Home PEx Relationships Love - Principles, Practices & Preferences

The principle of "Panliligaw"...

... is pure complete BS!!!

Why?

1) It makes you the "applicant" and the woman the "interviewer". It makes you LOWER than her... that you need to "impress" her and hope that she's gonna hire you for the job of being her "boyfriend."

2) After trying to impress her for a long time, and she says "NO!" how would you feel? And if you think in terms of "you impressing her," you are just giving her power. "Pinaasa niya lang ako... letseng pag-ibig tooooo diyos koooo ano ba naman ito diba [email protected]!na... nagmuka akong *****..."

3) What if she says "YES". The bottomline is... she's still the interviewer and you're the applicant in the first place. And you seeked her approval so that she will accept you. And how are you gonna stay in control of the relationship? By being "under-de-saya?" :rotflmao:

4) A side effect of "panliligaw" is getting TOO ATTATCHED to the target. Even after some guys get rejected, they tend to bother her by sending pesky annoying love notes or flowers or chocolates or expensive gifts and all that crap. To the annoyance of the girl. Sometimes this can go as far as "sexual harrassment". Which is both bad for the guy and girl.

5) If you're only courting one woman, what's gonna happen if she rejects you? If you have no backup plan, thats gonna hurt a great deal. Therefore, it is advisable to pick up and date as many women as you possibly can... for more options... and so that rejection isnt gonna be as painful.

Its like having multiple backups for your files. So that if your computer crashes, at least you're not gonna feel as bad since you know that all your documents are stored in some removable storage (USB key, Diskette, CD)

Ok... girls are gonna blast me on this for encouraging playerism. Um... What about those girls who have so many men courting them? Arent they CHOOSING? Don't we guys also have the right to CHOOSE? We're not your b!atch. :rotflmao:

==========

Trust me. Marami na akong niligawan and ended up frustrated in the end. I'm not perfect. I still get rejected these days but those rejections arent as painful as the ones I used to have when I spent a lot of time courting her and trying to impress her by buying her gifts, flowers, chocolates... only to hear NO! for an answer.

*Feel free to comment on this post and feel free to flame me if you want. haha. 8)
«13

Comments

  • hi dude. i feel for you and your hurt. it isn't easy to put your heart on the table only to have someone you care for chop it up.

    may i offer a different take on panliligaw?

    this is something i gleaned from books on christian courtship. the gist is, men and women don't do the choosing, god does.

    single people are not supposed to be actively looking for their life partners. this puts them in center (i must impress her, i must show her i'm the best choice, and i need a girlfriend right now so I will be happy), and a self-centered foundation is a poor one.

    rather, single people must aim to have christ at the center of their relationships. they are supposed to concentrate on being godly, and hopefully serve in church ministry/other worthy projects, while at the same time, preparing to be good husbands and wives (becoming financially stable, emotionally mature, skilled in house management, childcare, and in one's vocation) it goes without saying that these people do not even consider courtship if they are not ready to marry - the suggestion is for no courtship until after college! (crazy at first, i thought... but my opinion changed later) the couple, in joyful hope, allows god to reveal His best choice for them in the course of time.

    once they think god is revealing the choice, god, through the male, will initiate a courtship. the couple are supposed to pick an accountability couple (could be their own parents or another godly couple who subscribes to courtship principles) to oversee the courtship, then continue to serve christ. the accountability couple ensures that the discerning couple maintains the godliness in the relationship by guiding the time and activities spent together by the couple. there are rules to follow (from the amount of physical contact, to emotional intimacy) as they progress from a casual friendship to close relationship to engagement to marriage.

    it was such a refreshing take on this whole thing about relationships, that i felt impelled to share.

    lastly, according to the sources i've checked, if you let god gain complete control of your courtship life, he will spare you from the hurt of worldly dating/your own understading of panliligaw. perhaps the hurt you've felt from panliligaw is a call from god for you to take on another approach.
    may you allow god to find your best match! i don't claim to be a saint naman - just sharing what other friends have shared to me.

    some links:

    http://home.earthlink.net/~higherstand/id3.html
    http://www.unlessthelordmagazine.com/articles/Courtship%20Principles.htm

    http://www.wise-words.com/main-endorsements.htm
  • 4) A side effect of "panliligaw" is getting TOO ATTATCHED to the target. Even after some guys get rejected, they tend to bother her by sending pesky annoying love notes or flowers or chocolates or expensive gifts and all that crap. To the annoyance of the girl. Sometimes this can go as far as "sexual harrassment". Which is both bad for the guy and girl.

    [/B][/QUOTE]

    interesting point. in the courtship principle i read, emotional attachment is kept at a minimum so that when one or both members of the accountability couple discern that marriage is not an option for the the two, then the courting relationship is easily dissolved with minimum hurt.
  • Frustrated perhaps??
  • stitchesnburnsstitchesnburns PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    The principle of panliligaw:

    Bolahan... you would only know the real person pag-kayo na.
  • Frustrated perhaps??

    Once upon a time, I was an average frustrated chump.

    Average Frustrated Chump.
    A "nice guy". A guy who has no pick up skills and rarely manages to close a target pick up. Also a guy who tends to supplicate in his behavior to women. Meaning, buying flowers for a chick when going out for coffee, putting her on a pedestal, and generally letting women walk all over him in the vein hope of somehow being seen as attractive in their eyes.
    men and women don't do the choosing, god does.

    So do you believe in fate? Therefore does that make you a slave?

    Ok... if I see a pretty woman in the street//bar//mall//bus stop// any public place// or in a party...

    (*btw, picking up women from a cold approach is VERY HARD. Most women are more receptive in a party or when introduced by a friend. Approaching woman via cold approach only helps you gain confidence and remove your fear of approaching women.*)

    I have 2 options:
    1) I'll not approach her... cuz god will choose a woman who will be my wife.

    2) Approach that woman. There is 50-50 chance of her saying "yes" or "no".

    Lets see... fast forward 60 years later... I'm an old man in my 80s... still waiting... for that hot woman that God promised me. I cant walk anymore. So I'll just wait in my rocking chair. And hope that this beautiful woman will barge through my door and kneel in front of me with a rose in her mouth. :lol:
    once they think god is revealing the choice, god, through the male, will initiate a courtship.

    Initiating a courtship... requires BALLS. It requires guts on the part of the man. If the man has no game or no skills that werent acquired from PRACTICE, how do you expect him to "initiate a courtship"?

    Courtship//picking up woman just like any other skill... like drawing, sports, writing, math, martial arts, etc... require SKILL that can only be acquired through PRACTICE.

    Once upon a time, I was this guy who would stammer and freeze up like an idiot when he talks to a woman.

    Before you "court" or "pickup", you need to develop CONFIDENCE first. Once upon a time, I was this ultra-shy guy... who was even too shy to ask for an extra napkin from a restaurant... from women who are paid to be of service.

    But now, I can look woman in the eye... I can talk to strangers in the bus and people are gonna think that we're friends from a long time already.
    perhaps the hurt you've felt from panliligaw is a call from god for you to take on another approach.

    This is one thing I think I agree with you on.

    There was this woman whom I loved with my heart yet she shattered it in return. I swear I was pushed to a breaking point. To a point in where I was already holding the knife and aiming it at my throat. As in I was feeling so inferior that I deserve to die.

    But I refused to lose. I think that thats a message from God to MAKE A MAN OUT OF YOURSELF!!!

    After practicing chatting up people in public places, I've made a lot of new friends. From a complete lame excuse of a man, I think that I'm even at an advantage compared to other men... cuz I'm more confident than most of my friends.

    Aside from socializing more, I learned to exercise more. Do jogging, eat less fattening foods, do some weights in the gym... all that self-improvement stuff.

    Before the pickup (or "courting" as you'd call it), a man must first know how to love himself. The more you love yourself, the more women you'll be able to pickup.

    No wonder... why players and jerks.... who love themselves too much... get lots and lots of women.

    And whenever I'm in a bad mood... since I get flashes of depression sometimes (but not as often as I had as an average frustrated chump)... I just cant talk to anybody.

    Its because at that point in time, I hate myself. Howdya expect me to attract women or even other people to bemy friend?
  • QuentinQuentin PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    for a guy you talk a lot
  • queenkatiequeenkatie PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    Originally posted by Quentin
    for a guy you talk a lot

    :D
  • st.angerst.anger PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    2) After trying to impress her for a long time, and she says "NO!" how would you feel? And if you think in terms of "you impressing her," you are just giving her power. "Pinaasa niya lang ako... letseng pag-ibig tooooo diyos koooo ano ba naman ito diba [email protected]!na... nagmuka akong *****..."

    ladies, pls don't do this.
  • LaTtE`MLaTtE`M PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Originally posted by Quentin
    for a guy you talk a lot

    For someone who has "seen the truth", he makes too many threads. :glee:
  • st.angerst.anger PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    ^ the truth must be told
  • QuentinQuentin PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    in volumes like these? :glee:
  • st.angerst.anger PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    ^ truth can be dragging
  • Okay...

    I am the one who talks too much... :)



    Quentin = 6103 (3.80 posts per day)

    Latie M = 10213 (6.90 posts per day)

    kYuPoL = 868 (0.57 posts per day)

    :rolleyes:
  • st.angerst.anger PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    :flamer: :chainsaw:

    fight!!!
  • QuentinQuentin PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    ^ oh not really. i'm sure even you can figure out how incredibly dumb that was :glee:
  • Hehe Pexer pala si April Boy Regino ikaw ba yan kyupol?

    :teehee:

    okay naman ang panliligaw ha? mas safe ang mga women sa mga predators and maganda lang sana ang criteria nila and they have backup :glee: measures and responsible sila sa "feelings" nila. na yan naman talaga ang target ng mga guys para makuha ang loob ng girl sa panliligaw eh.

    still mind over heart.

    If ever the guy is a hypocrite then think kung you still wanna be with him, help him out, work out the relationship all the bells and whistles etc. etc.
  • ^ oh not really. i'm sure even you can figure out how incredibly dumb that was

    Hahaha. Nice one.
  • LaTtE`MLaTtE`M PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    I said threads not posts, silly :glee:

    If you had read the "courtship stage" thread a few thousand posts of mine ago, I've long before said the same things as you did.

    But I won't start the thread on my own.
  • Sana as early as 2004, nabasa ko na ito
  • ^ pwede pa naman icontinue ang discussion. buhay pa naman si April Boy Regino. pero dahil sa naluma na ang panahon, hindi na yata uso ang himutok ni kYuPoL sa generation natin ngayon.
Sign In or Register to comment.