how can i discipline my 3kids without the daddy around?

BUDDIN

im a mother of 3 kids and i'm just turnning 28 this year, i had my first baby at the age of 18 (a month after my debut )...
i have a 9 year old boy and 2 girls ages 7 and 5. my husband is not around and working abroad...the senario is....i really can't discipline my kids, i almost scream and cry ...they wont listen...can you guys give me some effective and simple tips how to discipline my kids even my husband is not around?

tina11

Hi Buddin, I can't give advice as a mom (as my daughter is only 13 months old) but as a daughter, I can say that screaming and crying will not work. Your daughters are old enough to understand concepts like respect for others and the property of others, honesty, and hard work. Talk to them, explain what rule they have violated (for example, don't play with the stove) and why this rule is important (it is important because they could get hurt or the house can burn down). As much as possible don't scold them when you are mad because you might say words that are hurtful, calm yourself down first before talking to them. Try to put yourself in their shoes too. How were you disciplined back then, and can you apply the same methods now?

jovhelle

pasali ako ha...

mom ako ng 8mos. old baby at the same time eh may mother ako and 4 kaming lahat. ako 20, my sisters 18 & 14, my brother 12.... aminado mom ko na di cia tutok sa amin as anak nia dahil nagtratrabaho sila ng papa ko at on/off sila. pero ang pag sigaw at pag iyak eh walang magagawa para ma-disiplina mo sila. better na kausapin mo sila and tell them na ikaw lang ang mag-isang humuhubog sa kanila. give them equal time, love and care.

bata pa po sila at nag eenjoy sa paglalaro at paglilikot. pagsabihan nio po sila ng mga limitations nila para alam nila kung ano lang ung mga gagawin at di nila gagawin. di naman po sa gagawin mo silang robot, gagawin mo lng po ung tama at ung dapat na ginagwa ng isang mommy...

so young po pala kau nabuntis. pareho tau, day after my 18th bday nalaman kong 1month preggy na ko.. hehehhe... gusto ko dalawa lang na baby.. huhuhu...

splicergurl

Hi buddin. Just want to share w/ you my two cents... I had my eldest early din at 21. I was still studying then. She's now 10 years old, for 10 years I was a single mom. Minsan ko lang sya napalo sa kamay and it really made me feel bad kaya dinadaan ko sya sa usap. Your age gap is not so bad kasi pwede kayong maging mag-kabarkada ng kids mo pero you need to assert your authority. You need to impress sa kanila na you're the mom and they need to follow you because at this point, mas alam mo what's best for them. Sabihin mo yun sa kanila para naiintindihan nila. At first di talaga yan magsi-stick sa kanila pero eventually they will understand.

Don't let your kids control you. It's ok to give in to their whims once in awhile pero within reason dapat. Screaming and crying won't do aything but talking in a firm voice and act like you mean what you said works. Explain to them kung anong mali sa ginawa nila and why they should not do it anymore. Magalit ka dun sa fault, not the child. Syempre dapat din nilalambing mo sila because you want your kids to obey you because they love you, not obeying you out of fear. Talk to them and listen to them. Ask details of their lives, kumusta school? Friends nila? Ano ba uso sa school nila, ano ba 'in ngayon'? The more your kids think it's ok to approach you, the more mas magiging madali for you to communicate what you want.

Do an activity you guys can do together maski sa bahay lang. Watch their favorite movie on DVD with them, make that a date w/ them w/ matching snacks. Ask them to help you sa pagpe-prepare ng ingredients when you cook. Involve mo sila sa gawaing-bahay.
Kami ng anak ko apart from our Saturday night routine before (kasi may baby kami now) of hanging out at Powerbooks tapos Coffee Bean, may Sundays din kami of having breakfast from Mc Do delivered sa house. Nag-uusap na kami now of reviving our Saturday routine pag malaki-laki na sister nya.

I know it works for me and my daughter kasi kahit wala ako and may family gatherings, my relatives can attest na sinusunod daw nya bilin ko. Namamangha nga sila sa firmness nya. Sometimes bini-BI na sya ng mga tita ko ng pabiro na ok lang wag ako sundin and ipapaalam na lang sya sa akin, makiki-ride sya but she will tell them na hindi yun ang sinabi ko sa kanya. Case in point, when she has colds and they tell her it's ok to swim, she'll tell them na binilin ko wag sya swim and she wants to get well soon.

If you offend your kids, don't be afraid to tell them you were wrong. Apologize ka rin, explain mo bakit ka nagso-sorry, not plainly saying sorry lang. That's showing them that you have respect for their feelings kahit bata pa sila.

I'm now married and have a 2-month old baby. Ganun pa rin relationship namin ng eldest ko and I have no plans in changing that kind of discipline sa 2nd daughter ko. I hope may naitulong yung shinare ko sa yo kahit medyo mahaba . Good luck and kaya mo yan mommy!

BUDDIN

one thing din ,i didnt finish my studies kaya di me nakawork, nag aral ako uli nung 2003 di ko na uli tinuloy because of financial problem..nag asawa ako la me alam sa gawain bahay...then last year nag try ako pumasok sa call center, magaaply na me work..dami protesta...so in short..wag ka work ..alagaan mo nlang kids..then nagtayo tita ko ng company on tranning parin ako til now...i admit i lack time to be with my kids and no yaya wants to look after my kids, my house is a mess and my younger successful brother push me around( i still live with my parents)..my husband is working abroad..want ko rin kase tumayo na sa sarili kong mga paa...im just very magulo sa situation ko...and my son ay may pagka barumbado..sumasagot, inaaway mga kapatid nya..lahat na ginawa ko..dumating pa sa punto nagupit na ng pera..hindi ko naman pinagdadamutan ung bata..nagbibigay naman ako paghumigi..and not at all times.. if you can give me more advices, la na me tao mahingan ng payo...thanks...

BUDDIN

splicergurl wrote: »

Hi buddin. Just want to share w/ you my two cents... I had my eldest early din at 21. I was still studying then. She's now 10 years old, for 10 years I was a single mom. Minsan ko lang sya napalo sa kamay and it really made me feel bad kaya dinadaan ko sya sa usap. Your age gap is not so bad kasi pwede kayong maging mag-kabarkada ng kids mo pero you need to assert your authority. You need to impress sa kanila na you're the mom and they need to follow you because at this point, mas alam mo what's best for them. Sabihin mo yun sa kanila para naiintindihan nila. At first di talaga yan magsi-stick sa kanila pero eventually they will understand.

hello po!! thank you po sa payo nyo..naiingit nga po ako sa inyo..you know how to discipline your kid...hayaan nyo po ill try that...sana po keep in touch po kayo sa akin...thank you po!:)

splicergurl

BUDDIN wrote: »

hello po!! thank you po sa payo nyo..naiingit nga po ako sa inyo..you know how to discipline your kid...hayaan nyo po ill try that...sana po keep in touch po kayo sa akin...thank you po!:)

Good luck! My mom was bringing up 5 kids alone and working pa before. Madalas sya mamalo and nung naging mom na ko tsaka ko naintindihan bakit sya ganun. It must have been so stressful for her sobra. That's why nung ako, binaligtad ko lang kasi more than the physical pain, we got to a point na relieved kami when our mom wasn't around dahil wala sya para mamalo.

Mahirap maging mommy, lalo na when you're a mommy and you're alone tapos you are at an age pa na you should be partying and shopping with your barkada...pero wag kang papatalo, this experience will make you stronger. Of course you need to take care of yourself din to stay sane. Nung naging mommy ako tsaka ko lang na-realize yung mga untapped potentials ko. Lahat pala kaya mong gawin para sa anak mo, kesehodang may kumontra.

shennara18

I have two daughters my eldest is 5yr old the youngest is 3 yrs old i also got pregnant at an early age after my graduation in college, but in our home i am more disciplinarian than my husband sya yng laging oo lng na oo sa kalokohan ng anak at hindi tlaga sya namamalo and the only problem is pag andyan na dadi nila pag may ginawa silang mali takbo sila sa dadi at wala na hindi naoobra sa kanila ang sinasabi ko. So minsan naiisip ko mas ok pag wala dadi nila kasi mas nakikinig sila pag may gusto akong ipaintindi sa kanila hirap talagang maging Mommy

BUDDIN

shennara18 wrote: »

I have two daughters my eldest is 5yr old the youngest is 3 yrs old i also got pregnant at an early age after my graduation in college, but in our home i am more disciplinarian than my husband sya yng laging oo lng na oo sa kalokohan ng anak at hindi tlaga sya namamalo and the only problem is pag andyan na dadi nila pag may ginawa silang mali takbo sila sa dadi at wala na hindi naoobra sa kanila ang sinasabi ko. So minsan naiisip ko mas ok pag wala dadi nila kasi mas nakikinig sila pag may gusto akong ipaintindi sa kanila hirap talagang maging Mommy

hello po!! oo nga po!! sobra mahirap maging mommi..buti nga po sa inyo 2 lang..ako 3 kids.Ganyan di ang husband ko, bigay luho ng mga anak ko..nung umalis cya, hayan....dinadaan ako sa iyak para makuha gusto nila...mas diciplinarian din po ako..ang pinaka mahirap na part is teaching them that thier doing the wrong thing, dyan ako sa part na yun hirap...bakit hindi nila maintindihan..do you have tips that you can share? other than reverse child pshycolgy...please po!!!thank you

BUDDIN

shennara18 wrote: »

I have two daughters my eldest is 5yr old the youngest is 3 yrs old i also got pregnant at an early age after my graduation in college, but in our home i am more disciplinarian than my husband sya yng laging oo lng na oo sa kalokohan ng anak at hindi tlaga sya namamalo and the only problem is pag andyan na dadi nila pag may ginawa silang mali takbo sila sa dadi at wala na hindi naoobra sa kanila ang sinasabi ko. So minsan naiisip ko mas ok pag wala dadi nila kasi mas nakikinig sila pag may gusto akong ipaintindi sa kanila hirap talagang maging Mommy

hello po!! oo nga po!! sobra mahirap maging mommi..buti nga po sa inyo 2 lang..ako 3 kids.Ganyan di ang husband ko, bigay luho ng mga anak ko..nung umalis cya, hayan....dinadaan ako sa iyak para makuha gusto nila...mas diciplinarian din po ako..ang pinaka mahirap na part is teaching them that thier doing the wrong thing, dyan ako sa part na yun hirap...bakit hindi nila maintindihan..do you have tips that you can share? other than reverse child pshycolgy...please po!!!thank you

morrissey_05

things i learned from Nanny 911. hehehe

1. when talking to the kids, go down to their level, literally. stoop down and talk to them in a firm voice and look into their eyes.

2. raising your voice and spanking won't help. use "time-outs" instead.

3. set rules and give them reward for sticking to the rules.

4. give them duties around the house and reward them for accomplishing their duties.

5. mean what you say and say what you mean. when you say you will punish them for doing something, mean it and execute the punishment WITHOUT FAIL! if they see you are not consistent with what you are saying they will keep repeating what they are doing. and children are actually always challenging your rules to see how much they can get away with.

more if i remember others.