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My boyfriend being abused...

I need your opinions/advices or suggestions here guys...

Let me give you an introduction about us...

me and my boyfrined been together for almost a year now and were doing great and happy. He lives with his family while me lives with my friend because my family is in the province and i got here for work. We met each other in the workplace, we have the same working environment and almost the same job! so everyday we see each other and that all of my officemates thinks na "hindi na kami mapaghihiwalay" we also have a good job with a good salary i should say which is enough for us to support and help our own families.

Now here's the situation.... i met him knowing that he's supporting his younger sibling in college and a year more for her to graduate. Plus he sometimes give something sa bahay nila. But now, things comes to worst! he's becoming the breadwinner of their family, His "older" brother with his own family with 2 little children stays with them and what's bad on this, they can't provide even just a cent for their own food...mukha na nga silang boarder sa bahay and his brother tolerates this. His brother is also working but just for his own family, before, he's helping their sibling sa tuition fees and etc but now...nothing...my bf and him are not in good terms right now because of this...his father cannot anymore pay the " gastusin" including the bills &foods. Though he's trying but its not enough and my boyfriend undestands that. And You know what, minsan lets say its dinner time and food is there already, mas nauuna pa silang kumain kesa sa siblings niya and they're like cats na itatago sa room nila ang food. Sobrang bait lang talaga ng parents niya na kahit wala ng matira sa siblings niya or his mother will cook again for them, ok lang....With the bills, they don't also care kahit na umusok na ang tv at mapundi ang ilaw nila sa room nila and sometimes they watch DVDs or play PS2 pa na for all we know eh ang lalakas sa kuryente neto....to think that his siblings just watch tv and that's it and when the meralco bill comes, wala lang....they feel like they have a financer who could take of this all!
So in the end all of this were put into my boyfriend's shoulder. it seems that he's supporting 2 families at the same time..At first medyo napagbibigyan pa niya but now things are becoming worst na minsan kahit siya hindi na nakakakain sa house. And we all know how hard to earn money then mapupunta lang sa wala. i mean, its ok na suportahan niya family niya but with another family na hindi naman parehong diabled eh badtrip na.My bf can't say a word though sometimes may nasasbi siya pero hindi lang niya directly mapagsabihan brother niya kasi he respects his parents, ayaw nila ng awayan sa house. kaya kahit ramdam din ng parents nya na mali ang nangyayari, tahimik lang sila...
Sometimes naaawa ako sa kanya though i advised him to express what he feels for them to know na sometimes nahihirapan din siya.. One day, an incident happened na sobrang napikon na siya and decided to move out of the house and look for a job far from their place....And he wants it miles and miles away from them he's reason is...mukhang wala rin siya sa bahay nila were he can do or eat what he wants, can't pamper himself with his own money kase my pinaglalaanan na iba....with this decision he'll still support his family but only enough for them and ayaw na rin niyang tulungang maging tamad ang "another family" sa house nila. he has a point, they're making their own family na at lumalaki na din, were just praying theyll be enlightened and decide on themselves to move out and start on their own...
On his decision i don't exactly know if its good or its the best thing to do as of now.... please help me so i could advise him, i'm affected about his situation ..i don't know feeling ko ako nasasaktan sa nagagawa/nangyayari sa kanya....thanks!!


  • froshie1froshie1 PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    sa akin. wala pong masama dun sa brother nyang nagasawa na nagpoprovide sa sarili na nyang pamilya (sarili/own = his wife, kids. immediate = iyong bf mo at parents nya at bf mo)... ngayon ang di maganda dito since nakatira pa si (brother na nagasawa) sa parents nila dapat makihati siya sa gastusin sa bahay (kuryente, tubig, gas) at sa lahat ng mga bagay na nakikishare sila.Kung may sarili silang pagkain ok lang iyon basta may sarili din siyang gasul na pangluto ng sarili nilang pagkain. Maki-share na lang sya sa iyon nga utilities at repairs ng house.

    When it comes to the tuition fee of bunso. Sad to say and technically para sa akin ah, hindi pananagutan ito ng kapatid mo. Pero syempre kapatid is kapatid, sa puso ko talaga kung mangyari sa kapatid ko na wala syang pang paaral tutulungan ko sya pero technically talaga ang may pagaako talaga ng responsibilidad nun ay ang magulang. Anyway... doon tayo sa situation ng bf mo ngayon. Given na nga na di na makapagtrabaho si inay at itay ni BF para matustusan ang pagaaral ni bunso atkung si BF mo eh desedido at gustong makapagtapos si bunso pwede syang tumulong pero wag nyang aasahan si brother na nagasawa na makipagtulungan kasi may asawa na and isa pa iyon nga technically (dahil na rin sa takbo ng buhay nila, na sya may iba ng pamilya) hindi nya kargo si Kapatid. Ang kargo ni brother asawa ay ang pamilya nya mismo. Di maoobliga ni BF si brother na may asawa na magshare sa pagaaral ni bunso.

    Doon sa pag PS2 at panunuod ng DVD, wala akong nakikitang masama doon BASTA mayrong pangbayad si brother na nagasawa sa mga luho ng mga anak nya (did I get it right ang naglalaro nito ay iyong brother na nagasawa diba?)

    Ang point ng gusto kong sabihin. Mag share si brother nagsawa ng gastos sa bahay (at ito ay ang utilities, at pagrerepair sa bahay).. Kung hiwalay ang pagkain nila (brother nagasawa) magpamilya ok lang iyon basta may sarili silang gasul kung hindi hiwalay dapat magshare din sila sa gastos sa pagkain.
  • IMO lahat po nadadaan sa mabuting usapan... hindi masama na kausapin ng bf mo ung brother ?a... sabihin ?a totoo na kailangan ?a ng tulong para masuporahan ung family nila...

    wlang sumbatan, maayos na pag uusap lang...
  • i think hindi mapagsabihan ng parents niya ang older brother ng bf mo kase sila mismo cannot fulfill any longer their role as providers. so baka nahihiya ang parents na isumbat sa elder brother ang kasalanan na sila rin naman mismo guilty of.

    I think it's really up to ur brother to stand up for his happiness. I think abusado yung elder brother. He got married... it's his mess. If they really cant support themselves... they should have the decency to be sensitive. I think... yung pinakamali dito would be the WIFE of the elder brother. At least the elder brother has a job. And kahit anong mangyari.. brothers parin sila. But the wife??? She should hav the decency to educate her kids.
  • Sad to hear this story. But it looks like this is an average-earning type of family. Since they have their playstation and those stuffs. I can say the least that they can buy stuffs for leisure once in awhile. Correct me if I am wrong. Why can't the brother get a job? Don't they have a good education to find a job? Or are they just plain lazy?

    I understand the situation of the breadwinner. A brother will still be his brother no matter what. He still cares for them. But, in this case, I think the older brother needs to learn his lesson. The older bro needs to realize that he has responsibilities to take care of.

    If I am in this situation, I will still support my parents BUT NOT my brother and his family just for him to be forced to find a job and start building their family. Come to think of it, it is for their own good.

    Sorry, I just need to say this. I hate this Filipino culture were we tend to be with our "extended" families in one roof. We tend to be dependent with our parents. We tend to rely on our siblings, relatives, etc.. Sad but true.

    I want to end this on a positive note. Just always be with him. I am sure he needs your support. Just show to him that you are concern for him. For him to feel that you are concern makes the difference. Goodluck! :)
  • i agree with your bf's decision to leave home and be independent, provided that he can take care of himself and have a little something to help his sister with. tutal nagtatrabaho pa rin naman ung dad nya and earning what's supposed to be for himself and his wife.

    mukhang pabigat ung elder bro ng bf mo, abusado. ung maling decisions nya iba ang sumasalo. how can he have a wife and two kids and STILL depend on his parents?

    i myself was a breadwinner while my two bros were studying. walang masama dun. who else helps family but family dba? di naman umabuso ang bros ko. now we're all still single and have good jobs. we all now just take care of our mom.

    sa pag alis ng bf mo, ung sister na lng nya tulungan nya. isang taon na lang sayang rin ang degree. yun dad nya na nagtatrabaho pa rin naman, it's up to him to deal with the elder son. kung kukunsintihin, let them be. pera nila ung nagagamit.
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