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My son wants to study in the US

Sinabi ng anak ko kahapon ayaw na niya sa Patts. I was hoping maging pilot siya. So i said ok, sa La Salle mo gusto? Sabi niya, no, sa US.

Back story: some months back, nag-offer sister ko na sa US na daw mag-college anak ko. I knew hindi pa ready anak ko, i knew tatanggi siya so sinabi ko sa kanya. Ayaw nga niya. Dati. Kaya naman nag-offer sister ko, dahil sa peace and order natin dito. Puro patayan, robbery, kidnapping etc.

Sinabi ko sa kanya ang offer kasi ayokong malaman niya na naglihim ako.

Ang sabi ko sa kanya noon, dahil in sync naman ang decision namin, after college, pwede doon siya kumuha ng grad studies.

Ngayon, the reasons why ayoko, siyempre mamimiss ko ang anak ko. Also, what if may mangyari sakin, paano na yun susunod na tuition fees niya? Masyadong mahal tuition fees para icover ng siblings ko, may mga anak din sila na binubuhay. Unlike kung dito siya sa Ph magpatuloy ng college, may mangyari man sakin, alam ko na kayang icover ng siblings ko cost ng studies niya.

Ayaw na ayaw ng anak ko pinag-uusapan mortality ko. Paano ko siya maconvince na dito pa rin ipagpatuloy college niya until makagraduate siya?
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Comments

  • Luxury ang hinihingi niya. You dont have to give in. Unless he is training to be a chef kaya niya gusto sa ibang bansa pa mag aral?

    If he cannot excel with a filipino diploma, he wont excel with any other diploma.

    My two cents lang naman.
  • Yian YianYian Yian PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    Just my opinion

    1. Parental fears. I noticed that some of your reasons for not allowing your kid to go to the US to study are personal, not in the least about your son/daughter's personal development. Wag naman sana ganun, to be honest, I know the feeling of lost opportunities just because of parents' fears. Minsan naiisip ko, if I was only allowed to pursue a certain opportunity, siguro I'd be more than what I am now. Ang dami lang talaga.

    2. Responsible son/daughter. Considering number 1, I wonder how responsible your son/daughter is. I hope you have enough trust in your son/daughter to behave and be responsible IF he/she studies abroad, baka kasi hindi lang din sya makatapos because he/she is so free to do whatever he/she wants without a high degree of parental guidance.

    3. Funds. How young is your son/daughter? I suggest to discuss the responsibilities of sustaining US education. Hindi mura ang magpaaral nga naman sa US. He/she must have some degree of responsibility, probably work while studying, ganun naman ang culture sa US diba? Kung gusto nya sa US, dapat meron syang responsibility.


    If you are so worried about security, kahit saan naman may security issues. Sa US nga may gun, gang and knife culture. You can't really say what will happen, nasa pag iingat nalang din natin. Badbreath is correct, it is also a form of luxury. Magaling din naman ang schools dito. Mas magagaling pa nga ang mga doctor dito kesa sa US. (if science/medical course, just an example) Sa totoo lang, the Philippine education is not far behind foreign, yung issues about 10 to 12 years.. .what the heck if 12 years?? pinahaba lang naman yan, hindi naman naayos yung curriculum. It's not about the length, it's about the content. Our discipline is much better here than in the US. (that's just my opinion) we graduate earlier than they do, but our subjects are packed. Magaling kasi tayo sa packed subjects, working with limited resources (time, money, books, among others) and we become resourceful. Sila, mawalan lang ng facility, hindi na maka galaw. ano ba yun diba???


    pero of course, I am not your kid's parent. Ikaw parin nakaka alam, I just hope you'll look at things objectively and then decide. Also, minsan weird din ang parent intuition, just be conscientious with your decision. Otherwise, I hope give your child an alternative para hindi naman nya maramdaman that you are making him lose an opportunity. Nasa pag uusap lang din yan.

    just some of my thoughts.
  • NilsNils PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Kung gusto nya sa US mag-aral, then kailangan nyang kumayod dun para humati sa education costs nya. If he agrees with that, then let him study there. Mas maagang matututo ng responsibilidad ang anak mo. As for missing him, you have to let go of your kids, hindi maganda na i-clip mo yung wings nila miski gusto na nila lumabas sa mundo
  • F-A SoldierF-A Soldier PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Most times kids choose to 'study' away because they want freedom not really 'education' per se.

    If yung sibling mo nagoofer, bahala siya sa pera diba? Wag kang magoffer kung hindi pwedeng bayaran.

    :glee:
  • true_orangetrue_orange PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    @bad breath. Almost exactly like what my other sister said. My brother's gonna be talking some sense out of him any time this week.

    Paano ko macoconvince siya without saying "paano pag bigla akong namatay, paano ka magpapatuloy doon, hindi naman kayang ishoulder ng tita mo lahat. Eh di nabalewala lang ginastos at panahon mo?"

    Ayaw niya yun thoughts na pwede ako mamatay any time.

    @nils, yian. He just turned 17yo last september. Can't pick up his own dirty clothes yet. Can't throw his own delivered fastfood boxes. Yun bed niya, pagkagising, same na rin itsura hanggang matulog.

    He's living alone in a condo. I bought him a unit near patts para magsimula na maging independent from maids. From 180lbs, he's so skinny now.

    But yeah, one argument ko against myself, eh what if dito siya mag-grow.
  • Most times kids choose to 'study' away because they want freedom not really 'education' per se.

    If yung sibling mo nagoofer, bahala siya sa pera diba? Wag kang magoffer kung hindi pwedeng bayaran.

    :glee:

    Hahaha:lol: i think tama si koya soldier about yung real wants ng anak ni ts:lol::lol: freedom. Not Unless culinary arts ang course na gusto.
  • true_orangetrue_orange PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    @fa soldier. Ako pa rin bahala. Nag-offer siya, kasi she felt na walang security dito sa pinas.

    Nagraride pa ng one jeep anak ko from his condo. Napick yun celphone niya one time from his bag, nung nalaman ng sis ko, sabi niya what if mas worse pa nangyari.

    My sis can't afford the tuition fees. Hindi naman US citizen anak ko, doble ang fees.
  • Yian YianYian Yian PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    YOU bought him a condo... that's not teaching him real independence. the mere fact you're paying for it.

    ALONE in the condo? I hope he's not bringing girls there...

    No sense of responsibility... dito palang, I'm sorry, I doubt he'll get better there.. mas mahirap yun, far from your reach and you don't really have any way around their laws. Mas alam mo ang limitations and boundaries dito.

    My take, with what your son is demonstrating, scary to let him lose in the US.

    his CP got picked out of his bag? well, bakit hindi sya nag ingat?

    hmmm... i hope i'm wrong but.... you bought him a new phone na upgrade pa no?
  • true_orangetrue_orange PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    Ang contribution ng sis ko, pakainin ang anak ko kasi doon siya titira, if ever. Pero pag nawala ako, papakainin pa rin niya anak ko, pero tuition fees. Over na sa budget niya yun.

    Paano ko dapat sabihin sa anak ko na huwag muna. Maggraduate muna siya, without him feeling tinitipid ko siya at baka lalo pa magrebelde. Pls. In words that kids today can understand.
  • true_orangetrue_orange PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    @yian, no hindi ko siya binili ng new phone. Binigay ko sa kanya old phone ko na cheaper, way cheaper dun sa nadukot sa kanya.

    The condo was for convenience. Masyado malayo nueva ecija sa paranaque.

    Ok lang magdala siya ng girls doon. Basta sabi ko lang sa kanya ayoko pa maging lola.
  • Responsible child: lives within the means of his parents.

    "Anak.. Kelangan maisecure ko ang education mo kaya dito ka mag aaral."

    Tapos sabihin mo "pasensha na, ito ang realidad. Hindi lahat ng gusto ng anak kayang ibigay ng magulang"
  • Yian YianYian Yian PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    Ang mahirap kasi dyan... you have to act your words and stick to them. I do not want to be judgmental pero sa mga sinabi mo dito you are quite a liberal parent pero sumobra ata that your kid did not realize responsibilities.

    I suggest, well this is just me, tell him hindi mo kaya ang US education. If he really wants to study abroad, mag hanap sya ng scholarship.

    there are stages kasi ng pakikipag usap... problem is i don't know what stage you are in...

    1. nice stage (with options and future directions)
    2. convincing stage (with options and future directions)
    3. authoritarian stage (with options and future directions + ultimatum) dito nako... tough love ang usapan.
  • NilsNils PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    @bad breath. Almost exactly like what my other sister said. My brother's gonna be talking some sense out of him any time this week.

    Paano ko macoconvince siya without saying "paano pag bigla akong namatay, paano ka magpapatuloy doon, hindi naman kayang ishoulder ng tita mo lahat. Eh di nabalewala lang ginastos at panahon mo?"

    Ayaw niya yun thoughts na pwede ako mamatay any time.

    @nils, yian. He just turned 17yo last september. Can't pick up his own dirty clothes yet. Can't throw his own delivered fastfood boxes. Yun bed niya, pagkagising, same na rin itsura hanggang matulog.

    He's living alone in a condo. I bought him a unit near patts para magsimula na maging independent from maids. From 180lbs, he's so skinny now.

    But yeah, one argument ko against myself, eh what if dito siya mag-grow.

    He might be living alone, but he isn't exactly independent. You are still paying all his bills, his allowance is still provided by you. Most probably when you visit his condo, since you know he doesn't clean up, you bring a maid or two to clean it up for him if you aren't doing it yourself. There is no need for your child to be responsible because you are taking care of everything.
  • Yian YianYian Yian PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    @yian, no hindi ko siya binili ng new phone. Binigay ko sa kanya old phone ko na cheaper, way cheaper dun sa nadukot sa kanya.

    The condo was for convenience. Masyado malayo nueva ecija sa paranaque.

    Ok lang magdala siya ng girls doon. Basta sabi ko lang sa kanya ayoko pa maging lola.

    COOL!!!! in fairness I must applaud you on that. ang tanong lang, bakit kailangan condo hindi dorm?

    hahah.. about you being able to say not wanting to be a grandma this early, it seems open naman ang communications ninyo.

    Wala ba kayong family dito sa Manila? that he could stay with para naman guided parin and somebody can tell you what's going on?

    Dito rin ba sya nag elementary and secondary?
  • F-A SoldierF-A Soldier PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    @fa soldier. Ako pa rin bahala. Nag-offer siya, kasi she felt na walang security dito sa pinas.

    Nagraride pa ng one jeep anak ko from his condo. Napick yun celphone niya one time from his bag, nung nalaman ng sis ko, sabi niya what if mas worse pa nangyari.

    My sis can't afford the tuition fees. Hindi naman US citizen anak ko, doble ang fees.
    Bakit siya magoofer then? Ano yon ikaw din magbabayad.

    Kung hindi mo kaya, hindi mo kaya LOL.
    Ako I grew up here pero I paid most of my education ha. By the time I stepped in college I had almost 10k in savings, I had college credits (so it knocked some of the requirements), I had two small scholarships, and the rest I had military paid. The rest I worked part time here and there, and full time in the summers. Most of my books in the second half of my schooling was through my working in a retail/grocery store. :glee:

    Don't get me wrong my parents helped a lot, pero not as significantly like most.

    Also I was independent. I knew how to cook, take care of myself, clean, had multiple job experiences, and had been on my own for a bit before I stepped in college.

    Yung anak mo wala...which is typical in many Filipino scenarios.

    Alalahanin ng anak mo na pag nasa Filipinas siya, bongga siya jan. Siya nga may condo? Wow. I wish rented small rooms tapos shared pa yan with roomates. :glee:

    As for 'security' naman, that's farce. Walang school shooting sa Filipinas; dito MARAMI. :glee:
  • Yian YianYian Yian PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    badbreath wrote: »
    Responsible child: lives within the means of his parents.

    "Anak.. Kelangan maisecure ko ang education mo kaya dito ka mag aaral."

    Tapos sabihin mo "pasensha na, ito ang realidad. Hindi lahat ng gusto ng anak kayang ibigay ng magulang"

    Agree, live within your means. If you can't, then find ways to make up for it.
    Nils wrote: »
    He might be living alone, but he isn't exactly independent. You are still paying all his bills, his allowance is still provided by you. Most probably when you visit his condo, since you know he doesn't clean up, you bring a maid or two to clean it up for him if you aren't doing it yourself. There is no need for your child to be responsible because you are taking care of everything.

    Independent - not depending on another for livelihood or subsistence
    Bakit siya magoofer then? Ano yon ikaw din magbabayad.

    Kung hindi mo kaya, hindi mo kaya LOL.
    Ako I grew up here pero I paid most of my education ha. By the time I stepped in college I had almost 10k in savings, I had college credits (so it knocked some of the requirements), I had two small scholarships, and the rest I had military paid. The rest I worked part time here and there, and full time in the summers. Most of my books in the second half of my schooling was through my working in a retail/grocery store. :glee:

    Don't get me wrong my parents helped a lot, pero not as significantly like most.

    Also I was independent. I knew how to cook, take care of myself, clean, had multiple job experiences, and had been on my own for a bit before I stepped in college.

    Yung anak mo wala...which is typical in many Filipino scenarios.

    Alalahanin ng anak mo na pag nasa Filipinas siya, bongga siya jan. Siya nga may condo? Wow. I wish rented small rooms tapos shared pa yan with roomates. :glee:

    As for 'security' naman, that's farce. Walang school shooting sa Filipinas; dito MARAMI. :glee:

    Agree! mas matino parin dito
  • Actually.. A proper way to tell your kid is this "tigilan mo ako anak":lol::lol:

    If you are nice to him "some day anak, after you graduate nursing":lol::lol::glee:

    He is 17 na. Sa totoo lang he is soooooo lucky he came in here full force w a condo.
  • Yian YianYian Yian PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    ano course nya? san sya nag aaral? if you don't mind.
  • Be honest to your child, tell him you cannot support him financially if he's determined in pursuing his studies in the US.

    If he really wants to study in the US, he needs to financially support himself. He could apply for a "study now, pay later" program, and work on his free time to support himself.

    Tuition fee in a university/college in the USA is really expensive.

    That's what happened to me and my siblings (Me, sister and brother). After graduating HS, my parents talked to us, "Do you want to study here or go back to the Philippines? We will be honest with you, we cannot support your education in a university here, you know how expensive going to college here. So, you have two options, go back to the Philippines, finish a degree there, all expense paid by us, or.. stay here, and do your best to get into the study now pay later program.."

    That's how honest our parents were, brutally honest, and I love them for that. We were poor then, so they just told us the brutal truth that we were not rich kids that they could just send off to a posh university.

    I think that's how families should be.


    So, me and my siblings, did our best to get into the study now pay later program in a university in san francisco (yep, we cannot afford harvard or yale, poor us). After graduating, we paid our university debt monthly through our own money (half from my parents, half from our wages).

    I finished paying off my university debt two years after graduating. My siblings finished theirs after 2 1/2.
  • NilsNils PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Yian Yian wrote: »
    Independent - not depending on another for livelihood or subsistence

    I know, but for some people, they take being able to live alone and take care of one's chores is a big step towards being independent. Filipino kids are really pampered. Look at what FA said, by the time he reached college he already has had several job experiences. Very few non-poor families here would let their kids work before they graduate college. The 'most' parents of middle class kids would let them apply for would be fast food outlet crews (and then they'll be stealing slots that are needed by kids from poor families).
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