Should Virginity be Equated With Morality???
This month, my boyfriend and I are running on our 8th "monthsary." Something just hit me. Never occurred to me that i would be able to surpass the "rocky" roads where we took off. Hindi naging madali ang simula. First few months, akala ko I would literally breakdown. Marami kaming difference we could not simply reconcile. Magkaiba ang aming pananaw lalo on the very touch issue of virginity. I am not relating this just so i could justify some acts i have blatantly committed. To make the long story short, I've been into intimate "relationships" before my boyfriend had me. Akala ko it was not a big issue to him--until that day he started condemning me for losing it just as easily. 3 men before him. I lost it first with a married man. the 2nd one, we went as far as doing it, but the reality that I could never own the man who would not commit dawned on...so i got terrified and asked him to stop. The 3rd one was with somebody I came across online...met up with him, did it on the first meeting, became friends, went out on a couple more dates, then never did it again.finally, i met my (current boyfriend). Started out all good. I was already at that juncture where I wanted to move on, fix the mess i have created for my life, and love that one man who would accept me for who i am. I purposely kept the past from him. I was afraid he'd loathe me and leave. He was too good. He was loving. he was thoughtful. He treated me like a princess. And i fell fast. I loved him, loved him almost instantaneously.
but fate has its cruel twists. for some sheer trace of badluck, he found out about my past. The only thing i told him was about the married man; i concealed the other two because i know that those were utterly abhorrable for a woman. but he found out. he found out through his sleek knowledge of the cyberworld. kasalanan ko din kasi nagtiwala ako with my passwords on emails and friendster. basta. hindi ko na natarok paano niya nalaman at na "decode" lahat. before i knew it, my relationship was on the verge of disaster. walang araw na hindi kame nagtalo. walang araw na hndi ako umiyak. laht ng pangungutya niya tinanggap ko. mahal ko eh. kaya nga siguro tumagal na din ako sa loob ng relasyon up to this day.
somthin just perturbed me when his perspective of virginity had somethin to do with morality. He deliberately called me "immoral" for committing those acts. i was vehement about my position, arguing that that should not be the case. i told him that virginity is just one of the many facets of life. i even asked him, what is virginity anyway? it is but a social construction. a mindset. whatever the case is, useless eh. sarado ang isip niya.
i don't know why i still asked this. maayos naman na kame pero paminsan-minsan he still has his suddent outbursts and rantings about my past. hindi ko alam kung tuluyan pa ba niya itong makakalimutan.
I wana know your opinion about my query. I wana hear your views. am i bad? am i immoral at that? talga bang ang virginity dapat ihalintulad o ipares sa moralidad? matatawag mo bang immoral ang isang babaeng hindi na birhen???
:mecry: :mecry: :mecry:
but fate has its cruel twists. for some sheer trace of badluck, he found out about my past. The only thing i told him was about the married man; i concealed the other two because i know that those were utterly abhorrable for a woman. but he found out. he found out through his sleek knowledge of the cyberworld. kasalanan ko din kasi nagtiwala ako with my passwords on emails and friendster. basta. hindi ko na natarok paano niya nalaman at na "decode" lahat. before i knew it, my relationship was on the verge of disaster. walang araw na hindi kame nagtalo. walang araw na hndi ako umiyak. laht ng pangungutya niya tinanggap ko. mahal ko eh. kaya nga siguro tumagal na din ako sa loob ng relasyon up to this day.
somthin just perturbed me when his perspective of virginity had somethin to do with morality. He deliberately called me "immoral" for committing those acts. i was vehement about my position, arguing that that should not be the case. i told him that virginity is just one of the many facets of life. i even asked him, what is virginity anyway? it is but a social construction. a mindset. whatever the case is, useless eh. sarado ang isip niya.
i don't know why i still asked this. maayos naman na kame pero paminsan-minsan he still has his suddent outbursts and rantings about my past. hindi ko alam kung tuluyan pa ba niya itong makakalimutan.
I wana know your opinion about my query. I wana hear your views. am i bad? am i immoral at that? talga bang ang virginity dapat ihalintulad o ipares sa moralidad? matatawag mo bang immoral ang isang babaeng hindi na birhen???
:mecry: :mecry: :mecry:
Comments
virginity should NEVER be equated with morality. and only shallow, stupid people still think that way. and my virginity or lack thereof, does not, in any way, affect my being a person.
even virgins could be the meanest "b1tches" you could ever encounter in your lifetime. your virginity will not affect how you interact with people, your kindness, thoughtfulness, gentleness, courage, and your capacity to love. if he can't see past that, :rolleyes: he's immature.
i have this friend that was divirginized by her past bf... and because of her father's masochistic view of women, she thinks little of herself now because her bf left her. she even told me one time that her father wanted her out of the country because "no filipino would want her now that she is not a virgin."
and up to this day, i try to pull her up by saying, only shallow stupid guys would think that way. my bf didn't care. he just knows that the act we're doing is done out of love. it doesn't matter if he had me as a virgin or if i've had other men in my life.
actually, sabi ko nga, i don't want to marry a virgin... because i know by the time i marry, my fiance will, most probably, not be a virgin anymore. so why should i save myself for someone who i know is not saving himself for me?
you couldn't judge a person based on his/her virginity. get out of the relationship girl, either dump him now or be forever tortured emotionally by him. you won't be happy with him knowing that he speaks lowly of you, you may be okay for some time but it will always be at the back of his mind, and staying with him, will just give him the liscense to hurt you again and again.
he's coward, beacuse if he really loves you, he's man enough to accept you for what you are, not minding what other people has to say, and even how the society perceive a woman to be.
i wonder if he's that clean
get laid with him, it might be the thing he needed to loosen up
i had a friend who went to bed with a guy, less than 24 hours of doin' it, the guy asked for space to reevaluate himself, he suddenly realized he's that conservative to do such thing, what does it make my friend then...a slut?! to think he was her first, now this is what you call one time, big time.
i'll shut up now.
he doesn't love you that much, he's not so into you i guess, and the way i see it, he's not yet over with his ex, could be he uses you too hoping he could start anew.
he still has issues, let him realize his wants first because parang baliktad kayo eh, you know what you wanted, and he's doesn't.
in your case (mitch), as a learning experience, dapat next time, don't try to hide your past..tell your next suitor what he needs to know so that you won't get disappointed. mas maganda nang malaman mo agad if it's worth pursuing yung relationship nyo or not.
Virginity should not even be a factor in loving someone. I guess it all depends on their beliefs or religion...the fact the he already fell in love with you, that's what matters most. It shouldn't be a problem if he learned about your past. Since he made it a big deal for him, then you're better off without him.
Get someone better.
the best thing to do siguro is to talk to him seriously before anything else, it's possible that he wants out na and he's just using this as an issue. another maybe, natamaan mo ego nya, kasi, it's him who found out on his own about those things you're trying to keep. siguro on your part, you didn't trust him also, that maybe he would accept you if sinabi mo nga sa kanya... malaki den diff if ikaw mismong magsabi kesa malaman nya on his own.
anyway goodluck!
1. Are you willing to accept more of his verbal and emotional abuse?
2. Will you still love the man, who is not willing to accept kung sino ka?
Honestly, i see no reason for you to keep that kind of relationship! He is immature! Paulit-ulit lang kayong mag-aaway.
...hmm, seems your guy is in a chivalrous spirit to avenge what happened to you in the past...so what does he plan to do about it ?
.....verbally condemned you for the rest of your life ?.. :hmm:
mashadong egoistic...maybe its not about your virginity, its just the fact that you did it with guys before him, which in his judgment, not in the best light, and at the same time tinamaan yung ego nya..
always remember this ( i got this from one of my emails)
"Virginity is not dignity. Its a lack of opportunity." lol
just last night somethin about the past came up again. he was trying to defend his ex by telling me na kahit daw nabaliw sya doon at hinabol-habol nya for a year after they broke up, normal lang daw yun dahil hindi naman daw sila nagtsuktsakan ng walang pagmamahal. i got the feeling na nagpaparinig na naman ang mokong. i ended up asking him, "what's your point for saying that"? ano bang problema mo? it can't be gray norman. it has be either black or white. either you accept me or you don't. ganun kasimple. wala nang marami pang usap-usapan. he told me na, "tinatanggap naman kita ng paunti-unti." ayun. hindi ko na namang napigilang humikbi. i told him, all this time ganyan pa rin ang iniisip mo sa akin? ive been trying my best to show that i love you dearly. and u know what he said? "kaya mo lang ako mahal dahil may nabibigay at natutulong ako sa iyo."
darn. ewan ko ba. sana bago huli ang lahat, magising din ako sa katotohanang im in for greater hell in the future. mahal na mahal ko yung tao, oo. pero ang hirap. may hangganan din ang kakayahan ng puso... =(
i'm telling you, he's not over with his ex yet
and anyone won't just sleep with someone whom they don't even like or they aren't interested, attracted with, unless nga you're a professional hooker that it's all for the money, or heat of the moment.
About him naman, verbally abusing you.. whatever reasons he give for talking to you that way still doesn't justify the fact that he's hurting the woman he "loves", kung mahal ka nga nya talaga.
Maybe it's his ego working. Na hindi sya ang nakauna sayo and eveytime he thinks about it navisualize nya what happened to you and those other guys. If he can't get over that, sya na ang may problema.
Kapag nagparinig sya, wag mong i recognize, just talk about something else. Kapag ipinilit nya pa din at nagparinig na naman, ignore it. Kung talagang di nya kayang kalimutan, sya mismo ang makikipag away sayo. That's a cue, mag isip isip ka na. Goodluck!