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Live-in topic

hi guys, kuha lang ako ng opinion nyo about the subject....im 25,a very career-focused girl with a 32 year old bf...we've celebrated our 2nd anniv last week...and love each other so much...we seems not to get enough of each other that we meet almost every other day...crazy in love?...yup...he once asked me to move out of my apartment and live with him...the topic of marriage still out of the agenda, kasi feeling namin hindi pa kami handa...i came from a very conservative and strict family...that's why he's my first bf at 23...my friends and family dont like him bcoz of our age (not mentioning the look, hehe) gap...and he's a single father, but it doesnt matter to me...and i love him dearly...and yet im not ready for a marriage...

was the issue of live-in still a taboo nowadays?
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Comments

  • baklitabaklita PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    may downside ang mainlab... nakakabulag ng katotohanan.
    pag mag-live-in kyo... posibleng madagdagan ang anak nya...
    at muling hahanap ng iba... kaya bang harapin ang di mo mapaghandaan?

    in love din ako... nabubulag ako... lintek na muta ito... ang kapal!

    aihihihi!!!

    baklita
  • aina_crazy_girlaina_crazy_girl PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    kami, parang ganun na halos, i'm 24 and he's 30. We can afford it and I no longer have any family. We don't have kids and our offices are very near each other. It's more out of convenience, really. So far, it's worked out alright. We're ALMOST living in.
  • Ice BurnIce Burn PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Well I live together with my fiance. My parents are very conservative and I am sure they have some idea that I am living in but since they are in Pinas while I am in the US, hanggang pointed comments lang. Haven't admitted to anything yet because no one's really asked me, hanggang pointed comments lang hehe :lol:

    I'm for the idea of living together because at least you can see if you can live together. Honestly, if you got married to someone and then you found out you couldn't live with his/her habits eh di source pa ng away yan.

    Me, even if my fiance's messy and I'm a neatfreak, we get along. Well as long as he takes out the trash, cleans the litter box, cleans and services the car, and repairs what needs to be repaired, I have no complaints to keeping our apartment clean, doing laundry as well as making dinner for the both of us. Oh yeah, did I say siya namamalantsa kasi bobo talaga ako sa ironing or so I put it that way hehehe!!! :up: :glee: At least now I know I can live with him without any problems.

    Tapos nandiyan din yung magiging conflict kung may kanya-kanya kayong gimmick tapos late na late umuwi yung isa, you'd basically start to worry about each other kasi nga you live in one place na. Those kind of things....

    Well put it this way, you're 25 and you're out of your parent's house so basically they shouldn't even say anything right? But as you know Pinoy parents... But you know if you really want to live in with your boyfriend, why are you still scared of what your parents will say? Kung kaya mong panindigan, you should. Kung magagalit sila, that will pass, buhay mo naman yan eh.
  • tokenengtokeneng La canci?n en el coraz?n",2,"904eef8a5f3d260cc187ce307cf70b3c,mC
    diba ang live in is just like living like husband and wife pero uyng nga hindi "legal" ang pagsasama nila? Bakit hindi nalang magpakasal instead of live in...?
  • tokeneng wrote:
    diba ang live in is just like living like husband and wife pero uyng nga hindi "legal" ang pagsasama nila? Bakit hindi nalang magpakasal instead of live in...?
    Tokeneng, I’ll answer your question is its entirety and take it literally. But nevertheless, my comment below is not the only reason why people consider living in together.

    With the high incidence of separation and annulment cases in the Philippines, more Filipinos are getting more cautious these days. The emotional and financial impact of going through such occurrences somehow justify living in together as the best course of action before they take the plunge.

    Worldwide, the number of unmarried couples living together has increased dramatically over the past few decades. The rationale is simple: "By living together before marriage, we'll know how compatible we are." Presumably, if a couple can get along living in the same apartment before marriage, they will be able to get along with each other after marriage.
  • brick23 wrote:
    was the issue of live-in still a taboo nowadays?
    Yes, living together is still somehow considered “taboo” in the Philippines. The highly religious society as well as the traditional Filipino values contributes to the stigma which is still attached with couples living together before marriage.

    But may I advise you that thinking (whether it is taboo or not) is the last thing you should do. I suggest you make a lot of research first on the issues about Living Together. You will be surprised at different arguments presented that prove that it is also detrimental to the couple if ultimately, they decide to get married.
  • sweetwahmsweetwahm PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    The idea of living in still causes a ruckus amongst many Pinoys, no matter how open minded and attuned to the times we think we are. Taboo, nga. You hear about a friend of a friend living-in and we just raise our eyebrows a little and go say… oh well, liberated kasi. But when you hear of a friend living-in with his/ her someone and the eyebrows are raised higher, and we go say… ay, sobrang liberated naman sya.

    But take it from shaz_z, thinking if its taboo or not should be of little concern. Besides the subtle (and even obvious) ostracism you may have to deal with (if living-in sa Pinas), there are issues too, pros and cons.
  • Kasama nyo ba ung bata? Ano arrangement nyo regards to expenses? Are you sure 100%? If ever it won't work out, meron ka bang fallback plan?
  • Living-in is now common so I don't think it's an issue. If you think you are doing the right thing then whatever people might say wouldn't matter much.

    Are you sure with his feelings for you? Are you sure with your feelings? Like what tokeneng said, if you're sure why not get married? If you're not then why not wait for the relationship to mature more.

    There are also some cases when people got married and later finding out that there's so many things they don't like with each other. This is where the issue of compatibility comes in.

    Whether you get married or not, the point is, going into a relationship is like something you eat and digest into your system. It's not something you just throw up when you feel indigestion.
    :)
  • Living in is indeed considered taboo in the Philippines but lately, i see it as practical and smart. By living in with your SO, you're getting to know him better, beyond all the pa-cute and pa-sikat and into his/her private space. It's nice and fun to find out more things about your SO and viceversa.

    I co-inhabited with my last ex-boyfriend and we found out that as much as we enjoyed living together, there are some things that he can't give up just yet. We found out stuff about each other that made us closer to each other and stuff that we found out that we can't agree on.



    Go ahead and take the plunge. Just be ready because anything can happen and i mean anything. :D
  • I don't get it. You are not ready to get married but you can live together and is actually entertaining the idea? What's stopping you from getting married?
  • Leih1234 wrote:
    I don't get it. You are not ready to get married but you can live together and is actually entertaining the idea? What's stopping you from getting married?

    because it's harder to separate if you two realize that it won't work out when you're married.

    at least if you just live in together, if you realize that living together is not good for the two of you... you won't have to go through annulment/divorce where your money will most likely go to the attorneys and psychiatrists rather than be divided between the two of you.

    it IS like being married, sans the legal stuff...
  • Ice BurnIce Burn PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    tokeneng wrote:
    diba ang live in is just like living like husband and wife pero uyng nga hindi "legal" ang pagsasama nila? Bakit hindi nalang magpakasal instead of live in...?

    Dati-rati I frowned upon living in as well. The reason it's taboo is that it's because society frowns upon it. Some people madali lang magpaapekto sa sabi-sabi ng ibang tao. Now I see the pros of living in, I would say go for it to get to know the person you're gonna spend the rest of your life with if you can withstand the back talks. Also make sure you use birth control. Sa dinami-dami ng birth control dyan there's really no excuse to be stupid.

    Anyway, things changed nung naging kami ng fiance ko. We didn't always live together. The reason we started living together was he got a job offer and gave up his place to move to a different state, kaso at the last moment he backed out and since he gave up his apartment, he asked if he could move in with me for a few weeks while he found a new place.

    We got so used to being together and so we made it official to live together and split all costs etc. I mean it is lonely here in the US and it's nice to have someone around na inuuwian araw-araw. So when he's not around (e.g. he stays overnight at his dad's or something), nakakamiss yung may kasama. It gets very lonely for me since I have no family here and konti pa lang friends ko. Also, I remember once, I got very sick and collapsed in the bathroom, kung wala siya dun, eh no one would've found me unconscious in the bathroom.

    We are getting married, but my condition is for him to meet my parents first so he's going (hopefully) in january, (pending leave approval from new boss).

    Besides, mahal rent dito sa US. We'd rather share the rent cost and then when we finally get married we'd have enough money to buy our own place.
  • I don't consider it taboo. You are doing what you want and enjoying yourselves and working to what you want to be.
    Keep up the good fight.
  • baklitabaklita PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    susubukan sana nmin mag-live-in.
    gusto kasama mga kapamilya nya... tumanggi ako.
    isasama raw nya aso, pusa, manok at kambing...
    ano akala nya sa apartment ko... manila zoo? tse!

    aihihihi!!!

    baklita


  • Leih1234 wrote:
    I don't get it. You are not ready to get married but you can live together and is actually entertaining the idea? What's stopping you from getting married?


    his and my career......its always on the top of the list...
  • brick23 wrote:
    his and my career......its always on the top of the list...

    Sincerely, tell us, are you not ready? Don't you want to walk down the aisle with him yet? Am guessing kasi, he is the only one not ready for that.

    You guys would always have a career regardless if you are single or not. I saw my brother and a lot of friends do that. . .and they are successful indeed.
  • i don't think there's anything wrong with it. nowadays people r more open. don't think of what other people will say. they will always find things to say whether u do the right or wrong thing. do what u think is best. u also get to know the person better when u live with him. ;)
  • Blue ZooBlue Zoo PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    In this country it's still taboo. I personally couldn't care a less what people say but most people out there, even when they themselves are open-minded, simply cannot withstand the gossip and wagging fingers.

    Even people in the US, who have very happy live-in relationships, scamper like rats to avoid being "found out" by their relatives in the Philippines.

    But all that aside, it really is a good thing to live-in for awhile. There's no guarantee that if you get along when living apart, you'll be able to get along when sharing a place.

    The only time it's not a good thing is if you have old-fashioned moral sensibilities. In which case, you'd feel better by following your idealism. You wouldn't have the stomach to live-in but you'd probably have the ability to live through a sucky marriage so that should work out fine either way.
  • I've no problem with live-in. I just consider the what-ifs, like if we break-up, then the girl would have a "bad reputation" in this hypocritical society of ours. The guy's got nothing to lose, while the girl's got all to lose.
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