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i think my parents are breaking up

I'm bothered coz my mom and dad are married for almost 25 years now. I always see their relationship as a strong one coz even if they fight a lot, after a while everything is still ok. My mom is such an intelligent person, creative, patient, understanding, loving and everything you want for a mom, She's our bestfriend. My dad in the other hand is the tough one, good provider, "maparaan", but weak, insensitive, not that showy, basagulero and we formed hatred w/ him coz we don't understand him.. as in WE CAN'T! We always hear our mom crying and tellin' us that she wanted to break lose before but she don't have the guts coz she loves my dad so much even if she'd been battered emotionally and abused verbally. He's always jealous over everything/everyone but we (the children) can't figure out why.. until now. Then my mom decided to go abroad last january. I think she missed her youth coz she married my dad when she was 21 so she felt how is it like to live alone and be free and i think she's enjoying it. But there are rumors that she's having an affair and its killing my dad. The good thing about that is my dad changed a lot. We talk often now and hang out but I dont know how to deal with his pain coz i don't know if i could help him ease it. I wanna give my mom the benefit of a doubt but i don't want my dad to feel that nobody cares for him. My dad wants me to help him research if my mom is really faithful but i don't wanna hurt my mom either, coz what if she finds out that we're doin' that, i know it will crush her! It's affecting my work and my relationship w/ my man. Wish God would give me answers.
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Comments

  • try_againtry_again freedom fighter PExer
    so what do you want from the pexers here? advice or comfort?
    seems like u got it all figured out. and if yr mom's really having an affair with another guy then there's no point being sad about your parents getting separated.
  • ayaneayane Member PExer
    try_again is right...

    your parents have been married for 25 years and you're working... that would mean you're around 20... you're old enough to deal with it. right now, you don't really depend on them and rely on them for financial support, you don't have to worry about which sibling would stay with which parent.

    malay mo, your mom has been waiting for this chance... that you're old enough not to be too affected by their 'separation.'

    :rolleyes: siguro naman your dad is old enough to know what to do. i'd say, let him rot in hell. after all the pain he's caused your mom, i really don't pity him.
  • b_U_l_Ab_U_l_A ah h8 j3rkz PExer
    thats the thing. He changed! I can see it. or he is changing. I dont have proof yet if my moms having an affair. And my dad isn't dat good in handling pressure. Namamayat na xa and pinipressure nya din kami na we should do something about it. When i told him na its should be their decision eh nagalit xa coz dapat daw makialam kami. :(
  • blehbleh blahbitty blah PExer
    nge. problemang mag-asawa yan eh bakit pati kayong mga anak idadamay? kasalanan naman nya hindi masaya ang mommy nyo at nag-abroad. kung gusto nya habulin nya. silang 2 na mag-usap. lagi nyang iniisip baka may iba na asawa nya pano kasi he KNOWS he sucks. eh di pakita nya sa nanay mo na dapat syang balikan. nagtyaga naman ang mommy mo sa kanya ng 25 years, ibig sabihin mahal nya talaga tatay nyo at hindi bastang maiwanan. may habol pa dad mo. pero nasa kanya na iyon, hindi iyo. kung hindi pa sya matauhan, pasensya na lang sya at may hangganan ang pasensya ng asawa nya.
  • b_U_l_Ab_U_l_A ah h8 j3rkz PExer
    wow! yeah.. i agree.. wish ko lng masabi ko yan ki papa ng hindi ko xa masasaktan. :(
  • RosaLiaRosaLia Member PExer
    b_U_l_A wrote:
    I'm bothered coz my mom and dad are married for almost 25 years now. I always see their relationship as a strong one coz even if they fight a lot, after a while everything is still ok. My mom is such an intelligent person, creative, patient, understanding, loving and everything you want for a mom, She's our bestfriend. My dad in the other hand is the tough one, good provider, "maparaan", but weak, insensitive, not that showy, basagulero and we formed hatred w/ him coz we don't understand him.. as in WE CAN'T! We always hear our mom crying and tellin' us that she wanted to break lose before but she don't have the guts coz she loves my dad so much even if she'd been battered emotionally and abused verbally. He's always jealous over everything/everyone but we (the children) can't figure out why.. until now. Then my mom decided to go abroad last january. I think she missed her youth coz she married my dad when she was 21 so she felt how is it like to live alone and be free and i think she's enjoying it. But there are rumors that she's having an affair and its killing my dad. The good thing about that is my dad changed a lot. We talk often now and hang out but I dont know how to deal with his pain coz i don't know if i could help him ease it. I wanna give my mom the benefit of a doubt but i don't want my dad to feel that nobody cares for him. My dad wants me to help him research if my mom is really faithful but i don't wanna hurt my mom either, coz what if she finds out that we're doin' that, i know it will crush her! It's affecting my work and my relationship w/ my man. Wish God would give me answers.

    I will try my best to comfort you... Don't play a referee between your mom and dad... They are the grown- up and you are they're child... tell you're dad that he need to learned from his mistake... it's so painful enough already for you to bear that your parents are falling apart. Did your father ever asked you, how you feel?... I will apologize right now kung ang advice ko ay ma-mi-miss-understood... Dahil sasabihin ko na napaka-selfish naman ng Dad mo at lagi na lang sarili niya ang iniisip n'ya... Sana dahil siya ang Padre de Familia s'ya ang unang nag-build ng strenght para sa inyong magkakapatid... And do something about it...
  • ayaneayane Member PExer
    b_U_l_A wrote:
    thats the thing. He changed! I can see it. or he is changing. I dont have proof yet if my moms having an affair. And my dad isn't dat good in handling pressure. Namamayat na xa and pinipressure nya din kami na we should do something about it. When i told him na its should be their decision eh nagalit xa coz dapat daw makialam kami. :(

    he changed... but it's too late. or (lets give your mom the benefit of the doubt) he's running out of time.

    right now, your mom is in the perfect position to look for another man, someone who would take care of her and treasure her the way she should be taken cared of and treasured.

    i was stupid enough once to take sides... until now, i'm paying for it. one of them still doesn't trust me enough... that even until a couple of hours ago, i still heard bad comments... :(

    these days, i only have one stand when it comes to their marriage... have it annulled.

    talk to your dad... the two of you alone, if you want... just tell him you love him and everything, but you also love your mom and you don't want her to lose her trust in you. because with what he is proposing, your mom would lose her trust in you because she'll know you were the one who snooped around... not her husband. even if you try to explain it for the rest of your life...

    tell him that it's not that you don't care, you just don't want to get in between a fight that is supposed to be just between husbands and wives.
  • b_U_l_Ab_U_l_A ah h8 j3rkz PExer
    i perfectly understand you rosalia.. the thing there is.. my dads not like that! He's weak and he wants all of us to be involved coz he's always saying na parte daw kami ng family.. malaking kahihiyan daw yun and ano na lng daw saasbihin ng ibang tao since na may pangalan si mama sa amin. I dunno.. Pero ka BS-tan ang mga sinabi nya! I told him na i-disregard nya yung mga sasabihin ng ibang tao and mas pakiramdaman nya kung ano ba ang talagang na fe-feel nya towards that.. sabi nya masakit daw pero tanggap nya na!! WTF!! Tanggap!?? what does that mean?? Sheeeeet!

    and ayane.. yun na nga yung iniiwasan ko.. yung malaman naming hindi naman pala totoo, d ano na lng ang ma fe-feel ni mama.. d parang binitray namin sya and mawawalan talaga xa ng trust samin lalo na sakin.. And the thought of that pa lng eh d ko na ma bare.. I LOVE MY MOM SOOOOOOO MUCH!! I'll try to talk to my dad again pero ayan na nmn yung parati nyang sinasabi "WALA NAMAN KAYONG PAKIALAM SAKIN, HINDI NAMN KAYO NAGMAMALASAKIT" haaaaaay.. nakakapagod! We're just gonna end up arguing coz kailangan mo talagang ipaintindi sa kanya lahat ng sinasabi mo coz ang tigas ng ulo nya and hirap nyang kausap at umintindi!

    But thanks a lot guyz! Aprec8 it!
  • RosaLiaRosaLia Member PExer
    b_U_l_A wrote:
    i perfectly understand you rosalia.. the thing there is.. my dads not like that! He's weak and he wants all of us to be involved coz he's always saying na parte daw kami ng family.. malaking kahihiyan daw yun and ano na lng daw saasbihin ng ibang tao since na may pangalan si mama sa amin. I dunno.. Pero ka BS-tan ang mga sinabi nya! I told him na i-disregard nya yung mga sasabihin ng ibang tao and mas pakiramdaman nya kung ano ba ang talagang na fe-feel nya towards that.. sabi nya masakit daw pero tanggap nya na!! WTF!! Tanggap!?? what does that mean?? Sheeeeet!

    Hi...I am back! and give you more comforting words. Ang hirap ng kalagayan mo sa ngayun dahil minsan ang buhay mag-asawa talaga pag-dumating ang ganitong tragedy ang higit na masasaktan ang mga anak...

    Build some strength for yourself at kung ikaw ang panganay huwag mong masyadong ibuhos lahat ito sa father mo... Ibigay mo ang strength mo sa mga kapatid mo this is the time they need you the most. Kung confuse ka sa situation mas lalo naman ang mga kapatid mo... Its too young for them to understand why thing happened like this sa mga mag-asawa...

    Life is never be fair to every one.

    I get back to you again OK...

    *Take Care now!*


    a concern citizens,
    RoasLia
  • blehbleh blahbitty blah PExer
    kung tanggap na nya, bakit pa nya aalamin kung totoo? dapat ikaw pa makulit sa daddy mo. sabihin mo sa kanya gawan nya ng paraan hindi yung nandito lang sya. dapat sinusundo na nya yung mommy mo sa states at nakikipag-ayos na sa kanya. gusto nya intindihin nyo yung problema nya eh sya lang naman makakapag-ayos non. lalaki sya no, sya yung maghabol. kung ayaw nya habulin, wag syang makulit.

    takot lang sya na baka pati kayong mga anak iwanan din sya. kapag sobra na sya sa kulit, takutin mo kaya ng konti. sabihin mong kapag pinagpilitan pa nyang i-traydor mo ang nanay mo mapipilitan kang kumampi sa nanay mo dahil wala syang ginawang masama sa iyo. tingnan mo lang kung ituloy nya drama nya. syempre magmumukmok yon.
  • b_U_l_Ab_U_l_A ah h8 j3rkz PExer
    rosalia: i'm the youngest but i'm concerned more than mah siblings regarding my parents rel. They always tell me na, hayaan na lng daw coz nakakapagod na daw makinig ki papa. Pero i think they're concerned too, ang laki lng talaga ng tiwala namin ki mama.

    bleh: alam, may sinasabi syang.. d daw namin kilala mom namin.. and that makes me think.. a lot! may point xa coz kasama nya yun for 25 years pero sa 20 years na kasama ko mom ko, wala akong nakitang ginawa nyang mali.. she's like the perfect mom and my bestfriend. haay.. ayun. My dad immature and thats a fact! kaya nahihirapan xa now.
  • jill_0624jill_0624 Member PExer
    hmmm.... did you try to talk to your mom? if it's not true then it's good... but if it's true i think all you can do is to accept it...
    1) i know that your dad has changed but you must also put your self on your mom's plce... you said you heard her crying a lot of sometimes b4... sometimes even how much you love a person or how much you invested on a relationship.. there will come a time that you'll get tired of it...
    2) you're saying that your dad has changed since then.. well that will be a lesson to him..

    in case they will be separating...

    3) you're not the only child on our society who have parents that are separated.
    4) it will be harder for the both of them to stay together.. just bcoz you dont want them to separate...

    b_U_l_A: how old are you? try talking this out with your mom.. to spare yourself from douts... and prepare yourself from the possibilities... if it's true... it will not make her a less mom to you or to your siblings... if it's not then you worries and doubts will end...
  • b_U_l_Ab_U_l_A ah h8 j3rkz PExer
    that's the problem jill coz my mom's always bz and she doesn't check her e-mails anymore(she said), she's also not giving her new mailing address(i wonder why), whenever we go to the topic of me asking her address and some other stuff like us wanting to go there or she comming home here, she just don't reply anymore. :( i hate to think that she's avoiding those questions or that she really don't wanna see us anymore. :(( i read one txt msg of her officemate there(tito joeys) it was sent to papa and mama said daw na she don't wanna come home na muna. what does that mean? And she's also not allowing her other officemates to go to her flat and no one knows her address, even the people there.. except for the GUY daw! coz they live near each other. Haaay.. OMG! Writting this makes me cry naa..
  • RosaLiaRosaLia Member PExer
    b_U_l_A wrote:
    that's the problem jill coz my mom's always bz and she doesn't check her e-mails anymore(she said), she's also not giving her new mailing address(i wonder why), whenever we go to the topic of me asking her address and some other stuff like us wanting to go there or she comming home here, she just don't reply anymore. :( i hate to think that she's avoiding those questions or that she really don't wanna see us anymore. :(( i read one txt msg of her officemate there(tito joeys) it was sent to papa and mama said daw na she don't wanna come home na muna. what does that mean? And she's also not allowing her other officemates to go to her flat and no one knows her address, even the people there.. except for the GUY daw! coz they live near each other. Haaay.. OMG! Writting this makes me cry naa..

    hello again,

    according to your messages here... sabi mo iniiwasan ng momma ang mga text ninyo... ito naman ang points of view ko sa side ng mother mo... I dont know her personally... But people change, no matter how wonderful she was sa paningin mo tulad ng sabi mo sa iba mong post, na you've got a big respect to your mom...

    ang conclusion ko why she is falling in love to someone.. siguro she found her soul-mate na magpapasaya ng puso niya... ang tao kahit na may anak siya sa unang asawa... at mahal na mahal niya ang mga ito, pagdumating ang panahon na bibigyan uli siya ng taong magpapasaya ng puso niya... had no fears to take a change a new life...

    siguro bata pang nag-asawa ang mother mo tapos she put her life to pause para mabigyan kayo lahat ng attention, from your father and to her kids.. And maybe none of her family saw what she done before and not be appreciate it. And she decided to go some where else to give her self a new life and she find it....

    Kung ang Daddy mo ay tanggap na niya meaning he regret his mistake and what he done to your mom... your dad maybe knows now that he wasn't good enough and he push your momma away from all of you, and he can't take your mom back to her family.... Because your mom is happy where ever her heart is...

    iyun lang...

    *peace out!*

    ate Lia
  • b_U_l_Ab_U_l_A ah h8 j3rkz PExer
    thats sad rosalia! VERY VERY SAAAAAAAAAD! :( -cries- but if incase she did. i think that'll be hard but i think i can accept it, if she wants me to. :(
  • baklitabaklita taas kilay PExer
    baklita on the rescue advise here...

    bula... ang tsismis na may affair mommy mo sa abroad ay tsismis laang. syempre apektado angyong daddy ngunit sa totoo ay apektado ang buong pamilya... ikaw, mga kapatid mo, mga pinsan, tiyahin o tiyuhin. kung baga ay go direct to the source. tawagan mo mommy mo at kausapin sya. sya lamang makakasagot sa mga tsismis kung may katotohanan ito. ika nga eh... don't make any hasty conclusion until the hearsay is confirmed. just be prepared for whatever updated news you may hear from your mom.

    kung tsismis laang yan... it's going to be an immediate dead issue. pro kung totoo... may maghuhuramentado... si papa mo! pag-usapan natin ang tunay na balita sa susunod na kabanata.

    aihihihi!!!

    baklita
  • RosaLiaRosaLia Member PExer
    b_U_l_A wrote:
    thats sad rosalia! VERY VERY SAAAAAAAAAD! :( -cries- but if incase she did. i think that'll be hard but i think i can accept it, if she wants me to. :(

    Dont cry.. a mother always come back to thier children.. but never come back to thier husband kung meron malaking gap sa relasyon...

    When the right time and the right place your mom will comfront all of her children, when they are a little grown-up to understand the situation...

    Believe me.. mother knows best and always follow thier heart, kahit anong mangyari babalikan at babalikan pa rin ang mga anak... Ang mga mother alam niya ang tamang panahon makipag-kita sa mga anak kung ang mga ito ay handa ng tanggapin ang katotohanan...


    from:
    Ate Lia
  • b_U_l_Ab_U_l_A ah h8 j3rkz PExer
    Actually i'm the youngest.. our eldest is turning 25 na but am like the one deciding for them. I wanna ask my mom nga pero am afraid to hurt her, coz she'll be like asking kung san ko nakuha yun and to think na tinanong ko yun sa kanya eh parang sinabi ko na din na wala akong tiwala sa kanya diba? :(
  • RosaLiaRosaLia Member PExer
    b_U_l_A wrote:
    Actually i'm the youngest.. our eldest is turning 25 na but am like the one deciding for them. I wanna ask my mom nga pero am afraid to hurt her, coz she'll be like asking kung san ko nakuha yun and to think na tinanong ko yun sa kanya eh parang sinabi ko na din na wala akong tiwala sa kanya diba? :(

    Okey this is the right way to approach, to confront your mom...

    if you have a chance to talk to her... kamustahin mo s'ya at iparamdam mo sa kanya sa buntong-hininga mo na malungkot ka.. tapos pag siya na ang nag-tanong what is wrong.. doon mo na sabihin na hindi mo na kaya ang sakit na nararamdaman sa mga rumors na naririnig mo sa ibang -tao.. then sabihin mo sa mommie mo na to tell the truth kung mahal ka pa niya at kayong magka-kapatid.. I think this is the only way you can open the door for her.. and your mom will be surprise how you change as a young girl to a firm lady.. Pag hindi pa naman bumigay ang mommie mo.. Well, at least you try your best...


    looked after you,
    Ate Lia






    ...........................................................
    http://rosalia2042.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/
    http://www.celinedionforum.com/blog/cassjane2042/index.php?
  • b_U_l_Ab_U_l_A ah h8 j3rkz PExer
    well i know that she loves us.. i just dont know if she loves dad pa.. o if she got somebody there!
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