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How to get out from a girl-to-girl relationship? I am no longer happy.

Okey so first of all, I know for some reason I should've posted this on the Alternative Preferences forum; but after seeing the thread titles that are posted on that forum, I'd rather share this problem of mine here. Since it's also considered as a dilemma.

So here's the thing, I am a girl. But I don't act like one. Yes, I am a lesbian or whatever you call it. I honestly never called or defined myself using the word "lesbian," I most likely preferred to be called a "girl." Moreover, I am 18 years old. And I have been living in California for five years already.

A brief summary of my life back to my beloved homeland. I started having a crush on girls when I was 6 (Not sure if it was crush, but I knew how to appreciate beauty since then) And when I was 10, I started being more of a showy --- like telling the girl that I like her. Then when I got into high school, I became more even showy LOL --- I started courting girls, but never finished any of them. Because at the end of the day, I would always think of what if's--- what if someday I will regret having a girlfriend? So I've never had any girl-to-girl relationship nor boyfriend. LOL

So when I moved to Cali on October 2007, I became more of an independent. I got a job at such a young age, I got to party every weekend, I get to drive during high school at 16 of course, etc. BUT... none of my friends ever asked me about my preferred gender. Well, I never told them about the other side of my life back home. The only thing they know is that I am boyish (preferred manly clothes or to look like a dude--- like kpop, boys look so feminine!)

So here's how my dilemma started. On July 2011, I met a new girl at work. She was new. At first, I didn't like her because I thought she was a snobbish. But as I got to work with her more often, we became close friends. I would always give her a ride home; and if we have the same schedule, I would pick her up as well. She's seven month younger--- she just turned 18 last week. So we've been secretly dating for 9 months already. My parents and friends don't know this, they only know that we're like best friends (I think that's like the most common method/alibi for secret couples) And only some of her friends knows the truth--- And her parents also, surprisingly.

So even before her 18th birthday, she asked me to move in with her. Her parents are moving to a different state since she's in legal age to be independent now. I told her I can't because I am still in school and my parents are paying for my school fees, and they have rules--- can't move out until I finish college. So she told to have like a sleep over every friday or weekends.

But the truth is, I am starting to feel very uncomfortable with her. Maybe because I never really wanted to have a girlfriend? I like her very much, but I feel... not good. Like lately, I've been trying to ignore her calls/texts. Like I've been asking her if she's still happy with what we have, she'd say yes. I want to break up with her---but I am scared that she or her friends might tell my parents or my friends about us. I am not ready to come out (like for everyone to think that I am a boy trapped in a girl's body) I know she looks innocent and really sweet, but she tends to be a b!tch at times.

Any suggestions or whatever? Please no discrimination as much as possible. Thanks


  • TS, I'm willing to be the 3rd party to end your sweeeet relationship.

    I know... You're welcome.
  • This is my honest take, you are afraid to embrace your true sexuality.
  • kleenexlambotkleenexlambot PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐

    "I am starting to feel very uncomfortable with her. Maybe because I never really wanted to have a girlfriend?"

    This could mean that youre not excited with her anymore, which also happens in a girl-boy relationship. If thats the case, just tell her nicely that youd like to call its quits, and youre not sure if you want to continue with the relationship. If she's a decent girl, she ll accept your decision. No, dont be scared that she'll go out telling your parents about your identity, and if she ever threatens to i dont think that should stop you from breaking up with her.

    In general TS, try to get rid of the "what if's". If you are turned on with girls, whats wrong with that? You did not mention if you had crushes on boys or had boyfriends in the past so i would assume you were never interested in them. Face your sexuality without fear, otherwise you will be hiding the rest of your life and you wont be completely happy that way. Now if youre really doubt, then try focusing on boys, and see what youll feel.

    Finally TS, you dont choose your sexuality, you find it.
  • It's about you not accepting wholeheartedly who/what you really are that's making you feel uncomfortable.
  • Simple, dump her and if she tells your parents then come out of the closet. I know it's easier said than done but if you're not happy being with her why suffer another minute? The question is are you ready to embrace your sexuality or are you having second thoughts?
  • You did not mention if you had crushes on boys or had boyfriends in the past so i would assume you were never interested in them.

    Oopsss. I actually did, but it wasn't really that much of a big deal. I had two crushes, elementary and high school. They were only caused by my friends' teasing me. You know? na-develop lang.


    Back during my pre-teen years, my parents know all my crushes. I would even ask them for money to buy gifts for my crushes. But that was way back then pa.

    Yes, I am having second thoughts. I am not closing my doors for like getting married someday to a man--- not a woman.

    I don't know if I really want to let her go, completely. I really like her, but there are times that I really feel uncomfortable. Geez, talk about confusion.
  • This is my honest take, you are afraid to embrace your true sexuality.

    i agree. seems like you are pushing her away just because you are not yet comfortable of who you really are. if you're not ready, then just tell her. end of story.
  • F-A SoldierF-A Soldier PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Maybe you should try some tix2 and if you don't like it then go back to dating chics.

    Either way, dumping a girl is the same as dumping a guy I think. Just use the "It's not you, it's me" excuse. I've used it a few times, it works. :glee:
  • Confuse ka nga and you don't know what you want. :) you're young so just experiment with boys and girls. Hehe...
  • jazzmine22jazzmine22 PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Tama, so saan ka ba nalilibugan talaga sa babae o sa lalake? :glee:

    Kung ayaw, eh di ayaw mo, may shotgun? LOL
  • bicst8fembicst8fem PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Why you people always have to associate sex with lesbianism? If you haven't been in a lesbian relationship, I don't think you can give sound and logical advise to this poor girl.
  • Ts, just a piece of advice I think you still are not comfortable with yourself..what you are having now is just an identity crisis..you have to know yourself muna and I just want to know lets be mature and answer this are you sexually attracted to girls?
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