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Hindi ko alam ang gusto ko!... any advise?

Hi peeps,

I'm a newbie here... i joined this forum to share with you my story and para makahingi na din ng advise... here it goes...

When i graduated high school... hindi ko alam ang gusto ko.... meaning i dont know what college course to take, and i dont know what i really want to be or to do in the future. May mga friends akong gusto ng engineering, gusto mag doctor etc. and of course knowing what they want yun ang nag-guide sa kanila...

I guess okay lang yun marami naman atang ganon talaga after high school (am i right?)

So i took up this course in this college not because thats what i really wanted, but because of some unfortunate events that lead me into that path... Natapos ko naman ang CourseX... pero eto na naman ako... after College, i still dont know what i want... May mga friends akong nagwork na... some continued their studies and some did both. Some got married na din...

Nagwork na din ako after college but not with the company i wanted, nor its related to my course, but because i worked there last summer before graduating so parang naging default ko sya... and since hindi ko pa naman alam ang gusto ko gawin, i did go back to school to study another course (that i thought i wanted during that time but later on realize hindi pala). So i was working and studying for about 2 yrs... na hindi ko din naman natapos...

May email saken before si Lina (of Jobstreet) for a job opening which lead me to work in this company where i currently work now...

Now im 30, no bf, no husband nor kids... and i think i still dont know what to do. This sound so pathetic i know, but do some of you ever experienced similar dilemma? Even maybe part of what i have? What did you do then?

If i really put my thoughts into this... syempre gusto ko in the future to have a family of my own... gusto ko yumaman?.. ewan ko... i think all i want is a happy life... Pero hindi ba napaka generic naman nyan.... I think lahat naman yan ang gusto so those wants and wishes doesnt really count.

Madalas ko madinig yung "this is my calling"... "this is what i want to be"... "this is my purpose in life" etc... how can you know for sure that whatever youre doing, is what you're really supposed to do? And how do you find that calling?

Dont get me wrong though, masaya naman ako sa buhay ko now... I have a nice job... I travel... (which i really enjoy doing)... I have my friends... my family... I didnt have a happy family life though (and maybe thats why all i want is to have a happy life - a happy family life) pero okay lang yun. I know mas marami pang mas matindi ang pinagdaanang family problems kesa saken. I've had 3 past relationship na hindi naman nagtagal so i guess okay lang din na even at my age i dont have a bf or a family of my own yet.

But at the end of the day it all boils down to still not knowing what i really want... me being clueless as before. So ganito na lang ba ako for the rest of my life? Sabi nila, there are two types of people in this world... Those that LET things happen, And those that MAKE things happen. For the past 30yrs i know i've let things happen... But how do i make things happen if i havent realize yet what i wanted to happen?

Ewan ko... baka nababaliw na ako?!? :mecry:

What are your thoughts on this?

~Clu3less
(sorry for my long post)
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Comments

  • nagkaboyfriend ka na ba?
  • nagkaboyfriend ka na ba?

    yes... nasabi ko po sa post ko above...

    and does it matter? coz i think having one before didnt seem to help me know what i should want...

    :confused:
  • you enjoy your work, you have your social life, youre happy being single but why do you feel empty? my guess is because of your spiritual life. it seems that worldy things do not satify your definition of happiness. why not try to give time to fix your spiritual life.
  • para sa akin magiging kumpleto ang buhay mo pag may pamilya ka na! hindi lang family in terms na may asawa at anak ka. puwede rin yung mama+papa mo o kaya yung friends mo. Hindi ka lang siguro nakakatanggap ng sapat na pagmamahal o you keep expecting more from people. kung hindi naman doon try participating more activities(with hobbyists, o mga random organization) maybe doon mahahanap mo yung true calling mo. :)
  • Thanks newbiebaby and blastdinosaur.. so now after your post... i feel clueless... incomplete... and empty... waaaahhh dapat yata hindi na lang ako nagpost, ang daming naungkat na feelings... haha!

    kidding aside... i wanted to say thanks kasi at least i know someone understands my post... para kasing walang sense yung mga sinabi ko?!

    ill give some thoughts sa suggestion nyo... maybe thats what i needed to do...
  • Ice BurnIce Burn PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    If it weren't for the age and the job, I'd say you're my best friend. You have the same issues in life. :lol:

    What your problem is is that you don't want to leave your comfort zone regardless of how empty it makes you feel. You bitch about your situation and I have the feeling that you burden yourself unecessarily with other people's responsibilities, issues and problems, particularly your family's.

    You seem smart but I suspect that you can't find any guy who matches up to your intellectual capabilities and you don't want to settle for mediocrity kaya nafrufrustrate ka.

    I told this to my best friend already and she knows the only solution for her is to go abroad and experience a big change in her life because that is truly what she wants but she feels she has to take care of her family's business.

    You don't find that calling by waiting for it. You try new things and if it doesn't work out, move on to the next. Not many people figure out their calling at the first try. Sometimes it takes a leap of faith to figure it out.

    Try something new that is different from your comfort level. Sometimes a simple break in the daily grind is all one needs to figure out what one wants in life...
  • Ice Burn wrote: »
    If it weren't for the age and the job, I'd say you're my best friend. You have the same issues in life. :lol:

    Wow! its comforting to know na may kapareho pala ako ng situation... :bashful:
    Ice Burn wrote: »
    What your problem is is that you don't want to leave your comfort zone regardless of how empty it makes you feel. You bitch about your situation and I have the feeling that you burden yourself unecessarily with other people's responsibilities, issues and problems, particularly your family's.

    I do!!! Can't help it, i think nobody else will if i dont... (fyi, hindi ako panganay, at hindi rin only child...) so i take the responsibility of taking care of family stuff...
    Ice Burn wrote: »
    You seem smart but I suspect that you can't find any guy who matches up to your intellectual capabilities and you don't want to settle for mediocrity kaya nafrufrustrate ka.

    So they say i'm choosy... haha! in denial pa'ko dyan... granting i am... i still dont want to admit it! :lol:
    Ice Burn wrote: »
    I told this to my best friend already and she knows the only solution for her is to go abroad and experience a big change in her life because that is truly what she wants but she feels she has to take care of her family's business.

    I've thought of leaving the country many times... pero yun nga... i feel the need to stay because of my family so im still here...
    Ice Burn wrote: »
    You don't find that calling by waiting for it. You try new things and if it doesn't work out, move on to the next. Not many people figure out their calling at the first try. Sometimes it takes a leap of faith to figure it out.

    Try something new that is different from your comfort level. Sometimes a simple break in the daily grind is all one needs to figure out what one wants in life...

    Thanks! that is what i have been doing lately... try new things... explore other options... nakakatawa ako.... naiyak ako sa first two replies sa post ko... (not in a bad way ha, i just realized some things) tapos now, happy naman ako sa reply mo! *okay* so i take it back... tama pala na nagvent ako dito... :D
  • Ice BurnIce Burn PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    clu3less wrote: »
    Wow! its comforting to know na may kapareho pala ako ng situation... :bashful:

    And like her you're going to be miserable about your situation for a long long time unless you actually do something you like for once.
    clu3less wrote: »
    I do!!! Can't help it, i think nobody else will if i dont... (fyi, hindi ako panganay, at hindi rin only child...) so i take the responsibility of taking care of family stuff...

    Yun na nga eh, you put yourself on a pedestal thinking that they can't function without you. That everything will be disastrous if you leave....Pero in reality, you need them not the other way around.
    clu3less wrote: »
    So they say i'm choosy... haha! in denial pa'ko dyan... granting i am... i still dont want to admit it! :lol:

    Wala naman masama kung choosy ka. Why be in a relationship if hinde mo makasundo yung ka-relasyon mo.

    You know going abroad is a good thing to meet new people with different perspectives in life. Who knows you might meet someone you get along with.
    clu3less wrote: »
    I've thought of leaving the country many times... pero yun nga... i feel the need to stay because of my family so im still here...

    Again, you need them not the other way around because you're too scared to go out of your comfort level.
    clu3less wrote: »
    Thanks! that is what i have been doing lately... try new things... explore other options... nakakatawa ako.... naiyak ako sa first two replies sa post ko... (not in a bad way ha, i just realized some things) tapos now, happy naman ako sa reply mo! *okay* so i take it back... tama pala na nagvent ako dito... :D

    That's a good start but don't get frustrated if the activities still make you feel empty. My friend is doing one activity after the other but she still feels empty to this day. Sabi ko sa kanya at this point until you truly do what you want pampalipas oras lang yang mga ginagawa mo.
  • ^^ikaw na! ikaw na ang bestfriend ko! hahaha! :rotflmao:
    Ice Burn wrote: »
    And like her you're going to be miserable about your situation for a long long time unless you actually do something you like for once.

    so she is older than me... sasabihin ko pa naman sana, tell her about my case... that if she doesnt do anything asap she'll end up like me.. [email protected] ouch! :P (and i know i should be telling this myself!... ugh! me and my stubbornness!)
    Ice Burn wrote: »
    Yun na nga eh, you put yourself on a pedestal thinking that they can't function without you. That everything will be disastrous if you leave....Pero in reality, you need them not the other way around.

    Again, you need them not the other way around because you're too scared to go out of your comfort level.

    I guess for now we both need each other... maybe if may family na ako on my own, thats the time i can finally let them go. And letting them go doesnt mean i'm forgetting them of course... alam ko din naman yun...
    Ice Burn wrote: »
    Wala naman masama kung choosy ka. Why be in a relationship if hinde mo makasundo yung ka-relasyon mo.

    exactly!... i think being "choosy" is the smart way of choosing who in one day i might want to share my bed and life with... ayoko lang that it is sometimes translated negatively... as long as i know i'm not missing so much in life for helding back, and i know that i dont get to be choosy if i dont see myself as a reflection of what i want... cge ako na ang choosy! :lol:
    Ice Burn wrote: »
    You know going abroad is a good thing to meet new people with different perspectives in life. Who knows you might meet someone you get along with.

    That's a good start but don't get frustrated if the activities still make you feel empty. My friend is doing one activity after the other but she still feels empty to this day. Sabi ko sa kanya at this point until you truly do what you want pampalipas oras lang yang mga ginagawa mo.

    hmmm... wala kasing masyadong detours sa current path ko... or maybe i am blinded with my stubborn ways kaya kahit may obvious signs diretso pa rin ako... coz yeah... dun ako safe.... dun ako sure... halika... im giving you permission para batukan ako! :bop:
  • Ice BurnIce Burn PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    She's 31. ;) I've been listening to her rants for more than 5 years now ever since she decided to come back to Manila after her graduate studies. :lol:

    You two should get together and rant about the emptiness of life. :lol:

    Anyway, kung kaibigan ko ko nga harap-harapan ko nang pinagsasabihan, nandyan pa rin sa situation niya...Kahit anong batok ko sa yo, you know your situation and in reality, you have an idea what you want to do but it's only you holding yourself back...
  • haha! 31 lang pala...

    message me pag may free time kayo... lets all meet... ayan may instant friend ako! :)
  • clu3less wrote: »
    Hi peeps,



    i did go back to school to study another course (that i thought i wanted during that time but later on realize hindi pala). So i was working and studying for about 2 yrs... na hindi ko din naman natapos...

    Now im 30, no bf, no husband nor kids... and i think i still dont know what to do. This sound so pathetic i know, but do some of you ever experienced similar dilemma? Even maybe part of what i have? What did you do then?

    If i really put my thoughts into this... syempre gusto ko in the future to have a family of my own... gusto ko yumaman?.. ewan ko... i think all i want is a happy life... Pero hindi ba napaka generic naman nyan.... I think lahat naman yan ang gusto so those wants and wishes doesnt really count.

    Madalas ko madinig yung "this is my calling"... "this is what i want to be"... "this is my purpose in life" etc... how can you know for sure that whatever youre doing, is what you're really supposed to do? And how do you find that calling?

    Dont get me wrong though, masaya naman ako sa buhay ko now... I have a nice job... I travel... (which i really enjoy doing)... I have my friends... my family... I didnt have a happy family life though (and maybe thats why all i want is to have a happy life - a happy family life) pero okay lang yun. I know mas marami pang mas matindi ang pinagdaanang family problems kesa saken. I've had 3 past relationship na hindi naman nagtagal so i guess okay lang din na even at my age i dont have a bf or a family of my own yet.

    But at the end of the day it all boils down to still not knowing what i really want... me being clueless as before. So ganito na lang ba ako for the rest of my life? Sabi nila, there are two types of people in this world... Those that LET things happen, And those that MAKE things happen. For the past 30yrs i know i've let things happen... But how do i make things happen if i havent realize yet what i wanted to happen?

    Ewan ko... baka nababaliw na ako?!? :mecry:

    What are your thoughts on this?

    ~Clu3less
    (sorry for my long post)



    baka naman kapag may nangyari na sa iyo na maganda sasabihin mo after ilang linggo na hindi mo gusto . tsk tsk tsk.

    ang gawin mo na lang eh ganito, magdasal tapos ipaubaya mo na lang sa Kanya ang mangyayari. kung ano dumating at mangyari eh bring out the best ika nga. *okay*
  • ^ganyan nga yung ginagawa ko eh... pero sabi nga ng iba, how will i find my calling if i will not try new things!... so ultimately... i still have to try and do it, to find out if i really want it or not tama? and say mangyari yung sinanasabi mo... i realized hindi yun ang gusto ko... then i move on... try another new thing...

    and that is exactly my problem... i'm now asking myself hanggang kelan ako ganito?

    pero tama ka, i do pray a lot to ask Him for guidance... :) thanks lester!
  • Ice BurnIce Burn PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    clu3less wrote: »
    haha! 31 lang pala...

    message me pag may free time kayo... lets all meet... ayan may instant friend ako! :)

    Kung kasama ako wag naman pag-usapan ang ganyang mga issues. :lol:
  • ^^ haha! of course! :)
  • I want to share also this misery in my life and hope to get a good advice from all of you.

    Halos may pagkakapareho ito kay clu3less, Nung High school naman ako alam ko na ang kursong nais kong kuhain, pero hindi ako natanggap sa kursong iyon dahil hindi ko na meet ang required gen.ave though i passed the entrance exam nasa bracket A nga ako eh (meaning 88-95% ang nakuha sa exam) strikto kasi ang department na iyon. Nagsuggest sila ng kursong alternatibo, tinaggap ko naman kasi wala akong magagawa dahil iyon lang ang unibersidad na kaya ng budget ng aking mga magulang, niwala nga sa hinagap ko itong kursong natapos ko. Parang ang nangyari para lang makapagkolehiyo ako,Itinuloy ko itong kursong ito na parang pasakit sa aking kalooban, dumaan ang isang semestre okey naman mataas ang grade ginalingan ko na lang para makapag shift ako sa kursong nais ko, ngunit hindi ko na ako nagshift dahil sayang sa oras at pera hanggang natapos ko itong kurso na ito na may karanggalan pa nga eh
    Dahil dito naging mataas ang ekspektasyon ng aking mga guro, kaklase at syempre ng aking mga magulang. Ngunit binigo ko sila, nagtapos ako noong nakaraang taon ngunit hanggang ngayon wala pa akong trabaho ang mga dahilan ay una ay agad agad ay nag-enrol ako sa post bacc course noong pagkatapos ko ng kolehiyo pero hindi ako nakatagal at nagdrop din, pangalawa,nahihirapan akong maghanap ng trabaho na linya ng aking tinapos at naging mapili ako sa trabahong inaalok. At natatakot akong pumalya sa interbyu at examination. Dahil sa pagkalito kung ano ba ang aking uunahin ang pag-aaral muli o ang pagtatrabaho, sa aking pagiging choosy, sa pagiging mahina ang loob ko dahil hindi ako natatawagan sa mga inapplayan ko bumaba ang self esteem kn, ang mga nangyari sa akin ay labis kong pinagsisihan ngayon, alam ko ako ang may pagkakamali dahil buhay ko ito ako ang aktor sa libro ng buhay ko, ako ang gumagawa ng istorya ng buhay ko, ngunit kung ito ang plano ng panginoon sa akin ay malugod kong tatanggapin. Alam ko isa lamang itong pagsubok sa aking buhay na kayang kong lagpasan.

    Nais ko ng maka move on tulungan nyo naman akong makapagmove on. Please advise me. Nawala na ang lakas ng loob ko sa pag-aapply ng trabaho dahil sa mga nangyari sa aking buhay paano ko ito muling maibabalik? Sunod na problema kapag job interview na paano ko i-explain na jobless ako for almost 2 years baka gawing weak point iyon sa akin. Pangatlo, nais ko paring ituloy ang kursong nais ko, maimumungkahi nyo ba ang pagtatrabaho at pag-aaral ng sabay?

    Maraming salamat iyo, at pasensya medyo mahaba din eh.
    Salamat, Pagpalain nawa kayo ng Maykapal!
  • newbie here...
    wow.. i belong...
    gaya ni clu3less at lex_juris, hindi ko din talaga alam kung anu gusto ko kunin na course nung hiskul ako. ang alam ko lang, gusto ko magkaron ng degree para makatulong na ko sa pamilya ko. kaya nung sinabi sakin ng father ko na BS Eng'g na lang kunin ko, un na nga lang kinuha ko. Tapos nung nag-aarala na ko, nagulat ako na malala pala *** course na un. Sabi ko pag may ibinagsak ako nag-shift ako ng ibang course.. Fortunately or unfortunately, lagi akong nakaka tres. Ayun, natapos ko na't lahat *** course, nakapasa na ko sa board exam, nagsisisi pa din ako :(
    2008 pa ko graduate.. Pero parang hanggang nagun wala pa din nangyayari sa buhay ko.. Parang wala ako pupuntahan. Worse, *** mga napasukan ko trabaho, parang wala naman ako silbi. *** tipong kahit wala ako ok lang. Hay. Di ko naman alam kung san ako pupunta :(
  • Hi lex_juris at modoki,

    thanks for sharing your stories sa thread na 'to... i'll try to comment, not really advise kasi halos pare-pareho nga tayo ng pinagdaanan and to think na hindi ko pa rin alam ang gagawin ko, ang weird naman para magbigay ng advise... pero knowing na surviving pa rin ako.... eto lang ang masasabi ko:

    To lex_juris:
    Wag ka matakot magapply ng work. Sabi mo natapos mo ang degree mo with honors pa, aba bibihira yan ah! So may edge ka na dyan pa lang... Sa interview naman, i would say magpractise ka... Madaming sample job interview questions na makikita mo kay google, so basahin mo na yun at reviewhin... Sa job interview at exam naman, just be prepared wala naman secret dun kung makukuha ka or hindi... trust me nung nagapply ako dito sa company ko, hindi naman ako nakapasa sa exam but maybe they saw something in me na "pwede" kaya kinuha pa din nila ako.

    Yung tungkol naman sa studies or work, medyo mahirap nga yan... I tried pagsabayin both pero mahirap eh. Meron at meron magsusuffer... Kaya bilib ako dun sa mga napagsasabay yan. Siguro isipin mong mabuti kung kaya mo pagsabayin... If not, then pili ka ano mas priority mo. Do you really need to work now? Baka kelangan support ng family mo? If not, then baka better kung magaral ka ulet... bata ka pa... marami pang naghihintay na opportunities sayo... kaya mo yan! Good luck! :okay:

    To modoki:
    Ikaw din girl... bata ka pa... wag na wag mong iisipin na wala kang silbi... mas similar tayo ng situation eh... yung parang hindi alam san papunta or anong gagawin... Ang kaibahan lang siguro, ako ineenjoy ko yun kung ano ang meron ako ngayon... ang problem ko lang syempre nagiisip na rin ako ng future... hindi naman pwedeng ganito na lang ako forever... sabi nga nila kelangan may gawin ako para mahanap ko kung ano talaga ang gusto ko... i suggest do the same! try mo magexplore... isipin mo ano yung passion mo... and maybe you can start from there... :)

    P.S.
    wag kayong masyado maniwala sa mga sinabi ko ha... :p eh alam nyo naman pare-pareho tayo ng situation eh baka mamaya mapahamak pa kayo sa mga sinabi ko! :lol: hehe! wait natin reply ng iba baka may better advise sila.
  • Yey may friends na si clu3less! Just keep it going. Marame talagang matututunan dito sa PEx. :)
  • clu3less wrote: »
    Hi lex_juris at modoki,

    thanks for sharing your stories sa thread na 'to... i'll try to comment, not really advise kasi halos pare-pareho nga tayo ng pinagdaanan and to think na hindi ko pa rin alam ang gagawin ko, ang weird naman para magbigay ng advise... pero knowing na surviving pa rin ako.... eto lang ang masasabi ko:

    To lex_juris:
    Wag ka matakot magapply ng work. Sabi mo natapos mo ang degree mo with honors pa, aba bibihira yan ah! So may edge ka na dyan pa lang... Sa interview naman, i would say magpractise ka... Madaming sample job interview questions na makikita mo kay google, so basahin mo na yun at reviewhin... Sa job interview at exam naman, just be prepared wala naman secret dun kung makukuha ka or hindi... trust me nung nagapply ako dito sa company ko, hindi naman ako nakapasa sa exam but maybe they saw something in me na "pwede" kaya kinuha pa din nila ako.

    Yung tungkol naman sa studies or work, medyo mahirap nga yan... I tried pagsabayin both pero mahirap eh. Meron at meron magsusuffer... Kaya bilib ako dun sa mga napagsasabay yan. Siguro isipin mong mabuti kung kaya mo pagsabayin... If not, then pili ka ano mas priority mo. Do you really need to work now? Baka kelangan support ng family mo? If not, then baka better kung magaral ka ulet... bata ka pa... marami pang naghihintay na opportunities sayo... kaya mo yan! Good luck! :okay:

    To modoki:
    Ikaw din girl... bata ka pa... wag na wag mong iisipin na wala kang silbi... mas similar tayo ng situation eh... yung parang hindi alam san papunta or anong gagawin... Ang kaibahan lang siguro, ako ineenjoy ko yun kung ano ang meron ako ngayon... ang problem ko lang syempre nagiisip na rin ako ng future... hindi naman pwedeng ganito na lang ako forever... sabi nga nila kelangan may gawin ako para mahanap ko kung ano talaga ang gusto ko... i suggest do the same! try mo magexplore... isipin mo ano yung passion mo... and maybe you can start from there... :)

    P.S.
    wag kayong masyado maniwala sa mga sinabi ko ha... :p eh alam nyo naman pare-pareho tayo ng situation eh baka mamaya mapahamak pa kayo sa mga sinabi ko! :lol: hehe! wait natin reply ng iba baka may better advise sila.

    :lol:

    ewan ko ba.. nega kasi ako eh:mecry: tulad na lang ngayon mag-end na contract ko.. wala ako mapuntahan. di ko alam kung san ako lilipat.
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