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Is it UNGRATEFUL for FILIPINO CHILDREN to LEAVE HOME before MARRIAGE?

Maybe I've got the "I WANNA BE INDEPENDENT" ITCH because I'm 23 and almost done with college but I'M TORN and I WANNA DO THE RIGHT THING.

My mom gives me tons of ridiculous and reasonable excuses like we're all better off financially if we stick together under one roof "mas mabuti kung share share" especially here in the States. MAKES SENSE.

Another one is we're Filipino not American...Filipino Kids don't do that...HMM...I don't think it matters...I'm not sure on this one, though...what do you PEXERS think?

If I move out on my own I have to call and make an appointment if I want to eat at her house...hehehehe.

She fears for my safety...OH MOTHER! I know she will love me whatever my decision is but....

MY QUESTION: How do you PEXERS, whether laki sa Philippines or laki in a foreign country (USA, Europe, wherever), feel about and deal with this issue?







[Edited by Cali4Nia on 11-28-2000 at 05:07 PM]

Comments

  • tootoo Member PExer
    It's not naman being ungrateful to your folks if you do decide to move out. Filipino parents have an overdeveloped sense of protectiveness. No matter how old you get you are still kid in their eyes. Baka din aside from your mom being worried about your safety eh she might feel lonely if your not there anymore and she'd seldom see you na. So if you do decide to live on you own eh good luck and just make sure you assure your mom that you'd be all right and you'd give drop by to visit a lot!- so much so na she'd have to throw you out! ;p
  • FirstLoveFirstLove Member PExer
    students, ages 16-19, from far away provinces leave their homes to study in manila - visiting home only on semestral breaks or holidays.

    after graduation, these graduates either go back to their hometown to start their careers or stay in manila where there is more work and higher pay...

    therefore, mas maluwang ang mga pinoy parents dito sa philippines than your mom, cali4nia....

    yung pag share share ng gastos is also another factor... kase sa philippines, the mortgage is usually paid na, unlike sa usa where u are stuck with it for 30 yrs...

    if i were you, get a job out of town/out of state(VEGAS, SEATTLE) - if you want to live on your own and visit during holidays.

    hindi naman ungrateful yon, eh... it is just 'seeing the world on your own'.... imo
  • Cali4NiaCali4Nia Member PExer
    First Love I didn't know that about college age kids sa Pinas. Mukhang mas liberal pa ata ang environment sa motherland. Yeah I'm considering relocating to Hawaii but the economy sucks....weather is HEAVEN! Seattle too cold...Nevada too glitzy but lots o jobs I hear.


    Thanks "too", good point.

  • chikititachikitita Member PExer
    ako din, i so want to get a place of my own! but i'm worried about 'offending' my parents.. i guess kung kayang tiisin muna makitira sa parents, i would, para makatipid sa rent. but i certainly would want to move out within the next few years..

    [Edited by chikitita on 11-29-2000 at 02:53 AM]
  • YoshiYoshi Member PExer
    I'm actually studying in a place (Manila) far away from home (Davao), so technically I'm not living with them anymore. (Allowance, however, is another matter.) And since I would like to work in Manila too, I'd definitely be living by myself (or with friends).

    I wouldn't exactly say that it's ungrateful, but you might say it's dyahe since you really owe so much to your parents. Personally, if I weren't living away from my parents, I'd still be staying home until I get married because it's much more convenient that way. I'd only have to share in the household expenses, but rent isn't going to take away a bulk of my salary.

    But since I've grown accustomed to living apart from them, I'm convinced that this is the life I want to be living. I wouldn't want to be strapped by all those household rules, which I'm sure I'd still be forced to follow if I was living with my parents.

    I guess it's a matter of personal preference. If you're comfortable with living with your parents, then I'd suggest staying. But if you want a taste of how it is to live on your own (and it's a really wonderful experience), then go ahead and find your own space.
  • :?:? Unregistered ✭✭✭
    Cali4Nia: When I turned 17, I was on my own; working as a poor Computer Salesguy in Fry's (SoCal) And that was enough for me to get a studio-type apartment and a sh.tty car. My parents never really messed with my decisions at that time, and besides, I'm a guy.

    It's really about self-confidence and how you put confidence in your parent's mind. Tell them that time will come that you must settle on your own - and this is it. When I settled by myself my dad asked me something like "kaya mo na ba?" I said yeah.. I guess.. then I finished college by myself as a working student, got a decent job as a Sysad and got married. see, it's really about what they see in you. If you put enough confidence in yourself, you can do it.

    Yup, we're Pinoys but remember that you can't live with your parents forever. I don't personally think there's anything wrong with leaving the house without getting married first, it's perfectly normal. You're not eloping, aren't you?

    I've got an advice for you: Feel free to try everything! I'd personally suggest settling by yourself because you will experience how it's like to manage your own life, without living with parents, how you manage your bills, how you manage everything - by yourself. You will also be forced to learn how to cook and wash your clothes - by yourself. :)

    About your safety, tell your beloved mom that you have a peaceful place, clean apartment, and good environment. That'll calm her mind :) Stay away from cheap apartments and bad residence.

    Imagine... freedom to do whatever you want... freedom to choose what time you'll go to bed, unlimited food, unlimited chicks, unlimited party, unlimited internet... whoa! Isn't that great? ;)

    Trust me, I'm from SoCal and I know how life goes here.
    Good luck! ;)
  • Cali4NiaCali4Nia Member PExer
    Mr. Belat

    Unlimited MALE abs and buns of steel for me...hinde chicks. :D I'm a girl...hehehe!

    Thanks for the practical advice...hits close to home...I appreciate it. Lapit mo lang ....talking bout Fry's in Burbank probably huh.

    Congratz nga pala to you and your wife.

    I remember the EB US thread and hype...whatever happened...it flopped...the thread never resurfaced.

    System Admin ka pala...CIS major ako dati pero damn I hate programming. I'm taking C++ ngayon...nako, I'm totally lost. I'm gonna change majors fast next quarter.

    I bow down to you computer guru :D

    [Edited by Cali4Nia on 11-29-2000 at 05:57 PM]
  • :?:? Unregistered ✭✭✭
    Hey If ever you'll need help in moving and looking for an apartment, I'll be there so just let me know ;)

    Nope, not Burbank, I worked in Fry's Woodland Hills, the people are damn overhyped and I'm tired of getting yelled at so I quit. ;)

    uhm.. off topic.. D'you know that they're gonna open a Jollibee in Panorama next year? ..AND Goldilocks too :smokin: Damn I gotta get some of those Chickenjoy thing, they taste great!

    Anyways, get a roommate. Your friends, boyfriends, etc. So that you don't swallow the entire bill by yourself, if you want you can live with me :inluv: I'll pay everything. haha jk
  • Cali4NiaCali4Nia Member PExer
    moving up-if anybody still wants to share :D
  • QuentinQuentin Montejo PExer
    lam mo Cali4nia ... parang special old-world case ka. ang alam ko, dito, pag may trabaho ka na, just contribute and you're free!

    that's what's happening to me anyways. pero honestly, i don't find your case common anymore. the reason people stay around with the family is because of unemployment. if you have a job, then ... iyon.
  • it is not ungrateful naman to leave home before marriage. i think the reason why some thinks it is is because we owe many things from our parents. we owe them our life and many other things. but time comes that a person needs to be independent, so that the burden on our parents shoulders will be lessened. you can show naman your gratitude by other ways. i don't agree with the proposition.
  • bepanthenebepanthene big member PExer
    Do what you want to do...what you think will be the best for you. However, I'm biased and what I really want to say is move out! :) My parents were like that too. I was in a dorm for first year and my friends and I decided to rent an apartment for second year (since we didn't get a spot in the dorm anyway) and my parents didn't like it. I didn't see the difference between living in an apartment and dorm. Anyhow, I didn't and still don't care what they think so now I'm on my own. They're used to it. Also, my dad kept mentioning about how he wanted to buy a house in the metro city so that when we graduate, we can all live together when we work in the city. Yeah right! Like I'm doing that. Anyway, he knows what my plans are (I plan on going to NYC or a job that requires extensive travelling).

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