Home PEx Relationships Love - Principles, Practices & Preferences
Speak your mind, but mind what you post. Let's not spread disinformation and/or misinformation.

On fear of disappointments

I just want to seek some advice from all the Pexers with regard to my latest dilemma. I can't necessarily call it a love dilemma coz I don't know if I love the guy just yet because I haven't met him in person.

And that's the deal: our only means of communication is through the Internet. We met on some online dating site a few months back and since then, we've been chatting nonstop through YM. He's an American, by the way.

It's rather uncanny how we get along because he's from a totally different field. I'm a writer and he's a geophysicist. And the culture thing is another story altogether. Though I think it helped that he once spent an entire semester here for his exchange student program, and that's probably why he's aware of some of our customs. And he's actually fond of riding the jeepney, which I found rather amusing when he told me. :lol:

He just recently said that he's looking into going to a vacation here come November or January because either way, the airline prices are the same. That had me freaking out of my wits because I feel like, he'll just be disappointed once we finally meet in person. Sure, we see each other on webcam and there's the usual exchange of pics. But still, there's so much that those stuffs can do for a person, right? Don't get me wrong; I am the same person that I am when I talk to him. I find our banter and exchange of ideas particularly interesting, because in the end, we always manage to get both sides heard and then agree to disagree. Which is a really refreshing change for me because majority of the guys I meet get intimidated once they find out this whole thing about me being an overachiever. It sucks because I never exude an air of arrogance or superiority when I'm around people. More often than not, I'm actually the shy type, but I warm up once you get to know me.

But anyway, I already told him about all my so-called fears, and he just said that there's only one way to find out if this whole thing over the internet is just the same, if not better, in person. And that is if he comes here to visit and spend time with me to see where this can go. Whatever "this" is.

No, I don't love him. But I do like him, that much I know for sure. I'm just kinda scared that this whole thing will blow up my face once we find out that we don't "click" in person as much as we do over the Internet. Maybe I'm analyzing too much, or maybe I'm just being paranoid because the last couple of relationships I had have left me with a broken heart.

What do you guys think I should do?

Comments

  • freshbabefreshbabe PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    I just want to seek some advice from all the Pexers with regard to my latest dilemma. I can't necessarily call it a love dilemma coz I don't know if I love the guy just yet because I haven't met him in person.

    And that's the deal: our only means of communication is through the Internet. We met on some online dating site a few months back and since then, we've been chatting nonstop through YM. He's an American, by the way.

    It's rather uncanny how we get along because he's from a totally different field. I'm a writer and he's a geophysicist. And the culture thing is another story altogether. Though I think it helped that he once spent an entire semester here for his exchange student program, and that's probably why he's aware of some of our customs. And he's actually fond of riding the jeepney, which I found rather amusing when he told me. :lol:

    He just recently said that he's looking into going to a vacation here come November or January because either way, the airline prices are the same. That had me freaking out of my wits because I feel like, he'll just be disappointed once we finally meet in person. Sure, we see each other on webcam and there's the usual exchange of pics. But still, there's so much that those stuffs can do for a person, right? Don't get me wrong; I am the same person that I am when I talk to him. I find our banter and exchange of ideas particularly interesting, because in the end, we always manage to get both sides heard and then agree to disagree. Which is a really refreshing change for me because majority of the guys I meet get intimidated once they find out this whole thing about me being an overachiever. It sucks because I never exude an air of arrogance or superiority when I'm around people. More often than not, I'm actually the shy type, but I warm up once you get to know me.

    But anyway, I already told him about all my so-called fears, and he just said that there's only one way to find out if this whole thing over the internet is just the same, if not better, in person. And that is if he comes here to visit and spend time with me to see where this can go. Whatever "this" is.

    No, I don't love him. But I do like him, that much I know for sure. I'm just kinda scared that this whole thing will blow up my face once we find out that we don't "click" in person as much as we do over the Internet. Maybe I'm analyzing too much, or maybe I'm just being paranoid because the last couple of relationships I had have left me with a broken heart.

    What do you guys think I should do?

    TAKE THAT RISK!

    who knows, you might click... don't expect something
    serious...
    its different with online & real life situations... take it slow...

    it's not love... please get to know him first BETTER IN PERSON...
    BE SAFE! don't accept commitments, or do hanky panky stuff not unless
    he's WORTH IT. OR THE RELATIONSHIP GETS DEEPER...
  • No, I don't love him. But I do like him, that much I know for sure. I'm just kinda scared that this whole thing will blow up my face once we find out that we don't "click" in person as much as we do over the Internet. Maybe I'm analyzing too much, or maybe I'm just being paranoid because the last couple of relationships I had have left me with a broken heart.

    What do you guys think I should do?

    just let it be.. ikaw na mismo nagsabi na you're in that stage na like mo lang sya.. so there's no commitment.. and wag muna mag isip in advance.. iniimagine mo lang kung anu yung possible na mangyari. but it doesn't mean ganun nga ang mangyari.
  • I think it should be him that should worry. Not you kasi sabi mo nga you don't love him. So you've got nothing to lose. I think guys will really do something if they feel for the person so maybe, it's the guy who is developing some feelings for you. Gaya nga ng sabi ni freshbabe and ako_si, you need to take the risk. Lahat naman tayo may disappointments and that's ok. Kahit na nadurog pa yung puso mo in past relationships, that does not mean na your future will be the same. balitaan mo na lang kami ha...good luck.

    by the way, since galing syang US, chance mo nang magpabili ng transformers.
  • bored2deathbored2death PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    don't fear what's not there yet.

    sometimes those are the things that will defeat you.

    you're an intelligent girl. get over it, pronto! *okay*
  • you're afraid that thing won't work out after you both talk and see each other in person? i think its normal to feel that way but think of it as an opportunity... for both of you to know whether what you have in the internet can be for real... take the chance and take the risk...if, after seeing each other and things didn't turn out the way you both wanted it... at least you knew it earlier...

    Goodluck and Godbless...
  • freshbabe wrote: »
    TAKE THAT RISK!

    who knows, you might click... don't expect something
    serious...
    its different with online & real life situations... take it slow...

    it's not love... please get to know him first BETTER IN PERSON...
    BE SAFE! don't accept commitments, or do hanky panky stuff not unless
    he's WORTH IT. OR THE RELATIONSHIP GETS DEEPER...

    don't worry freshbabe, i won't do any hanky-panky stuff when he comes here. :D as of the moment din naman kasi, he's not pressuring me to do anything. and he mentioned before that we should take it slow. so that's the pace we're going. :)
  • ako si.. wrote: »
    just let it be.. ikaw na mismo nagsabi na you're in that stage na like mo lang sya.. so there's no commitment.. and wag muna mag isip in advance.. iniimagine mo lang kung anu yung possible na mangyari. but it doesn't mean ganun nga ang mangyari.

    i have a tendency to be too paranoid kasi eh, especially when it comes to relationships. my friends even call me "commitment-phobe" or something. kaya ayun...

    sige, i won't think about it too much just yet. after all, he's not even here yet and i'm already freaking out.

    hayyy...thanks. :)
  • meteora wrote: »
    I think it should be him that should worry. Not you kasi sabi mo nga you don't love him. So you've got nothing to lose. I think guys will really do something if they feel for the person so maybe, it's the guy who is developing some feelings for you. Gaya nga ng sabi ni freshbabe and ako_si, you need to take the risk. Lahat naman tayo may disappointments and that's ok. Kahit na nadurog pa yung puso mo in past relationships, that does not mean na your future will be the same. balitaan mo na lang kami ha...good luck.

    by the way, since galing syang US, chance mo nang magpabili ng transformers.

    errr...transformers? :lol:

    actually, maybe you're right. when he told me that he's planning on coming here, i was not really hopeful or anything. but then he said that maybe i'm underestimating daw just how much he likes me. napahiya pa tuloy ako...:depressed:

    sige, i'll update you guys once he's here. :)
  • bored2death: yeah, fear of the unknown, of things that has yet to happen. it has paralyzed me in the past before. guess it's time i should learn. :)

    jaz_rina: an opportunity...yeah, i guess i can look at it in that light. thanks. :)
  • Palagay ko di mo lang sha like, may feelings ka na for him (hehe~ do you see any difference?)

    I met my lover over the net. And things aren't the same as on the net, believe me, although our relationship over the net was something we cherish coz there is where we knew each other deep. Anyhoo, yeah, paranoia strucks and yup, you just gotta face it. Past is past and it's better left there instead of bringing that bloody baggage with you. Chill, girl. :) Just be happy wherever the flow will bring the two of you.

    Naku, kung naaapektuhan ka ng ganyan, mukhang you're falling na. Hehe.
  • by the way, since galing syang US, chance mo nang magpabili ng transformers.

    Maybe masyado ka lang paranoid sa magiging outcome nang EB nyo. Relax ka lang dear at wag ka maguiguilty kung sakaling hindi maganda ang kalabasan nyan. You don't really now him as you tought he is.
  • don't over expect. simple as that. don't pressume things just because what happens over the net is ok. i'm not being berrating here, just being a realist. i've also been in a situation wherein i expect her to be this & that, but in reality hindi naman. take time to know the person & he might be what you expect him to be.

    siempre it would be akward to see each other in person for the 1st time. but since ok kyo mag usap, then there won't be a problem warming up in person. good luck where ever this may lead you :)
  • don't over expect. simple as that. don't pressume things just because what happens over the net is ok. i'm not being berrating here, just being a realist. i've also been in a situation wherein i expect her to be this & that, but in reality hindi naman. take time to know the person & he might be what you expect him to be.

    siempre it would be akward to see each other in person for the 1st time. but since ok kyo mag usap, then there won't be a problem warming up in person. good luck where ever this may lead you :)
  • :hmm: :rolleyes: :hmm:
  • Hi guys!

    Ayon, salamat sa inyong mga tidbits of advice. Anyway, as of the moment, eh medyo kalmado na ko. Hehe. Thanks talaga.

    Quick update: Mukhang mamu-move sa January yung pagbisita niya dito. And we're having some kind of problem with regard to schedule kasi I'm applying for Graduate School, and I still don't know whether I'm gonna get in or not coz this week pa lang yung exam. The last thing he wants daw kasi is for him to come here while I'm busy all week...which is tama nga naman. So ayun, I guess it all depends whether I get in to Graduate School and the schedule for my classes.

    Anyway, you got any suggestions for places we can visit while he's here? ^_^
  • Emperior7Emperior7 PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    TS, IMHO, ask ko lang, "how can two people love each other kung di pa sila nagkikita?" hmmm
Sign In or Register to comment.