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Gay friend yet to come out

I have this friend whom I found out today has been outed by another friend he has on Friendster. To our group of friends, though, he still hasn't come out. But it's not something we would not have expected, we've pretty much known. I'm wondering now if I should make an effort to ask him about that comment that outed him, which is now in public view. I want him to feel comfortable around our group and not feel the need to hide anything. But I'm apprehensive because I'd hate to put him on the spot. It's not like we see each other on a regular basis, siguro once or twice a year lang. But we're all long-time friends, childhood friends. We're like family na rin, these days we get together pag may kasal, binyag, patay, ganon. We've all known each other for almost 20 years now.

I care about my friend and really want him to feel like he can trust us not to judge him. But I can probably only speak for myself. In truth, I have no idea how our other friends would react. So should I let him know that I saw the comment in his Friendster profile? Should I encourage him to come out to our group of friends? Or should I just leave things be and not say a word, not intrude into what he may be doing for what he feels is his own best interest? I'd appreciate your thoughts. :*)

Comments

  • Friendster is a very public site. I think he is quite aware that whatever was written there can easily be read by people he is close to. I do not think you are that close for him to make a big announcement after all, you only get to see one another during special occasions.

    My advice is just to keep mum about it. Mentioning it will sound like you are making a big deal out of it which is what most of them hate. Just act normal around him. I remember what my friend used to say. "Wala naman nagbago sa kin.... nadagdagan lang ang kaalaman mo tungkol sa kin."

    Do not pretend that you do not know either. Do not ask for a girlfriend or something. If you want to know about his lovelife, ask him if he has an SO na lang... walang gender. . . basta nothing has to change. Fact is, nothing on the conversation list would make it so awkward with you knowing the fact. Am guessing as well, that he knows. In fact, he could have assumed that you knew all along.

    Do not wait for the announcement. Usually, they reserve it for the closest of friends and family.
  • Ice BurnIce Burn PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Your friend's wanting to come out or not is his choice. Do not force him if he doesn't want to say. If you force him, that's not friendship, you just want a confirmation of what you suspected all along. In short you just want to confirm the tsimis.

    He'll come out when he's ready to come out. By then if you are truly his friend, it shouldn't affect or change your friendship.
  • golden tammarawgolden tammaraw PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    its hard for someone to say to his friend especially his close friends that he's gay, parang nakakahiya kase take my word for it, its hard pretending someone that your'e not.
  • nailbiter wrote: »
    I have this friend whom I found out today has been outed by another friend he has on Friendster. To our group of friends, though, he still hasn't come out. But it's not something we would not have expected, we've pretty much known. I'm wondering now if I should make an effort to ask him about that comment that outed him, which is now in public view. I want him to feel comfortable around our group and not feel the need to hide anything. But I'm apprehensive because I'd hate to put him on the spot. It's not like we see each other on a regular basis, siguro once or twice a year lang. But we're all long-time friends, childhood friends. We're like family na rin, these days we get together pag may kasal, binyag, patay, ganon. We've all known each other for almost 20 years now.

    I care about my friend and really want him to feel like he can trust us not to judge him. But I can probably only speak for myself. In truth, I have no idea how our other friends would react. So should I let him know that I saw the comment in his Friendster profile? Should I encourage him to come out to our group of friends? Or should I just leave things be and not say a word, not intrude into what he may be doing for what he feels is his own best interest? I'd appreciate your thoughts. :*)

    if you really wanna show to him that ur alright with the whole being gay thing..well what you could do is write him a testimonial CASUALLY. write it as if nothing's wrong. say good things about him with the whole " i miss you" or "kitakits na lang pare" stuffs.

    :)

    being outed by other people is WORST thing that could ever happen to those who are still inside the closet. it happened to me two years ago and im telling you..it sucks. maraming "kaibigang" lumayo sa akin..so good luck to you and your friend aight ;)
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