Home PEx Family and Society Family, Friends and Society

Falling out with friends: what makes a friendship salvageable?

When your friends' antics stop being endearing and cute, and their words coming out as patronising, is it time to let go of the friendship altogether?

If so, how do you break off from a friend? This somehow feels more stressful than breaking up with a lover.

Nangyari na ba sa inyo 'to?
«1

Comments

  • Oo naman. We "broke it off" several times before this year. But this year was different. It got the better of us na.

    It's not for the reason stated above though. Sa amin kasi ang daming nagmamagandang nakialam. . .Fine! Hindi kami at hindi magiging kami pero why the hell these people wanted to break us apart is still beyond me. . .THE TRUTH ESCAPES THEM to this day.

    How was it done? Well, disappointed as I was, just over the phone. With him talking and me just in shock for the things that were said. To this day I wish i stood up for myself. . .in all the years that I was harmed verbally and emotionally by him and his people.

    Iba ang case namin. But from what I know and what most people are telling me is that you do not break away from a friend by telling him that you will. You just slowly keep your distance. He will get the hint.
  • Leih1234 wrote:
    You just slowly keep your distance. He will get the hint.

    This is exactly what I did. This 1st sem lang when it happened. I realized that I'm being JADED already and I am not happy anymore with their company.

    Kc ba naman, magkaiba ang mga course namin so obviously I couldn't relate with what they're talking about most of the time and minsan din nasa "sariling mundo" mode sila so how could that possibly work dba?

    Last year, marami pa kami sa barkada. Around 8, now 4 nalang kami natira. 2 of them psychology ang course and mas-close kaya out of place na kami nung gf ko.

    I was slowly staying away from them. Not hanging out with them like I used to and not really butting in every discussion, I just showed that I wasn't interested anymore. And finally, they did the same. They didn't invite me anymore to eat with them or to hang out with them. Maybe they realized that I was staying away from them. I just don't know how to talk to them about it, some of my other friends told me na hindi na daw kailangan mag-usap kc from what happened nagkasakitan na kami. They told me to let my friends go and that's what I'm doing right now.

    I really hope that someday I could find my TRUE and COMPATIBLE set of friends. =)
  • ahyen wrote:
    This is exactly what I did. This 1st sem lang when it happened. I realized that I'm being JADED already and I am not happy anymore with their company.

    Kc ba naman, magkaiba ang mga course namin so obviously I couldn't relate with what they're talking about most of the time and minsan din nasa "sariling mundo" mode sila so how could that possibly work dba?

    Last year, marami pa kami sa barkada. Around 8, now 4 nalang kami natira. 2 of them psychology ang course and mas-close kaya out of place na kami nung gf ko.

    I was slowly staying away from them. Not hanging out with them like I used to and not really butting in every discussion, I just showed that I wasn't interested anymore. And finally, they did the same. They didn't invite me anymore to eat with them or to hang out with them. Maybe they realized that I was staying away from them. I just don't know how to talk to them about it, some of my other friends told me na hindi na daw kailangan mag-usap kc from what happened nagkasakitan na kami. They told me to let my friends go and that's what I'm doing right now.

    I really hope that someday I could find my TRUE and COMPATIBLE set of friends. =)

    hmm parehong pareho yun nangyari sakin dati with my friends...we used to be 4,tapos sila yun magkakaklase kaya mas marami silang napaguusapan...so na op ako.then i decided to stay away nalang....walang usap na nangyari!hanggang sa dumami na rin sila sa barkada nila,karamihan hindi ko kilala.at ako,sa iba na ko sumasama pero hindi parin nagbago pakiramdam ko,feeling ko op din ako sa bagong group na sinamahan ko kasi ako lang din yun bago sa group na yun.so feeling ko mag isa lang ako nun.yun mga dati ko nman kaibigan,pag nagkakasalubong,wala pang ngitian walang hello!parang hindi talaga magkakakilala.then after 2 yrs,sino mag aakala na babalik kami sa dati!!hehe yup,naging close kami ulit pati yun mga iba naging close ko rin.at hanggang ngayon,barkada parin kami,4 yrs na nakakaraan!

    so masasabi ko,kung totoong mga kaibigan mo mga yun,darating din yun araw na babalik din friendship nyo,pwede na hindi gaya ng dati,pero im sure babalik parin kayo as friends! :)
  • pnay808 wrote:

    so masasabi ko,kung totoong mga kaibigan mo mga yun,darating din yun araw na babalik din friendship nyo,pwede na hindi gaya ng dati,pero im sure babalik parin kayo as friends! :)


    hay naku.. i hope so.. i miss my friends somehow.. i'm an only child kaya medyo hard saken to let them all go... friendship is very important to me..

    i hope what happened to you will also happen to me someday.. =)
  • i think i have 3 falling-outs with friends and i don't know if some of them are still salvageable or if i even want to salvage them... :confused:

    #1 - i have orgmates who i think are very irritated with me right now. sino ba naman hindi kung nag-bakasyon kayong 3 araw sa baguio tapos inirita mo sila the whole time? the thing is i really didn't know what to do...i'm too sensitive kasi and sometimes i took some of their hirits personally. now, i don't know if they will still accept me or not. kasi matagal narin ata silang irita sakin about this. tinawag ba naman ako ng 1 na loser!!! so ano ba tlaga? :(

    i don't know if some friends will still accept me or if i really should try still... :confused:

    #2 - i have this friend who i left. i was at another campus kasi and then i transferred to another-partly because of her. i wanted to forget her coz she's so ma-drama. parang gusto nya na super drama ng buhay niya and she was dragging me down as well. so i left...the thing is i don't know if i should fix it pa or not.

    #3 - and lastly, i had a bestfriend from grade 7 till 4th year...ata. but when we went to college and there wasn't any time to see each other anymore, wla na tlaga. so pano na? ang hirap kasi mag-start ulit pag ganito. nakaka-ilang and stuff...

    I would really like your advices especially on the first one since its the most recent....thanks! :)
  • if a friend keep on hurting your feelings, like taking you for granted, do you think it's time to let go?

    i have a friend kasi who thinks he can get away with the things he's been doing, for example, he's stood me up several times. nakakainis lang kasi he does that with very little/doubtful explanation which seem to come out everytime na we have to meet.

    do i let go or do i salvage (whatever's left) of it?
  • r3dguy wrote:
    if a friend keep on hurting your feelings, like taking you for granted, do you think it's time to let go?

    i have a friend kasi who thinks he can get away with the things he's been doing, for example, he's stood me up several times. nakakainis lang kasi he does that with very little/doubtful explanation which seem to come out everytime na we have to meet.

    do i let go or do i salvage (whatever's left) of it?

    I think you should just open up to him that what he's doing is pissing you off... if he doesn't change then that's when you start thinking about it... :)
  • friends come and go... swerte ko kasi pag may nawawala, may mga bagong dumadating naman. ang lungkot lang kasi ayaw ko ng ganun. gusto ko kasi once a friend always a friend. pero hindi ren naman pwedeng laging ganun.
  • for me... just give ur all for ur friends make them feel na andyan k lng parati.... then if in return d mo nara2mdam un sa knila.... just let it go..... i felt this so many times na i gave my all for them and in return d ko nramdaman un sa knila na im important (ohhh man thats really hurt!) minsan d ko n lng pinapansin ung nara2mdam ko then at the end of the day.... ang hirap ng gnon... sinabi ko lahat sa knila lahat ng nara2mdaman ako... (yup para kng nkipag break sa bf mo!)
    kaya for me when u gave ur all and tried to hold so many times but in the end they killing you and giving u so much pain... just let it go..
  • r3dguy wrote:
    if a friend keep on hurting your feelings, like taking you for granted, do you think it's time to let go?

    i have a friend kasi who thinks he can get away with the things he's been doing, for example, he's stood me up several times. nakakainis lang kasi he does that with very little/doubtful explanation which seem to come out everytime na we have to meet.

    do i let go or do i salvage (whatever's left) of it?

    nangyari sakin yan so many times sa isa kong friend..........
    and shes always saying sorry.... pero pag paulit ulit nawa2la na ung pagi2ng sincere... nawa2la n ung sense ng sorry... i forgave her so many times....
    and shes keep on doing it.... the last time it hpnd sabi ko n lng GOODBYE! ur not TRUE!) kse wen u gave ur all tapos ang feeling na prang naba2stos ka parati... not worth it.... shes not worth my time ang my love as a friend......
  • honestly, breaking up with friends is much harder than breaking up with your partner... :(

    masakit kapag napapansin mo na binabalewala ka na nila, masakit din to face reality without your friends all of a sudden... bottomline is, MAHIRAP..
  • bakit kaya hindi puwedeng mag-stay ang mga friends? :(
  • Back in highschool, I had a close friend who knew almost all of my secrets. We were really close and we have been best buds for like 3 years. We'd laugh about anything, we'd talk about everything... ya know... the basic things friends do. Unfortunately, I discovered that this "friend" of mine had been squealing my secrets to his another friend I'm not close with. And take note, this "another" friend of his was infamous for backstabbing, blackmailing and the likes. But I immediately forgave my friend the time he apologized. He even promised me that he will never squeal my secrets to anyone again. Unfortunately, he didn't cling to his promise. He kept on telling my secrets to his "another" friend. Not only that, he kept on teasing me about so many things. I got fed up of his unsincere apologies and his uncalled for insults so I didn't talk to him for more than a month. He kept on apologizing though the whole time I didn't talk to him. Eventually, time healed my animosity towards my so-called friend so I decided to forgive him. Graduation was also fast approaching that time and I didn't want to end my highschool life with enemies and bitterness. But I've learned my lesson. I never shared any secrets with him again. Our reconciliation was more of like the civil type. I just really wanted to save our 3 years of friendship, nothing else. :)

    Two years passed, this guy and I are still friends, but not the best of friends that we used to be. :)
  • BananaFish wrote:
    When your friends' antics stop being endearing and cute, and their words coming out as patronising, is it time to let go of the friendship altogether?

    If so, how do you break off from a friend? This somehow feels more stressful than breaking up with a lover.

    Nangyari na ba sa inyo 'to?


    both are stressful.. if you think "they" are your friends and not mere "acquaintances".. better talk to them and let it all out.. see if things will turn out for the better

    friends stick together no matter what.. those are the kind of friends that you have to look out for.. don't break it off just yet
  • I think it is only natural to grow apart from your friends. As you grow old, the world opens up and you realize different sides of you. They may or may not be compatible with your friends--but what can you do?

    Sometimes, there is no denying of who you are and who you want to be. And you know what they say, tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are.
  • Hahay, been through that too. And it's wierd. Sa isip, isip ko. You don't purposely put an end to a friendship. It's supposed to die naturally. Like, you don't have time for each other and all that. Hindi yung, di na tayo friends or something. I have a bestfriend that I have a falling out with similar to waxy's case. We did not talk to each other for almost two years. But guess what after some time, friends na kami ulit. Siempre not as close as before, but getting there. So I suggest, just chill out. If you don't want to hang out with her/him then just do that.
  • i believe that some people are just really meant to stay in our lives but there are some that are meant to just touch our lives leave their mark and walk off from us. its hard pero ganun talaga e.

    i had a friend whom i had been close to for atleast 3 years pero after highschool it was just tough to keep each other updated with the happenings. so we simply drifted apart. still i miss her and if i happen to bump into her again i think that the spark/connection will still be there.

    and my highschool friends although are drifting apart one or two of us in the barkada try to establish the connection again and again. parang ayaw talga namin masira ung link. its really hard once na mawala ung link e but it just happens. even when you try everything to be like what it used to be u can't pretend na parang hindi na sila ung barkada mo. people change and sometimes you wish they go back to what they were once where pero thats wishful thinking. i'm just thankful when we get together sometimes atleast we still laugh a lot even if we don't really know each other as much like before. sometimes i feel that its my fault because i'm too tamad to text or ym or call them.
  • BananaFish wrote:
    When your friends' antics stop being endearing and cute, and their words coming out as patronising, is it time to let go of the friendship altogether?

    If so, how do you break off from a friend? This somehow feels more stressful than breaking up with a lover.

    Nangyari na ba sa inyo 'to?

    sa akin kadalasan na nangyayari ay rumors from her/his friends side... Pag nararamdaman ko na napinag-uusapan ako behind my back... I slowly turning my back on her/ his without explaining my side... what is the points of depending yourself, kung mas maniniwala siya sa balitang may pakpak (rumors).. I'm not gonna waste my time... just go on the other way and move on and let go of the friendship its not worth it!....



    ...........................................................
    http://rosalia2042.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/
    http://www.celinedionforum.com/blog/cassjane2042/index.php?
  • The good thing about my highschool friends and I is that we do find ways to maintain the strength of our friendship. So many changes went by but we remained the best of friends. I guess despite the differences we have from each other, time and again, there's no stopping our friendship from continuing to grow as we grow older too. :)

    I couldn't imagine falling out with my friends. I just value friendship so much, I couldn't give them up just because of things that I think could be repaired with bottles of beer and a nice, heart-to-heart talk. :D
  • orangepinkorangepink PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    I had this high school friend who was annoying & very critical about my life. I finally got tired of her so I avoided her for almost a year. You'd think she got the message when I wouldn't answer her calls but nooooo, talagang sugo pa rin siya. So, I frankly told her how I felt. Her typical reaction was nagalit pa siya.

    Now, I look back & wonder if she was really my friend kasi kung friends tlga kami, she wouldn't try to put me down all the time di ba
Sign In or Register to comment.