Should I give it a second chance?

I need other people's insights on this dilemma .. actually I need fresh ears (or should I say eyes) who can help me think about my current situation ...

Please bear with me ... this is a bit long ...

4 years ago, I met this guy who led a very different life compared to mine. We were worlds apart. Our circles never crossed. We didn't really share anything in common. When I met him, my relationship with my ex was going through a rough patch .. and so I was vulnerable and very sensitive. Hence ... I fell for him ...

The relationship didn't last long, 3 months I think. There were so many issues that I had to settle, plus the fact that my family didn't approve of him. Our break up was a disaster. We ended the relationship with so much hurt and hate.

2 years after the break up, he once again tried to reach out to me. It was just a quick chat in ym. He knew that I still despised him for what he did, so I think he was sensitive enough to know that I didn't want to talk to him, and that we can't be friends yet.

And now ... 4 years after our break up, he calls me on my birthday. Maybe, because of the wine and champagne I had, we talked on the phone for 2 hours. We updated eachother, it was like talking to an old friend whom you haven't seen in such a long time. Surprisingly our phone session wasn't a disaster.

The next morning I get this text message from him saying that he missed me and that he realized that he still loves me.

I was really surprised, I told him politely that all I can give him is my friendship, and nothing more. And yet, he's been very persistent and insists that I give him another chance.

I've talked to my close friends about this, and the mere mention of his name made them frown, roll eyes, and shake their heads in disagreement. They disapprove of him, for the reason that they didn't like what he did when we broke up. He could have handled the situation in a more mature way, but then he was consumed by his emotions.

I do think that he has matured, and he admitted that he was wrong, and I accepted his explanation and apology. But I don't think he has changed, I think he is the same person I met 4 years ago. Not that he has any traits that I want him to change, or anything in his lifestyle that I don't like. I just don't think he can immerse anymore in the kind of life that I lead now.

I asked him what kind of impression I made on him 4 years ago. Some of those traits still hold true, but most ... don't hold anymore. I told him that I think I've changed a lot in the last 4 years. My wants have changed, my demands have changed, my patience shortened, my standards probably higher ... and yet he insists that he can accept me for who I am. He insists that he knows the real me, and that the reason all these traits surfaced is because I'm probably just unhappy.

I do know how I really am. And I disagree with his understanding of the situation.

But ... despite the clarity in my mind that he falls short of the man that I want ... I've realized once again that the short lived relationship we had 4 years ago, was one of the moments where I felt I was most loved, most cared for, and most adored. And I don't think anybody can ever outdo him, or at least, so far nobody has ever outdone him yet in this aspect.

I can give him another chance .. why not ... just for me to see if it can work out ... but I don't want him to get hurt. Or then maybe we should just be friends.

Thanks for reading ... looking forward to your advice ...

Comments

  • dont get a bf just for the sake of having a bf dear. *okay*

    if you really really really like the guy and if you love him wholeheartedly, then it's time for you to give him another chance.

    do you love him?

    if yes, and 100% sure, you can give it a try. but if your answer is maybe, no, not sure, 70/30, 50/50, its not worth trying.

    good luck.

    keep us posted. :)
  • sweetwahmsweetwahm Just Another PExer ✭✭
    Why don't you give him a chance? He could have matured. It's been 4 years after all. You don't have to be in a relationship asap just to see it things could work out. Be friends again. Date. Take it from there. What you have going for you is that you are more guarded now and can go into this with eyes open. Be open and let him know what to expect, that you and him both should just see if any good can come out of being together. Better you both take the chance then let it pass by di ba?
  • the_icewolfthe_icewolf in the DMZ... PExer
    me punto yung si notesticky...

    minsan kasi, once nagkabf na, gusto laging may karelasyon, hinahanap hanap na...

    saka yung nangyari dati (na nagkahiwalay kayo) kung ano man yung pinagawayan niyo nun, babalik at babalik yan (people rarely change!!!)

    btw, dont talk with your ex while drinking... hehehe!!!
  • aicute12aicute12 www.lakadpinas.com PExer
    Another chance!! Give him another chance..
  • RedhotOneRedhotOne Member PExer
    What do you have to lose by giving him another chance at friendship? Then you can both determine if the metamorphosis (maturity?) that has transpired over the past 4 years is acceptable enough to take the relationship to the next level.
  • vrc1023vrc1023 Member PExer
    I think this all boils down to us spending some time together and hanging out as friends first before we jump or take it to the next level.

    Thanks for your advice ...

    I'm thinking about having coffee with him this weekend ...

    We'll see ...
  • cuechen21cuechen21 BAECHU is LIFE PExer
    4 years ago? crap! that was like... so long... tagal na pala... yeah just stay friends before adding "more than" in the word "friends"...
  • ayanami-xayanami-x Ba??ed the Ādmins t(' _'t) PExer
    why dont you fish out some info about the things he did while you and him wasnt communicating? =3

    mahirap naman kung isang araw malaman mo, panakip butas ka lang o kaya sex lang habol nya. nobody knows... marami narin akong nabasa dito sa pex na parang ganon ang tema eh. *just my 2 cents.

    good luck. cheers!!! =D
  • ka_denizka_deniz bagong buhay ✭✭✭
    the way i see it, you are only looking for encouragement. you've already made up your mind about it. why don't you have a go at it? what are you gonna lose? you obviously like him still.

    also you need closure. your relationship, in your mind, did not run it's course. you have to go thru with it again so that you can finally end it.
  • hahaha..wat can i say? welcome to my world!!! 2nd chance to wat? to do it again? think about it...i've been there..done that..end up n d same old story...if u want 2 travel n d same path agian its up 2 u!!!
  • baklitabaklita taas kilay PExer
    vrc1023 wrote: »

    I do think that he has matured, and he admitted that he was wrong, and I accepted his explanation and apology. But I don't think he has changed, I think he is the same person I met 4 years ago. Not that he has any traits that I want him to change, or anything in his lifestyle that I don't like. I just don't think he can immerse anymore in the kind of life that I lead now.

    I asked him what kind of impression I made on him 4 years ago. Some of those traits still hold true, but most ... don't hold anymore. I told him that I think I've changed a lot in the last 4 years. My wants have changed, my demands have changed, my patience shortened, my standards probably higher ... and yet he insists that he can accept me for who I am. He insists that he knows the real me, and that the reason all these traits surfaced is because I'm probably just unhappy.

    I do know how I really am. And I disagree with his understanding of the situation.

    But ... despite the clarity in my mind that he falls short of the man that I want ... I've realized once again that the short lived relationship we had 4 years ago, was one of the moments where I felt I was most loved, most cared for, and most adored. And I don't think anybody can ever outdo him, or at least, so far nobody has ever outdone him yet in this aspect...



    if the question goes that should you give yourself a second chance
    with him? my reply simply is no. ang dahilan ko ay naisulat mo na sa
    itaas. kitang-kita, de vaah? de vaah?

    aihihihi!!! :lol:

    baklita

  • tilmantilman Happily married PExer
    My experience is that second chances are no good. If you pick up the relationship again you'll be at the point that caused the last break up in no time. Maybe two people just have a way of reacting to eachother wich will always lead to the same results. Other people might have other experiences, but from my own I'd say: don't do it.
  • cheer_bearcheer_bear Carebears ✭✭
    Listen To Ur Instinct...
  • samantha_jonessamantha_jones sassy beeyatch PExer
    If you already think na he falls short of the man you want, then you definitely know that he wasn't the man you want. Then don't shortchange yourself.

    I already did this to myself, and it wasn't pretty!
  • RedhotOneRedhotOne Member PExer
    vrc1023 wrote: »
    I think this all boils down to us spending some time together and hanging out as friends first before we jump or take it to the next level.

    Thanks for your advice ...

    I'm thinking about having coffee with him this weekend ...

    We'll see ...
    You're welcome. That should give you both a chance to discuss in a non-emotional way where things may have gone wrong and what are the real expectations if your friendship is rekindled. Good luck! *okay*
  • blue_tracerblue_tracer soundscapes ✭✭✭
    vrc1023 wrote: »

    the relationship didn't last long, 3 months, i think. there were so many issues that i had to settle, plus the fact that my family didn't approve of him. our break up was a disaster. we ended the relationship with so much hurt and hate.

    it was just a quick chat in ym. he knew that i still despised him for what he did, so i think he was sensitive enough to know that i didn't want to talk to him, and that we can't be friends yet.

    i dont get it. that part, at least. :confused:

    may be, he deserves to have that second chance. your lengthy post says it all. he he he..

    if it doesnt work, then leave him for good.
  • st.angerst.anger Domo! ✭✭✭
    the guy just wants to get laid.

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