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on BREAKUPS, PROPER CLOSURE, AND TRUTH

Good day, Pexers!

I have a problem. i just have to vent it out here. i also need an advice about this thing.

anyway, here's the scenario:

May ex-bf ako (let's call him John). Weeks lang ang tinagal namin ni John. (btw, this just happened 2 months ago). I met him in an online blog. We talked on skype hanggang sa nagkapalagayan ng loob. i find him really interesting kasi swak yung ugali namin. We chatted on skype for a month, with no meet ups. nagkakatampuhan, nagkakadramahan, pero naayos din naman. Finally, after about a month, nag meet na kami. It was really awkward that time. sobra! pero ayun, nagkaayos din at naging spontaneous na sa isa't isa. We were very happy during that trip. Nagsama kami for 3 days and during that time, naging kami. Something happened bet us, and it was my first. After the trip, Dito na siya nag start magbago. Busy kasi siya because he's working on something. So ako, nag ddrama. kasi ni text or call niya, wala. nagtatampo na ako sa kanya that time. then we talked over the phone sinabi nya pwede bang maghintay muna ako kasi busy siya. di nya kaya ibalance yung load ng work and relationship (siguro? that was my hypothesis). sinabi ko: "okay, sige, i'll wait." after nun, nag tetext pa rin ako sa kanya, but still no reply. and then my last text was: "the emotion is too heavy to carry" (or some sort). a day after that, nanakaw phone ko. so di ko na siya na text ever. btw, di na din siya nag OOL sa skype. so, no comm at all.


Fast forward...


I haven't moved on. i am still expecting. and then the truth came out. I was reading/lurking in an online forum . may nabasa akong story about a guy and his bf. His description of his bf was pretty much the same as my "exbf". so i asked the one who posted. pm-ed him and asked for his contact info. we talked. i asked questions. and then, confirmed! siya nga si "exbf" ko. apparently, di nya ako na considered as bf. that made me bitter and sad. :( naisip ko that time, player siya or i think he's just uncertain sa mga pinapasok nyang relationships. nag eexplore pa siguro siya. naawa ako dun sa guy na nagpost, kasi nagkakalabuan na sila. naawa ako kasi nalaman ko ang totoong kulay ni John. at ayokong maka biktima pa siya ng iba.

my thoughts: siguro, bitter lang ako kasi wala kaming proper closure at di nya tinupad promise nya na babalikan ako. bitter din ako kasi yun nga, di nya ako kinonsidered as his bf. naiinis ako sa kanya at naaawa ako sa sarili ko coz he made me looked like a fool. naawa din ako sa guy who posted online.

anyway, your thoughts on this matter? :( lagi ko siya naiisip eh. :(
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Comments

  • ParkourParkour PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    OMG. :lol:

    --

    Mga "John" talaga.

    --

    Dahil bored ako, pa-comment na lang din TS.

    Issue ko rin before yang closure closure, until ako na lang ang nag-close. Haha.

    You only lose what you cling to.

    Next time, wag na masyadong clingy. :glee:
  • hahahaha. una ko lang naisip yung name na john. common kasi eh. :)))

    yeah, medyo ma drama at clingy nga ako. ayaw nya siguro yun. haha.

    perooo :( wala, naiisip ko pa din siya.

    i have to move on.
  • lrnz wrote: »
    hahahaha. una ko lang naisip yung name na john. common kasi eh. :)))

    yeah, medyo ma drama at clingy nga ako. ayaw nya siguro yun. haha.

    perooo :( wala, naiisip ko pa din siya.

    i have to move on.

    Same lang tayo lrnz...:depressed:
  • Soulforgex wrote: »
    Same lang tayo lrnz...:depressed:

    clingy nga ako, pero ako lang ba yung mali? naging ganun lang ako kasi di nga siya nagtetext or di nakikipag communicate at all. anong klaseng ka relasyon yun? hahaha. sawa na agad? :rotflmao:
  • PS. To "the guy who posted online" about his problem with his bf. if na-feel mong ikaw 'to. PM me. LOL.

    pero, Im serious. :)
  • ParkourParkour PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Well, memories are our most painful blessings. Just make sure you learned something from it.

    Hindi mo maiiwasan yan. It will leave an indelible mark in your mind (if not in your heart) for sure kasi he was your first. We never forget our firsts; regardless how beautiful or awful they were. :lol:

    Magpa-pogi ka na lang. Just in case you two meet again unintentionally, maiinsecure siya. :lol: Pero siyempre, do it for yourself din.

    Make him regret what he passed on. *okay*
  • yeah. siya nga first ko. first bf, first sa something something :D, etc..

    ang nakakainis pa kasi dun, he's n the hunt again. ayoko ng may maloko pa siyang iba. ayokong matulad siya saken na nag expect at nasaktan sa huli. kasi feeling ko, ganun din gagawin niya dun sa nakarelasyon nya recently. nagkakalabuan na kasi sila ngayon and nag promise silang dalawa na magkakabalikan sila. and i know where this is going. :s idk kung ano nangyari sa kanila ngayon. baka nag closure na din. hahaha

    or aasa na lang ako sa karma. haha

    anyway, thanks sa advice mo parkour! :) highly appreciated! :)
  • Hello, TS.

    There are Four Noble Truths in our lives.
    1. There is suffering.
    2. The origin of suffering is clinging.
    3. There is cessation of suffering.
    4. There is the Noble Eightfold Path, the path to cessation of suffering.
    Charot. :lol:

    I think it's difficult to catch him and make him stop, kaya ang maipapayo ko sa iyo, hijo, eh alisin mo na siya sa sistema mo. Alisin ang mga masasamang elementong nagpapapangit at nagdudulot ng pighati. And while you're at it, try to improve yourself para sa future love mo at para na rin sa sarili mo. Try loving-kindness meditations. :lol: :tinyangel:
  • KlutzMDKlutzMD PEx Rookie ⭐
    Somniator wrote: »
    Hello, TS.

    There are Four Noble Truths in our lives.
    1. There is suffering.
    2. The origin of suffering is clinging.
    3. There is cessation of suffering.
    4. There is the Noble Eightfold Path, the path to cessation of suffering.
    Charot. :lol:

    I think it's difficult to catch him and make him stop, kaya ang maipapayo ko sa iyo, hijo, eh alisin mo na siya sa sistema mo. Alisin ang mga masasamang elementong nagpapapangit at nagdudulot ng pighati. And while you're at it, try to improve yourself para sa future love mo at para na rin sa sarili mo. Try loving-kindness meditations. :lol: :tinyangel:

    masakit ang pangalawa.. sobrang sakit.. :(
  • Hi somniator! im trying to move one. paunti-unti. bumalik lang ulit lahat ng memories nung nakita yung kwento ni new guy sa forum. at nung na confirm ko na same lang kami ng naging ex. naisip ko lang na sobrang manloloko nya. player. libog lang ata talaga habol nya saken/samen. haay.

    masakit lang din kasi na di nya ako kinonsider na bf. masakit. :(

    PS. im seeing someone right now, masaya ako sa kanya. di ko lang talaga totally makalimutan si first. :(
  • well, I experienced being John.

    moral lesson,
    1. don't be the one to initiate to have a relationship.
    2. don't trust right away.
    3. if you really like the person, don't be too obvious.
    4. don't be the first one to txt after dates.
    5. pa hard to get pag may time.
    6. say LIKE instead of LOVE.
    7. Don't take relationships seriously unless he does.
    8. Never show any sign of jealousy esp. if you're not his bf yet.
    9. Move on.
  • ILZurich wrote: »
    well, I experienced being John.

    moral lesson,
    1. don't be the one to initiate to have a relationship.
    2. don't trust right away.
    3. if you really like the person, don't be too obvious.
    4. don't be the first one to txt after dates.
    5. pa hard to get pag may time.
    6. say LIKE instead of LOVE.
    7. Don't take relationships seriously unless he does.
    8. Never show any sign of jealousy esp. if you're not his bf yet.
    9. Move on.

    Tagos 'gang buto, bro! haha.
    1. I asked him first.
    2. i trusted him. he was my first. i gave everything. even my virginity. LOL. (pero seryoso)
    3. darn it!
    4. darn it!
    5. pa hard to get ako. mas pa hard to get siya. :(
    6. I loved him.
    7. How'd you know?
    8. i was the jealous, ma drama, paranoid, overthinker type.
    9. I am trying and I will :)
  • lrnz wrote: »
    Tagos 'gang buto, bro! haha.
    1. I asked him first.
    2. i trusted him. he was my first. i gave everything. even my virginity. LOL. (pero seryoso)
    3. darn it!
    4. darn it!
    5. pa hard to get ako. mas pa hard to get siya. :(
    6. I loved him.
    7. How'd you know?
    8. i was the jealous, ma drama, paranoid, overthinker type.
    9. I am trying and I will :)

    May mga tao kasi na gusto nila ng laro kahit nasa loob na sila ng isang relationship. Laro na sa inyong dalawa lang. Hindi ito laro na may ibang taong involved. May mga taong gustong laging may mystery. Yung tipong itatanong mo minsan sa sarili mo kung "mahal ba talaga ako nito?" and stuff. Kasi kapag sobra kang clingy, at pinaparamdam mo sa kanya na mahal na mahal na mahal mo sya, he takes it for granted/ he will take it for granted.

    Observation ko lang na kahit gaano mo dapat kamahal ang tao ay ipakita mo sa kanya na mas mahal mo ang sarili mo. May mga taong natuturn-off kapag masyado mo silang minamahal.
  • mars11mars11 引きこもり PEx Icon 🎖️🎖️🎖️
    you live, you learn
    you love, you learn

    it may take time but it's going to get better.
    learn from this john so that no other john that may come in to your life can hurt you.
    always remember to protect your heart...
  • jayel85jayel85 PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    JP naman sakin.

    everyday 3 hours kami naguusap sa phone palaging madaling araw.. dun lang kami nagmmeet ng schedule. (Him 3pm-12am, Me 8pm-5am). Ang dami naming similarities super. Tapos nagsabihan na kami ng I LIKE YOU to each other.

    Tapos ngayon, 16 hrs na siya di nagpaparamdam sakin. :)
    Hindi ko alam kung busy siya or naiwan niya phone niya.
  • lrnz wrote: »
    Hi somniator! im trying to move one. paunti-unti. bumalik lang ulit lahat ng memories nung nakita yung kwento ni new guy sa forum. at nung na confirm ko na same lang kami ng naging ex. naisip ko lang na sobrang manloloko nya. player. libog lang ata talaga habol nya saken/samen. haay.

    masakit lang din kasi na di nya ako kinonsider na bf. masakit. :(

    PS. im seeing someone right now, masaya ako sa kanya. di ko lang talaga totally makalimutan si first. :(

    You tend to relive the happy memories kasi pag walang closure, kaya para maka-move on nang madalian, reflect on the bad things that happened. Manloloko siya, ganon.

    Focus on this new love na lang and hopefully, you learned the things you shouldn't do in a relationship. :tinyangel:
  • May mga tao kasi na gusto nila ng laro kahit nasa loob na sila ng isang relationship. Laro na sa inyong dalawa lang. Hindi ito laro na may ibang taong involved. May mga taong gustong laging may mystery. Yung tipong itatanong mo minsan sa sarili mo kung "mahal ba talaga ako nito?" and stuff. Kasi kapag sobra kang clingy, at pinaparamdam mo sa kanya na mahal na mahal na mahal mo sya, he takes it for granted/ he will take it for granted.

    Observation ko lang na kahit gaano mo dapat kamahal ang tao ay ipakita mo sa kanya na mas mahal mo ang sarili mo. May mga taong natuturn-off kapag masyado mo silang minamahal.

    yeah. yun nga siguro ang naging problema saken. masyado ko siyang minahal na to the point na wala na ako tinira sa sarili ko. mahal na mahal na mahal ko siya noon. pero sinayang nya lang. nagmukha lang akong ***** sa huli kakahabol sa kanya.

    minsan pag nag iilove you siya, parang wala akong na fifeel na affection. ewan ko ba kaya naiisip ko "mahal ba talaga ako nito?"
  • Somniator wrote: »
    You tend to relive the happy memories kasi pag walang closure, kaya para maka-move on nang madalian, reflect on the bad things that happened. Manloloko siya, ganon.

    Focus on this new love na lang and hopefully, you learned the things you shouldn't do in a relationship. :tinyangel:


    yup. feeling ko naman natututo na ako. :) di na ulit ako papaloko. :)

    pero iniisip ko talaga yung closure eh, para matuldukan na. pero ayun, mukahng imposible na din kasi. :(
  • Anyway, naawa din ako dun sa guy na nagpost online kasi sinisisi nya sarili nya at sa nagawa nya kung bakit sila nag break. Gusto ko sabihin sa kanya na naglalaro lang exbf nya kaya wag na nya isipin. haay. di nya kasi alam na ex ko din yung guy. di ko sinabi.

    small world talaga!
  • Parkour wrote: »
    Well, memories are our most painful blessings. Just make sure you learned something from it.

    Hindi mo maiiwasan yan. It will leave an indelible mark in your mind (if not in your heart) for sure kasi he was your first. We never forget our firsts; regardless how beautiful or awful they were. :lol:

    Magpa-pogi ka na lang. Just in case you two meet again unintentionally, maiinsecure siya. :lol: Pero siyempre, do it for yourself din.

    Make him regret what he passed on. *okay*

    ganitong ganito ang ginawa ko, kaya sobrang regret niya ngayon, hahahahahaaa........
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