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The Barber

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They
talked about so many things and various subjects.

When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."

"Why do you say that?" asked the customer.

"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.

The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt.

The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist."

"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"

"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! " answered the barber. "What happens, is, people do not come to me."

"Exactly!" - affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him.

That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."
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Comments

  • ...whereupon the barber slew the client with his trusty shears for spewing cornball parables... the end.
  • salermosalermo PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    ...whereupon the barber slew the client with his trusty shears for spewing cornball parables... the end.

    Not yet!

    When the barber told his client that he just slashed his neck with the old type six-inch razor, the client answered "No way!" The barber looked at the client straight in the eye and retorted, "Just wait till you turn your head!"
  • my_identitymy_identity PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    ^But his neck bled profusely, blood came splattering all over. Just attoseconds later, the mirror was covered with blood in full. The client then snapped back, "Where? Where?" in utter confusion.
  • ...When the customer finally drew a death rattle as the last few drops of his blood spread out on the floor, the barber sheathed his razor and smiled.

    "He's shut his yap," the barber whispered. "There is a God."
  • decoy47decoy47 PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    ...The man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard, saw all of this happening...
  • st.angerst.anger PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    ...and went home, played with himself, then blew his brains out with a shotgun...
  • ...because he found out that the barber was his father...
  • my_identitymy_identity PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    ...(ooops I thought it was over :D ) Don't mind me. :hiya:
  • QuentinQuentin PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    and the customer was his mother. albeit, was a transexual
  • ...who had turned to religion as a salve for the anguish of sex reassignment surgery - the clumsily-executed procedure had left him/her with a scarred urethral passage that would spew piss all over the place...
  • jiscjisc PExer
    so I.P.U. also exist, the problem is people don't come to them...only cats come to them...

    HAIL CLOE! :handsdown::handsdown::handsdown:
  • salermosalermo PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    ^But his neck bled profusely, blood came splattering all over. Just attoseconds later, the mirror was covered with blood in full. The client then snapped back, "Where? Where?" in utter confusion.

    Was the client's head already on the floor when he was uttering in confusion? Was he trying to beat a headless chicken scampering around?
  • 7blackadderL_350x300.jpg

    (Baldrick and Edmund Blackadder face the French guillotine at dawn. Baldrick, as usual, has a "cunning plan".)

    Baldrick: I'm glad to say, I don't think you'll be needing those [poison] pills, Mr B...

    Edmund: Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words "I have a cunning plan" marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?

    Baldrick: They certainly are!

    Edmund: Well, forgive me if I don't jump up and down with glee -- your record in this department is not exactly a hundred percent. So, what's the plan?

    Baldrick: We do...nothing.

    Edmund: Yep, that's another world-beater.

    Baldrick: Wait, I haven't finished. We do nothing until our heads have actually been cut off...

    Edmund: ...and then we spring into action?

    Baldrick: Exactly! You know how, when you cut a chicken's head off, it runs round and round the farmyard?

    Edmund: Yyyyyyyeah...

    Baldrick: Well, we wait until our heads have been cut off, then we run round and round the farmyard, out the farm gate, and escape. What do you think?

    Edmund: Yes, my opinions are rather difficult to express in words, so perhaps I can put it this way... [tweaks Baldrick's nose]

    [/blackadder nerd]
  • my_identitymy_identity PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    salermo wrote:
    Was the client's head already on the floor when he was uttering in confusion? Was he trying to beat a headless chicken scampering around?

    Yes, yes... a talking decapitated head that is. There's a mirror affixed to the ceiling (however ridiculous it may sound). :hiya:
  • John 20:24-29

    Now Thomas (called Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord!"
    But he said to them, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it."

    A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe."

    Thomas said to him, "My Lord and my God!"

    Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

    http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2020:24-29;&version=31;
  • salermosalermo PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    easter wrote:
    John 20:24-29



    A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe."

    Thomas said to him, "My Lord and my God!"

    Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

    Is it not in itself the fact that He came through the house with locked doors enough to say "My Lord and my God"?
  • ...and the barber slew the client, and the client was blown to tiny bits, and there is much rejoicing... and so the people feasted upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orang-utans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and...

    *is slain*
  • easter wrote:
    "Exactly!" - affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him.

    That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."

    To which the barber replies, "but I'm just a friggin' barber of a human being! Surely if I had the power to end the pain and suffering in the world, I'll do it in a blink of an eye! Why suffer the innocent if I can help it? But what I can do, is spare everybody else from hearing your nonsense parable." So with a swift slashing motion, he opened up the customer's neck....

    Blood flowed freely that afternoon...
  • Luke 24:13-35 (NIV)

    On the Road to Emmaus

    Now that same day two of them were going to a village called Emmaus, about seven miles from Jerusalem. They were talking with each other about everything that had happened. As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them; but they were kept from recognizing him.

    He asked them, "What are you discussing together as you walk along?"

    They stood still, their faces downcast. One of them, named Cleopas, asked him, "Are you only a visitor to Jerusalem and do not know the things that have happened there in these days?"

    "What things?" he asked.

    "About Jesus of Nazareth," they replied. "He was a prophet, powerful in word and deed before God and all the people. The chief priests and our rulers handed him over to be sentenced to death, and they crucified him; but we had hoped that he was the one who was going to redeem Israel. And what is more, it is the third day since all this took place. In addition, some of our women amazed us. They went to the tomb early this morning but didn't find his body. They came and told us that they had seen a vision of angels, who said he was alive. Then some of our companions went to the tomb and found it just as the women had said, but him they did not see."

    He said to them, "How foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?" And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself.

    As they approached the village to which they were going, Jesus acted as if he were going farther. But they urged him strongly, "Stay with us, for it is nearly evening; the day is almost over." So he went in to stay with them.

    When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight. They asked each other, "Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?"

    They got up and returned at once to Jerusalem. There they found the Eleven and those with them, assembled together and saying, "It is true! The Lord has risen and has appeared to Simon." Then the two told what had happened on the way, and how Jesus was recognized by them when he broke the bread.
  • bludwid wrote:
    To which the barber replies, "but I'm just a friggin' barber of a human being! Surely if I had the power to end the pain and suffering in the world, I'll do it in a blink of an eye! Why suffer the innocent if I can help it? But what I can do, is spare everybody else from hearing your nonsense parable." So with a swift slashing motion, he opened up the customer's neck....

    Blood flowed freely that afternoon...

    If only barbers were omnipotent...

    then there shall be much despairing and teeth-gnashing from all people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards when that day comes!!! He shall snip and shave with righteous fury at the unkempt, unshaved masses with his righteous shears of righteousness and shaving cream of justice!!!
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