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Sex/Fcuking Bloopers

Post any sex/fcuking blooper na nangyari sa iyo.... or nangyari sa partner mo while you're doing the deed *okay*

I'll start...

Dahil nagyabang ako sa partner na never nya ako mapapacum in less than 10 minutes sa pinagmamalaki nyang skillz since consistent na ako for more than 1 year na at least 45 mins with her...

Saktong sakto sa session namin after ko pinagmayabang yun....

I came after 1 frigging minute... shit man nakarma agad! Hiyang hiya ako nun at lagi nyang pinapaalala sa akin yun pag nagkikita kami. :rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao:

So... what are your sex/fcuking blooper stories? Laugh trip lang ito and don't be shy in sharing yours *okay*
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Comments

  • ah..eto pare...

    back in college. ex-gf. we were fcking sa dorm niya, we were so into it, tapos umutot ako pare. [email protected] tumawa siya. wala na gana. silent but deadly kasi. namputa
  • F-A SoldierF-A Soldier PEx Rookie ⭐
    Me and an ex, college her student apartment shared with her good friend. Tuesday night/school night so we decided to wait until her gf was sleeping because we tend to make the bunk go a little loud. Post foreplay, I was just about to mount, we heard her roomate moaning and ooohing like a cat (she was doing it with her bf too) and we couldn't stop laughing took off the momentum.

    We just laid there (it was already in) laughing and listening staring at each other for a good five ten minutes with tears in our eyes because it was so fcking funny (she sounded like a cat and her boyfriend was was going 'aah aah' LOL like a Russian sailor). I kissed her on the forehead before started drilling her and we closed the episode with me saying "God you just gotta love it sometime haha." LOL.
  • sabaybunotsabaybunot PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    i was in my room and my girl was on top with her butt bouncing up and down . The door suddenly opened ([email protected] di ko na lock) The maid walked in to put something in the closet then walked out ignoring us but said before closing the door "lock ko ha"

    me and my girl just looked at [email protected] other and laughed. Almost ruined the session
  • sabaybunotsabaybunot PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    similar incident different ex.


    Girl was grinding on top.. Door flies open and my mom walks in and was saying something when she realized what was going on. She turned around said ay sorree then walked out. But still talked to us through the door "tanungin ko sana kung gutom na kayo.. Luto na yung spag"

    My girl couldnt look anybody in the house in the eye the whole day.
  • MoaningMyrtleMoaningMyrtle PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Not my sex blooper:

    I walked in on a flatmate in college...her then BF giving her cunni on the couch...
    They forgot to lock the door...when I walked in, surprised, flatmate grabbed a throw pillow, covered her BF's head...like I wouldn't know what was going on...

    So funny.
  • lovejoneslovejones living the martini life PEx Expert 🎖️
    I originally posted this at another fora so here goes:

    Blooper No. 1

    Back in college, I was doing the jiggy with my girl inside the confines of my car parked in a seemingly dark and deserted area in my school. Since my car was spacious beyond imagination, we were having our duet in the passenger seat. In the middle of our tryst, at the time when I was on top of her, a light flashed near my window. Dang! A blue guard! He knocked on my window and asked me who I was.

    "Arnulfo......Arnulfo Torres." Of all the names I had to invent, why did it have to be "Arnulfo?" Why not the more generic "Jimmy" or "Mikey." I am positive that I wasn't thinking about Arnie Tuadles because at the time, dagnabbit, I was having a piece of my girl, not making a patented lay-up.

    The guard flashed the light on my face. "Asan ID mo?"

    "Naiwan ko po sa locker." Great answer, even though it was, in all probability, tucked somewhere beneath my girl's sweet ***.

    "Anong ginagawa mo rito?"

    Easy answer. "Usap lang naman kami, boss." It should be noted that I was still on top of her.

    "Anong usap? Eh ano yan?" He flashed his light on my bare ***.

    "H'wag po, h'wag po" I pleaded as I slid down. Good thing, since my girl's leg shielded my eyes from the glare.

    "Tinuro kayo sakin ni Father. Kala mo kasi di kayo nakikita."

    "Sorry po. Aalis na po kami. Hindi na po mauulit."

    So we left.

    A month later, same place, same shag (I was a loyal bf), same sudden flash of light, and probably the same blue guard.

    "Arnulfo! Ikaw ba 'yan?"

    Fortunately, as it was before, I still managed to talk myself out of trouble. Later, I learned that all the guards were warned about a humongous blue car.


    Blooper No. 2


    Again, back in college, I had a classmate who got her girl in trouble. Since I've known my classmate since grade school, he made me an "abay" in their wedding.

    The night before their wedding, I got a call from an acquaintance that she was all alone and in desperate need of company. After receiving instructions from her on how to reach her house, I ran to my batman of a car and drove wearing only a sando, boxers, and a new pair of nikes that I bought after starving myself for months.

    Her home is one of two houses situated inside a big compound. The other house, which I later learned was for her lola, was still being constructed. Upon reaching her home, I was surprised to find her waiting for me by the gate. When she motioned to me to be quiet, I knew that this was trouble. However, after weighing the pros and cons of the situation, I realized that porking the girl was probably more enjoyable than having another mary palmer. Thus, I parked a good distance away from her home and, with her help, I scaled the mighty gates of her abode and entered the house via the back door. Sadly, the dogs in the kennel probably caught a whiff of my scent and so raised an alarm of snarls, barks, and woofs from the all village dogs.

    At the very moment we got inside her room, a mighty voice bellowed "p#ta! Sinong tao diyan?! Magpakita ka **** ka!!"

    My girl suddenly pushed me inside her cabinet. From inside, I heard the man call my girl's name, knock on the door, and enter. In a split second, I managed to burrow further inside the cramped cabinet and use an oversized pillow to shield me from getting skinned alive.

    Several minutes later, my girl opened the cabinet and she told me that his Conan the Barbarian of a cousin had already left the room to patrol the whole compound. Conan, however, was still suspicious of his cousin and so, after his patrol, he strategically placed his cot in the middle of the sala where he would have a grand view of every door in the house. I knew I was screwed but I still screwed the little seniorita that early morning. Bar none, It was the saddest sex I've ever had.

    6 am and Conan was washing the car. Since I still had a wedding to attend, we concocted an ingenious plan that would set me free. With the help of one of her maids and a construction worker in the other house, I was going to pass myself as a "trabahador." To look the part, I removed my sando, tied it around my head, applied some fresh mud on my face, arms, and legs and dirtied my shoes.

    From outside the backdoor, the trabahador and I went towards the gate. There I saw Conan, all friggin' 6 feet of him, big body, with a big scar on his face reminiscent of Frankenstein. Not the type of guy I'd mess with I can assure you that. I turned my face away from him and headed up the street. Then, just when I thought I was safe, scar face called our attention and told us to wait for him. We froze and looked at him, almost teary-eyed.

    "Sino ka?" he asked me when he was an uppercut away.

    A slight pause. "Uh....ditu aku sa kunstraction." It was the best visayan accent I could come up with at the moment.

    “Ba't ngayon lang kita nakita?”

    “Bago lang pu.” Pu?

    He turned to my trabahador companion.

    "Totoo ba 'yan?"

    My accomplice turned deathly pale. I guess fear is also an effective face whitener.

    "Ha...ano... wala akong kinalaman diyan." And without any hesitation, he proceeded back to the house. Thanks for nothing, a-hole.

    Conan looked at me. "Magsabi ka ng totoo, kungdi makakatikim ka."

    My facade suddenly crumbled."Opo, sorry po. Magsasabi na po ako ng totoo."

    Needless to say, I was detained in the house by Conan/Scarface/Frankenstein. He got my license and asked me about personal things like where I wanted to be buried. My lady friend's auntie arrived an hour later and gave me the tongue lashing of my life. At around 10 am, I was finally set free. I took a quick bath, wore my barong, and proceeded directly to the reception to ask for my classmate's forgiveness and get some chow. Word got around my school about this misadventure of mine and this earned me the nickname "Mr Karpintero."
  • Not my sex blooper:

    I walked in on a flatmate in college...her then BF giving her cunni on the couch...
    They forgot to lock the door...when I walked in, surprised, flatmate grabbed a throw pillow, covered her BF's head...like I wouldn't know what was going on...

    So funny.

    Napaka smart naman to think na hindi mo maiisip yun once nacover ang ulo ng lalaki :rotflmao:

    ^ nice bloopers lovejones *okay*
  • ^^ well, it's about bloody time you came up with a thread of your own ..... :bop: :lol:



    unfortunately, I've never had any sex bloopers .... though there was the time he almost zipped up my tongue ....
  • Matagal na kaya ito... nung June 18 pa and walang pumansin :lol:

    "Zipped up your tongue"? Ouch... that must have hurt..

    *imagined the "There's Something about Mary" scene of Ben Stiller zipping up his dikky* :lol:
  • well.... we were minding our own business .... driving down Bayani Road at night .... windows down .... letting the cool night air in and all that .....

    I'm giving him the standard BJ-while-driving .... when we hear these sirens ..... needless to say, they alarmed us so much ..... he tried to zip up his pants before I got my tongue off his d*ck ....

    my tongue got side-nicked .... tsk tsk .... I couldn't BJ for a while after that ..... serves him right ..... hahahahahaha ....
  • :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

    Mahina pala ang lalaki mo nun... nagpanic bigla. :lol:
  • oyster bravooyster bravo PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    hahaha lovejones - funny story man
  • nice one arnulfo the karpintero *okay*
  • my share :lol:

    basketball, eh medjo na injured ang tuhod ko..
    sex na ... we were so hot .. im doing the doggy style ... ****!
    akala niya i was so HOT na HOT na as in! i was .. OOOOH AHHHHH SHIIIT AAAHHH!!! siya naman ... sobra na horny din kase she tot i was moaning like hell... di niya alam ... damn ang tuhod ko ay sobrang saket :lol:

    pero was good ... damn my Guys ... ang labas di mapigil ..
    oops there they go ika nga :lol:

    laftrip ito evertime na alala ko :lol:
    yummy naman siya to be fair with .... *okay*
  • lovejoneslovejones living the martini life PEx Expert 🎖️
    hahaha lovejones - funny story man
    nice one arnulfo the karpintero *okay*

    thanks, i guess :(
  • lovejones wrote: »
    thanks, i guess :(

    classic pare :lol:
    Mr. karpintero.. di manlang Mason? :D
    hehe ...
  • littlegurllittlegurl PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    I'll go for Mr. Karpintero, best story so far :glee:
  • littlegurllittlegurl PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    ^^ hello :p
  • nidaime wrote: »
    :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

    Mahina pala ang lalaki mo nun... nagpanic bigla. :lol:

    taena ... ikaw kaya makarinig ng wang-wang .... :bop:


    it's a good thing P-noy's outlawing them .... so we can BJ-down-the-road in peace from now on ..... :naughty:
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