Religious Jokes

lansangellansangel MLPH Itlogger! PExer
Pampasaya lang. Share din ang iba ng nalalaman nila.

Q: Why is Jesus Rich?
A: Because Jesus Saves

Q: Why is Jesus Poor?
A: Because Jesus Gives

Q: Hindi ba palaging kasama ni Jesus si Maria, bakit wala siya sa larawan ng last supper?
A: Kasi siya ang kumuha ng larawan.
Q: Ipinagkaluno ni Judas si Jesus para sa 30 pilak, bakit?
A: Para me pampadevelop ng larawan.
Q: Bakit nagpakamatay si Judas?
A: Kasi pangit ang itsura niya sa larawan.

Q: Why does Jesus never get thirsty?
A: Because, he is the KING OF THE JEWS!

Q: What book in the bible tells about love?
A: ROMANS

Q: What book tells about the first carbonated drink?
A: HABAKUK

Q: What is the first mathematical problem?
A: Go and MULTIPLY.

Q: Bakit milagroso si JACOB?
A: Dahil siya ay May RACHEL.

Comments

  • tontontonton Let's stop and talk awhile. PExer
    lansangel wrote: »
    Pampasaya lang.

    Masaya nako. Ahihihihihi!!!!:rolleyes::lol:
  • quick_benquick_ben Primus Pullus
    ..... ..... ..... ..... duh
  • BALAKUBAKBALAKUBAK BC PExer
    Masyadong wholesome yang jokes mo. Ayoko nyan.
  • PyrosPyros Faith Under Fire PExer
    BALAKUBAK wrote: »
    Masyadong wholesome yang jokes mo. Ayoko nyan.

    Probably this one is for you:


    There was this preacher who started a ministry. He had the gift of prophecy, and he sought out other prophets who also had the gift. His ministry grew large and prosperous.

    One day, he became concerned after reading a story about pockets of cannibalism in Africa. He decided to do something about it. He said to his prophets, "I am sending you to Africa to convert the cannibals." He got together a planeload of them and sent them off to Africa.

    Soon, word came that all his prophets had disappeared. As he was grieving over this, his accountant arrived with even more bad news. "Reverend, you have spent too much on this mission, and your church is now in the red."

    The reverend replied, "OMG, first I hear that all my missionaries are gone, and now my church is in deficit. How can this be?"

    "Simple," the accountant replied. "The cannibals are eating up the prophets!"
  • spindoctorspindoctor pelvic splachnic ganglion PExer
    A priest has been taking confessions all day and he hasn't had a chance to go to the bathroom at all. Hearing footsteps he leans out of the confessional hoping its another priest but it isn't, its the Church janitor.

    "Psst, come here for a second!"

    "What is it?"

    "I have to go to the bathroom NOW. Can you fill in for me?"

    "What? I cant take confessions!"

    "It's easy, see? I have this list right here. Just give them the pennance next to the sin."

    "Well, ok."

    The preist leaves to go to the bathroom and the janator is taking care of confessions just like he said, up until a woman come in some time later.

    "Forgive me father for I have sinned. I am married and I had oral sex with another man".

    "Hmmm... oral sex, oral sex." He checks over the list but cant find it. Just when he is about to give up he hears footsteps outside the confessional but its not the priest, its one of the alterboys.

    "Aw nuts. Hey kid come here, I cant find this one on the list. What does the father usually give for oral sex?"

    "A Coke and a couple of candy bars."
  • Neil1984Neil1984 Member PExer
    ^
    ^
    ^
    ^


    Gotcha! :rotflmao:
  • lansangellansangel MLPH Itlogger! PExer
    BALAKUBAK wrote: »
    Masyadong wholesome yang jokes mo. Ayoko nyan.

    Umpisa lang yan. madami pa yan. me mga jokes na galing sa pari. masmaganda ang mga jokes nun.:rolleyes:
  • BALAKUBAKBALAKUBAK BC PExer
    Bago pa man mabuo si Boy...

    Sperm 1: pare, maghanda na tayo! malapit na tayong lumabas!
    Sperm 2: onga pare. 1, 2! 1, 2!
    Sperm 1: ayan na pare lalabas na tayo! SUGOOOOOOOD!...BALIK! ****!****! ****!

    Sumunod na oras....

    Sperm 1: pare, maghanda na tayo! malapit na uli tayong lumabas!
    Sperm 2: onga pare. 1, 2! 1, 2!
    Sperm 1: ayan na pare lalabas na tayo! SUGOOOOOOOD!...BALIK! TONSIL! TONSIL!

    At sa sumunod pa...

    Sperm 1: pare, maghanda na tayo! malapit na uli tayong lumabas!
    Sperm 2: onga pare. 1, 2! 1, 2!
    Sperm 1: ayan na pare lalabas na tayo! SUGOOOOOOOD! *splat!*
    condom...


    Sa kabutihang palad ay nabuo rin si Boy. at di nagtagal...

    Nanay: honey!!! oras na! manganganak na ako!!!
    Tatay: talaga honey? o teka lang! wag kang gagalaw!

    (Biglang naghubad si Tatay at ipinasok nya ang kanyang batutoy sa batutay ni Nanay!)

    Nanay: honey! anong ginagawa mo???
    Tatay: basta! akong bahala! ANAK! KUMAPIT KA! KUMAPIT KA!


    Hindi umepekto ang "delivering the baby" style ni Tatay, so dinala si Nanay sa ospital...

    Doc: ayan ho Mrs., nakalabas na ang ulo ng anak nyo!
    nabigla si doc nang...

    Boy Bastos: hoy! ikaw ba Tatay ko?
    Doc: hindi! hindi ako ang Tatay mo! nurse halika dito dali!
    nang dumating ang lalaking nurse...
    Boy Bastos: hoy! ikaw ba Tatay ko?
    Nurse: naku! hindi ako ang Tatay mo! teka tatawagin ko sya!
    nang dumating si Tatay...
    Boy Bastos: hoy! ikaw ba Tatay ko?
    Tatay: oo anak! ako nga!
    Boy Bastos: (sinundot-sundot and noo ng Tatay) masarap ba yan ha? masarap?!

    http://jake008.multiply.com/journal/item/14/_Warning_R-18_Boy_Bastos_Jokes
  • BRENNNGBRENNNG Member PExer
    http://resbak.com/blog/.... FUNNIEST RELIGIOUS JOKES EVER
  • tontontonton Let's stop and talk awhile. PExer
    spindoctor wrote: »
    A priest has been taking confessions all day and he hasn't had a chance to go to the bathroom at all. Hearing footsteps he leans out of the confessional hoping its another priest but it isn't, its the Church janitor.

    "Psst, come here for a second!"

    "What is it?"

    "I have to go to the bathroom NOW. Can you fill in for me?"

    "What? I cant take confessions!"

    "It's easy, see? I have this list right here. Just give them the pennance next to the sin."

    "Well, ok."

    The preist leaves to go to the bathroom and the janator is taking care of confessions just like he said, up until a woman come in some time later.

    "Forgive me father for I have sinned. I am married and I had oral sex with another man".

    "Hmmm... oral sex, oral sex." He checks over the list but cant find it. Just when he is about to give up he hears footsteps outside the confessional but its not the priest, its one of the alterboys.

    "Aw nuts. Hey kid come here, I cant find this one on the list. What does the father usually give for oral sex?"

    "A Coke and a couple of candy bars."

    :lol::lol::lol: magagalit sayo mga katholics dito.
  • faizfaiz ACCEL ***E PExer
    BALAKUBAK wrote: »
    Bago pa man mabuo si Boy...

    Sperm 1: pare, maghanda na tayo! malapit na tayong lumabas!
    Sperm 2: onga pare. 1, 2! 1, 2!
    Sperm 1: ayan na pare lalabas na tayo! SUGOOOOOOOD!...BALIK! ****!****! ****!

    Sumunod na oras....

    Sperm 1: pare, maghanda na tayo! malapit na uli tayong lumabas!
    Sperm 2: onga pare. 1, 2! 1, 2!
    Sperm 1: ayan na pare lalabas na tayo! SUGOOOOOOOD!...BALIK! TONSIL! TONSIL!

    At sa sumunod pa...

    Sperm 1: pare, maghanda na tayo! malapit na uli tayong lumabas!
    Sperm 2: onga pare. 1, 2! 1, 2!
    Sperm 1: ayan na pare lalabas na tayo! SUGOOOOOOOD! *splat!*
    condom...


    Sa kabutihang palad ay nabuo rin si Boy. at di nagtagal...

    Nanay: honey!!! oras na! manganganak na ako!!!
    Tatay: talaga honey? o teka lang! wag kang gagalaw!

    (Biglang naghubad si Tatay at ipinasok nya ang kanyang batutoy sa batutay ni Nanay!)

    Nanay: honey! anong ginagawa mo???
    Tatay: basta! akong bahala! ANAK! KUMAPIT KA! KUMAPIT KA!


    Hindi umepekto ang "delivering the baby" style ni Tatay, so dinala si Nanay sa ospital...

    Doc: ayan ho Mrs., nakalabas na ang ulo ng anak nyo!
    nabigla si doc nang...

    Boy Bastos: hoy! ikaw ba Tatay ko?
    Doc: hindi! hindi ako ang Tatay mo! nurse halika dito dali!
    nang dumating ang lalaking nurse...
    Boy Bastos: hoy! ikaw ba Tatay ko?
    Nurse: naku! hindi ako ang Tatay mo! teka tatawagin ko sya!
    nang dumating si Tatay...
    Boy Bastos: hoy! ikaw ba Tatay ko?
    Tatay: oo anak! ako nga!
    Boy Bastos: (sinundot-sundot and noo ng Tatay) masarap ba yan ha? masarap?!

    http://jake008.multiply.com/journal/item/14/_Warning_R-18_Boy_Bastos_Jokes


    favorite jokes ni apartheid to ha :rotflmao::rotflmao::bop:*okay*
  • lansangellansangel MLPH Itlogger! PExer
    tonton wrote: »
    :lol::lol::lol: magagalit sayo mga katholics dito.

    madami pa yan sa mga pari na nahahawig diyan. meron pa nga na kasama ang madre eh!:rotflmao:
  • anima9anima9 I ignore idiots :) ✭✭
    BALAKUBAK wrote: »
    Bago pa man mabuo si Boy...

    Sperm 1: pare, maghanda na tayo! malapit na tayong lumabas!
    Sperm 2: onga pare. 1, 2! 1, 2!
    Sperm 1: ayan na pare lalabas na tayo! SUGOOOOOOOD!...BALIK! ****!****! ****!

    Sumunod na oras....

    Sperm 1: pare, maghanda na tayo! malapit na uli tayong lumabas!
    Sperm 2: onga pare. 1, 2! 1, 2!
    Sperm 1: ayan na pare lalabas na tayo! SUGOOOOOOOD!...BALIK! TONSIL! TONSIL!

    At sa sumunod pa...

    Sperm 1: pare, maghanda na tayo! malapit na uli tayong lumabas!
    Sperm 2: onga pare. 1, 2! 1, 2!
    Sperm 1: ayan na pare lalabas na tayo! SUGOOOOOOOD! *splat!*
    condom...


    Sa kabutihang palad ay nabuo rin si Boy. at di nagtagal...

    Nanay: honey!!! oras na! manganganak na ako!!!
    Tatay: talaga honey? o teka lang! wag kang gagalaw!

    (Biglang naghubad si Tatay at ipinasok nya ang kanyang batutoy sa batutay ni Nanay!)

    Nanay: honey! anong ginagawa mo???
    Tatay: basta! akong bahala! ANAK! KUMAPIT KA! KUMAPIT KA!


    Hindi umepekto ang "delivering the baby" style ni Tatay, so dinala si Nanay sa ospital...

    Doc: ayan ho Mrs., nakalabas na ang ulo ng anak nyo!
    nabigla si doc nang...

    Boy Bastos: hoy! ikaw ba Tatay ko?
    Doc: hindi! hindi ako ang Tatay mo! nurse halika dito dali!
    nang dumating ang lalaking nurse...
    Boy Bastos: hoy! ikaw ba Tatay ko?
    Nurse: naku! hindi ako ang Tatay mo! teka tatawagin ko sya!
    nang dumating si Tatay...
    Boy Bastos: hoy! ikaw ba Tatay ko?
    Tatay: oo anak! ako nga!
    Boy Bastos: (sinundot-sundot and noo ng Tatay) masarap ba yan ha? masarap?!

    http://jake008.multiply.com/journal/item/14/_Warning_R-18_Boy_Bastos_Jokes

    Last part reminded me of an old bubble gang episode. Same ending.

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