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Should Virginity be Equated With Morality???

This month, my boyfriend and I are running on our 8th "monthsary." Something just hit me. Never occurred to me that i would be able to surpass the "rocky" roads where we took off. Hindi naging madali ang simula. First few months, akala ko I would literally breakdown. Marami kaming difference we could not simply reconcile. Magkaiba ang aming pananaw lalo on the very touch issue of virginity. I am not relating this just so i could justify some acts i have blatantly committed. To make the long story short, I've been into intimate "relationships" before my boyfriend had me. Akala ko it was not a big issue to him--until that day he started condemning me for losing it just as easily. 3 men before him. I lost it first with a married man. the 2nd one, we went as far as doing it, but the reality that I could never own the man who would not commit dawned on...so i got terrified and asked him to stop. The 3rd one was with somebody I came across online...met up with him, did it on the first meeting, became friends, went out on a couple more dates, then never did it again.finally, i met my (current boyfriend). Started out all good. I was already at that juncture where I wanted to move on, fix the mess i have created for my life, and love that one man who would accept me for who i am. I purposely kept the past from him. I was afraid he'd loathe me and leave. He was too good. He was loving. he was thoughtful. He treated me like a princess. And i fell fast. I loved him, loved him almost instantaneously.

but fate has its cruel twists. for some sheer trace of badluck, he found out about my past. The only thing i told him was about the married man; i concealed the other two because i know that those were utterly abhorrable for a woman. but he found out. he found out through his sleek knowledge of the cyberworld. kasalanan ko din kasi nagtiwala ako with my passwords on emails and friendster. basta. hindi ko na natarok paano niya nalaman at na "decode" lahat. before i knew it, my relationship was on the verge of disaster. walang araw na hindi kame nagtalo. walang araw na hndi ako umiyak. laht ng pangungutya niya tinanggap ko. mahal ko eh. kaya nga siguro tumagal na din ako sa loob ng relasyon up to this day.

somthin just perturbed me when his perspective of virginity had somethin to do with morality. He deliberately called me "immoral" for committing those acts. i was vehement about my position, arguing that that should not be the case. i told him that virginity is just one of the many facets of life. i even asked him, what is virginity anyway? it is but a social construction. a mindset. whatever the case is, useless eh. sarado ang isip niya.

i don't know why i still asked this. maayos naman na kame pero paminsan-minsan he still has his suddent outbursts and rantings about my past. hindi ko alam kung tuluyan pa ba niya itong makakalimutan.

I wana know your opinion about my query. I wana hear your views. am i bad? am i immoral at that? talga bang ang virginity dapat ihalintulad o ipares sa moralidad? matatawag mo bang immoral ang isang babaeng hindi na birhen???
:mecry: :mecry: :mecry:
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Comments

  • hija, drop him. for your sake, drop him now.

    virginity should NEVER be equated with morality. and only shallow, stupid people still think that way. and my virginity or lack thereof, does not, in any way, affect my being a person.

    even virgins could be the meanest "b1tches" you could ever encounter in your lifetime. your virginity will not affect how you interact with people, your kindness, thoughtfulness, gentleness, courage, and your capacity to love. if he can't see past that, :rolleyes: he's immature.

    i have this friend that was divirginized by her past bf... and because of her father's masochistic view of women, she thinks little of herself now because her bf left her. she even told me one time that her father wanted her out of the country because "no filipino would want her now that she is not a virgin."

    and up to this day, i try to pull her up by saying, only shallow stupid guys would think that way. my bf didn't care. he just knows that the act we're doing is done out of love. it doesn't matter if he had me as a virgin or if i've had other men in my life.

    actually, sabi ko nga, i don't want to marry a virgin... because i know by the time i marry, my fiance will, most probably, not be a virgin anymore. so why should i save myself for someone who i know is not saving himself for me? ;)
  • samantha_jonessamantha_jones PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    Virgin pa ba yang bf mo? If not immoral din siya. Double standard nanaman! Women are still on the losing end? Mali yan!
  • queenkatiequeenkatie PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    i will forever curse and hate that kind of guy.

    you couldn't judge a person based on his/her virginity. get out of the relationship girl, either dump him now or be forever tortured emotionally by him. you won't be happy with him knowing that he speaks lowly of you, you may be okay for some time but it will always be at the back of his mind, and staying with him, will just give him the liscense to hurt you again and again.

    he's coward, beacuse if he really loves you, he's man enough to accept you for what you are, not minding what other people has to say, and even how the society perceive a woman to be.

    i wonder if he's that clean :naughty: for all you know he've devirginized women before, and funny how he judge you now just because you're not a virgin anymore.

    get laid with him, it might be the thing he needed to loosen up :lol:

    i had a friend who went to bed with a guy, less than 24 hours of doin' it, the guy asked for space to reevaluate himself, he suddenly realized he's that conservative to do such thing, what does it make my friend then...a slut?! to think he was her first, now this is what you call one time, big time.

    i'll shut up now.
  • he? a virgin? hell no! but he only had one woman before me. one woman he exaggeratedly adored! they were together for 3 and a half years before he met me. the thing is, they broke up because the woman aborted their baby. sickening, isn't it? kaya nga pinagsalitaan ko sya and told him, kung ako immoral just because nagkaroon ako ng ibang mga lalake before you..even had SEB with one...and i kept it from you...anong tawag mo sa ex mo? there had been times when we fought as if we were combatants in war. naging masakit ang palitan namin ng mga salita. there was even that juncture when i asked him, how come hindi mo ko kayang mahalin kagaya ng,o higit pa sa ex mo when all this time, ive been loving you dearly? the only thing he told me is, "eh kilala ko pagkatao niya eh. " that's it. para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig sa mukha. he called me names. *****. pakawala. slut. lahat na. kaso lang, ***** ata siguro talga ako kasi hanggang ngayon, andito padin ako. Natapos na din ang mga araw na yun. he promised me that never would he mention anything about me past. nangyayari naman. may palya nga lang.
  • queenkatiequeenkatie PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    ^ his feet is bigger than his brain, gosh how can he adore someone who aborted their baby and call you slut and all just because you're not a virgin?

    he doesn't love you that much, he's not so into you i guess, and the way i see it, he's not yet over with his ex, could be he uses you too hoping he could start anew.

    he still has issues, let him realize his wants first because parang baliktad kayo eh, you know what you wanted, and he's doesn't.
  • when you love somebody, you love them for who they are and that means, including their past...
    in your case (mitch), as a learning experience, dapat next time, don't try to hide your past..tell your next suitor what he needs to know so that you won't get disappointed. mas maganda nang malaman mo agad if it's worth pursuing yung relationship nyo or not.

    Virginity should not even be a factor in loving someone. I guess it all depends on their beliefs or religion...the fact the he already fell in love with you, that's what matters most. It shouldn't be a problem if he learned about your past. Since he made it a big deal for him, then you're better off without him.
  • samantha_jonessamantha_jones PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    It's time to let go people like him have major issues and you shouldn't subject yourself to any kind of abuse. Physically, Verbally and emotionally. Maybe you were at fault because you didn't tell him about the other guys pero ang question is did he ask about it nung una pa lang? And if he did all those things wala parin siyang right na i-judge ka sa mga mistakes mo na ngayon ay sinusubukan mo na itama.
  • :mecry: haaaaay...... one time i reprimanded him and said na, pag may ibang taong nakarinig sa mga salita niya, mabubugbog sya. aba ang sinabi lang eh, kaya sila magngingitngit kasi yun din ang gawain nila! god, how preposterous! ewan. i feel like there is this other side of him na talga naman i just can't fathom. may good side naman. ewan. minsan naguguluhan ako... alot of people already told me to get rid of the guy. pero matigas ata talga ulo ko, thinking that if i love him dearly, he would change..... mali ba ako??? :mecry:
  • LaTtE`MLaTtE`M PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    If he cannot live with your past, he cannot live with your future either.

    Get someone better.
  • zalvajezalvaje PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    not being a virgin anymore is immoral? hahaha.. i think your bf is a big coo-coo.

    the best thing to do siguro is to talk to him seriously before anything else, it's possible that he wants out na and he's just using this as an issue. another maybe, natamaan mo ego nya, kasi, it's him who found out on his own about those things you're trying to keep. siguro on your part, you didn't trust him also, that maybe he would accept you if sinabi mo nga sa kanya... malaki den diff if ikaw mismong magsabi kesa malaman nya on his own.

    anyway goodluck!
  • I have some questions for you.....
    1. Are you willing to accept more of his verbal and emotional abuse?
    2. Will you still love the man, who is not willing to accept kung sino ka?
    Honestly, i see no reason for you to keep that kind of relationship! He is immature! Paulit-ulit lang kayong mag-aaway.
  • mukang puro ata women ang nagpo-post ng comments ah. i wana hear some perspective from the men around here. I know. i know. im such a numskull. but lemme tell, hindi naman ganun kasama yung bf ko. ang katwiran niya, hindi nya matanggap na ang babaeng pinakakamahal niya basta lang "ginanun" ng ibang lalake. he may be right at that, pero syempre, mali pa rin ang pangungutya niya. i just hope and pray that at the end of it all, maliwanagan din ang isip niya. becoz if i may have to brag about it, HINDI NA SIYA MAKAKAHANAP NG KAGAYA KO. =)
  • .....ang katwiran niya, hindi nya matanggap na ang babaeng pinakakamahal niya basta lang "ginanun" ng ibang lalake......

    ...hmm, seems your guy is in a chivalrous spirit to avenge what happened to you in the past...so what does he plan to do about it ?

    .....verbally condemned you for the rest of your life ?.. :hmm:
  • the guy is a virgin and maybe he cant accept the fact that he cannot de-virgin you anymore...thats why he is so mad.
  • Your man is a d*ck!! dump him..now and fast!!

    mashadong egoistic...maybe its not about your virginity, its just the fact that you did it with guys before him, which in his judgment, not in the best light, and at the same time tinamaan yung ego nya..

    always remember this ( i got this from one of my emails)
    "Virginity is not dignity. Its a lack of opportunity." lol
  • haaay...i honestly dunno what he intends to do with me. nung mga araw na sobra ang pag-aaway namin, i already dared to leave and yet he ddnt want me to. he even said after that that he can't bear the thought of losing me. ewan.

    just last night somethin about the past came up again. he was trying to defend his ex by telling me na kahit daw nabaliw sya doon at hinabol-habol nya for a year after they broke up, normal lang daw yun dahil hindi naman daw sila nagtsuktsakan ng walang pagmamahal. i got the feeling na nagpaparinig na naman ang mokong. i ended up asking him, "what's your point for saying that"? ano bang problema mo? it can't be gray norman. it has be either black or white. either you accept me or you don't. ganun kasimple. wala nang marami pang usap-usapan. he told me na, "tinatanggap naman kita ng paunti-unti." ayun. hindi ko na namang napigilang humikbi. i told him, all this time ganyan pa rin ang iniisip mo sa akin? ive been trying my best to show that i love you dearly. and u know what he said? "kaya mo lang ako mahal dahil may nabibigay at natutulong ako sa iyo."

    darn. ewan ko ba. sana bago huli ang lahat, magising din ako sa katotohanang im in for greater hell in the future. mahal na mahal ko yung tao, oo. pero ang hirap. may hangganan din ang kakayahan ng puso... =(
  • queenkatiequeenkatie PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    just last night somethin about the past came up again. he was trying to defend his ex by telling me na kahit daw nabaliw sya doon at hinabol-habol nya for a year after they broke up, normal lang daw yun dahil hindi naman daw sila nagtsuktsakan ng walang pagmamahal.

    i'm telling you, he's not over with his ex yet :naughty:

    and anyone won't just sleep with someone whom they don't even like or they aren't interested, attracted with, unless nga you're a professional hooker that it's all for the money, or heat of the moment.
  • :mecry: :mecry: :mecry: if he isnt over his ex yet, then why does he rant at me everytime i mention about her? sabi niya sa akin ayaw na nya maalala ang nakaraan dahil nga sa ginawa nung ex niya.... haaay
  • If he's still bitter about it, he must be inlove with her still.

    About him naman, verbally abusing you.. whatever reasons he give for talking to you that way still doesn't justify the fact that he's hurting the woman he "loves", kung mahal ka nga nya talaga.

    Maybe it's his ego working. Na hindi sya ang nakauna sayo and eveytime he thinks about it navisualize nya what happened to you and those other guys. If he can't get over that, sya na ang may problema.

    Kapag nagparinig sya, wag mong i recognize, just talk about something else. Kapag ipinilit nya pa din at nagparinig na naman, ignore it. Kung talagang di nya kayang kalimutan, sya mismo ang makikipag away sayo. That's a cue, mag isip isip ka na. Goodluck!
  • uhmm..can i just say that this has too much issues in one boat? hehhe can someone please jump overboard? girl, hes got issues. u, on the other hand, have dealt with ur own and u need someone to understand and accept u wholeheartedly no matter what the past is. thats why its called PAST--because it is meant to be left behind to start another day.
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