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Los Angeles CLIPPERS 2010-11

“In Soviet Russia, the Los Angeles Clippers... ****, the Clippers stink.”
~ Even Russian Reversal can't believe how bad they are

“No one is a fan of the Clippers....You have never seen one, you don't know any, you don't even know someone who even knows one, they just do not exist”
~ everyone on on the myth of a Clippers fan

The Los Angeles Clippers is the name given to a small garbage dumpster that is permanently burning somewhere near the Staples Center in Los Angeles, California.

The fire is being maintained by arsonist Donald Sterling, a rich industrialist who refused to properly dispose of his heaping piles of trash, and instead has been stoking the flames engulfing them for all he's worth.

The Buffalo Years

The fire actually began in 1970 on a barely considerable little iceberg on the Great Lakes called Buffalo. At the time it was referred to as the Buffalo Braves, because even back then only very brave people dared enter its flames. After burning there for eight long, fruitless years, citizens of Buffalo forgot all about it and it slinked away to a warmer place where it could burn stronger and brighter for years to come.

The San Diego Years

The fire received its "Clippers" moniker when it arrived in San Diego in 1978. The reason for this change was because it wanted to fool players into thinking they weren't entering an evil fiery furnace, but some shining new tall ship preparing to set sail for paradise. How wrong they were.

One of the most prominent players to be singed in the flames of its hell during this period was Bill Walton. His hair is still flame-orange as a result of the exposure to this very day.

The Los Angeles Years

The arsonist Sterling moved the conflagration to a dumpster in Los Angeles called the Sports Arena in 1984. It was here that Mr. Sterling stoked his greatest blaze ever (apart from that one in Portland). Each year, the fire consumed more hope for any success, and Sterling was well pleased.

So pleased was he, in fact, that he found a new home for his fire at the Staples Center in 1999. This location was already occupied by a gleaming tower of beauty and precision called the "Lakers". This tower today looms majestically over the little smouldering dumpster fire, largely oblivious to its presence. In fact, when people come to observe this paragon of perfection, they appear to have little care for the nearby disaster.

The Los Angeles Clippers Today

Mr. Sterling has vowed to keep this disaster raging in the Los Angeles area, despite a poorly organized local counter-effort. He has even taken to marketing the tragedy as a spectator sport, advertising the might and prowess of the opposing athletes that occasionally come around to mock and ridicule it with their skills.

Celebrity endorsement

While no civilians have been permanently harmed by the raging inferno, local celebrity Billy Crystal has reportedly suffered third degree burns while observing the calamity. Still, he can often be seen encouraging and supporting this conflagration despite its extreme self-destructiveness.

Criminal Investigation

As of yet, no arrests have been made in conjunction with this horrific tragedy, nor is there reportedly any official investigation into Mr. Sterling's activities related to it. The entire Los Angeles area remains completely indifferent to it, even as it sucks the life and soul out of fifteen otherwise well-meaning players.

Anyone with any information regarding this crime would be encouraged to contact the Los Angeles Police Department. Please.



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