Help!

XxAnGeLxX

Hello pexers! Happy 2012!

All advices are appreciated. Sana po mabigyan niyo ko ng advice kung ano po ang tamang gawin ko.

Ive been with my bf for almost 10years. And I am very close with his family, ESP his older sister. We tell each other everything and palagi kami magkasama. Their younger brother has a gf (Shiela). 3years na sila, pero kahit na ganun katagal na sila, hindi siya close sa akin and fam ng bf ko kasi nagkaron ng maliit na issue before with Shiela & their fam. They got married last year (small wedding), and even w/ that medyo ma-ilap pa din ang fam nila kay Shiela. Just this year, she announced she's pregnant.*

Ang dilemma ko is that nagiging close c Shiela sa older sister ng bf ko. Parang medyo lumalabas na silang dalawa, madalas na magusap. Sbrang IMPT sakin *** friendship ko sa ate nila, and parang nafe-feel ko na mas nagiging close na si Shiela sa ate nila.*

I dont wish hindi sila maging close. Pero minsan nagseselos ako kasi parang nafefeel ko na Shiela is doing it on purpose para maasar ako. Ayoko naman sabihin sa ate nila kasi siyempre baka lumabas naman na ang selfish ko. Saka alam ko naman she can be friends with whoever she wants i have NO right to tell her sino ang kaibiganin niya. May mga close friends naman din siyang iba..*

I just want to know what I need to do. Natatakot lang ako na baka dumating *** time na talagang mawala *** closeness namin. Sana po mapaliwanagan niyo ko. Thank you!*

adiposethoughts

Naiinsecure ka nga tama ka.

I don't think that should be one of your concerns. Mas i-concern mo ang patibayin ang relationship niyo ng bf mo hindi pati yung pagiging close mo sa pamilya niya pinag eeffortan mong isipin.

If people know that you're so concerned on pleasing them / gaining their affection, they would and could eventually use that against you.

Ikaw din.

Nils

Of course Sheila is doing it on purpose, kapamilya na nya si Ate and since nagkaroon kamo ng hadlang before para maging close sya sa family ng husband nya, she is taking steps to resolve that problem. Walang problema kay Sheila at sa ginagawa nya with her sister in law. Nasa iyo lang ang problema. If the sister in law can forgive and forget what happened before and take steps to be closer to Sheila, why can't you? Isipin mong maigi, miski 10 years na kayo ng BF mo, Sheila has a lot more 'right' to be close to Ate than you, she is already family after all.

XxAnGeLxX

Nils: before kasi naging close din kami ni shiela. Really close. Kaso she started spreading rumors about me. She backstabbed me. Sobrang sama ng loob ko sa kanya. Kaya pati bf (fiance) ko masama din talaga ang loob sa kanya. Kaya hindi ko magawang makipagayos sa kanya.

TMgravity024

XxAnGeLxX wrote: »

Nils: before kasi naging close din kami ni shiela. Really close. Kaso she started spreading rumors about me. She backstabbed me. Sobrang sama ng loob ko sa kanya. Kaya pati bf (fiance) ko masama din talaga ang loob sa kanya. Kaya hindi ko magawang makipagayos sa kanya.

Now that could be a problem nga siguro kasi you three (Ikaw, si Shiela at si Ate) should get along together.

Pero if you can't forgive her just yet at natatakot kang mawala ang closeness niyo ng ate ng BF mo, bond with her like you used to do before sa mga times na wala si Shiela. TIMING.

XxAnGeLxX

Adiposethoughts: hindi lang family ang turing ko kay Ate, kung hindi best friend din. Siyempre binibigyan ko ng halaga yong friendship namin not bcus kapatid siya ng fiance ko, but bcus she is a close friend. Pinag eefortan ko talaga kasi importante sakin lahat ng tao na nakapaligid sakin. Pero tama ka, baka dumating ang time na they will use my efforts against me.

XxAnGeLxX

Tmgravity024- yeah i can't forgive her yet. Pero tama ka!

tsugero21

@XxAnGeLxX: If i'm not wrong, possibly, ang naglalaro sa isip mo ay baka may hidden agenda ang mga hakbang na ginagawa ni Shiela. You said, naging magbestfriend kayo ni Shiela before and yet, it ended up in a quarrel sapagkat binackstabbed ka nya and that incidence, i could tell, its painful kasi close mo eh. Tinuring mong kasangga sapagkat malapit sya sa iyo.

'yong pagiging malapit ni Shiela sa ate ng bf mo, iniisip mo na baka isa lang yun sa hakbang nya to totally ruined you. Hindi iyan impossible if icoconsider natin ang past.

Di mo rin maiaalis ang possibility na, stepping stone nya rin iyon to resolve her problems with the family like what Nils said. Possible din yun.

The best thing nagagawin mo siguro is to wait. Patiently wait before taking actions. Lahat nang yan ay pawang haka2x lang. If you feel like she's breaking the closeness between you and the ate of your bf, then, the nice move to do is to hold on. Wag mong bitawan or i-give up ang closeness nyo. I mean, patibayin mo pa. At tsaka, for shiela, mas maganda siguro if you get close to her. Start building again your friendship with her though it might be difficult because of the past. But remember, para matalo mo ang iyong kaaway, ang maganda mong gawin ay kaibiganin sila.

XxAnGeLxX

Tsugero21- yes! Isa sa mga iniisip ko is exactly what u said; feel ko she wants to get close kay ate para ilayo siya sa akin. Pero tama ka din, haka2x lang naman. Ang lakas ng pakiramdam ko na un ang reason bakit siya nakikipag maclose kay ate ngayon.

tsugero21

XxAnGeLxX wrote: »

Tsugero21- yes! Isa sa mga iniisip ko is exactly what u said; feel ko she wants to get close kay ate para ilayo siya sa akin. Pero tama ka din, haka2x lang naman. Ang lakas ng pakiramdam ko na un ang reason bakit siya nakikipag maclose kay ate ngayon.

If that is true na malakas ang pakiramdam mo na yun ang plano nya, may paraan para malaman yan. In order to know what others are planning, you need not just to stare at her. What you must do is to get close to her. Gain her friendship. Know her thoughts. I know mahirap yan but with patience and timing, you could get the info you need.

Just remember this "A little chit-chat could be a weapon" ^_^

infinite_trial

just continue to be friends with the ate. if she's really your close friend, she can tell if Shiela is telling the truth about you or not.

F-A Soldier

Solution: Inggit tin mo din ate nya by being close to their mother.

Nils

XxAnGeLxX wrote: »

Nils: before kasi naging close din kami ni shiela. Really close. Kaso she started spreading rumors about me. She backstabbed me. Sobrang sama ng loob ko sa kanya. Kaya pati bf (fiance) ko masama din talaga ang loob sa kanya. Kaya hindi ko magawang makipagayos sa kanya.

If you can't make peace with her yet, then don't. But you can't deny her the chance to get close to her sister-in-law. Umalma ka na lang if she repeats what she did before. Hindi naman siguro ***** yang Ate ng bf mo to realize that she's doing the backstabbing thing again if ever Sheila starts to badmouth you again.

infinite_trial

F-A Soldier wrote: »

Solution: Inggit tin mo din ate nya by being close to their mother.

naku paano na yan pag nanganak si Shiela, magiging close na sila ni mother

Nils

^lakas mambuyo o!

@TS
wag mo na masyadong alalahanin yung pagiging close nila ni ate or kung magiging close si sheila kay mother... 10 years na kayo ni bf eh di ka pa pinapakasalan, wag mo na isiping papakasalan ka pa... hanap ka na lang ng ibang family na magiging ka-close mo...

(ganyan ang pambubuyo! )

pustahan tayo may seryosong usapan with bf pagkabasa nitong post na ito

XxAnGeLxX

Nils: we're getting married in March, haha. and hindi invited si Shiela.

Infinite_trial: sa bagay. kilalang kilala naman na siguro ako ni ate so kung man i-bad mouth niya ko, hopefully she tells me kaagad.

F-A Soldier: close din ako kay mother, kaso not as close kay ate. medyo matanda na din kasi si mother e.. hindi na masyado maka-relate.

lancealmekian

XxAnGeLxX wrote: »

Hello pexers! Happy 2012!

All advices are appreciated. Sana po mabigyan niyo ko ng advice kung ano po ang tamang gawin ko.

Ive been with my bf for almost 10years. And I am very close with his family, ESP his older sister. We tell each other everything and palagi kami magkasama. Their younger brother has a gf (Shiela). 3years na sila, pero kahit na ganun katagal na sila, hindi siya close sa akin and fam ng bf ko kasi nagkaron ng maliit na issue before with Shiela & their fam. They got married last year (small wedding), and even w/ that medyo ma-ilap pa din ang fam nila kay Shiela. Just this year, she announced she's pregnant.*

Ang dilemma ko is that nagiging close c Shiela sa older sister ng bf ko. Parang medyo lumalabas na silang dalawa, madalas na magusap. Sbrang IMPT sakin *** friendship ko sa ate nila, and parang nafe-feel ko na mas nagiging close na si Shiela sa ate nila.*

I dont wish hindi sila maging close. Pero minsan nagseselos ako kasi parang nafefeel ko na Shiela is doing it on purpose para maasar ako. Ayoko naman sabihin sa ate nila kasi siyempre baka lumabas naman na ang selfish ko. Saka alam ko naman she can be friends with whoever she wants i have NO right to tell her sino ang kaibiganin niya. May mga close friends naman din siyang iba..*

I just want to know what I need to do. Natatakot lang ako na baka dumating *** time na talagang mawala *** closeness namin. Sana po mapaliwanagan niyo ko. Thank you!*

babaw nito grabe. don't you have any other friends? kasi parang itong babae na lang na ito nakikita mo. kung ganyan ka, suicide is your best bet. mahirap mabuhay pag loser. i'd learn to make new friends if i were you. sheesh.

adiposethoughts

Practical approach?

Kung wala kang time para sa ate mo at mas may time si Sheila, then, all you need to do is to give your ate SOMETHING she likes, like food or whatever. AT sabihin mo:

"Miss na kita. Tagal na tayong di nakakapag-bonding. Basta ha, kelangan na kelangan kita sa tabi ko sa wedding ko. "

Tas jan ka magstart ng conversation ulet sa ate mo. Magtanong tanong ka ng opinions niya.

Alam mo naman ang mga babae, mahilig magbigay ng payo mga yan.

Ask her to shop with you or whatever. Bond kayo sa Starbucks, yun hindi makakasama yung Sheila na yon. At pag nagpilit sumama, sabihin mo, you'll also make time for her, with them both. For now, gusto mo lang bumawi kay ate kasi hindi mo na siya nakakabonding ng matagal because of wedding preparations kuno.

iamlester

Hayaan mo sila maging close. Basta wag mo pabayaan relationship mo kay Ate. Tsaka baka maging close din kayo ni Sheila. Atleast happy family na kayo.

Side note. 10yrs na kayo di pa kayo kasal? Or live in?

XxAnGeLxX

Lancealmekian: of course i have other friends.. Hndi naman sa ate niya nag rerevolve ang social life ko. Siya lang kasi ang topic dito kaya puro siya ang pinaguusapan. I have many close cousins and friends. Kaso walang threat sknila.

Adipose: ganda ng advice mo. TAMA ka talaga. Kayang kaya ko gawin yan. Thanks a lot!

Lamlester: same to you. Thanks. Basta hindi ko papabayaan the friendship i have with ate. We're getting married in March.

Resilience

why not try to befriend sheila???