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toxic friends

piQuAnTpiQuAnT chopstix twirler ;) PExer
Have you ever had a number of these people?

They drain ur energy.
They suck.

But you love them, or at least, u've grown to love them.

How can you throw them away...without feeling guilty?

Comments

  • Don't "throw them away". Avoid them, if you have to.

    I think (and I do know a people like this -- sometimes, I feel like I'm one of them myself) the best thing you can do for them (and for you) is to help them become more self-sufficient.
  • eggegg sunny side up PExer
    ...had a good variety of them ALL my life --- not just friends, but family, too.

    They challenge me to become a better person; especially because I know I sometimes act just like them. :goodnevil:
  • citizen_of_romecitizen_of_rome the unconquerable PExer
    Originally posted by piQuAnT
    Have you ever had a number of these people?

    They drain ur energy.
    They suck.

    But you love them, or at least, u've grown to love them.

    How can you throw them away...without feeling guilty?

    let's be clear on the issue here first, shall we? :)

    1. why do you think these people drain your energy?
    2. why do you think they suck?
    3. why is it that even if you do feel that way, you still love them?

    hmmm... chances are, you don't understand these people much. i guess what i can best advise you is to try, at least try, to understand them first before 'judging' these people as 'toxic friends'. have you considered all factors that make them 'toxic', in such way you see them? but there's a contradiction - you still love them anyway even if you think they're 'toxic'...

    try to listen to what you really feel. what is it? do you really want to get rid of them? why do you still love them? why have you grown to love them? try to assess your feelings first. don't make hasty generalizations, no hasty judgments, and don't ever make decisions at the height of your emotions - it often leads to undesirable and uncomfortable results.

    and if there's something that you need to tell them, tell it to them right there and then. don't hide your feeelings to them... if there's something that irritates you, tell it to them. that way, you can still change that person.

    consider all possible alternatives you can think of before making any decision. what do you think is more important to you - trying to improve on your relationship, or just to feel good by not having them. think about it. and think about it carefully.

    if you feel guilty about what you've done, most probably it's not the best decision... because if you made the right choice, all parties involved will not feel uncomfortable about the decision.

    good luck, pal! ;)
  • piQuAnTpiQuAnT chopstix twirler ;) PExer
    hmmm... chances are, you don't understand these people much.

    exactly..they don't give me any clues on how to figure 'em out.
    i was always there to listen...but they refuse to change their ways..and still, they mess up with their lives. and now, they themselves are digging their own graves..

    now how do i pick them up?

    but there's a contradiction - you still love them anyway even if you think they're 'toxic'...

    I've grown to love them...til they became toxic..
    and if there's something that you need to tell them, tell it to them right there and then.

    oh well..some people can be very insensitive. even if u tell them upfront..or in the most subtle and gentle manner that you do not like what theyre doing, they still go on... (like they didnt hear you)

    i already made a decision..

    a decision to slip away...
    without their knowing it...i am doing it in the most discreet manner possible...

    Btw, i am just referring to one person, someobne Ive grown so close with but...this 'person' has a thousand different characters that's just so ununderstandable :(
  • ohmyohmy downloading.. PExer
    Originally posted by piQuAnT
    Have you ever had a number of these people?

    They drain ur energy.
    They suck.

    grabe! me and my green mind :D

    but seriously, alot of my friends are always toxic.. kasi mga doctors and mga FAs.. also mga web designers like me who dont usually sleep at the regular hour..
  • trishatrisha Member PExer
    Originally posted by piQuAnT

    exactly..they don't give me any clues on how to figure 'em out.
    i was always there to listen...but they refuse to change their ways..and still, they mess up with their lives. and now, they themselves are digging their own graves..

    now how do i pick them up?

    I've grown to love them...til they became toxic..

    oh well..some people can be very insensitive. even if u tell them upfront..or in the most subtle and gentle manner that you do not like what theyre doing, they still go on... (like they didnt hear you)

    i already made a decision..

    a decision to slip away...
    without their knowing it...i am doing it in the most discreet manner possible...

    Btw, i am just referring to one person, someobne Ive grown so close with but...this 'person' has a thousand different characters that's just so ununderstandable :(

    so true! there are people who are just so complicated. no matter how hard you try to understand them, you just cant. and even if you tell them upfront that they should improve, they just wont for reasons unknown to man or they do for a couple of days but slip back again.

    i had a friend like that and i just cut off all ties with her. i dont talk to her, i dont talk to our other friends about her. i tried to help her become a better person its just too bad she doesn't want to be helped.
  • trishatrisha Member PExer
    Originally posted by piQuAnT

    exactly..they don't give me any clues on how to figure 'em out.
    i was always there to listen...but they refuse to change their ways..and still, they mess up with their lives. and now, they themselves are digging their own graves..

    now how do i pick them up?

    I've grown to love them...til they became toxic..

    oh well..some people can be very insensitive. even if u tell them upfront..or in the most subtle and gentle manner that you do not like what theyre doing, they still go on... (like they didnt hear you)

    i already made a decision..

    a decision to slip away...
    without their knowing it...i am doing it in the most discreet manner possible...

    Btw, i am just referring to one person, someobne Ive grown so close with but...this 'person' has a thousand different characters that's just so ununderstandable :(

    so true! there are people who are just so complicated. no matter how hard you try to understand them, you just cant. and even if you tell them upfront that they should improve, they just wont for reasons unknown to man or they do for a couple of days but slip back again.

    i had a friend like that and i just cut off all ties with her. i dont talk to her, i dont talk to our other friends about her. i tried to help her become a better person its just too bad she doesn't want to be helped.
  • piQuAnTpiQuAnT chopstix twirler ;) PExer
    but seriously, alot of my friends are always toxic.. kasi mga doctors and mga FAs..

    hehehe :p ...nakakuha ka ba ng clue?

    i was referring to a DOCTOr nga.

    ;)
  • ohmyohmy downloading.. PExer
    Originally posted by piQuAnT

    hehehe :p ...nakakuha ka ba ng clue?

    i was referring to a DOCTOr nga.

    ;)

    hehe nakow.. anything you know that i dont? :D
  • citizen_of_romecitizen_of_rome the unconquerable PExer
    okay... now i know what you're talking about...

    hmmm... i have similar experiences also. and you know what, it came to a point that i find myself 'useless' telling them what to do, so i figured out that probably they want to learn their lessons the hard way. ha... in that case, let that person realize na lang what he's doing... hoping that the person will soon wake up.

    i know this is too passive, but what else can we do if they don't want to listen, right? :(
  • trishatrisha Member PExer
    right. i feel kinda bad for my friend coz all our other friends are starting to stay away from her na rin. i heard that she bought a puppy to somewhat fill in the gap but the puppy doesnt like her daw! hehe...
  • indigoindigo Member PExer
    Originally posted by citizen_of_rome
    try to listen to what you really feel. what is it? do you really want to get rid of them? why do you still love them? why have you grown to love them? try to assess your feelings first. don't make hasty generalizations, no hasty judgments, and don't ever make decisions at the height of your emotions - it often leads to undesirable and uncomfortable results.

    ...if you feel guilty about what you've done, most probably it's not the best decision... because if you made the right choice, all parties involved will not feel uncomfortable about the decision.
    I whole-heartedly agree! :)
  • coccomomoacoccomomoa PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    piQuAnT said:
    Have you ever had a number of these people?

    They drain ur energy.
    They suck.

    But you love them, or at least, u've grown to love them.

    How can you throw them away...without feeling guilty?
    I have friends like those before, I ignored them and put them out of my life, that simple.  I'm happier now without them.
  • coccomomoacoccomomoa PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    egg said:
    ...had a good variety of them ALL my life --- not just friends, but family, too.

    They challenge me to become a better person; especially because I know I sometimes act just like them. :goodnevil:
    Ditto!   It's harder when they're family and relatives, di ba?  Pag friends kse I could live without them just by unfriending them, blocking or ignoring them.  
  • coccomomoacoccomomoa PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    piQuAnT said:
    Have you ever had a number of these people?

    They drain ur energy.
    They suck.

    But you love them, or at least, u've grown to love them.

    How can you throw them away...without feeling guilty?
    I'm dealing with toxic people for over years already.  I'm accustomed to just ignoring them but then it's hard to think how ***** my life is because of them.
  • Prinsipyo ko sa buhay: ang mga tao o bagay na hindi nagbibigay ng kabutihan sa akin ay iniiwasan ko na lang.

    Maikli ang buhay para magtiyaga sa mga nakalalason!
  • maraming ganyan, toxic friend sometimes tend to be who they are because they are just too much for themselves. Haha kasi naman usually sila yung mga hindi na kaya i-handle ang stress nila sa buhay so they prefer to share and procreate. Sa kasamaang palad since we mingle with them daily tayo ang lagi nakakaranas ng pagiging toxic nila. Better if you just shower them with positivity and wag na patulan ang pagiging toxic eventually good shall prevail. 

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