Alpha females with Beta males - does it work?

pushpop

Strong-willed, dominant, successful women (who earn more) in a relationship with a more submissive male... do you think this will last in a patriarchal society like ours?

pushpop

in our culture, the guy is expected to head the family - meaning, he has the last word on decisions, he supports the family (which is to say,he shoulders majority of the household expenditures), and he is the strong authority figure that the kids are supposed to fear/obey.

what if it's the other way around? what if it's the wife/girlfriend who assumed this role?

would this affect the way the guy perceives himself, and eventually affect their relationship?

prEttyNdisTress

I know someone like that... sa work ko before..the girl has been expat to many countries already... and the husband is 2 notches lower than her position.

The girl is an Alpha female..definitely! masungit masyado kasi eh... I don't know how her marriage life is doing though... pero I feel na the guy may not be happy kasi nga medyo na step yun ego nya... :(

PEXMod

submissiveness in males --> not a attractive quality.

a guy may not earn as much as the girl. that is acceptable. but a guy being submissive to the whims of his spouse ---> this is a turn off for me.

a guy must rule the home and his wife. that's my point of view.

feisty_virago

I honestly don't see any problems with this set-up. I think it basically just boils down to choice. It's the choice of the beta male whether to accept the reality or to feel insecure about his alpha wife's success. Nobody forced him to marry his wife naman (unless napikot siya, that is). Kung magpapatalo talaga siya sa insecurity niya sa wife niya because of his ego, then he deserves to be called a wuss, IMHO.;)

I also know a woman who earns more than her husband. But she says her hubby is not bitter about it and she sees no problems with it. It does not make her hubby less of a person naman eh, considering the trade off is that she's always out of the country, yung hubby niya nagaasikaso sa kids nila. It just so happens that the woman was given better breaks than her husband. It could be just aout luck, or being at the right place at the right time. IMHO, pride and ego should have no place in a relationship.:)

kreuk

carmina villaroel and zoren legaspi are perfect examples. carmina brings home the bacon while zoren tends to the children.

but it's also possible that the husband earns more than the wife but the wife is still an alpha female i know a gal who acts all girly but is so dominant and demanding with her man she forces him to bring home more bacon.

it's okay to be dominant as long as you're not demanding. demanding people suck out the joy in other people.

as for submissive males... girls either want an equal or someone a lot more dominant than they are.

kreuk

if you'll ask me however which one i would rather be between these extremes:

- a dominant female
- helpless whiner

i go for being alpha female 100%. helpless whiners also suck out the joy in other people.

RedhotOne

pushpop wrote: »

Strong-willed, dominant, successful women (who earn more) in a relationship with a more submissive male... do you think this will last in a patriarchal society like ours?

No, not in a well-established patriarchal society, but it can last among individual relationships kung pareho nilang tinatanggap yan at masaya sila sa ganyang situation.

But for me, halimbawa lang na mas malaki ang sweldo ng babae, I don't have to resent it or feel inferior to her (much less submissive) because I know I can excel in other things that I can take great pride in.

java_chiq

when they originally started on equal footing...

then later on the woman gets ahead...(drive + ambition+ talent= success)
the guy just stays the same (confident+lazy+contented=normal)

then

alpha woman + beta male = alpha woman (cheating w/ alpha male behind beta male's back)

beta male doesn't know.... everybody happy...:D QED

kreuk

d0minating males are a lot more attractive than beta males. we already have gal pals...

but can anyone define what dominating is?! basta for me:

dominating = may dating (his presence makes u breathless - ok exagg naman ang breathless but something like it.)

napapansin mo at hindi ka nabobore sa sobra niyang pagkawalang ambition or whatever other reason.

java_chiq

pero meron din naman alpha males na submissive...:D

powerful and all at work...pag dating sa bahay...


yes honey...

pushpop

prEttyNdisTress wrote: »

I know someone like that... sa work ko before..the girl has been expat to many countries already... and the husband is 2 notches lower than her position.

The girl is an Alpha female..definitely! masungit masyado kasi eh... I don't know how her marriage life is doing though... pero I feel na the guy may not be happy kasi nga medyo na step yun ego nya... :(

hahaha... pag masungit, does it follow na alpha female na?

personally, i dont think so... pwede kasing bitter lang sa buhay, or currently heart-broken sya, or madaming problema...

pushpop

PEXMod wrote: »

submissiveness in males --> not a attractive quality.

a guy may not earn as much as the girl. that is acceptable. but a guy being submissive to the whims of his spouse ---> this is a turn off for me.

a guy must rule the home and his wife. that's my point of view.

submitting to the whims of the wife is not acceptable, of course, because that becomes an abusive relationship already.

but say, when it comes to major decisions like what school will the kids go to, where they will live, what kind of house to buy, it's the woman who has the final say. Will this kind of set-up not work for you?

pushpop

feisty_virago wrote: »

I honestly don't see any problems with this set-up. I think it basically just boils down to choice. It's the choice of the beta male whether to accept the reality or to feel insecure about his alpha wife's success. Nobody forced him to marry his wife naman (unless napikot siya, that is). Kung magpapatalo talaga siya sa insecurity niya sa wife niya because of his ego, then he deserves to be called a wuss, IMHO.;)

I also know a woman who earns more than her husband. But she says her hubby is not bitter about it and she sees no problems with it. It does not make her hubby less of a person naman eh, considering the trade off is that she's always out of the country, yung hubby niya nagaasikaso sa kids nila. It just so happens that the woman was given better breaks than her husband. It could be just aout luck, or being at the right place at the right time. IMHO, pride and ego should have no place in a relationship.:)

swerte nung wife... she found an understanding guy...

so the guy is not working? he's a stay-at-home husband?

pushpop

kreuk wrote: »

carmina villaroel and zoren legaspi are perfect examples. carmina brings home the bacon while zoren tends to the children.

but it's also possible that the husband earns more than the wife but the wife is still an alpha female i know a gal who acts all girly but is so dominant and demanding with her man she forces him to bring home more bacon.

it's okay to be dominant as long as you're not demanding. demanding people suck out the joy in other people.

as for submissive males... girls either want an equal or someone a lot more dominant than they are.

yes, it's not always about the money... it's really because the woman has a stronger personality than the man. it just so happens that strong-willed women also tend to have successful careers, on the average at least

pushpop

what if you earn more but she always wants to get her own way?

As I said in my previous post, it's not always about the money or about having a higher salary...

pushpop

RedhotOne wrote: »

No, not in a well-established patriarchal society, but it can last among individual relationships kung pareho nilang tinatanggap yan at masaya sila sa ganyang situation.

But for me, halimbawa lang na mas malaki ang sweldo ng babae, I don't have to resent it or feel inferior to her (much less submissive) because I know I can excel in other things that I can take great pride in.

what if you earn more but she always wants to get her own way?

As I said in my previous post, it's not always about the money or about having a higher salary...

pushpop

java_chiq wrote: »

when they originally started on equal footing...

then later on the woman gets ahead...(drive + ambition+ talent= success)
the guy just stays the same (confident+lazy+contented=normal)

then

alpha woman + beta male = alpha woman (cheating w/ alpha male behind beta male's back)

beta male doesn't know.... everybody happy...:D QED

)

so you're saying a man would be content with this set-up, but not the woman?

java_chiq

pushpop wrote: »

)

so you're saying a man would be content with this set-up, but not the woman?

im not saying that men in this situation are contented....im saying that if a man is a betamale and he is contented...its a recipe for trouble.

it's a parameter for the rule... not the rule itself...:D

feisty_virago

pushpop wrote: »

swerte nung wife... she found an understanding guy...

so the guy is not working? he's a stay-at-home husband?

Nah, the guy is actually in IT, he earns quite okay naman, as far as the IT profession go, kaso local firm.

Now the alpha wife is a Brand Manager in a multinational FMCG. She's always out of the country meeting with her foreign counterparts. They're both smart but it just so happens, like what I said, the girl was given better breaks by her richer company. So a major portion of it is luck and yes, the girl knows her market research and positioning stuff well but i bet she doesn't know jack about IT configuration or writing a business document design.;) so kanya-kanyang talent din yan. who knows, baka ma-pirate din yung husband niya ng isang foreign IT firm, maging pareho na sweldo nila, diba?:)

rickym

java_chiq wrote: »

im not saying that men in this situation are contented....im saying that if a man is a betamale and he is contented...its a recipe for trouble.

it's a parameter for the rule... not the rule itself...:D

what happens with an alphamale and if his wife is the one who is contented?