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is this cheating?

JongaJonga Banned by Admin PExer
Im sure that some of you ladies out there had a couple of crushes while attached.

lets say that a lady is currently attached with a guy, the current guy is a mediocre guy, who loves the girl, and then this girl met a celebrity type of guy, he is the man of her dreams, but then she is already taken, and she doesnt want to cheat or hurt the mediocre guy. So she made this plan of finding all means whether grave or simple mistakes the mediocre guy might accidentally do, like forgetting to call her one night, or forget to tell her about a boys night out, or not having noticed her new earrings/clothes/hairstyle.

which would end up her accusing him of not being sweet anymore, or the relationship is dead. or the guy doesnt have all the time for her.

so she proposes a break-up, telling him that they need each other sometime, she even told the guy she wants to be free from attachments and they needed some time alone and also telling him that if they were for each other then they will eventually get back with each ekek (:grrr:), the guy is then forced to do so by letting go, and is convinced that he really "lost" her, not because of grave offenses like cheating, but because he didnt had much time to be with her, or he tried to schedule his time for her.

then after a few months, he finally sees her with the celebrity type guy. just like in the song sk8terboi

and this celebrity guy, the mediocre guy remembered the girl mentioning to him that he is cool and intelligent and artsy, in short, the girl gave a hint that she likes this celebrity guy long before the break-up.

summary:
the girl made plans to keep herself clean or made herself appeared wronged, so that she can have the priviledge of dumping the old guy and replacing with a new one

the mediocre guy is such a loser, yes?
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Comments

  • stepehenyan@12[email protected] haremnojutsu ✭✭
    i thought you were asking if the girl cheated on this mediocre guy so now your saying he's ex-boyfriend is a loser because he saw him with a celebrity guy. how could it be cheating? they already broke up.
  • JongaJonga Banned by Admin PExer
    the girl 'planned' to make it appear like the simple guy is wrong to make a "clean" dump

    hehe, he's a loser because he never realized early on
  • un_sycophantun_sycophant behind the looking glass PExer
    No, I don't think the girl cheated on the "mediocre" guy. They did broke up before she saw the other guy. Personally, I think she simply tried to find reasons to let go off the mediocre guy, rather than simply telling him that she simply didn't want him anymore. It was obvious she liked the other guy more, and instead of fooling the mediocre guy by continuing the relationship, she decided to end it with the guy to pursue a relationship with the other guy.

    It would have been cheating if she had kept the mediocre guy then continued to pursue the other guy.
  • shychicshychic paradoxical PExer
    So the girl dumped her bf in favor of another guy.

    Its not cheating, its called moving on to greener pastures. :lol:

    Seriously, the girl somewhat took the road most travelled by some people who are more into goodlooks and all the works, dumping their partners for the next beautiful person that come their way. BUT (yeah, there's a big but here), if the relationship is strong to begin with, the girl might have stayed. I'm not saying its the girl or the bf's fault, it should have been a two-way situation. and to let the other appear bad or seem to be the cause of the break up, is very self-righteous.
  • Leih1234Leih1234 Registered User PExer
    Would the guy have preferred the "it is not you, it is me" dialogue?

    First and foremost, I agree with the rest.. . this is not cheating.

    Second, it is always difficult to end relationships. We'd say, I'd prefer if he/she had done it this way.. .sana di na lang siya naglie etc. etc. etc. but when the other option has been taken, we'd say "sana hindi na lang niya sinabi sa face ko yun" or "sana naglie na lang muna siya" etc. etc. etc. I heard enough sad stories that no matter how one does it, we would always want the other ways.

    Ang tanong ko lang... is this a mere speculation on the part of the guy? How did he know for sure that he was manipulated? One thing is for sure. The girl simply did not want to be in that relationship which is why she could not and did not tolerate his little misgivings.
  • JongaJonga Banned by Admin PExer
    sycophant wrote:
    No, I don't think the girl cheated on the "mediocre" guy. They did broke up before she saw the other guy
    unfortunately, the girl's reason was that she saw a 'better' guy.
    Personally, I think she simply tried to find reasons to let go off the mediocre guy, rather than simply telling him that she simply didn't want him anymore.
    aint that lying? why not tell upfront the real reasons, i think its BSing to be precise.
    It would have been cheating if she had kept the mediocre guy then continued to pursue the other guy
    you are correct, but the gist of the problem is whether its a valid reason to break-up 'simply' because she found a better guy. As if guys are like cellphones, you found one with camera so you sold the old one which has been loyal to you.
    shychic wrote:
    Its not cheating, its called moving on to greener pastures.
    exactly
    Seriously, the girl somewhat took the road most travelled by some people who are more into goodlooks and all the works, dumping their partners for the next beautiful person that come their way. BUT (yeah, there's a big but here), if the relationship is strong to begin with, the girl might have stayed. I'm not saying its the girl or the bf's fault, it should have been a two-way situation. and to let the other appear bad or seem to be the cause of the break up, is very self-righteous.

    I assume that you agree that its cheating if I say that the relationship with the simple guy was formerly strong. yes?

    the truth is, the relationship was falling apart due to less time with each other because of work(guy) and study(girl)

    I strongly believe that people get affected with the environement, they are not the real perpetrator when they 'cheat', instead it is the people, events and 'fashion' around them:

    1. the new guy being 'celebrity', gives a hint that the girl, of course would want to be popular hanging/petting with the guy
    2. it is the attitude of humans to 'choose something better', like said earlier, 'greener pasteur'
    3. the first couple didnt survive well since they are not in the same environment compared to the celebrity guy who was in the same school and same interests. it somehow made them alien to each other.
    4. etc.

    to think that LOVE should be unconditional, is already becoming bogus. or maybe my reasoning again is flawed.
    leiah wrote:
    Would the guy have preferred the "it is not you, it is me" dialogue?
    the guy would have preferred a more honest approach, and goodness, cant believe guys fall for that. :lol:
    nyway, i once did :glee:
    sana hindi na lang niya sinabi sa face ko yun" or "sana naglie na lang muna siya" etc. etc. etc. I heard enough sad stories that no matter how one does it, we would always want the other ways.
    this is being unrealistic, childish and lame....imo
    its hard for some people to live a lie. I'm sure the mediocre guy felt that he is being lied to thus the question: is this cheating?

    isnt it unfair?
    Ang tanong ko lang... is this a mere speculation on the part of the guy? How did he know for sure that he was manipulated?
    indeed a speculation, but do you know the feeling of realizing a grand scheme that is finally becoming apparent whenever you look at the current situation? a feeling that makes you angry knowing that it is possible.
    The girl simply did not want to be in that relationship which is why she could not and did not tolerate his little misgivings.
    it could have been alright if only she told the real reason. then again, who is this loser to demand from a girl who is no longer interested with him and both having moved on for years. Yet for some reason, being told of the situation, i feel its unfair. why do feel that? why do i feel that its 'cheating'.
  • shychicshychic paradoxical PExer
    Jonga wrote: »
    I assume that you agree that its cheating if I say that the relationship with the simple guy was formerly strong. yes?


    Not even. You have to be in a relationship to cheat in the first place. In your example's case, they already broke up.

    wrote:
    the truth is, the relationship was falling apart due to less time with each other because of work(guy) and study(girl)

    So it is falling apart na pala. So this new guy is just the tip of the iceberg then. He probably offers more quality time than the simple guy. You cannot find fault in that.
    wrote:
    I strongly believe that people get affected with the environement, they are not the real perpetrator when they 'cheat', instead it is the people, events and 'fashion' around them:

    1. the new guy being 'celebrity', gives a hint that the girl, of course would want to be popular hanging/petting with the guy
    2. it is the attitude of humans to 'choose something better', like said earlier, 'greener pasteur'
    3. the first couple didnt survive well since they are not in the same environment compared to the celebrity guy who was in the same school and same interests. it somehow made them alien to each other.
    4. etc.

    But at the end of the day, its also a matter of personal choice. These extraneous factors are just adding up to your decision-making whether to stay with the current or move on.
  • stepehenyan@12[email protected] haremnojutsu ✭✭
    how could it be alright when she's dumping his bf for another man. the thing here it's over between the two of them whether he's ex-bf sees her ex-gf with this celebrity guy.
  • JongaJonga Banned by Admin PExer
    ^that makes the ex-bf, a loser...imo though
    shychic wrote:
    Not even. You have to be in a relationship to cheat in the first place. In your example's case, they already broke up.
    let me clear myself, as speculated, they were still in a relationship when the girl intentionally dumped the simple-guy in favor of the cool guy. it didnt appear cheating while they were with each other, but the simple guy eventually realizes the possibility after the break-up that he was cheated.

    in other words, cheating in a more sly method, or being fooled. Huli na ang lahat nung nalaman ni loser, dapat ang dahilan ay di dahil patay na ang relasyon, kundi dahil may iba na syang mahal. the former as both being delinquent, and the girl is in fault with the latter
    But at the end of the day, its also a matter of personal choice. These extraneous factors are just adding up to your decision-making whether to stay with the current or move on.

    you are right, but what if these "extraneous factors " are being manipulated to make you decide? like what the girl exemplified, she made everything look as if everything was falling apart when in fact everything was actually moving normally. why did she have to do that, when she can always tell the guy that she found somebody else, instead of saying those lame and vague reasons like its her fault or we need more time alone ekek? i cant find any reason except because she felt guilty of being selfish and being a traitor to what she felt. why couldnt she fight that guilt by telling the truth? yes? hence it somehow appeared to me like cheating...imo

    is it ok to manipulate the envornment to benefit yourself?
  • mystifymystify Member PExer
    Jonga wrote: »
    let me clear myself, as speculated, they were still in a relationship when the girl intentionally dumped the simple-guy in favor of the cool guy.

    i still don't think it's cheating. she cut clean - nde nya pinagsabay eh. when you said they (gf/simple guy) were still in a relationship when she dumped him, of course they had to be in a relationship for her to dump him, dba? or did you mean they (gf/cool guy) were already in a relationship when she dumped the other?
    Jonga wrote: »
    in other words, cheating in a more sly method, or being fooled. Huli na ang lahat nung nalaman ni loser, dapat ang dahilan ay di dahil patay na ang relasyon, kundi dahil may iba na syang mahal.

    i think what got your goat was andaming nakitang butas ni gf sa ex na ginawa nyang dahilan pra makipaghiwalay, un pla gusto lng makipagrelasyon sa iba (na pinagnasaan na nya habang sila pa ni ex)? is this it?

    ok, there is such as thing as "emotional involvement," but unless these emotions were shared with the new guy before breaking off with the other, nde pa rin sya cheating.

    let's speculate that she may have developed feelings for the new guy before she broke up with ex, in short, she was "attracted" to him. but bf/gf relationships are not meant to be forever, that's what marriage is for. unless they were married, wlang magagawa ang ex kung nakakita si gf ng mas gusto nya. these relationships are meant to be testing grounds for both parties.
    Jonga wrote: »
    you are right, but what if these "extraneous factors " are being manipulated to make you decide? like what the girl exemplified, she made everything look as if everything was falling apart when in fact everything was actually moving normally. why did she have to do that, when she can always tell the guy that she found somebody else, instead of saying those lame and vague reasons like its her fault or we need more time alone ekek? i cant find any reason except because she felt guilty of being selfish and being a traitor to what she felt. why couldnt she fight that guilt by telling the truth? yes? hence it somehow appeared to me like cheating...imo. is it ok to manipulate the envornment to benefit yourself?

    with hindsight, he may be able to unearth a lot of her "motivations" for the break-up, but they would be mere speculations. it could be na nagsabi ng totoo ung girl, that there were other factors. as another poster had said, if the relationship had been strong she wouldn't have been attracted to the other guy in the first place. siguro meron nang deep-seated dissatisfaction that was already in place that was just magnified by the appearance of a "better prospect."

    another thing, you say exbf would have preferred to be told in his face that she'd shack up with this new guy. but maybe she too wasn't sure at that time how things would progress with this other guy? kailangan pa bang sabihin lahat ng balak nyang gawin after makipaghiwalay sya?
  • silly_ka_jaxsilly_ka_jax Member PExer
    If the situation were reversed, a lot of guys would have said the same thing (that it ain't cheating). Parang ganyan din naman sa lalaki e. Gusto makipag-cool off para makipag-date sa iba. When tables are turned nga naman, kidding. :D

    Seriously, if she were attracted to the celebrity guy, then maybe her relationship with the mediocre guy wasn't strong enough in the first place to withstand strong attractions to other guys. Did she go out ba with the celebrity guy while she was still in a relationship with the mediocre one? If yes, then she did. But if not, technically she didn't. If she entertained the celebrity guy, she did. But if she didn't try to communicate with the CG, then she didn't.

    Actually, the guy should be thankful that his gf's "true colors" showed earlier on. Paano kung kasal na sila at doon lang niya malalaman ang kalokohan ng asawa nya?

    The girl lied to him but didn't cheat. Anyway, everyone of us has a different definition of cheating so for me, she didn't cheat.
  • Leih1234Leih1234 Registered User PExer
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by leiah
    Would the guy have preferred the "it is not you, it is me" dialogue?

    the guy would have preferred a more honest approach, and goodness, cant believe guys fall for that.
    nyway, i once did


    Quote:
    sana hindi na lang niya sinabi sa face ko yun" or "sana naglie na lang muna siya" etc. etc. etc. I heard enough sad stories that no matter how one does it, we would always want the other ways.

    this is being unrealistic, childish and lame....imo
    its hard for some people to live a lie. I'm sure the mediocre guy felt that he is being lied to thus the question: is this cheating?

    isnt it unfair?


    Quote:
    Ang tanong ko lang... is this a mere speculation on the part of the guy? How did he know for sure that he was manipulated?

    indeed a speculation, but do you know the feeling of realizing a grand scheme that is finally becoming apparent whenever you look at the current situation? a feeling that makes you angry knowing that it is possible.


    Quote:
    The girl simply did not want to be in that relationship which is why she could not and did not tolerate his little misgivings.

    it could have been alright if only she told the real reason. then again, who is this loser to demand from a girl who is no longer interested with him and both having moved on for years. Yet for some reason, being told of the situation, i feel its unfair. why do feel that? why do i feel that its 'cheating'.

    As I have said, I have heard enough heartaches through the years to know that the other person will never really like how he was let go of.

    Yes, I know exactly how it feels when I finally realize that he plotted my demise... or so it seems. Unlike yours, mine is not a mere speculation. I knew it for a fact. Truth slowly unfolded. Did I feel cheated? No, I feel betrayed. That is another story.

    Stick with the facts. The girl simply did not want to be in that relationship. To even say that the guy would have appreciated being told the truth, fact is, you do not know that it isn't the truth after all.

    Nakakagalit at masakit na pakawalan ka ng taong mahal mo, oo. If the girl told you hey, am leaving you because I do not love you anymore and I think I want to try this new guy... you'd still be posting here telling us it is cheating when it is not. Lame to assume? Probably. But face the facts. The girl left the guy. She did not cheat. Live with it.
  • JongaJonga Banned by Admin PExer
    ^ah, so you mean to say, she betrayed and she lied.
    which makes her disgusting. i get your point.

    i just dont see how it is a different story, being betrayed and being cheated, the fact remains that the poor guy is left alone, like you said, it will never change, at least the girl should have left some decency to honor and respect the guy's commitment.

    maybe i can tell this guy about him being betrayed and he has no fault with the break-up, its really painful to see a nice guy being single for the past 6 yrs.
    Gusto makipag-cool off para makipag-date sa iba
    whats wrong having dates while attached? whats on the line here is trust and honesty...i think its ok to date somebody else for as long as the other party is informed, like the girl in the example should tell the simple guy honestly what she really wants.
    The girl lied to him but didn't cheat.
    i think cheating involves lying...and aint it of the same degree? are you saying that you would prefer your partner lie to you instead of cheating you?
    mystify wrote:
    or did you mean they (gf/cool guy) were already in a relationship when she dumped the other?
    could be, the point is, she was not honest enough....
    ok, there is such as thing as "emotional involvement," but unless these emotions were shared with the new guy before breaking off with the other, nde pa rin sya cheating.

    they probably already had "emotional involvement", why would she want a clean dump in the first place. My guess is that they were too afraid to show themselves or to officially declare their feelings publicly so the one with attachment needs to find ways to dump the simple guy, in order to have a "clean consience".

    and boy like it didnt happened with another guy, her x-bf before the simple-guy. She also lied to another x-bf, same scenario (only that its about maturity instead of popularity), to have a relationship with mr. mediocre guy

    i guess mr. mediocre had a taste of karma, too bad it was on him rather than on her. such a loser :lol:
    wlang magagawa ang ex kung nakakita si gf ng mas gusto nya
    meron, ang magsabi ng totoo...
    another thing, you say exbf would have preferred to be told in his face that she'd shack up with this new guy. but maybe she too wasn't sure at that time how things would progress with this other guy? kailangan pa bang sabihin lahat ng balak nyang gawin after makipaghiwalay sya?
    so ok lang na gag0hin niya si mr mediocre dahil sa kagagahan nya?
    after the break-up, its entirely her problem if mr celebrity was a bad apple or not...and no, she doesnt have to tell her about her plans with mr. celebrity after breaking up, she only needed to tell him that mr. celebrity is the reason

    i hope you understand what i mean...






    is it right to inform mr. mediocre that the girl was a b!tch because she lied to him and betrayed him?
  • mystifymystify Member PExer
    ^^ to be frank, it seems you've made up your mind long before you asked us for opinions. kse you're twisting everything we've said so far to fit your conclusion.

    every poster has said she did not cheat.. kse the rest of the story are speculation on your part. ano pa ba kailangan naming sabihin?

    besides, what's up with the loser thing? bat kailangan mo isingit parati? sh!t happens. if everyone who got left, got lied to, or were fooled by their lovers are losers, then he's got a lot of company.
  • erap_arroyo99erap_arroyo99 Banned by Admin PExer
    what a w-h-o-r-e. just like the ust-ot-grad-turned-med-wannabe. she deserves something painful.
  • NilsNils Hunter ✭✭✭
    simple lang naman nangyari...

    the girl wanted out coz she wanted to be with someone else... she just didnt want to shoulder the 'guilt' of ending up the relationships because of her wants, so she waited for the bf to make mistakes so she could go out of the relationship... she didn't cheat... she just wanted to quit on her own terms...
  • silly_ka_jaxsilly_ka_jax Member PExer
    i think cheating involves lying...and aint it of the same degree? are you saying that you would prefer your partner lie to you instead of cheating you?

    Lying just to get to out of the relationship (which is the premise of your dilemma), lying to cushion the blow. I'm being cynical here but who hasn't lied here to protect the feelings of another person? Lahat tayo, at one point, nagsisinungaling kapag nasa isang relationship. Everybody lies.

    And as I asked before, did she go out with the hunky guy when she was with the mediocre one? If not, then she didn't cheat on him. Your question is cheating eh, so technically she didn't.

    And how did you know that girl intentionally picked fights with her ex so she could be with the celeb guy? Kung ang reason lang ay nagkaroon sya ng boyfriend after a few months, then that's not fair. As you've posted, the mediocre guy had no time for the girl and knowing how petty some girls can be, it might be the real reason why she wanted out of the relationship. At, baka timing rin na naandoon yung celeb guy parati para sa babae.
  • 24242424 Guest PExer
    You dont really love the guy, you are just looking for someone better.
  • JongaJonga Banned by Admin PExer
    mystify wrote:
    to be frank, it seems you've made up your mind long before you asked us for opinions. kse you're twisting everything we've said so far to fit your conclusion.

    every poster has said she did not cheat.. kse the rest of the story are speculation on your part. ano pa ba kailangan naming sabihin?

    besides, what's up with the loser thing? bat kailangan mo isingit parati? sh!t happens. if everyone who got left, got lied to, or were fooled by their lovers are losers, then he's got a lot of company.
    im sorry but please tell me how i twisted them, all i did was add more information to make my point more clearer, im always guilty of forgetting details, indicate pls the points i twisted, and ill gladly explain further why, thanks

    i have made up my mind that, somehow,

    1. the girl did something wrong
    2. the girl successfully managed to trick mr. mediocre that he did something wrong

    i havent told you guys, but i am very grateful that you clearly defined what happened, and that, she did not cheat

    only that she is lying, betraying...which makes her no less than a cheating b!tch

    but im not sure of that yet unless you guys tell me that i understood correctly.

    eeerrr....the 'loser' part is only imo :glee:
    Nils wrote:
    simple lang naman nangyari...

    the girl wanted out coz she wanted to be with someone else... she just didnt want to shoulder the 'guilt' of ending up the relationships because of her wants, so she waited for the bf to make mistakes so she could go out of the relationship... she didn't cheat... she just wanted to quit on her own terms...
    but wait, if mr. celebrity does not exist, the mistakes mr. mediocre did would have been resolved or worked around for the sake of the relationship. the break up, again is caused by her wants for mr. celebrity and not because of mr. mediocre's mistakes, which the girl successfully turned otherwise to make mr. mediocre the bad guy.

    hence the feeling of being cheated. yes?
    Lying just to get to out of the relationship (which is the premise of your dilemma), lying to cushion the blow. I'm being cynical here but who hasn't lied here to protect the feelings of another person? Lahat tayo, at one point, nagsisinungaling kapag nasa isang relationship. Everybody lies.
    the question is whether the 'blow' (highlighted) is on him or on her. yes? and besides, a white lie is supposed to be exposed by the liar himself/herself after the benefit is achieved, if not then it is obvious that the white lie is intended for the liar's benefit alone.
    And as I asked before, did she go out with the hunky guy when she was with the mediocre one? If not, then she didn't cheat on him. Your question is cheating eh, so technically she didn't.
    i fail to see why it is 'cheating' when your partner 'goes out' with somebody else, that is tad childish imo. And for me it doesnt matter if my gf have s3x with others, as long as im informed and that we agree with each other about what she's planning to do.

    it is 'cheating' in my definition if the above deeds mentioned are done secretly....or not, im not sure though. thats why i created this thread.

    And he's not hunky, goodness, people wouldnt mind him if not his for artistic skills ...:glee:
    And how did you know that girl intentionally picked fights with her ex so she could be with the celeb guy? Kung ang reason lang ay nagkaroon sya ng boyfriend after a few months, then that's not fair. As you've posted, the mediocre guy had no time for the girl and knowing how petty some girls can be, it might be the real reason why she wanted out of the relationship. At, baka timing rin na naandoon yung celeb guy parati para sa babae

    you are right, it is unfair.
    but it is also unfair if we dont consider compelling evidences.
    1. like in the first post, i mentioned that the girl informed x-bf about this celeb guy that she is fond with, who is also in her class. x-bf however, being a person who respects trust and honesty, didnt worried at all since he is confident that gf will not break their 3 yrs relationship just because of a new guy.
    2. she was sure that one reason for breaking up is to have time for each other....and WOW, we never knew that that time she needed was only a few months.....so dang hypocrite doncha think?
    3. before mr. mediocre, she went through the same situation breaking up with the guy before mr. mediocre, in short, he is not the first guy to involve in her ways.

    and let this be clear:
    not knowing before the break-up is what make me call him---> LOSER, and not just because he couldnt move on, or he was dumped.
    he could have made countermeasures if he only knew beforehand.





    so the question stands:
    is it right to inform mr. mediocre that the girl was a b!tch because she lied to him and betrayed him?

    para naman mabigyan ng konting hustisya ang kalooban ng frend kong si mr. mediocre
  • bishopbishop amdg PExer
    Seems to me, the threadstarter is using the third-person syndrome. :D
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