na im asking if "ganito na *** forever?" no plans for just "us"?

    you should recognize his behaviors and patterns by now... i dont know your bf but typically... after 10 years.. there is little room for surprises..

    people usually stick to their patterns of behavior but what changes all these are goals. you need to really discuss goals for yourselves. tama na ang pinagbibigyan ang mga kanya kanyang pamilya.. nasa 30s na kayo.. kailanang maging madamot naman kayo para sa inyong kapakanan.

    you seem content... yung tanong mo na kung "hanggang ganito na lang ba"... that is really up to you if you want to allow that to continue... we all have a choice and you can influence the terms of the future by the choices you make today.
  • Valorian wrote: »
    hanggang kelan magiging breadwinner yang jowa mo?

    sinasabi niya na, na parang tanaw utang na loob ginagawa niya, ang tanong pano naman siya makakabuo ng sarili niyang pamilya kung masyado pa siyang nakatali sa pamilya niya?

    sa mga kakilala kong nasa 10 years na magjowa bago ikasal, yung lalake e either nakatira pa kasama ng pamilya niya at nagibigay pa para sa kanila pero may sariling ipon o kaya nakabukod na siya sa pamilya niya

    both of them, parehong nakipagsapalaran sa ibang bansa, isa seaman, isa architect na sa SG kasi mag pinaglalaanan

    feeling ko, hindi pa handa yung bf mong lumagay sa tahimik..its either, you wait for him to be ready or leave him and stop wasting your time sa taong puro pangarap lang

    tanong rin, breadwinner ka rin ba, sabi mo kasi nagbibigay pa kayo ng panggastos sa kanya kanyang pamilya niyo? ano rin ginagawa mo para maka-ipon kayo?

    hi.. ako naman po, hindi totaly breadwinner kasi kami ng sister ko magka help sa mga expenses sa bahay.. unlike ni bf na ** halos gumagasta sknila. and besides sya na lang po single sknila magkakapatid kaya siya po yun mas nakakapag abot sa parents nila. kaawa din po
  • Valorian wrote: »
    hanggang kelan magiging breadwinner yang jowa mo?

    sinasabi niya na, na parang tanaw utang na loob ginagawa niya, ang tanong pano naman siya makakabuo ng sarili niyang pamilya kung masyado pa siyang nakatali sa pamilya niya?

    sa mga kakilala kong nasa 10 years na magjowa bago ikasal, yung lalake e either nakatira pa kasama ng pamilya niya at nagibigay pa para sa kanila pero may sariling ipon o kaya nakabukod na siya sa pamilya niya

    both of them, parehong nakipagsapalaran sa ibang bansa, isa seaman, isa architect na sa SG kasi mag pinaglalaanan

    feeling ko, hindi pa handa yung bf mong lumagay sa tahimik..its either, you wait for him to be ready or leave him and stop wasting your time sa taong puro pangarap lang

    tanong rin, breadwinner ka rin ba, sabi mo kasi nagbibigay pa kayo ng panggastos sa kanya kanyang pamilya niyo? ano rin ginagawa mo para maka-ipon kayo?

    hi.. ako naman po, hindi totaly breadwinner kasi kami ng sister ko magka help sa mga expenses sa bahay.. unlike ni bf na ** halos gumagasta sknila. and besides sya na lang po single sknila magkakapatid kaya siya po yun mas nakakapag abot sa parents nila. kaawa din po
  • ValorianValorian PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    lee_gurl wrote: »
    hi.. ako naman po, hindi totaly breadwinner kasi kami ng sister ko magka help sa mga expenses sa bahay.. unlike ni bf na ** halos gumagasta sknila. and besides sya na lang po single sknila magkakapatid kaya siya po yun mas nakakapag abot sa parents nila. kaawa din po

    he has to earn more then, para makapagbigay sa mga magulang niya ng pera na pwedeng ipang negosyo, para hindi na umasa sa kanya o sa mga kapatid niya

    mahirap maghintay sa wala..
  • pwinsesapwinsesa PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    @TS, may friend ako 11 years na sila. Mashado na silang comfortable sa isa't-isa, nagsasama na din for a long time.
    I dunno sa girl pero si guy may times naghahanap ng iba, tho i don't think may chance na may madevelop na feelings sya sa girl, pero sa dami ng oras na inuubos nila sa isa't isa, na hindi lang pag tawag ng laman, nakaka-alarma.
    minsan sinabi ko kay friend na if in 3 years, napagod na ko sa work ko, aalis na ko sa Pinas. Ang nakakagulat dun, kino-consider nya din daw yun. For what? Hindi man lang nya sinabi na para makaipon for their future. So I asked him if ano plano nila ni gf. wala naman daw sila napapag usapan, parang ok na sila sa ganun. Hindi ko masabi na faithful sya kasi nga suma-sideline sya eh, pero nakikita ko na secured yung relationship nila.
    So depende yun future nyo sa inyo. Ikaw ba sinasabi mo sa kanya? Sa tagal nyo dapat comfortable ka na magung assertive sa kung ano yung gusto mo. bakit parang pinapakiramdam mo pa sya? Pag usapan nyo na once and for all dahil obviously hindi na ok sayo yung status nyo.

    Breadwinner? Hanggang kelan ba matatapos ang pagbabayad ng utang na loob sa magulang? I grew up in a very conservative family, na walang pera. I resent the fact na yung mga magulang ko masaya na makitang magkakasama ang mga anak kahit walang pera. so akala ng mga kapatid ko okay lang yun. breadwinner din ako. pero dumating na sa point na kahit kailangan pa ko ng mga magulang ko, naiintindihan nila na may sarili akong buhay. baka ganun lang kailangan nyo, kausapin nyo mga pamilya nyo. Na panahon na para yung sarili nyo naman ang isipin. ipaintindi nyo lang na hindi naman kayo mawawala totally, aalalay pa din kayo. Nakasanayan nyo na yan eh, hindi nyo basta matatalikuran pamilya nyo. tama yung isang comment, bigyan nyo sila ng gagawin para hindi na sila dumepende sa inyo. Sa simula may maririnig kayo sa ibang tao, na pinapabayaan nyo na un pamilya nyo, pero ganun talaga, future nyo na kasi nakasalalay dito. Yung mga ganung bagay, inilalatag at inilalaban. :)
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