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Big break

kawiikidkawiikid Banned by Admin PExer
I have a boyfriend. We are in a long distance relationship. It's been 3 years, so far okay naman kami. We just got engaged. We've had misunderstandings pero we managed to get past those, including yung first birthday namin together. It was a big deal to me kasi magkasunod ang birthday namin and we made plans na rin kaso work got on the way and it's pretty urgent so I let it slip. Pero he managed to make it up naman. It's the first time I've been in a fully functional relationship kahit nga LDR kami.

Now heto na ang problema ko. He's being asked by his exGF - who's abroad - to be there for a special event. Work-related and according to him this will give him his big break kasi nga overseas project and maganda sa portfolio. I know it's purely professional but I can't help but worry especially I've had that experience before pero highschool pa. Way back, I trusted my then BF wayyy to much he ended up reconciling with his exGF. It know it's crazy, right? But my fiance didn't even offer na isama ako. I wouldn't naman because of my job...I'm waiting for my regularization and I can't afford to take even a 2-week VL. Ano ba naman yung tanungin ka if you wanna go with him

One time I jokingly asked kung pwede ako sumama, he just flared up and hindi ako kinakausap ng ilang oras. I have an awesome sense of humor and normally he'll make a witty comeback pero he's just so mainitin ang ulo when it comes to his exGF. Is it wrong for me to feel this way?

Btw, we're getting married soon so it's kinda big deal for me. it's not like ay, sorry narealize ko mahal ko pa pala sya. i'll break the engagement, ok lang? :(
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Comments

  • RefillRefill Member PExer
    Gaano ba katagal siya mawawala for abroad?

    You have to let him go to expand his horizons for his career and have more faith in him. You concern is valid and natural but maybe he didn't ask you to come with him for reasons like:

    * Alam ko affected ka with my ex but wag ka naman possessive at tatanungin mo pa yan. Wala ka bang tiwala?

    * You'll probably be bored doon, and iintindihin pa kita habang nag-wwork ako with the project.

    * I would probably be working with a team, at ako lang may bitbit na gf.

    Anyway, I think pag-usapan ninyo nalang kung ano set-up ninyo when he's away. Dapat honest kayo with each other. Kung paano parin kayo magkaka-time with each other even though he's abroad, he must still be sensitive enough with your feelings that he's abroad na kasama pa niya ex niya, he should at least make you feel secure about your relationship kahit ganun ang set-up.

    With his ex naman, kung kinaka-takot mo ma-fall siya ulit with his ex, ok lang yun at least nangyari yun ng di pa kayo kasal. Nalaman mong he's weak pala. - Gold is tested by fire.

    Just sharing my thoughts on this, since there was a time na muntikan na ako mag work abroad with my ex and my gf is in the phils. :)
  • kawiikidkawiikid Banned by Admin PExer
    Thanks Refill!
    Gaano ba katagal siya mawawala for abroad?
    1 week.
    I know it's not too long in LDR terms but he'll be surrounded with people whom I never met. and someone he used to date (and who knows what else they did!) i'm just not comfortable with the idea. i'm not insecured but hey, i don't wanna be given that lame excuse that temptation got in the way. i've come this close to making him choose. but i didn't. i'll save it for later.

    and
    I've let him expand his horizons. I've helped him in some of his proposals na nagmaterialize naman. but I noticed he never gets satisfied. he's got wayyy bigger local project. nagtataka lang ako kasi we talked about living abroad, and he's always been firm na last resort na lang namin yun. walang wala syang plano to move abroad. bakit gustong gusto nya to work with exGF. i just don't see the point. portfolio my @$s:grrr:
  • darmonxdarmonx Member ✭✭✭
    Mag ingat sa mga kasintahang nagagalit pag may pangalan na nababanggit. There is a source for that sudden temperament.
  • kawiikidkawiikid Banned by Admin PExer
    With his ex naman, kung kinaka-takot mo ma-fall siya ulit with his ex, ok lang yun at least nangyari yun ng di pa kayo kasal. Nalaman mong he's weak pala. - Gold is tested by fire.

    yeah and i wanna know before i make a mistake!
    Mag ingat sa mga kasintahang nagagalit pag may pangalan na nababanggit. There is a source for that sudden temperament.
    i know he will not flare up for no reason at all :( parang may pinanggagalingan.

    my biggest worry does he want to go there for closure? i know a lot of people - guys - who do that before they get married. my brother did talk to an exGF to make sure walang bad blood between them...

    ...and sometimes that closure can be tempting, it can lead to something. masyado ba akong praning?!?
  • F-A SoldierF-A Soldier Your Personal Jesus PExer
    In my opinion, if you ever have to worry of your SO leaving you for any reason, that's no reason to keep someone.

    I'd only marry a girl I know I can leave with a bunch of sheep and come back with it untouched. If I couldn't eve trust him EVER of being with someone, even for a second, I wouldn't spend the rest of my life trying to figure out when he's going to stab me in the back later.

    A successful relationship comes with effort. But there are things in love and life that should come in effortlessly or not at all---one of those things is loyalty.

    If you have to spend the rest of your life shielding him, that means he's only doing it because there are floodgates holding him back. But without it would he still, choose you over anyone 100% of time?

    That's should be a no brainer.

    And if he cheated? I say then that's his test and he didn't pass it. In any place of accreditation there is a test. And those that don't pass, are inferior. Would you want anything but the best?

    Like they said in the Bible "This third I will bring into the fire; I will refine them like silver and test them like gold."
  • kawiikidkawiikid Banned by Admin PExer
    ^I trust my fiance. I just don't trust the girl. Ganon na ba ang shortage ng skilled workers sa US kailangan pa nya mag outsource dito sa Pinas? Smells fishy to me.

    My fiance is constantly surrounded by beautiful people. He works in a 'superficial' crowd and it's never been an issue to me. I have this specific hatred with the exGF...and yes, sige na nga, insecurity mainly because he was a big part of his life. i don't want him to relive that part na dapat tapos na.

    when it's over, move on. your past won't catch up with you unless you let it.
  • darmonxdarmonx Member ✭✭✭
    kawiikid wrote: »
    ^I trust my fiance. I just don't trust the girl. Ganon na ba ang shortage ng skilled workers sa US kailangan pa nya mag outsource dito sa Pinas? Smells fishy to me.

    My fiance is constantly surrounded by beautiful people. He works in a 'superficial' crowd and it's never been an issue to me. I have this specific hatred with the exGF...and yes, sige na nga, insecurity mainly because he was a big part of his life. i don't want him to relive that part na dapat tapos na.

    when it's over, move on. your past won't catch up with you unless you let it.

    It's not a shortage of skilled workers... it's just an abundance of positions for certain skills. All the easy jobs (call centers, manufacturing) are being outsourced but the more sensitive ones that require specific skills are still here. The high unemployment is caused by workers who refuse to adapt to the needed skill sets so you are fortunate to have a future spouse to possess in demand skills. The bad side... it is not only companies competing for him... there is also a shortage of good men for spouses so your paranoia is justified.

    You know your bf better than we do (or you should). Will he have a tendency to recycle? Is he over his ex? Why would he ask you to marry him if he were to get back with her? Why would you say yes to him if you did not trust him? Have a talk and share your concerns. Don't demand... might be better to seek his help to calm you down... there is already tension with the upcoming trip... show some vulnerability and you might get a better response. Good luck.
  • kleenexlambotkleenexlambot Love YourSelf ✭✭✭
    i smell something fishy
  • BoktayfromEuropeBoktayfromEurope Member ✭✭✭
    Its the indifference of your boyfriend to your feelings concerning contact with the ex, that bugs. It makes his actions more suspicious. Express your concerns again in a 'non- praning' manner, maybe write him a letter.

    I had the same problem once, but Im the jealous type so I dont know what I'm doing giving you an advice.

    (One time before my boyfriend left for a business trip, I got so praning that I wrote "Boktay's property
    > pointing to his member, in big bold letters. I used the biggest sharpie and made sure that it will stay there for days... I know its tacky and it was just a joke. But he got the message and it saved me a lot of time from asking aimless questions and nagging.)


    If your relationship survived despite being apart for years, then that means you are not lacking in trust and love for this person. If you are not the jealous type and you don't constantly nag him about the ex, he should at least be more considerate and understanding of your feelings.

    Trust your instincts, a lot of women get in trouble for not following them. ( Can you send a spy to where your fiance is going?)
  • purpleheadd07purpleheadd07 Babae po ako ✭✭
    it's a make or break thing, let him go and see how it goes.

    if you stop him you're only showing how insecure you are, besides it's his life, his career, his decision.
  • GanttGantt FiddlingYourHeartMind&Body PExer
    talk to him
    tell him your concerns
    tell him your feelings
    if your realtionship is doing as wonderful as you claim
    then he'll understand

    afterall you're about to get married
    better start training on being a lot more open to each other
  • artemisXartemisX Man's man PExer
    You have every right to be assured that he wont **** around.
    Somethings fishy if he is acting defensive over this issue and it is a bit insensitive of him not to think that it wouldn't affect you.
  • kawiikidkawiikid Banned by Admin PExer
    thanks for understanding guys, somehow your words put me out of my misery.

    i talked to him last night, and he said hindi na nga daw nya itutuloy if it means that much to me...although I know may backlash na ito sa relationship namin. one day this issue will come out and haunt me. while i have all the rights to feel this way and demand him against doing it, I know may effect na ito sa pagsasama namin.

    there are times i'm thinking what if i break the engagement? later on he might hate me for standing between him and his career. but then if tumuloy sya i'll hate him for doing it. nonsense na ang relationship diba? it's destined to fail.:(
    (Can you send a spy to where your fiance is going?)
    hehe nice idea sis!:p
  • blue_tracerblue_tracer soundscapes ✭✭✭
    job-related naman yung travel. hayaan mo na.

    assuming may kababalaghang binabalak itong ex-gf niya.. it's still up to your bf.

    when he comes back.. pag may mahalata at mapansin kang kakaiba sa mga kilos niya, tanungin mo na kaagad habang fresh pa ang dating niya.
    darmonx wrote: »
    Mag ingat sa mga kasintahang nagagalit pag may pangalan na nababanggit. There is a source for that sudden temperament.

    agree. nangyayari 'yan pag caught off guard ang isang tao, na-mention ang isang nakakapaso na name or topic.
  • kleenexlambotkleenexlambot Love YourSelf ✭✭✭
    kawiikid wrote: »
    thanks for understanding guys, somehow your words put me out of my misery.

    i talked to him last night, and he said hindi na nga daw nya itutuloy if it means that much to me...although I know may backlash na ito sa relationship namin. one day this issue will come out and haunt me. while i have all the rights to feel this way and demand him against doing it, I know may effect na ito sa pagsasama namin.

    there are times i'm thinking what if i break the engagement? later on he might hate me for standing between him and his career. but then if tumuloy sya i'll hate him for doing it. nonsense na ang relationship diba? it's destined to fail.:(


    hehe nice idea sis!:p

    panindigan mo. nagselos ka eh. so isipin mo na lang na tama ang ginawa mo. hindi naman talaga tama yung gagawin nya nag mag abroad. may mas importante kaysa sa "magandang portfolio"
  • kawiikidkawiikid Banned by Admin PExer
    ^^ yun na nga eh, by that time na mangyari yam, tali na ako. wala nang urungan. kaya malaki hesitation ko. gusto ko malaman ngayon na kung hanggang saan kaya nya i-commit. kasi when u enter a commitment, mas priority mo yung immediate family mo - and that's me - kesa past mo or ano pang dahilan. if parents nya ang nag iinvite sa kanya abroad maiintindihan ko pa. exGF is a different story.

    kleenex, wala lang. habit ko lang mag guilt trip. :depressed:
  • blueberrymochablueberrymocha Murder on the Dancefloor PExer
    kawiikid wrote: »
    I have a boyfriend. We are in a long distance relationship. It's been 3 years, so far okay naman kami. We just got engaged. We've had misunderstandings pero we managed to get past those, including yung first birthday namin together. It was a big deal to me kasi magkasunod ang birthday namin and we made plans na rin kaso work got on the way and it's pretty urgent so I let it slip. Pero he managed to make it up naman. It's the first time I've been in a fully functional relationship kahit nga LDR kami.

    Now heto na ang problema ko. He's being asked by his exGF - who's abroad - to be there for a special event. Work-related and according to him this will give him his big break kasi nga overseas project and maganda sa portfolio. I know it's purely professional but I can't help but worry especially I've had that experience before pero highschool pa. Way back, I trusted my then BF wayyy to much he ended up reconciling with his exGF. It know it's crazy, right? But my fiance didn't even offer na isama ako. I wouldn't naman because of my job...I'm waiting for my regularization and I can't afford to take even a 2-week VL. Ano ba naman yung tanungin ka if you wanna go with him

    One time I jokingly asked kung pwede ako sumama, he just flared up and hindi ako kinakausap ng ilang oras. I have an awesome sense of humor and normally he'll make a witty comeback pero he's just so mainitin ang ulo when it comes to his exGF. Is it wrong for me to feel this way?

    Btw, we're getting married soon so it's kinda big deal for me. it's not like ay, sorry narealize ko mahal ko pa pala sya. i'll break the engagement, ok lang? :(


    I've dealt with LDR before, eto lang masasabi ko.
    Suntok sa bwan ang mga relasyong LDR na nagwowork.
    Hindi totoong absence makes the heart grow fonder.

    Communication & Proximity make a relationship work.
    And I;m telling you. Mataas ang potential na magkabalikan sila ng ex. Bakit? Dahil meron silang COMMUNICATION AT PROXIMITY. :)
  • BertBaltazarBertBaltazar bored blogger PExer
    kawiikid wrote: »
    ^^ yun na nga eh, by that time na mangyari yam, tali na ako. wala nang urungan. kaya malaki hesitation ko. gusto ko malaman ngayon na kung hanggang saan kaya nya i-commit. kasi when u enter a commitment, mas priority mo yung immediate family mo - and that's me - kesa past mo or ano pang dahilan. if parents nya ang nag iinvite sa kanya abroad maiintindihan ko pa. exGF is a different story.

    kleenex, wala lang. habit ko lang mag guilt trip. :depressed:
    and isn't it better you would know now instead of after the marriage?

    if i were you, let him go abroad .. consider it a test. There would always be trials but if you guys could not even pass this, duhhh, do not push through with the marriage...
  • msfedsmsfeds Member PExer
    (( But my fiance didn't even offer na isama ako. I wouldn't naman because of my job...I'm waiting for my regularization and I can't afford to take even a 2-week VL. Ano ba naman yung tanungin ka if you wanna go with him

    One time I jokingly asked kung pwede ako sumama, he just flared up and hindi ako kinakausap ng ilang oras. I have an awesome sense of humor and normally he'll make a witty comeback pero he's just so mainitin ang ulo when it comes to his exGF. Is it wrong for me to feel this way?
    ))

    ---hmmmm.. :hmm: sana kahit pabalat-bunga, inaya ka nya na sumama. hehehe! kasi m sure, alam nya na di ka din pwede talaga na sumama. men should always make sure na wag bibigyan ng ikakaduda ang kanilang mga GF/wife kasi siguradong dun mgsstart ang diskusyon. e malamang lahat naman tayo e ayaw ng away. ;)

    nakakaduda kaya talaga un part na nagflare up si BF nung nagbiro si TS na sasama sya. dun pa lang..magdududa ka talaga. :depressed: baka naman bitter pa si BF sa break-up nila nung ex.
  • kawiikidkawiikid Banned by Admin PExer
    ^ exactly. i would've dismiss it and move on, but no. he has to fuel up my paranoia with that kind of behavior.:(

    I wanna ask guys here if ganun ba kayo when it comes to work? you'd rather grab the opportunity for the sake of career growth regardless of what your gf/fiancee would feel? like what i've said minsan naguguilty ako for feeling like this, but mostly i know i'm fighting for the right thing. few years down the road i know it can be an issue. reality bites.
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