am a paranoid girlfriend..need help

i don't like what i have become
i get so paranoid and jealous over simple things.

after a traumatic break-up with an ex, 2 years ago, am still haunted by the ghost of the past. He cheated on me right under my nose.He made me believe that i am his girlfriend, pero i am the other woman.i felt so down and my confidence is really low.

to move on and forget about him i went out of the country and looked for a job.Fortunately i was able to find a job and a guy that loves me here in my present office

My present relationship is doing well, but lately we've been fighting all the time. This started when he had to work night shift, i am able to see him only in the morning before he goes home and when he gets in, in the afternoon.Then i observed for the past days that his been calling one of the girl here in the office, kabarkada din nmin. And i notice he does this when he arrives.And i notice it's always the girl's email messages open in his,which he will promptly reply.I confronted him about it and he said the girl just has a problem that he can't tell to her bf since it might mess things up again between them,the issue is quite complicated.

Anyway, after these incidents, i become doubtful and i always get jealous.kasi pag ako ng email he can't even reply agad, or he can't even call me.Then lately the girl has been calling him pag uwi nya sa umaga...which i don't do kasi i know he's tired and he will rest agad...

you may see me as shallow pero i find it hard to shrug-off what i am feeling...this paranoia of mine is really not healthy and i don't know what to do.

Comments

  • *LaDy**LaDy* Member PExer
    jaded23 wrote: »
    i don't like what i have become
    i get so paranoid and jealous over simple things.

    after a traumatic break-up with an ex, 2 years ago, am still haunted by the ghost of the past. He cheated on me right under my nose.He made me believe that i am his girlfriend, pero i am the other woman.i felt so down and my confidence is really low.

    this paranoia of mine is really not healthy and i don't know what to do.

    i can relate... 3 years ago naman yung sa akin... paranoid din ako... pinipilit ko nalang isipin na dapat mag refresh na ako since new relationship na yung meron ako pero honestly sobrang selosa ko ngayon... saka madalas akong umiyak dahil yung pagiging paranoid ko pinipilit kong wag ipakita sa bf ko pero ang hirap sobra kaya after saka nalang ako umiiyak... siguro pag nabuo na yung trust ko sa kanya saka palang ako totally matatahimik sobrang biggest fear ko na mangyari ulit sa akin yung nangyari sa ex ko... basta surrender ko nalang lahat kay God alam nya naman lahat ng higit na makakabuti para sa akin... saka i'll do my very best to survive our relationship... masaktan man ako ng sobra... worth it naman para sa akin kasi love yun... that's all i can say... pero ang hirap sobra sis... i understand you...
  • jaded23jaded23 Member PExer
    thank u so much for sharing...i feel for you
    i know you're right..i just have to surrender everything to God
    all my worries and fears..
    i was like before, i don't tell or show that i get jealous, i just keep quiet though he sensed na something is wrong,i just make some alibis.Pero lately i can't keep this anymore, so i told him and made him feel i am jealous.he assured me many times that there's nothing i should be worried about.maybe i just need a more concrete evidence that he is truly trust worthy
    Right now my bf is not talking to me..because of what happen,siguro pagod na rin sya kakaexplain and it scares me becuase of what i have been doing might scare him off our relationship...
  • uhlalauhlala Member PExer
    .. yup, sounds like you have a valid reason to be paranoid.
  • LaTtEXLaTtEX Member PExer
    Yep, that's valid. Why not call him up during the mornings too?
  • quichelorrainequichelorraine ebony and ivory PExer
    First, stop demanding.

    Second, tell him (in a nice way) that you won't tolerate that kind of attitude that he has.

    Sabi nga ng kaibigan ko, minsan kahit anong bait ng lalake kapag pootah ang babae...

    Ngayon.

    Wag ka sa babae lang magalit. Pati sa BF mo, parang di ka na nya nirerespeto ng ginagawa nyang yan. Alam ko masakit pero at this moment, mas lalo kang maging confident with yourself and what your stand is. Don't kiss his ***, ika nga.. Be ready to fight for respect. Tell him straightforward hindi ka masaya sa nangyayari and you'd like to still check and see kung tama pa rin ba na para kayo sa isa't isa...

    Malapit ng mapunta sa pambababae ang BF mo. Putulin ang sungay hangga't maaga. AND AND AND, when you say that, you also have to be ready whatever his answer is. Kasi ang lalaki, hindi yan maghahanap ng ibang mapagbabalingan ng oras nya kung masaya yan sayo... Isipin mo din ikaw, kung hindi ka masaya sa kanya, pagtutuunan mo pa ba sha ng pansin??? :)
  • jaded23jaded23 Member PExer
    thank you so much for replying
    anyway,naayos na nmin lahat.Nagsorry sya for doing all those things and for making me feel awful. Sinabi din nyang he will try not to get close or get along with them (girls),ndi na daw magiging super friendly sa knina.sa kanya kasi wala nman daw sya intension na masama so akala nya ok lng.pero i told him what happen to me before, kaya na aalarm ako agad pag may mga ganyan.sa ngayon
    nakikita ko nman yung effort nya para mapanatag ang loob ko at maayos ang lahat.that's why i'm thankful.

    and yes i will stop demanding...
  • KurtMcKurtMc Member PExer
    I agree with quichelorraine .
    jaded23 wrote: »
    Sinabi din nyang he will try not to get close or get along with them (girls),ndi na daw magiging super friendly sa knina.sa kanya kasi wala nman daw sya intension na masama so akala nya ok lng

    Hehehe. He will try...that's very comforting :lol:

    The girl must be special considering the extra attention he gives.
    I used to cheat on my GF, and to me this "wala nman daw sya intension na masama" is BS. Of course nahuli na siya so he'll try to calm you down...for now.
    It's still up to you if you want to give him a chance. I mean for someone(with a GF) who's too friendly to other girls. I don't see this working out for both of you...with the schedule and all.
  • quichelorrainequichelorraine ebony and ivory PExer
    pero i told him what happen to me before, kaya na aalarm ako agad pag may mga ganyan.sa ngayon
    nakikita ko nman yung effort nya para mapanatag ang loob ko at maayos ang lahat.that's why i'm thankful.

    Honey, your relationship right now should not be treated well just because of your fears and pains that you have experienced from the past. Usually kasi nagiging hindrance sa happiness natin sa current relationship natin ay ang mga imperfections nito (na dapat naman talagang tanggapin) AT ang mga FEARS natin that comes with our past. Nagiging insecure tayo and suddenly because of those heavy baggages we start acting ab-normal. :)
    pero i told him what happen to me before
    Your past isn't his province. You have to deal with it. To forgive and forget. And swear to yourself that no one has the right to treat you this way ever again. You don't hafta to tell your boyfriend that in-his-face... BUT you have to BELIEVE that yourself.

    'sides, hindi dapat ang BFs natin ang nagbibigay ng "kung sino tayo". We have to know who we are, hindi sila dapat ang nagdedefine ng kung sino tayo for us.

    Now, if you are still haunted by the ghosts of your past, I don't think that this would be the best time for you to be in a relationship. Your past... You have to deal with it, face it, accept it, and forgive it. In a new relationship, kaya nga NEW, dahil hindi ito yung old. Meaning, the person you are with is not the person you were with.

    I was only saying sa una kong post, tell him that he should have boundaries and he should put limitations with his friendships and he should respect you.

    Respect.
    kaya na aalarm ako agad pag may mga ganyan.
    If a relationship is built on fears, forever kang ia-assure ng BF mo with a lot of things.

    I would like to mind you. Walang lalaking gustong makipag-settle down sa alagain.

    Do you see him as your future partner?
    sa ngayon
    nakikita ko nman yung effort nya para mapanatag ang loob ko at maayos ang lahat.that's why i'm thankful.

    Baka naman pabalat-bunga lang yan. Baka naman may namumuo ng pagtinginan at sa ngayon itatago nyang lalo sayo...

    *jan minsan nagsisimula ang lahat*

    Ang sakit ngayon, girl, first things first.




    Bakit gusto mo ng relationship with him???
  • baklitabaklita taas kilay PExer
    jaded23 wrote: »
    i don't like what i have become
    i get so paranoid and jealous over simple things.

    My present relationship is doing well, but lately we've been fighting all the time...

    ... i become doubtful and i always get jealous.

    you may see me as shallow pero i find it hard to shrug-off what i am feeling...this paranoia of mine is really not healthy and i don't know what to do.





    kung ako angyong kasintahan... idispatsa kita.
    often times your suspicions has no basis but
    it tears you apart affecting your relationship.

    this is a valid ground for eliminating you... out!
    dispose you... afuera! scram... ora mismo!

    aihihihi!!! :)

    baklita









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