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How To Be A Good Wife..?

1. Reverence Your Husband.—He sustains by God's order a position of dignity as head of a family, head of the woman. Any breaking down of this order indicates a mistake in the union, or a digression from duty.

2. Love Him.—A wife loves as naturally as the sun shines. Love is your best weapon. You conquered him with that in the first place. You can reconquer by the same means.

3. Do Not Conceal Your Love from Him.—If he is crowded with care, and too busy to seem to heed your love, you need to give all the greater attention to securing his knowledge of your love. If you intermit he will settle down into a hard, cold life with increased rapidity. Your example will keep the light on his conviction. The more he neglects the fire on the hearth, the more carefully must you feed and guard it. It must not be allowed to go out. Once out you must sit ever in darkness and in the cold.

Read more...on Chapter 4
http://thescienceofeugenics.blogspot.com/2009/09/searchlights-on-health-how-to-be-good.html

:)
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Comments

  • intsik siomaiintsik siomai PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    To all girls,
    Aspire for other things other than becoming a wife and mother. Wifehood and motherhood are overrated. Wifehood is not a profession. Don't bother much. Motherhood may be more important but it should never be the only thing that a girl should aspire to be good at.

    I don't agree with reverence to anybody. You only revere your husband because you are uneducated, jobless or doing menial jobs, a burden to him.

    Love is also overrated. Lay down the qualities first-his and her qualities. Compare, consolidate, check for compatibility and equitability. Love is besides the point. It's like a job. Don't love a lousy job or an unfulfilling job or a job that is not gratifying. Huli na ang love, qualities and compatibilities of qualities and goals first and foremost!
  • kreukkreuk PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    you have to love yourself before somebody else can love you or before you can love someone.

    i also don't want to love nalang if in the end id be telling someone "after ng mga ginawa ko para sayo ito ang gagawin mo?". am pangit ng feeling ng nanunumbat..... at ang pangit din ng feeling ng inabuso lang kabaitan mo.

    i also don't like the kind of love na if it doesn't work out... may angst tipong masasabi kong "it's ur loss not mine marami namang fish sa sea eh".

    pagnasabi ko yun ibig sabihin ako yung may loss kasi nagsayang pala ako ng oras acting and feeling inlove eh yun naman pala worthless yung tao sa paningin ko.
  • Hi ALL!
    I gotta agree with BUNNY06 (and my wife would too)!
    I`ve only been married about 8 yrs, and been blessed with 2 sons, but its all been worth the troubles we had in our typical imperfect marriage.

    At 46 yrs old, i`ve seen and experienced enough heartaches growing up.

    INTSIK SIOMAI-
    Me and my wife "revere" each other.
    She isnt uneducated as she graduated magna cumlaude from U.P. And she later on finished studying italian art at a university in perugia where her proffesors spoke in italian (she eventually learned to speak italian fluently). She graduated with honors.

    She isnt jobless and has worked as an art history teacher and an italian language teacher in U.P. and presently as an italian language teacher in a private institution.

    She is NOT a burden to me, far from that, she is my LIFE!

    Its LOVE that has kept us together all these years. And its LOVE that will keep us (our sons included) together till our last breath.

    But i`m even PROUDER of her achievements as a WIFE and as a MOTHER.

    You speak of compatibilities of qualities and goals, well we share the same qualities and goals, that of doing our best to live a life of love, laughter, and all that great stuff. :)

    I guess its easy for me to talk, just because i`ve been so blessed with my family. My wife was so blessed with her biological family as well, not in my case though, but i refuse to give in to the "dark side" (to use a starwars term).
    patrick
  • intsik siomaiintsik siomai PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    What is the chronological order of events in your ideal marriage, Patrick?

    Rank or put them in proper chronology nga these items:
    -love
    -have a checklist of qualities and pick the person accdg to checklist(closest possible)
    -check compatibility of goals in life
    -revere

    I suppose you got someone as close to your checklist as possible first, before all those "love and reverence" took place. Then again, is that what fools call "unconditional love"?

    I'm not against being a wife and mother, but I really think it's been overrated and has become the be all and end all for most girls. A lot of girls are willing to "sacrifice" for the sake of love, wifehood, or motherhood, which I find wrong. There may be compromises but a woman should only compromise to the level a man can compromise. Nothing more than that.

    Why do men praise their wife when she sacrifices for him or his babies? He should feel guilty and ashamed that he has taken away her dreams and aspirations. That's what I call "selfish praise". If husbands love their wife, he should not allow the wife to "sacrifice" for him. He should not "praise" and "encourage" the wife to sacrifice. While the husband gets to pursue his ambitions, the wife gets a "praise and reverence" for being a sacrificing wifey? That is wrong.

    Men are not lavishly praised for being a "great husband and great father". Why??? Maybe, men are not as uto-uto.
  • ~gIrLnXtDoOr~~gIrLnXtDoOr~ PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    dapat ata to nasa Parenting101 para mas maraming wifey na makabasa at mag-post.. :D

    anyway, how to be a good wifey.... basta give the hubby TLC, always support him in his every endeavour & ambition (of course you two must have a common goal)

    as the saying goes, behind every successful man is a woman ;)

    and another important thing, don't be a nagger.. :lol:
  • intsik siomaiintsik siomai PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    REVERENCE BECAUSE OF AFFINITY/CONSANGUINITY:
    It's understandable to care more and love more a person because we are close to them(affinity), or they are related to us like our parents, siblings, relatives(consanguinity). I think we have become too emotional and too unreasonable and unobjective and illusory if we revere them considering our parents, gf, bf, siblings, wife, husband are nothing more than ordinary. How vain can people be to expect reverence out of being old, out of affinity/consanguinity, and not out of their REAL INTRINSIC FUNDAMENTAL VALUE.
  • intsik siomaiintsik siomai PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    2. Love Him.—A wife loves as naturally as the sun shines. Love is your best weapon. You conquered him with that in the first place. You can reconquer by the same means.
    The girl conquered him because she looked youthful, yummy, still in good shape, and was decently attractive. Then the girl seemed receptive to his special attention or probably flattered that's why she gave in. Hellur! If the girl wants to keep the husband, more love is not the answer. Keep and improve the qualities. People like using "love" "love" to force a person to stay with them or value them. Love has become a chain that strangles and clouds our vision if that's the case.
    In many cases, couples stay together not out of love kuno but out of practicality, out of attachment, out of fear of the unknown/change. If you are laspag na with kids, it's fearful to start a life all over again. If you've also invested a lot of time, energy, money to your wife/marriage, you tend to think twice if it's worth it to cut the union.
  • Meanie!!Meanie!! PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    ^ Very eloquent instik_siomai. I just want o ask if you're already married..?
  • ildiavoloildiavolo PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    ^ most probably she's not. I envision her as an old maid, full of bitterness and sorrow.
  • kreukkreuk PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    ^^^ But she keeps hitting the truth on target though (except when she's shooting at all angles against chinks - for being "jerks" and bulol she's claiming them to be)... it's not love that conquers a man. it's their boobs and butt and pretty face:love::p

    ibang level nga lang applications/reactions to the truth ni intsik-siomai... it's makig her depersonalized but maybe that's really her personality.
  • i yet have to be a wife and i let the hubby be the judge
  • INTSIK SIOMAI-
    What you say reminds me of my favorite startrek character Mr. Spock, chief science officer of the starship enterprise. He is a vulcan, and like all vulcans are trained from childhood to attain "nirvana" through LOGIC (thus his appointment to this position).

    Vulcans are essentially raised with (supposedly) no emotion. Every thought and action they take is all based on logic. Historically vulcans used to be an agressive war-ing race. And the only way they knew to purge themselves of this destructive aggresive trait was to embrace logic.

    What makes spock unique is that he is actually only half vulcan-half human. It is at times a very daunting task for him to stay true to his vulcan nature (which is what he desperately tries to achieve and project).

    But in truth, he is essentially torn between his humanity and his being vulcan. Caught between the warmth of his human mother and the cold no nonsense logic of his vulcan father. But when push comes to shove, he has shown his true colors and has gone as far as giving up his life for the crew considering it the logical thing to do (when in actuality betrays his humanity as he admittedly felt for them).

    Another of my favorite characters is Data from "Startrek:Next generation". An android unlike any other, for his computer circuits had evolved well beyond any androids design parameters.

    He evolved to the point of questioning his existance. Eventually he was considered an existent being due to him gradually getting more human in his thinking and "feeling", though he has yet to fully comprehend being "human".

    Its sad that as humans we have the capacity to feel and in turn express positive emotions like love, trust, warmth,etc.. But instead we choose to be more vulcan like or android like.



    I think its apparent that by design, human beings were meant to have and experience all these emotions (good and bad), and that as human beings we would try to enjoy the good emotions/experiences to the fullest.

    Loving and caring for someone DEEPLY is a function of human design. To do anything less than that can only bring visible or invisible problems to the human design. And that includes one`s wife and children or whoever else you are close to.

    And what is a human being`s real intrinsic fundamental value? Is it to be like the vulcans, the androids, or the carbon unit that we are?

    Through the centuries of history, so many thing change, fashion, music, medicine, methods of doing these procedures and so many other things.

    But this carbon unit (i love that classic sci-fi designation for humans) never changes inside. There still exists hate, love, envy, depth of thinking, shallowness of thinking,etc..from any period in history

    Even the laws of physics changed, right?, newtonian mechanics to quantum physics, etc..

    But humans attitudes and hearts never change, why? because of design.

    Bottomline is, i believe what i say and do due to my design as a human being.

    When i proposed marriage to my wife 8 yrs ago, and gave my wedding vows, i meant every word of it. What about now? I still believe everything i told her and have not lost sight of why i married her.



    And your right, love and reverence came after the checklist of qualities and goals. But isnt that the normal way a person develops love for a prospective wife? And in fact, that checklist emphasized her "inner" atributes more than her physical attributes. We after all cant be programmed to love or revere someone on sight.

    If such things as love and reverence for a person was illusory, then we should all want to end our lives as human beings, or attempt to upgrade to being androids or vulcans.

    We should not have any social interaction for fear of developing a love or reverence for anybody at all? But is that possible, speaking from experience as a human being, i think that would be to use your own words, illusory.

    As far as considering being a wife or mother as a sacrifice, that probably applies to wifes/mothers who have abusive husbands. By abusive i mean things like (but not limited to the following):
    1) not allowing the woman to express/explain her mind and heart to the guy, cheating on her and telling her some illogical and selfish excuse like, "ganyan talaga ang pilipino dear"

    2) Not helping her raise their children together (financially, spiritually,etc..)

    3) Preffering to stay out and go drinking with the guys than just stay home and spending quality time with the family.

    4) and lots more!

    Me and my wife consider each other as intellectual and "spiritual" equals (though i credit her with a more highly developed amount of this) . My wife was raised by parents who practically expected them to speak their minds and hearts. Lucky for my wife that her parents were just as intellectually and spiritually highly developed as herself, resulting in a relatively democratic setting which set in motion similiar values for my wife.

    So even if i wanted to "abuse" my wife (which i never want to), her being my equal prevents such an occurence as she is very capable of launching and defending her arguments and sentiments against me.

    That though is not the reason why i would not abuse her, it is simply that of me using my better sensibilities as a relatively rational human being. For instance, what is the logic of cheating on my wife? Doing so obviously can set in motion events that may very well lead to the emotional-spiritual erosion of myself, my wife, and my children. Logic dictates this simple cause and effect relationship.

    So i dont think i give her selfish praise. A person either praises you for real, or is just fooling you and lying to you to manipulate you. My wife (like myself) are relatively empathetic to each other, thus minimizing (if not totally eliminating lying to each other).

    Realize of course that as human beings, we are an imperfect species, physically and psychologically, so for me and my wife to have a perfect relationship is impossible by any means.

    The points you brought up about the essentially weak points of love and reverence and all that good stuff is certainly VALID for a PARTICULAR set of circumstances that a person or persons are subjected too.

    But your points i believe are generally INVALID for MY particular set of circumstances (as well as for other people who have a similiar set of circumstances as mine and my wife). :)
  • Ice BurnIce Burn PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    ^^Trekkie! :lol:

    Logic and the Vulcans. Yeah that's why they snap every 7 years (aka pon farr). :lol: Ok I'm revealing my secret trekkieness. :lol:

    With regards to the topic, I don't think I'll ever be a good wife the way society expects it. All I know is I do my best at being a good wife to my husband in my own way. And I know my husband does his best at being a good husband in his own way. :)
  • You ICE BURN are the real trekkie, i dont even know what "aka pon farr" means (so what does it mean?)

    Looks to me like you have a mutually beneficial relationship with your hubby! :)
  • intsik siomaiintsik siomai PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    I wonder who promoted the lavish praises and celebration of motherhood and wifehood-- the men who enjoy the services rendered by their wife and their unending dominion over women, or, the women who want to elevate their menial role in the society as maid and yaya???

    Notice in society pages and magazines, if it's a girl they feature, they put "a mother, a wife, a homemaker, a socialite, Mrs. Whoever". But if they feature a man, even if the man is married and has kids, they don't put it in his RESUME.
  • kreukkreuk PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    ^^^ i would understand if you feel that way regarding WIFEHOOD. but gosh... if u don't see the importance of a mother in a child's life... then you must see for yourself how babies literally die without a mother's care even if u provide them adequate calories 24/7. that alone is something to celebrate about being a mother.

    ARE U EVEN A REAL WOMAN?????????????? a real woman knows her power as a mother almost as if she was born with this knowledge. you call that menial??? even if people won't praise me i will praise myself over and over for the good job iv done.
  • intsik siomaiintsik siomai PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    Just making more people become aware of the importance of segregating EVALUATION and LOVE.
    Many times, a girl will use "love" to make her bf/husband do things for her or stick it out with her. In reality, the guy made an evaluation of her characteristics first, before he pursued the girl. But when a guy pursues a girl, the presentation is too rosy and he uses LOVE as the reason he wants to have a relationship with the girl. (In some cases, the guy is unaware himself that he evaluated the girl 1st..Most people pay attention to what they feel without connecting it to what they think, thus the unawareness.)

    Anyway, girl gives in to the guy because she presumes he "loves" her. Time passes, and the qualities that the guy like in the girl are no longer there. Girl holds on to the idea of "love" and sticking it out because of love. But he just can't. Maybe he can excuse himself by saying he no longer loves her. But fundamentally speaking, his evaluation of her or her qualities are no longer "loveable".
    Siguro, we still find it embarrassing to tell someone--"Hey, I want to have a long term relationship with you because you look good, you're smart enough, you're sweet, and hardworking. I think you'll make me happy and satisfied. Here are my qualities and what I can offer as a partner. Do you find it agreeable?"
    Ang haba ng ligawan at ng bolahan, paikot-ikot ang usapan, waste of time and emotions for most people, but I think that's the bottomline.
  • rickymrickym PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Just making more people become aware of the importance of segregating EVALUATION and LOVE.
    Many times, a girl will use "love" to make her bf/husband do things for her or stick it out with her. In reality, the guy made an evaluation of her characteristics first, before he pursued the girl. But when a guy pursues a girl, the presentation is too rosy and he uses LOVE as the reason he wants to have a relationship with the girl. (In some cases, the guy is unaware himself that he evaluated the girl 1st..Most people pay attention to what they feel without connecting it to what they think, thus the unawareness.)

    Anyway, girl gives in to the guy because she presumes he "loves" her. Time passes, and the qualities that the guy like in the girl are no longer there. Girl holds on to the idea of "love" and sticking it out because of love. But he just can't. Maybe he can excuse himself by saying he no longer loves her. But fundamentally speaking, his evaluation of her or her qualities are no longer "loveable".
    Siguro, we still find it embarrassing to tell someone--"Hey, I want to have a long term relationship with you because you look good, you're smart enough, you're sweet, and hardworking. I think you'll make me happy and satisfied. Here are my qualities and what I can offer as a partner. Do you find it agreeable?"
    Ang haba ng ligawan at ng bolahan, paikot-ikot ang usapan, waste of time and emotions for most people, but I think that's the bottomline.

    actually, that's a rather good case scenario--that the man married the woman since he still loved her, then it faded away.

    in one of the threads i have actually seen a poster saying something like a large portion of his friends got married since the gf got pregnant, the others got married since nakakahiya na since the guy was marrying age and the woman was growing old.
  • kreukkreuk PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    guy napilitan to marry a girl...
    guy di naman talaga gusto girl...
    guy gusto maganda...

    WHAT's new:glee:
    kawawa naman yun mga gustong ikasal... hindi panga kasal sira na yung mood nila:glee:

    i don't believe all men are that bad... yes they are weak and give in to temptations... but if a relationship started out THE RIGHT way For THE RIGHT REASONS and with the right kind of love and with the right amount of friendship... it's not going to end in disaster. if u can't ditch a friend... how can u even ditch a wife just like that.

    if we cannot believe in "MARRIAGE" - which involves people who are imperfect and who are weak... then might as well not believe in friendship... because ideally all marriages really thrive in friendships. i believe in friendship. and thus i can manage to believe in marriage. coz the friendship alone is going to sustain me - the mature me - the one who sees through the faults and circumstance and who understands HUMAN NATURE.

    and if ever i was wrong at the end of the DAY... as all men are really jerks... WHO EFFIN CARES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:rotflmao: di naman ako mamamatay............ *peace**peace*
  • ^^ that makes you "the best wife material" ms kreuk :lol:
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