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financial stability & settling down

how about if you already have that someone you want to spend your life with, you both have jobs and emotionally prepared to settle down. but, one of you feels that you're not that financially stable enough to do so. does one really has to wait to be financially stable to settle down? and how you would exactly define financial stability in the philippine setting?

if financial stability requires having your own property, readiness to rear children, extra money for luxuries...then at what age one should marry?
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Comments

  • queenkatiequeenkatie PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    ^ eto ha, you may think na i'm still into fairy tales, kase i'm really not a practical person, not for anything pero i'm the kind kase na when i entered something, pinaninindigan ko.

    ideally, you really have to be financially stable before kayo mag settle down, after all, yan lagi ang excuses ng ibang tao kung bakit hindi pa sila kasal, but when you look at it, i feel na binibigyan mo lang ng presyo ang relasyon niyo.

    i believe kase na being a couple is a partnership, it's not how much you give eh, but how much you are willing to sacrifice in order for you to give, granted na it's more socially acceptable na breadwinner ang mga lalaki, pero pano naman kung before naging kayo, the woman is more stable career -wise, does it mean na wala ng chance para maging kayo?

    you see, lahat yan, it's a matter of choice eh, when one laid his/her cards on the table already, and yet you still want to commit to that person, dapat tanggap mo na lahat lahat, prepared ka na, yes, you could whine and rant pag nagkaproblema na but then again, wala namng nag force sa'yo para pasukin yan kundi sarili mong decision di ba?

    wala sa age yan, if you think it's time for you to go for it na, then go, wala ng sigurado ngayon, you could work on that financial stability naman when you're married na.
  • Shouldn't the question be.... At what amount of salary should one be earning before settling down for marriage?

    Ano bang klaseng lifestyle ang nais nyong i-live ng future hubby mo? Kelangan nyo ba ng kotse? Ilan? Bahay? Makikitira ba kayo or bubukod kayo? Are you gonna loan from the bank or youhave your own house to live na? San nyo ba balak pag-aralin mga anak nyo? Ang toddlers ngayon, kung primyadong school, it would cost you about 85k/year. By that time, how much na kaya ang salary nyo? At can afford nyo ba ang baon nila, tubig, kuryente, mga yaya, labandera, planchadora? Marunong ka ba sa gawaing bahay? Alam ba nya mga habits mo kapag nasa bahay ka? Gaano ka kaimis? Gaano ba sha karumi? Do you owe big amounts with your credit cards, etc? How honest could you be when it comes to spending? Who's gonna handle the dough? Does each of you have savings? (Check my post on 10 things I should have discussed with my Wife before getting married - sa principles, practice, and preferences section ata yun nakapost).

    Sa ngayon 1k ang 1kilo ng Promil. Sa isang 1 yo na baby boy na maliksi at malakas, mga 2 lata per week yan. Shempre diapers pa 400
    a week. Shots pa nyan saka mga doctors fee. Yung pangpanganak mo, san ka ba manganganak. Ang CS sa Asian Hospital, ranging cguro from 100-120k. Depende sa doctor's fee. Balak nyo pa bang mag out of town? Yung pagkain nyo lagi bang take out?

    If your future hub still thinks that he could be a better provider than what he is now.. I think you should give him some time.. At least to the point that both of you could afford a simple lifestyle with the necessary necessities.
  • queenkatiequeenkatie PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    ^ reading your post, parang nakakadiscourage mag asawa :D ang daming gastusin ha, sana nakakain na lang ang pagmamahal :lol:

    ang akin lang naman, kung lagi mong iisipin yung mga ganyan, then very few lang ang magiging prepared for marriage, and i'm not being irresponsible ha, nor iaasa na lang at sasabihin na "may awa ang diyos", you could always work on it together naman kung married na kayo.

    to each his own, yun iba kase, basic needs lang, sapat na, shelter, food, cloting and s3x :D
  • boyaxxboyaxx PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    for christ's sake if you want/need/love him/her marry him/her while the passion is there, baka masulot pa ng iba yan and dont ask question later "what if?", or say someday "sana...", dont let life pass you by,,,,go ahead marry and find your way to financial stability,,,wala lang magloloko. kaya yan...:bop:
  • kaye_taraykaye_taray PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    queenkatie wrote: »
    ^ reading your post, parang nakakadiscourage mag asawa :D ang daming gastusin ha, sana nakakain na lang ang pagmamahal :lol:

    to each his own, yun iba kase, basic needs lang, sapat na, shelter, food, cloting and s3x :D

    i agree sis!!

    pa OT muna.. miss na kita bru!! san ka ba nagtatago ngayon? :lol:

    i don't think marriage can be based on those things alone..

    puro material needs/wants yan..

    asan na yung partnership? love? thru thick and thin? in sickness and in health? til death do us part? :lol:

    seriously, my wants are few and my needs average...

    what i really want and look for in a satisfying and happy marriage is having enough time to spend on your family and your partner inside the room.. *wink* :lol:
  • queenkatie wrote: »
    ^ eto ha, you may think na i'm still into fairy tales, kase i'm really not a practical person, not for anything pero i'm the kind kase na when i entered something, pinaninindigan ko.

    ideally, you really have to be financially stable before kayo mag settle down, after all, yan lagi ang excuses ng ibang tao kung bakit hindi pa sila kasal, but when you look at it, i feel na binibigyan mo lang ng presyo ang relasyon niyo.

    i believe kase na being a couple is a partnership, it's not how much you give eh, but how much you are willing to sacrifice in order for you to give, granted na it's more socially acceptable na breadwinner ang mga lalaki, pero pano naman kung before naging kayo, the woman is more stable career -wise, does it mean na wala ng chance para maging kayo?

    you see, lahat yan, it's a matter of choice eh, when one laid his/her cards on the table already, and yet you still want to commit to that person, dapat tanggap mo na lahat lahat, prepared ka na, yes, you could whine and rant pag nagkaproblema na but then again, wala namng nag force sa'yo para pasukin yan kundi sarili mong decision di ba?

    wala sa age yan, if you think it's time for you to go for it na, then go, wala ng sigurado ngayon, you could work on that financial stability naman when you're married na.

    I agree with this... And to add...always remember that no man is an island... As long as nagmamahalan kayo at meron naman kayong "enough" na panggastos, pwede na yun... nandyan naman ang family, relatives, and friends to count on din... example na lang yung mga kapatid ko na nag asawa.. pag nakikita kong hirap na hirap na sila eh di nag a assist na lang ako... kasi hindi ko rin naman matitiis yung mga kapatid ko diba? Lahat naman nagsisimula sa mababa then they'll figure things out as they go along..
  • queenkatie wrote: »
    ^ eto ha, you may think na i'm still into fairy tales, kase i'm really not a practical person, not for anything pero i'm the kind kase na when i entered something, pinaninindigan ko.

    ideally, you really have to be financially stable before kayo mag settle down, after all, yan lagi ang excuses ng ibang tao kung bakit hindi pa sila kasal, but when you look at it, i feel na binibigyan mo lang ng presyo ang relasyon niyo.

    i believe kase na being a couple is a partnership, it's not how much you give eh, but how much you are willing to sacrifice in order for you to give, granted na it's more socially acceptable na breadwinner ang mga lalaki, pero pano naman kung before naging kayo, the woman is more stable career -wise, does it mean na wala ng chance para maging kayo?

    you see, lahat yan, it's a matter of choice eh, when one laid his/her cards on the table already, and yet you still want to commit to that person, dapat tanggap mo na lahat lahat, prepared ka na, yes, you could whine and rant pag nagkaproblema na but then again, wala namng nag force sa'yo para pasukin yan kundi sarili mong decision di ba?

    wala sa age yan, if you think it's time for you to go for it na, then go, wala ng sigurado ngayon, you could work on that financial stability naman when you're married na.

    I agree with this... And to add...always remember that no man is an island... As long as nagmamahalan kayo at meron naman kayong "enough" na panggastos, pwede na yun... nandyan naman ang family, relatives, and friends to count on din... example na lang yung mga kapatid ko na nag asawa.. pag nakikita kong hirap na hirap na sila eh di nag a assist na lang ako... kasi hindi ko rin naman matitiis yung mga kapatid ko diba? Lahat naman nagsisimula sa mababa then they'll figure things out as they go along..
  • orangepinkorangepink PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    if financial stability requires having your own property, readiness to rear children, extra money for luxuries
    supposing natupad mo na lahat nato tapos nagpakasal kayo then something happened at nawala yung bahay, nagkasakit mga bata, etc, etc...does that mean you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place?

    i used to think this way, that i have to acquire certain things before i get married but then i realized that nobody can predict the future. yes, you can prepare for it (e.g. get a stable job, start saving, etc) but don't let this be the defining standard.
  • tama ka dyan... madaling mawala ang kayamanan... pero ang pagmamahal tumatagal...
    actually yung mga mp3s medyo tumatagal din minsan... basta hindi pa laos yung banda
  • queenkatiequeenkatie PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    kaye_taray wrote: »
    i agree sis!!

    pa OT muna.. miss na kita bru!! san ka ba nagtatago ngayon? :lol:

    i don't think marriage can be based on those things alone..

    puro material needs/wants yan..

    asan na yung partnership? love? thru thick and thin? in sickness and in health? til death do us part? :lol:

    seriously, my wants are few and my needs average...

    what i really want and look for in a satisfying and happy marriage is having enough time to spend on your family and your partner inside the room.. *wink* :lol:

    oist, ikaw kaya diyan, super miss na kita no! napilitan tuloy akong mag gtalk, para lang maka chat si infinite, what time ka ba online? amp :bashful:

    OT: kanya kanyang needs yan eh, what important is clear sa'yo what you want and you're doing stuff to make things happen, o ano, napaka contradicting talaga ng image ko sa talagang ako no :lol:
  • This was my hubs' reason before why he wasn't asking me to get married yet... he dreamed of being able to pay for the wedding as well as bringing me to our own house, one which he's already bought or is already paying for, after the wedding. He wanted to give me all the material trappings of what he thought was a good provider, and therefore, a good husband and father.

    Understanding more, I made him realize that the future is filled with non-guarantees. Of course, we had to have some sort of financial stability... like good-paying jobs and some amount of savings as well as some sort of discipline to save. Unfortunately for him, though he was earning more than I was, he had zero savings naman :D

    Anyway, I asked him what he really wanted... a marriage (to be with a person he loves and who loves him, and maybe start building a family life with that person by having kids) or material things. Because we could probably work our *****$es off and get all those material things, but we'd have changed as people or time has run out for us. Or, we could work our *****$es off to get those things but still find ourselves without them after 5 or more years... because we had to help out friends, family members, etc... or worse, one of us has died. Or just plain fallen out of love.

    You will come to a point in your life when you'd have to be clear on your priorities... and I made sure hubs knew that inasmuch as i'd appreciate having our own house and all those wonderful (material) things, i'd really rather spend the first few years of our life together knowing and loving each other... and I wouldn't ever appreciate him as a husband and father if he will be missing school plays and birthdays because he has to work so we'd have money to pay for whatever.

    Many couples have started with nothing and built their fortune from nothing... while many couples have started with degrees from elite schools and great connections only to go bankrupt, or have their marriage end. Many couples have gotten estranged in their pursuit of 'the comfortable life' and many couples have had to deal with their children's hate because their kids didn't grow up knowing them.

    I am not for a life of poverty... I will always stress the importance of education, the importance of being financially independent, the importance of having savings and the importance of taking care of your health. But I hope others will be reminded as well that we dictate how miserable our life will really be... same way that we dictate what a 'comfortable life' would entail...

    Sure the cost of living nowadays is high... but there are just so many things that we can do without.

    quichelorraine was quick to point out the expense of having kids... but not to offend her in any way, i'd still like to just point out that Promil isn't the best for your kids... it's always breastmilk... with much sacrifice and compromise, you can do without the formula milk for a loooong time (not only providing the best nutrition for your child but also giving the best nurturing you can)... there is also what we call Elimination Communication between parents and child which, when utilized, will result in a shorter use of nappies for the babies. Visits to the doctor are also minimized by breastmilk, or the dentist at least. And Asian Hospital, Makati Med, Medical City, Cardinal Santos, etc are not the only hospitals where one can give birth... sure, they offer the most modern facilities but even if you're a high-risk pregnancy, you can deliver and be attended to safely in the smaller hospitals like san Juan de Dios, Lourdes Hospital, Delgado, Perpetual Succor, etc. (even Lying-in clinics)

    heck... if you also fllow your OB's instructions well... you also minimize the chances of getting a CS :)

    I can go on and on.... but

    My point really is that... when you can discuss the important things with your partner, and you can agree on plans that reflect your values... and when you can work together as a team to implement these plans, always aware that sacrifices and compromises have to be made (but careful of what things to sacrifice and compromise), and always aware that Life can throw you a curve ball... but even with that, you know where you belong and what you stand for...

    then you can get married already :)

    (a good gauge is paying for your own wedding... it'd be the first project you'll both be working on, and you'd easily see each other's attitude about relationships and money... if you can have the wedding you really want at a price you were able to afford, then it bodes well for your ability to compromise and work as a team)
  • In my opinion, I guess it's much better if you reach that point of being financially stable (which is subjective anyway. once you have what you thought you wanted, you'd begin to reach for higher heights), together. Kinda makes you feel that you reached it as a team and that you worked for it together. Basta a stable job and the guts and the smarts and the determination that'll make you think that you both can make it work, ok na. Besides, who ever said that life was that easy? If you go through it with the one you love, that'll ease any fear you might have. I wouldn't be afraid to go through anything with someone not financially stable. Why? Because I know na I can do something for a better future since I came in prepared (that's why I studied my *** off).



    It's much better reaching the top with you hand in hand.


    :angelwings:
  • laarnilaarni PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Money is serious business when it comes to marriage. Believe me, it will put a strain into your relationship especially if one of you is the saver and the other one is a spender. That is why pre-nuptial agreements exist. I'm not saying you should have one. You will know if you are ready once you have agreed about all the possible financial issues that will arise once you're married.
  • bored2deathbored2death PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    finacial stability is ok but you really don't have to be so filthy rich before you settle down. as long as both of you have their means to earn a living, then that;s ok already.

    you know what? more than financial stability, i think psychological and emotional preparedness is much much better than financial. naku, i have a lot of friends who are able to support the whole of metro manila but girl, pag napraning yung guy or yung girl, wala lang. they can't hold on to their vow of loving each other thru thick and thin.
  • ^^
    I agree.


    sabi ng tita ko, yang pera at riches kasi, pinagaawayan lang. napaparanoid ang isa dahil akala pera lang ang habol. buti pa wala kayong pera... sabay kayong gumawa ng pera! :lol:


    :angelwings:
  • pano na ko magaanak yan e kambal pa naman gusto ko! ampf!

    it's really impossible to achieve that stability in the philippines. aba kung ngayon mahal na magpaaral ng anak, mahal pamasahe, mahal pagkain, damit, toothpaste, shampoo, diaper, gatas...ano pa sa future? tapos di pa tumataas ang sweldo hay!
  • infinite, looks like you need more sidelines there in JP before you get that twins....hihihihihihihi

    how come you're still awake? hehehehe...

    i'll post later about this thread.....
  • orangepinkorangepink PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    more than financial stability, i think psychological and emotional preparedness is much much better than financial.

    very true. tsaka, you also have to consider how did that person become financially stable?

    what if, you had 2 suitors -- suitor #1 was born poor but he works hard to buy a house. it might take him a longer time but he will get it eventually. compare him to suitor #2, who has a house because his rich parents gave it to him. now, more or less, both are financially stable but sino ang mas ok maging asawa?

    or di kaya, both suitors are bank managers but suitor #2 got it cuz his dad has connections. both have stable jobs but sino ang mas ok?

    for me, yes, financial stability is very important but character means a lot more.
  • o kaya yumaman dahil panay nakaw...o kaya corrupt...wala rin..
    i remember may kilala ako na nanalo yata ng lotto yung lola nila tapos ginamit yung pera para maging tourist dito sa US. tapos nag TNT. then eventually syempre yumaman na dito... ang masaklap pa, nag TNT na nga pero ghost employee pa rin sa isang govt sa pinas so sumusweldo sya both from US and Phil... hindi ko masikmura kung bakit may mga ganyang tao..
  • at end of the day, of course it's all about money. because money will dictate your lifestyle. whether it's a paycheck to paycheck existence or a simple life but comfortable or a grand luxurious lifestyle to boot.

    but the thing is, financial stability is relative and its definition depends on the individual or the would-be couple. to ask how much is enough before you should take the plunge is really hard to answer. there's no exact answer. to measure your reason to make a commitment through your bank account or the initial property bought is still debatable...

    ==============

    having said that, i'll share how at the age of 28, i decided to be a family man. did i consider myself financially stable then?

    hell no! not by a long shot. i'm not Bill Gates yet :rotflmao:

    but what convinced me? by living alone as soon as i can. from the time i had my first job, i was on my own...

    the years passed by quickly but it taught me one thing....

    that i can make it...
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