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Limpbwisit's Blog - 08/04/2009 (http://ryski.blog.friendster.com/2009/08/on-moving-forward)

It has been so long since I last blogged. I have a lot of stories to tell, pero sa ngayon I’m waiting for the right time.

Right now, I am letting my heart do all the talking. Its been a while since I last did that. I’ve been trying hard to control my emotions and so far I’ve been able to keep myself in check.

Lately though, I find myself in a very familiar situation. I find myself in mixed emotions about a very special person. I find myself falling for someone.

I find it strange that, despite all efforts not to be in this predicament, I have fallen for the same trap that has caused so much pain and disappointment for me. I have had no success in finding that one person for me. Which makes me wonder, what the hell makes me think that she is different from the others?

She is quiet a person to handle. She is perky, and she has such a disarming smile. She makes me smile even when I have no intention of doing so. But the most fascinating thing about her is that she never claimed to be perfect. In fact, she is the first to admit her failings. Her honesty is something I seldom find in other people.

It’s not that difficult to love her. And as I find myself wondering of the things that make her so cool in my eyes, I get the feeling that I am putting myself in the position where I am most vulnerable. I feel so defenseless.

Blame it on me. I am such a sucker. I easily get smittened by ladies of her type. So I guess it is almost useless to fight the urge.

But before I do, I would like to get my head into this. I would need to think things over. Because the last time I let my heart rule over my head, I ended up battered (literally), beaten, and terribly hurt.

Looking back, I thought that the best thing for me to do was to shut my heart down and keep everything as calculating as possible. It would never hurt that bad doing so. Looking forward, I wonder if this lady would break my heart yet again.

I thought that moving on with my life would be as easy as I tell people it is. I can’t imagine myself in the same predicament as I unfortunately had myself a couple of months ago. I guess the point of having to go through this process is to learn. But am I?

I’m turning 30 in a couple of hours, and I wonder if she even remembers my birthday. Not that I am expecting, but I guess that is the first of many things that would tell me that I mean something to her. Too much to ask? I guess so.

So now I wait as time ticks away. If she forgets my birthday, that only goes to show that my head was right… that I am not really a relationship-material guy… I am the type that ladies turn to when they need someone to help them forget their boyfriends or would need some perking up. I am the class clown that they turn to for a good laugh. One of my lady friends even went as far as saying that women would find it hard to take me seriously. That should end all discussions connecting relationships and me, the perpetual bachelor.

The hourglass is set and time is counting down.


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