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I love you this much.

Things never changed. I could still find you in a crowd, still feel your presence, and feel as in love as I was the first day we met. People may call me stupid for feeling this way, but they cannot blame me. I only loved you in the best way I know how. I didn’t know what I was doing was wrong. I had no idea that the right way of loving you, would also drive you away.

I was too nice, that’s what you said. I rarely get mad and I seem to let everything slip. It’s not that I didn’t care, I was just loving you the best way I know how. I was learning how to be in a relationship. After 8 years of coping with abuse and moving on, trying to make myself love again – I thought I had finally found it. I had someone who did not necessarily promise me the stars. Do you know how much I love him?

Every morning I wake up to thank God for bringing him into my life. Everyday I would love him more and more despite his flaws. Whenever I’m looking for him in a crowd – whether his back is turned to me – I always know where he is. Sitting in silence with him is my perfect moment, looking at him and telling myself “he loves me” – you love me. I honestly loved you. I remember that night I first told you I love you. Everything seemed to fit into its place. I love you fit. You held so many plans for us, so many promises. Where did they all go?

The next thing I knew you were gone. No explanations, no apologies – you just left. My world shattered, I didn’t know how to let you go. I had so much love in me, and I couldn’t understand why you left me. You left me for her. HER. I wonder what she has, but then I couldn’t blame her. I know how easy it is to love you. I couldn’t even fight back, even if I wanted to, you had her. I put all hope in you, wishing upon all saints that you weren’t going to hurt me. You did. To this day I wake up in tears just to remind myself you’re not mine anymore. I cry until all tears have gone for all that we could have had.

I pretended to be happy and telling everyone I have moved on. Then I saw you. Just like before, I knew you were there. You looked different. You looked happy. I was looking at you and thinking you were never that happy with me. You walked away and I stood there, desperately wanting to run after you. One hug I said. Just one. I prayed to all the saints, “please please just bring him back, I will do anything”. Your cab drove away as we stared at each other for what seems like forever. It brought back all the pain I had in my heart. I knew then, I loved you so much more.

You were happy. I knew you were, even if you didn’t tell me. I stood there thinking how can I go on. How will I let go? Then it came to me why I had to let go. You were happy. This may be the way to show how much I love you. I know you are happy - even if its not with me. As I sit here, typing away, tears running down my face, loving you – I want you to be happy.

I love you so much. SO MUCH. It’s so hard to accept that the love I had drove you away. I’ll wait until I have nothing left waiting for. I’ll love you until I have nothing left to love. You’re happy, and if that means I have to hurt to see you happy, then so be it. That’s how I love you. No boundaries, no consequences, and no regrets.

Come back to me. Please just come back.
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Comments

  • :(:'( ****...
  • im feeling the exact same way.. :(

    why do we have to love them this much even if they're gone..even if they left us for somebody else..why do we continue feeling the endless love and pain..

    sad sad sad..

    two words.. MOVE ON! but how?!! :(
  • ^^sad naman but you have to move forward
  • If only it was that easy. I wish I could wake up one morning and not feel the pain anymore. But I have to move on, even if the love I feel for him is still there. I saw him, and he was happy. That was all I ever wanted, for him to be happy. Even if it's not with me.

    But how can you really teach your heart to stop loving someone?
  • _Zei_Emu__Zei_Emu_ PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    what a touching and well-written letter. naiyak ako. :(
  • oo nga how sad is that >>>>
  • tilmantilman PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    Its funny that often its actually easier to love somenoe who is not with you or doeant even want to be with you.
    If your really together in real life with a real person you will always have some conflicts. But the far away person is easily idolized, because you not confronted with his daily shortcomings.
    Yes you will have to get over him sooner or later. It will take time, thats ok, but don't get stuck.
  • ma.jadema.jade PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    You can't teach your heart to stop loving. :) I can relate to your thread and I guess sometimes I do feel that way as well. But here's the thing, sometimes its better that you yourself know that you have loved greatly. It doesnt matter anymore if he'll know about it or not - what matters is you have loved. I know it will hurt you, but in the end you'll feel better. You'll know if you loved fully if you'll feel better in the end.

    Love is such a wonderful feeling, take note of that. ;)
  • menyekmenyek PEx Rookie ⭐
    If you love someone, set them free.

    If they come back, well good for you.

    If not, then they wanted someone else.
  • so sad. I can feel your sentiments.. :-(
  • hayyyyyy i can really relate
  • Thank you for all your replies. And yes, I am working on moving on. I had to see him, to remind myself why I had to let him go. He was happy and that's enough. Now it's time to find my own happiness..wherever it may be. I will never regret the way I loved him or how much. That's who I am. I don't love less or enough..I love more.
  • chevy_camaro23chevy_camaro23 PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    "my friends keep telling me, that if you really love her you gotta set her free...and if she returns in kind i know she's mine...maybe my love will come back someday, only heaven knows...and maybe our hearts will find a way, only heaven knows.. and all i can do is hope and pray..coz heaven knows..."

    sad naman nito... :mecry:
    sometimes, God take something away from us and replace it with something better.. :) i hope you'll find your true happiness TS.. just keep on praying.. :angel:
  • Pabagsak na luha ko. I can relate. So sad..
  • Today when a sad song played on the radio, I actually turned it off and walked away. It was a good feeling. It still hurts, I think the pain will never go away. But our relationship was the best I have ever had, regardless of how it ended. I will never regret anything. He once said he regrets being with me, it hurts, but I'm not that much of a coward. I loved him, it was real, and I will never take that back. I can only imagine that if I can love the wrong person this much..I think being with the right one will be so much better. Thank you for the replies, advice, and messages. You have helped me understand things and start moving on. Thanks.
  • I can only imagine that if I can love the wrong person this much..I think being with the right one will be so much better.

    you're right!

    goodluck TS! kaya mo yan! :)
  • BACK HOME

    How can I stand the day alone
    I recall the times when our love was thrown
    And how will I get through the day
    My tears are falling down
    Remembering the words you said

    Tell me that our love won’t fade away
    Can anybody tell me how a perfect love went wrong
    Can anybody heal my heart and mend my broken soul
    If there’s someone who can count my tears and all my sorrow
    Oh please make him come back home

    You promised a lifetime of love that will never fade
    Until the day the sun no longer shines
    But you’ve let my heart died
    You left me all alone I’m grieving now
    Coz you found someone new

    Tell me this is not a game you play
    Can anybody tell me how a perfect love went wrong
    Can anybody heal my heart and mend my broken soul
    If there’s someone who can count my tears and all my sorrow
    Oh please make him come back home

    I don’t wanna go on without
    No more sleepless nights because of you
    Hold me tight don’t ever let me go
    Don’t let me go

    Can anybody tell me how a perfect love went wrong
    Can anybody heal my heart and mend my broken soul
    If there’s someone who can count my tears and all my sorrow
    Oh please make him come back home

    :mecry:
  • the way you narrated it is so beautiful and very heartfelt. we don't exactly share the same story but i do get the part about loving someone so much, that it hurts.

    it's true what the rest of the pexers said here, when things like these happen, there is no other way but to move forward.
  • bdm1211bdm1211 PEx Rookie ⭐
    let your tears flow...you will ease burden in your heart when you are crying...

    masakit talaga yan, wala ako ng exact words na masasabi para mapagaan yang heart mo...

    maybe hugs from your close friends will help...
  • so sad ....TS I feel the same way for you. It hurts when you love someone who is not really meant for you...

    just a thought TS

    "Maybe some people just aren't meant to stay in our lives forever, maybe some people are just passing through. It's like some people just come through our lives to bring us something, a lesson we need to learn..."
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