Pure love

KimGerald2009

I am married for 12 years already. We have no kids as planned and we live a relatively comfortable life. I can say that I have a happy and peaceful marriage. I love my wife very much, although we really have nothing in common at all, except loving great food. Although we talk, but usually, it is not something that interest me. It's just everyday gossip you hear from the television. No common interest at all. Sometimes, it does get frustrating because every time I want to talk to her about my interest, she either ignores me or goes to sleep. It does get so lonely sometimes.

Now, here is my problem. I met a very beautiful woman. She's so drop dead gorgeous. She is so sweet and caring. She is everything that I want in a woman. We both fell in love with each other immediately. It just happens. We have totally no control over it. We connected immediately. We share the same interest, love the same songs, love the same food, want the same things. Perfect.

This relationship has been going on for a year already. We never got tired of each other. There is this mysterious energy between the both of us. However, she doesn't know that I am married. I feel so darn guilty.

Of course, in every close relationship, there will be some physical encounters. She subtly opened the subject to me, we both teased each other, but I told her that it would be better to keep it "platonic". I told her that I don't want to ruin anything we had. She's the best thing that ever happened to me in my whole life and that I will love her forever. Perhaps, what I can offer is just a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I really can't stand the guilt of cheating my wife.

She got offended by it. We didn't talk for awhile. But we just fell in each others arms again. There are times that I just disappear for weeks, hoping that she'll find another guy. She waited for me and didn' even got mad. She just showered me with love and care. I left her many times already, but still, she was always there waiting. Although it hurt me so much every time I did that, we just cannot separate. She told me that she will love me no matter what and will love me forever. We became really close friends who are in love with each other. But, I never did cross the line. We never became "lovers". We just want to be with each other forever.

I can't lose her for she is my happiness. I just wish we can run away and disappear together.

But, I'm married. I tried to assess my marriage, although I love my wife, however, the love that I have with my friend is incomparable.
She has my whole heart, my whole being, and my whole soul.

The more I thought about my marriage, the more I began to realize that it was more of a "companionship" rather than true love.

I just don't know how to handle this. I'm stuck.

Help.

F8L_Tyr

hi can i ask what age mo na?
sayang we got the right love at the wrong time..
but sabi nga nila everyone deserves to be happy.
since wala pa naman kaung child ng wife mo..
why not hiwalayan mo na lang siya and go with that drop dead georgeous girl that you really love compared sa wife mo na walang pakialam sa iyo..

hooven

bakit di mo kausapin ang wife mo and also, your friend about your situation pero siyempre, expect the worst... be truthful and honest... ask for an annulment from your wife and then, start anew with your girlfriend....

rickym

hooven wrote: »

bakit di mo kausapin ang wife mo and also, your friend about your situation pero siyempre, expect the worst... be truthful and honest... ask for an annulment from your wife and then, start anew with your girlfriend....

that's why i don't want to get committed. its so hard to decide on situations like this. specially if the wife/gf has no fault.

RedhotOne

Lovely fantasy you got there, TS... especially the part where you have disappeared for weeks several times and this drop-dead gorgeous woman waits faithfully without a word of complain, dutifully showering you with love and care each time you decide to come back to her. And after a year of such relationship she still has no idea that you are married. Where does she think you spend your time whenever you are with your wife of 12 years whom you claim to love "very much?" Which planet is she from? I'd like to meet someone just like her someday. hehehe

I don't know bro, but your story has so many disconnects that may need some reworking before its final publication.

gadƒly

priority: tell her that you are married.

see how she would react. see how it'll change her and her feelings towards you. and THEN decide what you must do. but once you do this, there would be no turning back. it'll either be the end of your emotional affair or it'll be the start of you finally LIVING life.

JUST_JT

If you're in 'Pinas, then you're screwed due to no divorce laws.

-Just_JT
You're.stuck.with.your.boring.dead.marriage.sorry.

bonita7744

@kimgerald

omg!!! nakakarelate ako sayo, kaso ako *** 3rd wheel..its sux pero i love him..badtrip *** kc HES STUCK talaga..

lj_jl

you have to talk to her..you should be honest to her if you really love her you must tell her about your situation.nakarelate kasi ** sayo but for me hindi pa naman nya asawa gf palang naman nya and gaya mo sobra kaming nagkakasundo sa lahat ng bagay. dahil mahal ko talaga sya *** nagawa ko tanggapin yung sitwasyon n meron sya.nasa pag uusap nyo iyon kung pano mo ipapaliwanag sa kanya na hindi mo naman intensyon n masaktan sya but still you have to accept ano man ang magiging desisyon nya after nyo magusap.baka mamaya habang tinatago mo sa kanya iyon ng matagal mas maging masaklap pa *** maging ending nyo na sa bandang huli ikaw din ang magsisi.just be honest to the girl and also to your wife.

lj_jl

you have to talk to her..you should be honest to her if you really love her you must tell her about your situation.nakarelate kasi ako sayo but for me hindi pa naman nya asawa gf palang naman nya and gaya mo sobra kaming nagkakasundo sa lahat ng bagay. dahil mahal ko talaga sya kaya nagawa ko tanggapin yung sitwasyon n meron sya.nasa pag uusap nyo iyon kung pano mo ipapaliwanag sa kanya na hindi mo naman intensyon n masaktan sya but still you have to accept ano man ang magiging desisyon nya after nyo magusap.baka mamaya habang tinatago mo sa kanya iyon ng matagal mas maging masaklap pa *** maging ending nyo na sa bandang huli ikaw din ang magsisi.just be honest to the girl and also to your wife.

KimGerald2009

Thank you very much for your valuable inputs. Much appreciate it. Before I give my comments, am I already committing adultery? I mean, there's no sex in this relationship and I made sure I didn't cross the line.

Is it a crime to fall in love with a person so deeply?

hellboy2828

No it is not a crime. The only thing you'll ever get from this is just a guilty conscience and some painful thoughts. You don't want to hurt anyone but you are in a position where you can only choose a lesser evil.

Tell your friend you're married. See what happens.

crazy4ken

TS, are you a fanboy? im more bothered with your nick than your dilemma.

darmonx

To meet someone who you are so attracted to physically and at the same time can challenge you intellectually then also meet your expectations emotionally both as a friend and a lover is probably one of the rarest things in the world. At this point, you are not cheating on your wife. You are cheating yourself and the potential love you may have. Be fair though. Sabihin mo yung totoo sa girl na ito dahil kung siya nga, kailangan malaman niya na may asawa ka at kung mawala siya, tanggapin mo nalang. Sa wife mo naman, after 12 years, you know her more than anyone. The bigger problem will happen when the other girl pursues a relationship with you even with the knowledge that you are married. If that happens iwanan mo ng maayos ang asawa mo. Huwag na huwag mo silang pagsabayin kung talagang ganun kaganda ang samahan niyo ng friend mo na girl. Bababa ang tinginan niyo sa isa't isa at iyon ang ayaw mong mangyari.

KimGerald2009

When we had a fight, she told me bluntly that she knows more than I think. I mean, for 1 year of relationship, she must have found out somehow. I turned pale and didn't say anything. I felt my whole world collapsed. I told her I'm sorry. I turned around and told her good bye. We both understood what that meant even though we didn't talk further. We broke up. And it was so painful.

But after a week, we both ended up again in each other's arm. She reads my blog and tweets and I also do the same, I mean it is pretty difficult to forget someone with today's technology. You can't help but read it.

One insight about her - She wants to remain single and she doesn't want to have kids. But, she wants to be with me forever and she doesn't want to let go. My feelings are the same as well. No matter what, she is going to stick it with me till the end. I am her first love.

What do I do now?

rickym

KimGerald2009 wrote: »

When we had a fight, she told me bluntly that she knows more than I think. I mean, for 1 year of relationship, she must have found out somehow. I turned pale and didn't say anything. I felt my whole world collapsed. I told her I'm sorry. I turned around and told her good bye. We both understood what that meant even though we didn't talk further. We broke up. And it was so painful.

But after a week, we both ended up again in each other's arm. She reads my blog and tweets and I also do the same, I mean it is pretty difficult to forget someone with today's technology. You can't help but read it.

One insight about her - She wants to remain single and she doesn't want to have kids. But, she wants to be with me forever and she doesn't want to let go. My feelings are the same as well. No matter what, she is going to stick it with me till the end. I am her first love.

What do I do now?

maybe she wants a polyamorous relationship.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory
"Polyamory (from Greek πολυ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and free consent of everyone involved.
Polyamory, often abbreviated to poly, is sometimes described as consensual, ethical, or responsible non-monogamy. The word is occasionally used more broadly to refer to any sexual or romantic relationships that are not sexually exclusive, though there is disagreement on how broadly it applies; an emphasis on ethics, honesty, and transparency all around is widely regarded as the crucial defining characteristic.
"Polyamorous" can refer to the nature of a relationship at a given time, or be used as a description of a philosophy or relationship orientation (much like gender orientation), rather than a person's actual relationship status at a given moment. It is an umbrella term that covers various forms of multiple relationships; polyamorous arrangements are varied, reflecting the choices and philosophies of the individuals involved.
Polyamory differs from polygamy, which refers to multiple marriage (although polygamy is often used only to refer to polygyny: one man with several wives.) Traditional polygamy is usually patriarchical and often claims a religious justification. Polyamory, on the other hand, is a more modern outlook grounded in such concepts as gender equality, self-determination, free choice for all involved, mutual trust, equal respect among partners, the intrinsic value of love, the ideal of compersion, and other mostly secular ideals."

assuming that she is open to this, you are very lucky. just make sure that the law is on your side since you are still both married. luckily a man can not be prosecuted for adultery, only concubinage. that means criminally, you can't be prosecuted for one night stands. you could be prosecuted civilly though for infidelity, so just get a 'separation of property'. that would fix things, you can't get married to anyone else though until you get an annulment. well, if you want to go around looking for a soulmate maybe it's better to remain married para di ka mapikot.

pushpop

you say you didnt cross the line and never cheated on your wife...

fidelity is more than sexual... you can be unfaithful to your wife in getting emotionally connected or tied with someone else. so in this sense, you did cross the line.

being with a new person is indeed very tempting - she looks more refreshing, more exciting, more beautiful, more loving and lovable compared to your wife whom you've spend every waking, non-working minute with for the past 12 years.

but think about it carefully... do you love this new person enough to let go of the one who stood by you for more than a decade? someone who has proven through time that she can weather storms with you? someone who has shown that her love is not fleeting?

think carefully, but think fast. you were lucky for a year, and you managed to keep your two lives (and loves) separate.. your luck can turn anytime and you stand to lose both of them