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My GF is older than me.. some dilemmas...

Guys,

Me and my gf has been in the relationship for 3 years now and she is quite older than me. im 26 and shes 31. we get along very well and share the same interests. gf is very kind and talagang wala akong problem sa kanya. she doesn't flirt with other guys and talagang may prinsipyo sa buhay, we also love each other so much and on the physical side naman she doesnt look like her age and i dont look like my age too. petite kasi sya and im not that tall naman din. di naman sa nagyayabang pero we are both blessed with an artistahin face. cute daw kaming dalawa pag magkasama.

but dilemma coz is she is now talking about plans on getting married na daw on 2010. wala naman ako problem emotionally but financially meron coz im just earning 16k per month and im working for the top bank here in the phils and she just been an officer a year ago (around 28k salary). ok na yung salary nya pero ako kasi iniisip ko ang liit ng sweldo ko for starting a family.

also. she has this retroverted uterus and endometriosis thing... mommy kasi nya meron din nun pero kasi 24 palang kinasal na mommy nya so yung egg cell nya maganda pa. natatakot ako baka pag kinasal na kami hindi kami magkaaanak or worse, hindi maging normal yung baby (wag naman sana...) ... gusto ko talaga magkababy kasi with her coz for sure ang cute cute nun...

kaya im having doubts po sa kanya... pero i want to be with her forever. i really love her...

pls help me. prove me wrong with my doubts. lalo na sa mga may experience like mine share nyo naman inputs niyo.

thanks po.
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Comments

  • karlo_12karlo_12 PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    bilis bilisan nyo na ang pagpapakasal. remember may best before chuva ang mga girls. pag 30 plus na ata. hirap na magkaanak.
  • May doubts ka sa kanya? Sa kakayahan nya na magbigay ng anak? With all the advances in medicine, possible na magkaroon ng anak!

    May doubts ka with your capacity with starting a family? Ang suwerte nyo nga may stable na trabaho kayo pareho. High-end ba ang lifestyle nyo? Pareho naman kayong nasa bangko so you both know the value of money and working hard for it so mapag-uusapan nyo yun.

    Are these issues more important to you compared to letting her go and seeing her with another man for the rest of your life? Sabi mo artistahin kayo pareho and IMHO, if you let her go at this point, di malayong maliligawan sya and she's more than ready to settle down.

    I'm pretty sure it's easier to live and resolve those doubts/issues than live without her by your side for the rest of your life.
  • mahal mo pala e dapat wag mo isipin ang isip ng iba kasi may sarili naman kayong isip.
  • thank for the tips guys.

    she wants a church wedding pero di ko kaya ibigay yun..hay... kung pwde ko lang sabihin na civil nalang muna para at least nasa isang bubong na kami and trying to have a baby na...
  • ^^ tell her na hindi mo kaya..if she really loves you, kahit ano naman magiging okei..and for sure she'll adjust..

    about your concern sa pagkakaron ng baby, madami ng ways to conceive ngayon..yung tita ko na retroverted uterus, 4 na anak ngayon..;)

    sabe nga, pag gusto maraming paraan..pag ayaw maraming dahilan..
  • baklitabaklita PEx Veteran ⭐⭐


    enter the baklita... that's me!!!

    hoy lalake! mag-isip-isip ka. take it or leave it... este take her
    as she is or leave her to live her life on her own without you.

    allow me to offer you some provoking thoughts. kung mamahalin
    mo ang isang tao... yung wagas na pagmamahal... tatanggapin
    mo siya sa kanyang mga magagandang katangian at sa mga
    shortcomings niya. ganoon ka rin sa kanya. hindi ka perpektong
    tao at meron kang mga pagkukulang. kung sa paniwala mo mas
    maraming good traits ang makikita mo sa kanya at mapapasaya
    ka rito... what's holding you up?

    sa mga existing issues katulad sa nabanggit mo... retroverted
    uterus at endometriosis... pag-uusapan ninyo ang pros and cons
    nito. what if and what if not... find options if not solutions to the
    issues involved. get medical advice upang maliwanagan kayong
    dalawa. crystal clear ba? dapat!

    now, i-imagine mo na mawawala ang babaeng mahal na mahal
    mo sa buong buhay mo. kaya mo bang pakawalan ang gf mo at
    tuluyang mawala sa iyong buhay? para matauhan ka... basahin
    mo ulit ang sinulat ko rito hanggang ma-digest ang message ko, noh!

    dapat bayaran mo ako sa aking payo. kukurutin talaga kita sa singit, noh!

    aihihihi!!! :lol:

    baklita


  • naku kulang pa iyang sweldo niyo. Siguro pwede pa ang kasal pero wag muna kayo magkaanak, kung kaya niyo tiisin. Hindi sapat ang monthly 44k para magkaroon ng maginhawang pamilya haha. Electricity, DSL, cellphone,katulong, tuition ng anak, medical bills, i can go on and list a hundred more things :D

    advice ko maaaring pwede kayo ikasal pero sana huwag muna kayo magkaanak.
  • Maybe you can ask your boss for a raise. Or you find work that offers you a much bigger salary.

    With your plans to first have a civil wedding, you can always tell her that. I'm sure she just wants you guys to get married. It doesn't matter how. Although siyempre, girls always dream of a wonderful church wedding. But you both can work hard later on naman so you can have your dream wedding someday.

    As for your offspring dreams, there are always ways to havea child, if God forbid, there's something wrong with her ability to do that. You can have her checked again by a doctor to know your chances or your options.

    Goodluck!
  • blue_tracerblue_tracer PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    mr. threadstarter:

    first of all, hindi ganun kalaki ang age gap ninyo, imo. mas tagilid pa ang mga may ldr (long distance relationship) kaysa age gap na yan.

    maraming questions dito na lilitaw, pero di mo makukuhang masagot lahat ito sa isang setting lang. magbabago pa kasi ang 'complexion' ng situation sa darating na mga taon.

    yun plan sa 2010 wedding.. you're earning 16,000 php/month, you said.. wala na siguro masyado mababago diyan by 2010, do you think so..? maliban pag lumipat ka siguro ng company.. realistically, baka 20,000-25,000 php din lang. o kaya makaisip ka ng ibang business.

    so assuming nasa ganyang figure ang kikitain mo by that time, sabihin mo na lang deretsa sa gf mo kung ano lang ang kaya mong provide na klaseng kasalan.

    ang hindi ko talaga maintindihan din sa kulturang pilipino natin, ang hirap-hirap na nga ng buhay ngayon.. bakit gusto pa rin natin engrande lagi ang mga bagay-bagay.

    sana proportional lang.. kung ano ang kaya eh di doon lang. nadoon kasi yun notion na minsan lang ito (kasal) sa buhay. sa mga panahon ngayon, sinong makakapagsabi na minsan na lang ang kasalan..? he he he

    sa tingin ko lang, pag na weigh mo na lahat, dapat matuloy ang kasalan by 2010. may medical condition kasi yung gf mo. besides, sabi mo nga dito: we get along very well and share the same interests. gf is very kind and talagang wala akong problem sa kanya. she doesn't flirt with other guys and talagang may prinsipyo sa buhay, we also love each other so much.

    sabihin mo sa gf mo, simpleng wedding lang muna kaya mo.. saka na yun engrande. hingin mo rin siya ng feedback. mapapagusapan naman yan.

    yung pontential combined earnings ninyo.. depende na yan sa lifestyle ninyo at pag budget. porke ba't kapitbahay ninyo bili ng bili ng appliances buwan-buwan.. abah di naman ibig sabihin gumaya rin kayo. kanya-kanyang priorities na lang yan at pag pipigil.

    may katwiran doon si yoroshikuonegai sa huwag munang mag anak. well, diskarteng mag asawa na rin yun family planning.

    abah.. you've gone this far, so bakit may doubts ka pang nababanggit? he he he

    tuloy mo na yan bro.. goodie lak! :)
  • Yes totoo nga ang mga nabanggit sa itaas, may 28 years ka narin dito sa mundo - ano pa ang gagawin mo kung mawawala pa siya sa iyo -just my opinion pero yan sa tingin ko ang perfect age to get married, mga late 20's to early 30's -Malaking blessing ang makahanap ng babaeng ganyan. And money wise, just save save and save! And be agressive in doing so, -Kayang kaya ng budgeting yan. Just keep on being positive and always look on the brighter side of things. Pag hard worker, kahit ano pa, the only way you're going is up! Have time to talk about everything over, it may be awkward, but knowing all the good and the not so good before you tie the knot greatly helps! At least maiiwasan ang sisihan, kasi iba din ang sa long run. But I greatly suggest -Marry her! Godbless~
  • Kahit civil wedding lang muna. *okay*
  • yep tama sila, civil wedding and live a simple life first. Kung kaya mo taasan sweldo mo taasan mo pa. Enroll to school again para dumami opportunities at skills mo. Sa totoo lang kasi ang 16k kahit pansarili ko hindi ko alam papano ako mabubuhay diyan. Rent pa lang ng apartment/dorm nasa 9k na.

    Having a child is probably the least of your problems, living life well and fulfilling all your wants in life is still first priority. People have don't have money have no business meddling with having kids. Of course kausapin mo ng mabuti GF mo dahil alam kong mahal na mahal mo siya :)
  • mapagiipunan naman ang iba pang needs niyo..civil wedding na lang muna kayo then after makapag ipon for a church wedding edi go! mahal niyo naman isa't isa so why ka pa mag d doubt dba?
  • I think you have a dilemma but its not the age gap - actually halos wala naman talaga 26 at 31? No big deal really. Ang age gap is pag 15 ka 2nd year high school - and siya naman 20 at nagtratrabaho na - yon ang dilemma corruption of minors, puwede siyang mademanda ng parents mo. Pero hindi naman yon ang case.

    The dilemma is more of financial and physical - my take on things. Kung wedding ang paguusapan you can even have a church wedding and invite your CLOSEST FRIENDS/RELATIVES. Mag pa cater kayo or go to a decent resto at tapos na. Big weddings have become boring to me. Pare pareho ang nakikita mo . Now ang problema na lang is if that ok with her kasi alam mo naman ang mga girls may dream wedding yan. Just lay your cards on the table at pag usapan ninyo. Plan your marriage and not much on the wedding.

    Now the problem is her condition - look for a doctor tapos kung may kakilala kayo the fees and the expenses will be much much smaller. These are the dilemmas you have to face - the situation na baka hindi kayo mag ka baby. Try to go to HEALTH AND NUTRITION THREAD - Whats Up Doc. The Doctors there might be of help to tell you what to do.

    Dude your a bit missing the point - mahal mo siya - mahal ka naman niya and you see yourself growing old together. Yon ang isa sa pinaka importanteng reason to get married.

    Focus on your future wife's medical condition first, then the small and intimate but nontheless meaningful wedding.:)
  • lanie_rockslanie_rocks PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    sabi nung ka-team ko, getting married is not about being ready whether financially speaking or emotionally, why, 'coz even if you invest on something that will make your future secured or stable, its still not a guarantee. Readiness is not a matter of earning thousands of pesos every month, it just a PLUS, but your getting married first & foremost because you love the person.

    Natural lang na magdemand ng marriage un girl kasi she feels that she's ready. Nasa tamang edad na siya. Hindi naman ikaw lang un gagawa ng way to make your married life work eh, dalawa kayo. You guys just have to be there, hand in hand to make things possible.
  • dilemma over a 5-year age gap..? OMG.. your making me laugh Mr. TS.. am 46, he is just turning 22 and we're doing fine.. he wants children of course, and he was very vocal about it then, especially when we were just starting.. but after trying so many times and still not having one, he somewhat had accepted the fact na wala na nga siguro talaga because of my age.. yet he keeps on assuring me every now and then na ngayon, he wants to be with-me-for-the-rest of-his-life more than he wants kids.. and that, i suppose is what you call love in the real sense of the word.. am just so lucky having him, i know..
  • Meanie!!Meanie!! PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Agree ako kay yoroshikuonegai; kulang pa sahod niyong dalawa. At the very least, maghahanap-hanap ka na muna ng pwedeng sideline na negosyo.

    Also, my advice would be, gamitin mo rin yung utak mo. Tama yung nag-iisip ka ng mga ganyan, para when you finally decide to marry/not marry her, alam mo yung decision mo. Lalake tayo and its sort of our job to really think things through.
  • For me, you don't need to compare your salaries to start a family. You're very lucky nga you have a gf like her. It doesn't really mean that because you only earn 16k a month, you are deprived of getting married? Nope, not really in your situation. Kayong dalawa ang magbubuhay sa family nyo; not only you because ikaw ang guy? That's old school/very conservative thinking man, iba na ang panahon ngayon. Once you and your gf get married, share your blessings with each other. You work as one, decide as one, play as one, face the future as one, raise your family as one; not only you, but you and your wife. With your salaries combined I don't think you'll have a problem starting or sustaining a family, nasa diskarte lang yan.

    There's nothing to worry about your gf's medical condition. Like what our fellow pexer said, the advances in medicine can easily rectify that.

    My advise is: "MARRY HER!". Why? Because you love her and she loves you; what more can you ask for? Start simple. With your current combined financial capacity, civil wedding lang muna. Save up for a baby. You can always have a grand church wedding or church weddings anytime after that.
  • anu ba need mo partner sa buhay o aanakan lang?

    i mean come on......

    pag isipan mo yan....

    simple lang rude pa pagkakasabi ko pero totoo..

    selfish ka....masydo
  • rayzlerayzle PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    ang palagay ko lang ang dilemma mo TS is worried ka na di kayo magkaanak. sa pagkakaalam ko when a girl reaches 30 or higher eh risky ang pregnancy like may mga complications which is a possibility. di naman sa di magkakaanak, unless infertile, pero meron lang complications pero panalangin mo na wala. bakit ba napaka negative mo? lumalabas kasi na parang you're having doubts na huwag na ituloy ang relationship/marriage kung hindi ka niya mabibigyan ng anak. paano kung ikaw kaya ang baog?
    ang dami mong worries. pasalamat ka at hindi insecure ang girlfriend mo (because of your age gap) or baka ikaw ang insecure kasi mas financially stable si gf kesa ikaw?
    so if you can't stand it, then huwag mo na ituloy. kung di mo pa feel to get married civil man or church then you don't have to force yourself dahil hindi maganda ang kalalabasan.
    kung problem mo ang financial, hindi mo naman siguro iniintay na tumanda ka saka tataas ang sweldo mo. kung may motivation ka para mag increase ang salary mo maraming paraan kahit pa hindi yun madali. pero ano worry mo? sigurado naman magtutulong kayo ng gf mo sa gastos so together kaya nyo na bumuhay ng family lalo na kung tatanggalin niyo ang luho sa kahit ano at focus lang sa family.
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