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He Said, She said, share your love problems with Aiee and SpiritedAway

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  • Alpha_GreenAlpha_Green PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    o, everybody..FR of our (Bit41 and bored2death) v-day...

    i let Bit41 eat squid balls and fishballs..plus samalamig na black pearls. nakatayo lang kami sa labas ng Podium.



    hhhhhhhhhaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...

    kiiiiillllliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggggg akoooooo......

    :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
  • orangepinkorangepink PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    I think we have to be in these persons shoes in order to completely understand where they're coming from.
    and what exactly is that? I'm not a devout Muslim/Mormon and I grew up with monogamous, faithful parents who clearly love each so it's only natural that I want the same things when I fall in love.
    For all the girls out there, before you start reading. I beg for a little open-mindedness here. Society dictates that you automatically object violently to this kind of thing, so I'm asking you to turn that switch off for just a few seconds until you completely read everything.
    When somebody cheats on me and I get mad, that is not because I was influenced by the dictates of society. I got mad because I was hurt. I got hurt because when you court a girl, it's implied that you like her and want to commit to her. So, when you cheat, it basically means that I don't mean that much to you.

    Cheating is the mother of all deal-breakers. You wanna hurt a girl where it counts? Cheat on her.
    In any case, I guess, to be fair to women out there, guys need to make it clear with their women that they are like this. If they're not ready to commit, then they shouldn't.
    Precisely ;)
  • sabaybunotsabaybunot PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    why do men cheat on perfectly good wives, girlfriends, fiancees, etc? tapos, pag nabisto, magmamakaawa and sa huli magsisisi?

    I mean, why not just spare both yourselves the drama and juast end it if he wants to play around di ba? Why keep the relationship pa rin?

    and wheres the fun in that??
  • sabaybunotsabaybunot PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    bad ang cheating... lalo na pag nahuli..
  • bored2deathbored2death PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    no completely unrelated posts please.

    alpha green started it sir, not me. pagalitan mo rin sya.


    ang hgpit naman ng moderator. ease up a bit, ok?

    Peace!
  • sabaybunot wrote: »
    bad ang cheating... lalo na pag nahuli..

    you mean its good as long as you dont get caught? if this is the mindset of all men, then cheating and adultery becomes an acceptable norm.
  • orangepink wrote: »
    and what exactly is that? I'm not a devout Muslim/Mormon and I grew up with monogamous, faithful parents who clearly love each so it's only natural that I want the same things when I fall in love.

    Good for you. That's your prerogative. Not entirely sure I understand what you're trying to say. Anyway, allow me to elaborate. I think the situation applies even to, say,the Christian and Muslim conflict, whereas the devout and dogmatic followers of each side are not able to see from the perspective of the other. It may offend them to be compared to something as petty as romance, but the similarity is there.

    And, not to burst your bubble or anything, you may have been lucky enough but you might be surprised at how many people, who think they've been living in completely happy and monogamous family, are shocked when they learn how many dirty little secrets they have in their closets.

    orangepink wrote: »
    When somebody cheats on me and I get mad, that is not because I was influenced by the dictates of society. I got mad because I was hurt. I got hurt because when you court a girl, it's implied that you like her and want to commit to her. So, when you cheat, it basically means that I don't mean that much to you.

    Ok, fine. But why do you get hurt? Who told you when you grew up that it was not okay for men to cheat. Everything we are, what we think, what we eat is the product of society. There is no such thing as a non-conformist. Unless you've been living in solitude since you were born, your behaviors are the symptom of society.

    To support this even further, in China, there's a sub-culture where the male is expected to take care of the children of his sister even if he has a child of his own. If you place that in contrast with our culture, it would be outright debauchery. If you want a more familiar example, take a look at Islam and Catholicism. The former allows polygamy, the latter does not. The latter allows you to eat pork, the former does not.
    orangepink wrote: »
    Cheating is the mother of all deal-breakers. You wanna hurt a girl where it counts? Cheat on her.

    For you, yes. But then again, I've heard some women say that and still get back with the same guy.

    orangepink wrote: »
    Precisely ;)

    Yes, precisely. The same is true for the opposite.
  • aiee wrote: »
    you mean its good as long as you dont get caught? if this is the mindset of all men, then cheating and adultery becomes an acceptable norm.

    It's good if both parties willingly allow it, otherwise you're living under false pretenses because the partner being duped is under the assumption that it's a monogamy.
  • aiee, is that interesting enough?
  • I dont think it is really necessary for one to be in a person's shoes just to understand. It's given. Do you have to hit yourself with a rock just as to know it hurts? Matters like these are sooo given, only lame people would use this as an excuse. Its like asking yourself, "masakit kayang kaliwain, traidurin ng mahal mo?" when you obviously know the answer.

    I'm beginning to think that aside from the so-called patriarchal society, cheating is a sense of relief for men. usually, cheating happens when relationship goes down the drain (though this isnt always the case) so flirting with other girls, would help them loosen up a bit and put them back on track.

    hey SpritedAway, cheating isnt a test of commitment if that's what youre saying. Sure you need to make sacrifices, but you CANT just dismiss the fact that your man has just become a part of the unfaithful men club. I dont think letting go of a few things just as to save the relationship does the trick, its as good as saying na "cge ok lang lokohin mo ko, basta babalik ka ha."
  • It's good if both parties willingly allow it, otherwise you're living under false pretenses because the partner being duped is under the assumption that it's a monogamy.

    hahaha..this made me laugh...

    no serious gf/bf would allow their partners to just loiter around and flirt with whoever. who's gonna feel ok if you see your bf kissing someone? who would not freak out if you see your girl making out with your friend?

    open relationships are a different case, i define it as more inclined to companionship - no commitment (kung tayo, tayo, if not, its fine). its more of a stage when you are still uncertain about your feelings or your partner; you just want to test the waters or you simply want to have someone with no pressure at all. i dont think we could connect this with being "cheating" since after all, there was NO serious commitment to begin with. human nature leads us to become selfish ESPECIALLY if we truly LOVE and COMMIT...
  • totoo bang if like talaga ng girl ung isang guy medyo nahihiya sha to the point na iniiwasan na nya?
  • aiee wrote: »
    I dont think it is really necessary for one to be in a person's shoes just to understand. It's given. Do you have to hit yourself with a rock just as to know it hurts? Matters like these are sooo given, only lame people would use this as an excuse. Its like asking yourself, "masakit kayang kaliwain, traidurin ng mahal mo?" when you obviously know the answer.

    I didn't give that as an excuse, I'm just saying that it will help to understand their motivations if you put yourself in their shoes. And I was talking about the cheaters, not the "cheatees".
    aiee wrote: »
    I'm beginning to think that aside from the so-called patriarchal society, cheating is a sense of relief for men. usually, cheating happens when relationship goes down the drain (though this isnt always the case) so flirting with other girls, would help them loosen up a bit and put them back on track.

    I beg to differ. Cheating happens even in the best of relationships. I needn't quote Aina's question. The same with stealing, it has several types.

    Some cheaters are opportunistic, they cheat only when they have the opportunity to do so. Some are circumstancial, they cheat only when the circumstance presents itself i.e. a girl flirts with them. The worst of them would be the active cheaters.
    aiee wrote: »
    hey SpritedAway, cheating isnt a test of commitment if that's what youre saying. Sure you need to make sacrifices, but you CANT just dismiss the fact that your man has just become a part of the unfaithful men club. I dont think letting go of a few things just as to save the relationship does the trick, its as good as saying na "cge ok lang lokohin mo ko, basta babalik ka ha."

    I think you're reacting like how any typical feminist would - which is simply reacting automatically. I think I was fairly clear when I said, that if you're in a relationship where the expectation is that it will be completely monogamous, then don't cheat. As far as sacrifices are concerned, I think I also mentioned it quite elaboratively that should you choose to go into a relationship (or a commitment), one has to make sacrifices. You need to consider the context. I did not mean to say that the woman must make compromises if his man cheats, but that the man should make sacrifices if he goes into a relationship.
  • aiee wrote: »
    hahaha..this made me laugh...

    no serious gf/bf would allow their partners to just loiter around and flirt with whoever. who's gonna feel ok if you see your bf kissing someone? who would not freak out if you see your girl making out with your friend? ...

    That's subjective. Are you saying people who are into these types of relationships are completely in the wrong, that they're not AS serious as those who are into more traditional, Biblically-inspired relationships? We must all clear ourselves of presumptions and presuppositions that everyone else thinks or feels the way we do, or even must be the same as we are. That's the same attitude that fueled the apartheid, the holocaust, racism, women and gay oppression. It is the root of prejudice.
    aiee wrote: »
    open relationships are a different case, i define it as more inclined to companionship - no commitment (kung tayo, tayo, if not, its fine). its more of a stage when you are still uncertain about your feelings or your partner; you just want to test the waters or you simply want to have someone with no pressure at all. i dont think we could connect this with being "cheating" since after all, there was NO serious commitment to begin with. human nature leads us to become selfish ESPECIALLY if we truly LOVE and COMMIT...

    Again it's subjective. Some people who are in open relationships might consider their relatioships to be the perfect set up. Others the complete opposite.

    Grabe, ang conservative ng mga tao dito. :D
  • C_ronaldo7 wrote: »
    totoo bang if like talaga ng girl ung isang guy medyo nahihiya sha to the point na iniiwasan na nya?

    That's possible. Sometimes if a person, boy or girl, have a little crush on somebody they prefer to avoid the person in order to hide their feelings. On the extreme side, they might even act all *****y whenever in the presence of that person. Why? Presumably to hide their feelings for fear of rejection and/or embarassment.

    Alternatively, some people will act this way to feign disinterest. Or at least to show they're not that interested. This allows them to get within short distance of the other without raising any eyebrows or eliciting any negative responses from the person they like.
  • never did i say it was wrong... all im saying is this: once we involve ourself with somethin, human nature makes us selfish... and as ive made mentioned, you would as much as possible not share with anyone else the one you love.

    now tell me upfront, would it be ok SpiritedAway if you see find your most beloved girl in the arms of man kissing and making out? dont be a hypocrite and say its perfectly fine and you'd understand. OF COURSE ITS NOT FINE. You know for a fact that you dont have to read the bible just as to know what could hurt, and what know...you only have to have common sense... not some literature.

    Why SpiritedAway, tell me whats bad about being conservative? Enlighten me...
  • C_ronaldo7 wrote: »
    totoo bang if like talaga ng girl ung isang guy medyo nahihiya sha to the point na iniiwasan na nya?


    hmmm...posible.

    malimit kasi, pag nalaman natin na ang tao may gusto kung kaninuman- babae o lalaki, nagkakatuksuhan, at madalas, nakakapampahiya ito at nakakapagpailang. dahil dito, imbes na mas mapalapit at makilala mo ng husto ang iyong hinahangaan, mapapalayo ka, kaya't mamarapatin mo na lamang na iwasan siya. minsan kasi nakakasira rin ng diskarte (ahem may pacute moments rin ang mga babae, FYI) kapag nahalatang may gusto ka.

    natural rin sa babae ang pagiging mahiyain. mayroon tayong kultura ng pagiging konserbatibo, at aminin man natin o hindi, nanalaytay ito sa ating mga dugo. malaki ang pagkakataong, mahalata ang pagtingin mo sa isang binata, at para hindi narin masabihang "palay na ang lumalapit sa manok" ay mamabutihin nitong lumayo at umiwas.

    *** nahirapan ako sa sagot ko... ikaw naman SpiritedAway, maging makamasa ka, minsan, tagalog ung tanong, ingles ka ng ingles... wag mo masyadong lalim pinagsasabi mo diyan. hindi lahat ng mambabasa natin ay magaling mag-ingles... cater to all classes please.
  • thnx for answering, follow up question to my previous question, anyway my situation kase is i have a female friend, i used to make fun of her a lot kasi i dont know why but i'm with my female friends i always tease them, so un at first ok naman tapos i feel also na she's kinda attracted naman to me at least physically attracted man lang. tapos feeling ata nya i like her also which is true naman but then i did something stupid nakipagusap ako sa kanya regarding my crush so un baka na hurt ko expectations nya or something and since then mejo naging masungi na sha sakin and parang iniiwasan na nya ko since then, so what i did is i showed her signs na she's the one that i really like(like asking her out, texting her always quotes etc.) di na sha naging masungit after pero lalo na nya ko iniiwasan bkt ganun? as in ayaw nya na kami lang 2 magkasama. anyway what i plan to do is to write her a letter nalang so my question is should i send her the letter or not, will she avoid me even more after reading the letter and learning of my true feelings for her? thnx!
  • C_ronaldo7 wrote: »
    thnx for answering, follow up question to my previous question, anyway my situation kase is i have a female friend, i used to make fun of her a lot kasi i dont know why but i'm with my female friends i always tease them, so un at first ok naman tapos i feel also na she's kinda attracted naman to me at least physically attracted man lang. tapos feeling ata nya i like her also which is true naman but then i did something stupid nakipagusap ako sa kanya regarding my crush so un baka na hurt ko expectations nya or something and since then mejo naging masungi na sha sakin and parang iniiwasan na nya ko since then, so what i did is i showed her signs na she's the one that i really like(like asking her out, texting her always quotes etc.) di na sha naging masungit after pero lalo na nya ko iniiwasan bkt ganun? as in ayaw nya na kami lang 2 magkasama. anyway what i plan to do is to write her a letter nalang so my question is should i send her the letter or not, will she avoid me even more after reading the letter and learning of my true feelings for her? thnx!

    umm...uso na po ngayon ang period at comma, you might want to use it para mas madali ... :D

    if you think the feeling is mutual, then go for it, kung hindi, go for it parin and try, at least in the future no what ifs. if she responded positively naman sa gestures mo, then its a good sign. she might not want to be seen in public na kayong 2 probably because she isnt ready yet to commit to you, she fears that people might think na you guys are already an item, ayaw niya matukso at machismis or simply because she doesnt like you. to be fair, wag ka rin magassume na just because she's being friendly to you, like ka rin niya, its also possible that she's just being polite, she doesnt like you pero since magkaibigan kayo, hindi ka niya pwedeng tablahin- maybe she sees you better as a barkada, and not a bf.

    it all boils down to this: the only way for you to find out is if you'll ask, mahirap magassume, mahirap magpakiramdaman. you might be getting the wrong signals, so its safer to ask, kahit through letter lang. patas rin yun sa babae, kasi kahit ba alam niyang gusto mo siya, at least they know your plans for her- ano ba, tamang gusto lang, then thats it, or you want it to evolve into somethin deeper. communication is the key. it might be initially dyahe, but its gonna help!

    go write her a letter kung ilang ka in person... i suggest not to resort to mga paramdam lang, believe me, even if alam na namin, we dont jump to conclusions. we have to confirm and make sure that the guy really really really likes us.

    well, just be open kung ano ang pwedeng irespond nung girl, but whatever happens, at least you gave it a shot.

    hope that answers your question. :) *okay* Good luck and keep us posted!:love:
  • aiee wrote: »
    open relationships are a different case, i define it as more inclined to companionship - no commitment (kung tayo, tayo, if not, its fine). its more of a stage when you are still uncertain about your feelings or your partner; you just want to test the waters or you simply want to have someone with no pressure at all. i dont think we could connect this with being "cheating" since after all, there was NO serious commitment to begin with. human nature leads us to become selfish ESPECIALLY if we truly LOVE and COMMIT...

    i guess i just have to reply to this.

    an open relationship does not mean no commitment. it just means your guy is allowed to go out with other girls (and vice versa)... as long as in the end, he'll still prioritize you. and just because a couple is in an open relationship it means they're not sure of what they feel for each other. a couple could be in a relationship for years and it could still be an open relationship.

    it's not about NO commitment, it's about knowing which is more important. like a line i read in an anne rice novel, i don't really remember the line word per word but it goes something like, "if you know how to take care of your woman, you're home early, you shower her with affection, you take care of her and give her ample attention, it won't matter if you have a few concubines outside the castle."
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