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Does this count as cheating?

We've been married for 10 months now and on our 8th month, I found out that my husband has been constantly calling another girl. The thing is, this girl was our wedding coordinator! Can you just imagine how terrible this is for me?!!

My husband and I have been dating for ten years before we got married. During those years, I was the one who was more secured in the relationship and he was the possessive, seloso type. He is very friendly and can get easily along with everyone. my family and friends all love to be with him.

From the start, I already felt jealous about the girl coz I know, he's my husband's type. I just ignored my feelings and tried to work on the wedding with the girl. Even after the wedding when I would talk to my friends about how there were mistakes that she committed sa coordination nya, my husband would defend her. So dun pa lang, I was really irritated whenever he would talk about her. Alam nya na pinag-seselosan ko na yung girl.

Then just this Feb, I found his cellphone bills. Nakita ko talaga that and dami nyang calls dun sa girl, even after midnight or at times na I know we were just in the house. I was devastated. I couldn't believe that this was happening for the past six months!! I confronted din the girl and she said na she thought daw I knew all about this since my husband said na he was telling her story about me. The girl's husband is going through drug addiction daw and she has nobody to talk to since everyone in her family is angry with her. In my opinion kasi, she was enjoying the attention that she was getting from my husband. If she was decent enough, she won't entertain those late night calls. What would her husband feel if she knew all about these. I don't think matutuwa sya sa ginagawa ng asawa nya di ba?

This is so tough for me since I am also "fertility-challenged". I'm having a hard time getting preggy. I feel like giving up and just live on my own. Please advice me on what to do..
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Comments

  • ayaneayane Member PExer
    just the fact that he hid it from you means he knows he's doing something wrong.

    why don't you talk to him about it?
  • baklitabaklita taas kilay PExer



    gawin mong patas ang laban...
    tawagan mo ang asawa ng babae at
    ibuking ang gawain ng babae... o de vaah?


    aihihihi!!! :)

    baklita





  • davey3000davey3000 Member PExer
    Correct me if i'm wrong, but isn't it only considered cheating when they have sexual intercourse? So technically, it's not cheating....yet. Right now it's probably just flirtation. Nonetheless, he did keep this a secret so go smack your husband on the head for hiding this from you and try talking to him....or talk to him first then smack him on the head. Either way, you need to talk to him
  • ayaneayane Member PExer
    ^ actually, just the fact that he's hiding it from her... he knows that he's doing something wrong.

    even if it's just flirting, as you call it. there's no sexual intercourse or whatever, he KNOWS that if and when she finds out, she'll be hurt. THAT is already cheating.

    if he was not doing anything wrong. why is he hiding it?

    cheating has different levels for different people.

    for her, just the fact that he's talking to the girl hurts her. so it's cheating for her.

    personally, i've told my boyfriend that he can have sex with anyone he wants... as long as he does not fall in love with them. so, even if he has sex with other girls, it's not cheating for me.

    get it?
  • davey3000davey3000 Member PExer
    your bf is one lucky guy. I've only known a couple of girls who thinks the way you do *okay*
  • baklitabaklita taas kilay PExer
    ayane wrote: »

    personally, i've told my boyfriend that he can have sex with anyone he wants... as long as he does not fall in love with them.

    get it?




    sis ayane... narinig ko ang linyang yan sa isang labadib ko.
    kya ako napakapit tuko sa kanya... sya nman nagin linta sakin...
    siguro iisa ang umbilical cord natin... prang siamese twins...

    I love you, too, my dear!

    aihihihi!!! :)

    bakilta







  • ayaneayane Member PExer
    baklita wrote: »


    sis ayane... narinig ko ang linyang yan sa isang labadib ko.
    kya ako napakapit tuko sa kanya... sya nman nagin linta sakin...
    siguro iisa ang umbilical cord natin... prang siamese twins...

    I love you, too, my dear!

    aihihihi!!! :)

    bakilta


    :lol: oo nga eh. nung sinabi ko yon... linta rin ang kapit niya sakin eh!

    pero sabi ko sa kanya... iba pa rin ang baklita ng mundo ko noh! at ikaw lang yon! :love:

    @ ndavey3000:

    actually, he has never slept with anyone else while we were together. he did mention several girls he liked and girls who were obviously giving him hints. he says he doesn't like them enough to actually exert the effort. :lol:

    and the ironic thing is, i ended up with a guy who does not believe in ONS and casual sex. :rotflmao:
  • bobathaibobathai Member PExer
    i think your husband and the wedding coordinator are only in the friendship stage.
    siguro naging close sila as friends, kaya your husband is there for the girl.
    wouldn't you be there too for a close friend?
    he probably didn't tell you because he knew how sensitive you are nowadays.
    especially you're having a hard time getting preggy.
    so ayaw ka nya i-stress about things as that.

    in a way, if your hubby have told things about you to the girl, then she must know that your hubby is off-limits.
    kasi hubby mo na sya and she should understand what you're going through right now with your "fertility-challenged" thing.
    kumbaga, bakit pa yung hubby mo ang natipuhan nung babaeng yun di ba, kung marami namang iba pang tao na pwede nyang pagsabihan ng problema..

    if you want to know what your hubby feels about you, your marriage and to the girl, you must confront him now.
    you have to know what's going through his mind, para alam mo kung ano na ang lagay mo sa buhay nia..

    i hope i've helped you
  • badasschickbadasschick Wanderlust ✭✭✭
    davey3000 wrote: »
    Correct me if i'm wrong, but isn't it only considered cheating when they have sexual intercourse?

    There's such a thing as an emotional affair.
  • stigrastigra Member PExer
    Yeah, he's cheating on you. So you better confront him now or else doble lugi ka, naloko ka na nga, di ka pa makatulog sa gabi dahil la kang peace of mind, dahil di mo alam kung ano ang totoo. Dapat sya yung di makatulog sa gabi dahil sa ginawa nyang panloloko kung may konsensya sya. Tsk tsk...Married na kasi kayo kaya dapat na nyang tigilan yan, wag naman sanang mauwi sa hiwalayan...:depressed:
  • chihuauachihuaua Member PExer
    There's such a thing as an emotional affair.

    i think your husband has developed an emotional attachment
    to this girl. this doesn't necessarily mean that he is in love with
    the girl. there is nothing wrong in lending an ear to someone
    who has nobody else to turn to. however, you must let your
    husband know his limits - phonecalls way past midnight is
    not acceptable. let him know how you feel about the situation.
  • NilsNils Hunter ✭✭✭
    lol...

    its not cheating... chihuaua's opinion is most probably correct...

    i dont think u married some dumb guy who doesn't realize those calls would be listed in his cp bill so if he didnt mind you seeing that bill, means he's not exactly guilty of cheating/affair... he just didnt want you to know that he's been talking to someone that he considers a friend whom you despise (or is that too strong a word?) coz he knows ur gonna get hurt and start feeling insecure etc...

    anyway... u know ur husband, 10 yrs together is a long time to be together without knowing each other... if you up and leave after a year of marriage, that says a lot of things about you... marriages that last a lifetime aren't the smooth sailing types... they're the ones where the couple fought tooth and nail for at one time or another...

    talk it over with your husband, if you have problems with regular after midnight calls, then tell him that... though if you try to tell him that you have to give approval who he can be friends with, i'd say ur going to be out of line, (or you should also accept him telling you who you can and can't talk to... like taht bestfriend of urs who's always pointing out the worst case scenario, i'm sure he'd love to kick her out of your life)
  • bored2deathbored2death AlmostOverYou! PExer
    it's not cheating yet but all roads lead to that....


    i mean, how can a married man talks to another woman in the middle of the night when you're supposed to be together in bed and doing some romance for yourselves. you're just married di ba?

    i can't imagine that kind of scenario. kakaasar yata yan.

    he's the one calling the woman then. hala! assert your right as a wife. he can say it's selos, you're jumping the gun or whatever. you're married already. its' a different story altogether.


    and one last thing...ano ba yang asawa mo. di marunong ng discretion. ang daming prepaid no?...nyahahahaha :lol:
  • ttr41879ttr41879 Member PExer
    Thank you guys for all the advices. We're trying to fix things now and concentrating more on how we can have a baby soon.

    I will not lie but there are times that I would still dwell on what had happend and try to figure out what really went on between the two of them. I forgot to mention, 2 weeks after I confronted the girl, her ate called my husband and told him that if may problem daw kaming dalawa, samin na lang at wag na idamay ang kapatid nya. Hello?!!!!! eh yung kapatid nya kaya ang root ng lahat ng problema namin. Doesn't she realize that?! At bakit naman napaka-late ng reaction nung girl. If wala talaga syang ginagawa, why the hell would it still matter to her na inaway ko sya at nag sumbong pa sya sa kapatid nya. Argggggghhhhhhh!!! naiinis talaga ako dun sa girl everytime naalala ko sya. And she has this reputation talaga na flirt sya coz lahat yata ng neighbors nya eh naging boyfriend nya.
  • ttr41879ttr41879 Member PExer
    There's such a thing as an emotional affair.

    Yes, I believe that there is such a thing called emotional affair
  • infinite_trialinfinite_trial ♥ Drayer PExer
    i agree with bored2death and ayane, it's NOT counted YET as cheating...pero you'll never know kung anong maaring mangyari pa kung di mo nalaman kaagad.

    ipaalam mo na lang sa hubby mo na hindi acceptable para sayo ang ginawa nya. sana hindi na maulit.
  • ttr41879ttr41879 Member PExer
    Amen to infinite trial, bored2death and ayane..

    I read it somewhere na affairs are really not planned. They just happen. So buti na lang nalaman ko kaagad. I noticed nga sa bills na yung mga calls nila were getting to be more frequent than the first few months na nag-uusap sila. Nakakainis din naman yung girl coz feeling ko nagpapa-awa na sya. Napaka-KSP!!!!
  • jed_allanjed_allan Sexual Intellectual PExer
    tsk tsk tsk...di marunong asawa mo. :lol:
  • aequusnoxaequusnox Member PExer
    i think dapat naman talagang hindi yung girl ang kinakausap mo about it, prior to talking to her, u should have talked with your husband about it. kayong dalawa ang involved sa relationship, you two should resolve it. :)
  • kuting_kittenkuting_kitten Beach, please. ✭✭
    talk to your husband about it. it is still NOT cheating but we have a good hunch it might lead to that very soon, unless someone takes action.

    sweetie, you seem insecure because of being "challenged," when you get stressed, you'd find it harder to conceive. better talk to you hubbie talaga muna.

    although from your kwento, may malisya. kase naman, c'mon, hindi ka naman pag-aaksayahan tawagan ng guy kung hindi interesado diba?
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