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I hate you.

I hate you for making me feel so uncertain about so many things that I did not use to question. I hate you for making me assume so many unrealistically wonderful thoughts about us. I hate you for letting me think of and analyze even the most absurd things. I hate you for making me set utopian expectations about tomorrow. I hate you for making me an eternal prisoner of my own selfish dreams. I hate you for teaching me that the greatest potential for joy has the greatest potential for pain. I hate you for letting me suffer without you knowing the torture that I have been undergoing just because of you. I hate you for giving me a blissful experience, and making me yearn for it.

I hate you for unconsciously showing me my unknown weaknesses. I hate you for making me realize that my life—that I once thought is stable—is the exact opposite of stability. I hate you because you are the only one who can control me, effortlessly make me depressed, or euphoric—or both at the same time—whatever you want me to feel. I hate you for making me lost—mentally pensive and deafeningly speechless—in the midst of a casual conversation. I hate you for making every vital part of me drastically weak.

I hate you for making me obsessively dependent on your existence. I hate you for being able to see the real you and perpetually appreciating your essence. I hate you for making me crave for your soft voice, your expressive eyes and long eyelashes, the delicate curves of your face, the unpredictable contours of your body. I hate you for having that pleasant smile, that high-spirited laugh, that heart-stopping facial reflexes. I hate you for making me miss every part of you.

I hate you for keeping me worried about you even if you seem to disregard my presence. I hate you for magnifying my need to be loved without actually loving me. I hate you for making me emotionally connected with you. Without fully realizing it immediately. Without preparing for something I did not expect. Without enough energy for avoiding the undeniable truth. I hate you for not seeing the light while I already dropped the lucid signs. I hate you for fearing the endless possibilities if we spend the rest of our lives together. I hate you for hindering the chance of feeling love in its truest sense. I hate you for triggering my pessimistic side and slapping me the truth that I cannot obtain the priceless things I always wanted but will never be mine. I hate you for not giving me the assurance that you love me back. I hate you for making me feel a strong but one-directional feeling. I hate you for making me realize that life is brutally unfair.

I hate you for making me feel this weird hatred that I could not hurt you. I hate you for making me weak, helpless and stupid. I hate you because I can do nothing but hurt myself more. I hate you. Very much.

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-->~s7even

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