Bf is not showy, sweet and malambing.. :(

Hi PEXers! I'm a newbie here. I've decided to ask for your opinion about my current situation coz I need some advice... thanks in advance to those who would take some time to respond..

My bf and I have been together for more than two years now. I'm dealing with some issues right now. You see, bf is not malambing. he's not sweet and showy. In our relationship, parang ako pa yung lalaki. He doesn't like to text so often. It takes him hours to reply. Now, before you guys tell me na he might have other woman, let me just say na he's like that simula nung naging kami. Nung nanliligaw pa **, syempre, isang text ko lang, uber bilis ng reply niya. but after maging kami, I realized na di talaga ganun yung personality niya. Even his mom complains about that.

Whenever I make lambing, sometimes, he turns me down. tablado ba. :) Whenever we go out like go to the mall, usually nauuna siya sakin. he does not hold my hand. When he would go to some shop and look something in there, he won't ask me to come with him, he would just leave me and then go to the shop without tellin me to go with him. well, he does ask me to go with him but not very often. Para siyang walang kasama kaya instead na magenjoy ako, I end up feeling so irritated because I feel like I'm so taken for granted.

I brought this up to him but he told me na masyado daw akong maarte. Wag daw ako masyadong magisip ng kung ano ano. Tell me, pexers, is it just kaartehan to ask him to make me feel loved and important?


Is it really difficult for the guys to do it? Am I just bein maarte or is it just right to ask him that?
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Comments

  • RevelationsRevelations Member PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    first question..

    how old are you and your bf?

    second..

    how do you percieve your relationship? what is your long term plan for each other? balak nyo ba magpakasal?

    if yes then nagiging maarte ka nga. deal with the fact that your bf is dense in the head, has a brain of a peach, and is an uber introvert. alam mo pala na ganun personality nya after two years being together.

    if no, then makipagbreak ka na lang. unahan mo na siya na ikaw makipagbreak bago pa nya isipin na siya na lang makipagbreak. baka matauhan pa ang mokong mong bf na hinahanapan mo ng lambing.
  • SimpleBeauty08SimpleBeauty08 Member PExer
    Thanks for replying.. ^_^

    For your 1st question, I'm 22, he's 23.

    As of now, we're not talking about marriage yet coz we both have different plans pa. I just graduated from college and he's reviewing for his board exam so as of the moment, no plans yet of getting married for five years or so. ^_^

    If I may just ask you sir/ma'am, are you not sweet/malambing to your bf/gf? or do you have a sweet/malambing na partner? if not, Have you not asked any sweetness from him/her? I dunno if other woman would agree with me, but, I guess we deserve some loving sometimes...and that's what I'm asking from him.

    And as for the last option, I'm considering it but if the case is really hopeless na. Siguro kapag di ko na talaga matake or di ko talaga matanggap na ganun ang ugali niya. :)

    Am I expecting too much from him? Am I asking too much? :(
  • cura_chacura_cha Logging Off. PExer
    You knew he was like that noon pa so stop whining! If you didn't like his personality when you were getting to know him, you shouldn't have agreed to be his.

    There are some people na ganyan talaga, even girls. Ask him to be sweet, pero don't demand too much! Gusto mo ba ng pilit lang?

    Focus on his good points. How does he make you feel special? How does he show that he cares about you? Tumagal na kayo ng 2 years, it's impossible that he thinks you're not special.
  • RevelationsRevelations Member PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Thanks for replying.. ^_^

    For your 1st question, I'm 22, he's 23.

    As of now, we're not talking about marriage yet coz we both have different plans pa. I just graduated from college and he's reviewing for his board exam so as of the moment, no plans yet of getting married for five years or so. ^_^

    If I may just ask you sir/ma'am, are you not sweet/malambing to your bf/gf? or do you have a sweet/malambing na partner? if not, Have you not asked any sweetness from him/her? I dunno if other woman would agree with me, but, I guess we deserve some loving sometimes...and that's what I'm asking from him.

    And as for the last option, I'm considering it but if the case is really hopeless na. Siguro kapag di ko na talaga matake or di ko talaga matanggap na ganun ang ugali niya. :)

    Am I expecting too much from him? Am I asking too much? :(
    eh.. bata pa pala kayo! case to case basis ang pagka-sweet, and in my experience ako ang sweet sa relasyon namin while ang gf ko ang complain ng complain! sweet meaning I listen, i give attention as much as I can aside from my family and my work, I remember birthdays, and I learn my partner's faults and wants and needs.

    since 2 years na pala kayo then it should be about time to do long term plans. 5 years? I'm telling you, there is no such thing as scheduling it. right now, feel mo ba na ang babagsakan nyo ay kasal? naiimagine mo ba na habang buhay na kasama mo si bf?

    kasi sa totoo lang sa pov ko (not to be taken at face value) ay napaka-short term ng hinihingi mo sa kanya. gusto mo maging malambing and sweet siya today or maging attentive siya like before. that is the pitfall of relationships: expecting that the level of sweetness will not change. mabuti kung increase nga eh but don't expect too much from the guy. sa relationship, give and take dapat.

    but that's just me. iba ang situation mo. ganun lang naman kasimple i-gauge ang relationships: ask yourself saan ang patutunguhan neto. if you don't see yourself spending your life with the guy then better end it.
  • gc6ela32gc6ela32 Member PExer
    Alam mo naman pala na ganun ugali niya eh. Ang tanong, do you want to be with this kind of guy for the rest of your life? Tanggap mo ba siya for who he is? Kasi if ganun na siya ngayon palang, most probably ganun na rin siya after niyo magasawa.

    May mga tao talagang ganun, hindi sweet. It's not that they don't live you, it's their personality na talaga.

    Little issue lang yan. You're making it into one big one. That's where fights start to happen. Tanggapin mo nalang na hindi siya sweet dahil uulitin ko, most probably hindi na siya magbabago.

    Ako yung girl, mas sweet pa yung bf ko (labo nuh? haha pero sorry, ganun tlaga.) Minsan he asks me to be sweeter ng kaunti, pero he doesn't force it on me. Pag nalilimutan ko maging sweet, he just smiles. And yes, minsan nauuna ako sa kanya when we're walking and stuff, but that doesn't mean hindi o siya mahal or kulang pagmamahal ko sa kanya. It's just my personality.

    Tanggap ko rin naman na shy boy siya and he doesn't talk much, so hindi na ako naiinis kapag ako lang ang salita at salita tapos hindi siya nagrereply agad agad kapag may nabanggit akong tanong, uulitin ko nalang. That's his personality.

    Accept him for who he is right now, if not, break na. Kasi you won't be going anywhere if you complain about the little faults ngayon palang. People show love different ways, by the way, not just one. Magkaiba lang kayo ng love language niyan :D

    Anyway, hope you guys stay in love :)
  • SimpleBeauty08SimpleBeauty08 Member PExer
    cura_cha wrote: »
    You knew he was like that noon pa so stop whining! If you didn't like his personality when you were getting to know him, you shouldn't have agreed to be his.

    There are some people na ganyan talaga, even girls. Ask him to be sweet, pero don't demand too much! Gusto mo ba ng pilit lang?

    Focus on his good points. How does he make you feel special? How does he show that he cares about you? Tumagal na kayo ng 2 years, it's impossible that he thinks you're not special.
    ^Actually, I did not know that he's like that. Nung nanliligaw pa lang kasi siya, you know, yung typical na paimpress. Then when we got together, wala pa ako pakealam dun kasi di ko pa siya sobrang mahal. but nung I learned to love him more, dun ako naging aware sa ugali niyang yon. and honestly, I don't know how to deal with it.

    Thanks, I appreciate your advice. And to answer your question, No. ayoko ng pilit lang. trying hard. Medyo nalinawan ako sa sagot mo. Thanks. :)
  • SimpleBeauty08SimpleBeauty08 Member PExer
    since 2 years na pala kayo then it should be about time to do long term plans. 5 years? I'm telling you, there is no such thing as scheduling it. right now, feel mo ba na ang babagsakan nyo ay kasal? naiimagine mo ba na habang buhay na kasama mo si bf?
    ^yes. I do. Naiimagine ko na siya na pero not now or probably not few years from now kasi we have to be ready first. Like financially, emotionally, physically din haha.
    kasi sa totoo lang sa pov ko (not to be taken at face value) ay napaka-short term ng hinihingi mo sa kanya. gusto mo maging malambing and sweet siya today or maging attentive siya like before. that is the pitfall of relationships: expecting that the level of sweetness will not change. mabuti kung increase nga eh but don't expect too much from the guy. sa relationship, give and take dapat.
    ^that's what I'm tellin him all the time, what I'm askin is not somethin big na sobrang kelangan niyang mageffort. :)

    thanks for your response. It is nice to read a guy's opinion on this. :)
  • SimpleBeauty08SimpleBeauty08 Member PExer
    You mean, two years na kayong ganyan at ngayon ka lang nagco-complain? LOL

    Pero bahala ka pa rin kasi kung ako ang ganyan parang hindi puwede. Napaka-disrespectful.
    ^lol. Sobra na kasi. Kung palagi nalang ako yung naglalambing or nageeffort minsan nakakasawa din. ^_^
  • SimpleBeauty08SimpleBeauty08 Member PExer
    gc6ela32 wrote: »
    Alam mo naman pala na ganun ugali niya eh. Ang tanong, do you want to be with this kind of guy for the rest of your life? Tanggap mo ba siya for who he is? Kasi if ganun na siya ngayon palang, most probably ganun na rin siya after niyo magasawa.
    ^as of now? pinagiisipan ko pa. I am hoping na matanggap ko din eventually. Kasi mahal ko talaga. I guess I really have to think about it for a thousand times. ^_^
    Little issue lang yan. You're making it into one big one. That's where fights start to happen. Tanggapin mo nalang na hindi siya sweet dahil uulitin ko, most probably hindi na siya magbabago.
    ^Yeah, we are having petty fights about this for countless times already, kaya lang wala pa rin. siguro nga, there's something wrong with me din. gaya ng sabi mo, pinapalaki ko masyado. thanks for the insight. :)

    Accept him for who he is right now, if not, break na. Kasi you won't be going anywhere if you complain about the little faults ngayon palang. People show love different ways, by the way, not just one. Magkaiba lang kayo ng love language niyan :D
    ^I think ganon na nga lang talaga, i have to accept him for what he is. flaws and all. Madaling sabihin but mahirap gawin, and yes, if I won't be able to do so, better end it na lang. again, mahirap gawin and not one of my options as of the moment so I guess, i would just stick to accepting the fact that he's not a born romantic guy.

    Thanks much for the advice. It helped! :bashful:
  • jtansancojtansanco Member PExer
    You are guys are still young so that's just normal.

    Since I'm the same age as your bf, here's my opinion. Some of us guys love the feeling of chasing women. When we're courting a girl, we'd do everything to impress the girl and win her over. Now, when you become bf/gf, some guys will go back to their normal ways. There's no more thrill of chasing a girl so we guys become less romantic/sweet.

    Since you guys are young, there are times that you magnify simple problems. Or, what considers to be a non-issue is being treated as an issue. You tend to fast forward your way of thinking and it feels like what should be a long-term relationship is becoming short-term. What I mean is that you see the tiniest mistakes of your partner and get frustrated by it. It should be the opposite. Compliment and appreciate all the little things he does to you.

    You guys have been together for 2 years and that's a good start. Try to plan the years ahead and focus on the good things. If it outweighs the bad, then he should be worth it.
  • SimpleBeauty08SimpleBeauty08 Member PExer
    jtansanco wrote: »
    Since you guys are young, there are times that you magnify simple problems. Or, what considers to be a non-issue is being treated as an issue. You tend to fast forward your way of thinking and it feels like what should be a long-term relationship is becoming short-term. What I mean is that you see the tiniest mistakes of your partner and get frustrated by it. It should be the opposite. Compliment and appreciate all the little things he does to you.
    ^I've realised it now. Na I must appreciate what I have and what he does for me and compliment it as well. Siguro nga, it's not right to expect too much. It's a good thing my bf does not make a big deal out of small issues. maybe because he has had his fair share of relationships and learned from his mistakes before. Since, he's my first, dunno yet how to deal with all of these. **sighs** though i'm very much willing to learn. Just hope I could make it.
    You guys have been together for 2 years and that's a good start. Try to plan the years ahead and focus on the good things. If it outweighs the bad, then he should be worth it.
    ^yeah, i think it's indeed a good start, I've lasted for 2 years already, I could probably last for many years more. POSITIVE VIBES. I'll try to do that. Thanks for the advice! :)
  • darmonxdarmonx Member PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    he's not that type and yes... maarte ka lang. ganun din ako.. yoko ng pda o maglambing sa public.. pwede namang bumawi pag kayong dalawa lang diba? magsawa ka sa hug at hawak habang kayong dalawa lang.

    baka naiingit kalang sa mga palambing lambing at naghahawakan sa public... maniwala ka na lang.. hindi tumatagal yung mga ganun.. mamaya maya iba ng kayakap yung isa dun... isipin mo nalang.. solid kayo.
  • SimpleBeauty08SimpleBeauty08 Member PExer
    darmonx wrote: »
    he's not that type and yes... maarte ka lang. ganun din ako.. yoko ng pda o maglambing sa public.. pwede namang bumawi pag kayong dalawa lang diba? magsawa ka sa hug at hawak habang kayong dalawa lang.

    baka naiingit kalang sa mga palambing lambing at naghahawakan sa public... maniwala ka na lang.. hindi tumatagal yung mga ganun.. mamaya maya iba ng kayakap yung isa dun... isipin mo nalang.. solid kayo.
    ^haha. Thanks for being honest. :) yeah, admittingly naiingit nga ako sa ibang couples, and maybe maaarte nga ako. You gave me somethin to think about darmonx. I would rather have a solid relationship than have a shallow one.

    Pahabol lang, the thing is, even kaming dalawa lang, he's not sweet. He is fond of teasing me, he's really happy kapag napipikon ako. He makes lambing by biting my arms, hands, fingers. but not cuddle, kiss or say sweet nothings. He just does it so seldomly and that's whenever I ask him to do so. Ako pa nga yung madalas maglambing. grabe. :) Is it still normal?
  • darmonxdarmonx Member PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    ...
    Pahabol lang, the thing is, even kaming dalawa lang, he's not sweet. He is fond of teasing me, he's really happy kapag napipikon ako. He makes lambing by biting my arms, hands, fingers. but not cuddle, kiss or say sweet nothings. He just does it so seldomly and that's whenever I ask him to do so. Ako pa nga yung madalas maglambing. grabe. :) Is it still normal?

    regardless of what you may have heard.. guys are different. First bf mo ba yan. The normal for one guy wont be the same normal for the other guy when in a relationship. little nervous of you sa mga tanong mo. You might be vulnerable to sweet smooth talking guys. Anyway.. dont worry about him... worry about yourself. You might end up breaking that poor guys heart.
  • SimpleBeauty08SimpleBeauty08 Member PExer
    darmonx wrote: »
    regardless of what you may have heard.. guys are different. First bf mo ba yan. The normal for one guy wont be the same normal for the other guy when in a relationship. little nervous of you sa mga tanong mo. You might be vulnerable to sweet smooth talking guys. Anyway.. dont worry about him... worry about yourself. You might end up breaking that poor guys heart.
    ^hello darmonx. Yes, he is my first bf. That's why i've got not so many ideas on how to deal with this..
    You might end up breaking that poor guys heart.
    ^Why do you think so? Is it because I might be vulnerable to sweet smooth talking guys? Ahm.. I've already bumped to some sweet smooth talking guys and so far, di pa naman ako nabobola. lol. hopefully, won't ever be.

    Thanks much for the response. :)
  • nntnddsnntndds Member PExer
    kung di ka na masaya.. iwan mo,

    kung di mo kaya iwan, mag tiis ka...

    yun lang yun..

    iwan mo na lang kesa mapunta sa wala, kasi maski iwan mo yan, kung kayu.. kayu...
  • SimpleBeauty08SimpleBeauty08 Member PExer
    nntndds wrote: »
    kung di ka na masaya.. iwan mo,

    kung di mo kaya iwan, mag tiis ka...

    yun lang yun..

    iwan mo na lang kesa mapunta sa wala, kasi maski iwan mo yan, kung kayu.. kayu...
    ^ :) I can't say I'm not happy. it's more on I'm not contented? I know it's wrong and I'm trying to work it out. So far, di ko pa kayang iwan.. so yes, I think kelangan ko ngang magtiis. Thanks! :)
  • defiant718defiant718 castaway PExer
    hmm.. people are different.. some guys/girls are showy others are not. Your bf is part of the latter. It's just his personality.
  • cayennecayenne Member PExer
    ts, parang ang solution is ur adjusting to his personality. kinausap mo na pala so its not a matter of him not knowing how you feel about this kaya ikaw na lang ang magadjust sa kanya if you cant or dont want to leave him.
  • SimpleBeauty08SimpleBeauty08 Member PExer
    defiant718 wrote: »
    hmm.. people are different.. some guys/girls are showy others are not. Your bf is part of the latter. It's just his personality.
    ^ I guess so. acceptance na nga lang siguro yung kelangan ko. Maybe, wala na nga akong magagawa for him to be sweet. thanks! ^_^

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