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Lost Friendships

AdaAda Administrator PEx Moderator
Have you ever given up on a friendship because you believed that the two of your were better off without each other? I finally gave up on this friend the other day. Although I think it’s the best for both of us, my conscience is still bugging me. A part of me keeps saying I should at least try and patch things up, and yet there’s a part of me that says to just let go. Have you ever given up on a friend, and what were the circumstances?

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Comments

  • maybe U just need some space.. and time to pull and balance your feeling for that friend.. I dunno..
  • I don't believe in giving up on friends. Because, I've always believed that a true friend should not and would not give up on his/her friend for whatever reason.

    Though it is true that sometimes I feel like giving up on one or two of my friends, my conscience keeps telling me that what if I was in his/her shoes and my friend whom I count on just gave up on me?
  • IraIra PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    I gave up on a very, very good friend when I was in medical school, because I didn't get along the guy she ended up with. She made lots of efforts to fix things up with us, but I never met her halfway. Finally, she gave up.

    Looking back, I deeply regret not trying to patch things up with her. I miss her a lot, and mutual friends tell me that she asks about me still. However, the awkwardness will always remain between us.

    While there are a few relationships that should have closure, most true friendships should be kept alive, and disagreements patched. It wouldn't really be friendship without the differences in opinion and the forgiving, would it? If you're torn between trying to patch things up and just giving up, I suggest that you patch things up. It's better to try now and see if things will get back on the same footing, rather than not try at all and wonder or regret about what might have been.
  • it's been said that friends don't give up on each other, but it's difficult when you're the only who's doing everything. i had a friend, okay, i dont know if we were friends. i made a lot of effort to be in touch with her, to be there for her, until i finally gave up, coz it seems to me that she showed no interest at all. i don't know, maybe i had my own faults too. before, i had ill feelings towards her, now, she's just a memory, a person from the past.

    if you both live your lives apart, i mean, if remaining friends doesn't make any difference in your lives and there's no mutual value for the friendship, then you could just let it fade. no communication is a damn good way of ending a friendship, but it doesn't hold true for everybody. it really depends on what you expect from the other person. it's disappointing if you have set expectations for a friend and that friend doesn't live up to it, it could ruin the friendship. i guess, that was the case for me. i had set expectations for that friend of mine and she didn't meet them. sometimes i get to her nerves bec. i get sarcastic, then there's no more communication. i stopped calling and visiting and she did too. i don't know, we did that before, but then we talked again. i don't know what will happen this time, if it's for real or it's just another lull period. we have lived our lives separately and independently for quite sometime now, maybe that's why we are like that, that's why we treat each other, our friendship that way.

    Ada: it's really up to both of you. if you're really friends, you could make it work no matter how hard and whatever pain you both might feel and experience. just remember, BOTH OF YOU, not you alone or the other friend alone, it's supposed to be MUTUAL.
  • AdaAda Administrator PEx Moderator
    What if your friend thinks that he's always right and can do no wrong, and no amount of reasoning will work with him? I just feel so tired of making all these excuses for him, trying to make the friendship work, saying sorry all the time even if I've done nothing wrong, all for the sake of keeping us friends. Isn't there a limit when you just say "Enough already. I've had it!" and just walk away? Or should you continue fighting for the friendship even if you think that in losing it, you're doing the two of you a favor?
  • sue for time to reflect ... the wound's still fresh, let it heal, then decide ...

    personally, i don't close doors on friendships ... those that r not meant to endure die painlessly anyway ...

    be a friend to the end, just don't expect to be friends for life ...
  • IraIra PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Ada, it's really up to you whether you feel that the friendship is worth saving. There's no right or wrong move, and if you feel like you're ready to call it quits with him, then go ahead.
  • Personally, I think friends should stay as friends and all doors should be left open if either needs to go back in. You don't necessarily have to be too close all the time but that door of friendship shouldn't be shut close either.
    When you can abandon somebody, it either means he/she wasn't a friend in the first place or you weren't really his/her friend to be realistic about it.

    When are you a friend Ada?
    Only when the sea is smooth?
    Can't you be available for help when the storm is raging?
  • I don't give up on friends, they give up on me...
  • wow. what a timely topic!

    i haven't talked to this friend of mine for six months. he couldn't accept my apologies and i got tired of reaching out to him. god knows i hate losing a friend, but what can i do? nothing. nothing but accept the fact that i've hurt a friend.

    now i heard that his dad is dying of cancer... as much as i'd like to be there for their family, i'd rather keep my distance for awhile. for now all i can offer is my prayers.



    [This message has been edited by wolverine (edited 12-17-1999).]
  • Ada: I hope you're not talking about me, hehehe. Kumusta na?

    I have this friend - we haven't been friends for a long time so we didn't have this opportunity to really gel, but as friendships go we hit it off real big. Then we had this very serious altercation. I thought then that was it. I have this simple system of classifying the relationships I develop with others - either you are a friend for life or just sort of an acquiantance, one you meet in the natural course of things. Of course there is a happy ending to this or I wouldn't be relating this right? By chance we meet again and it was as if nothing happened. I guess I'm saying that if what bonded you both still has relevance to the both of you then the friendship is worth saving. Just give it time.
  • AdaAda Administrator PEx Moderator
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me guys. I haven't given up hope that one day my friend and I will get back what we once had. I haven't closed the door on our friendship -- I would never do that. Like some of you said, maybe we just need to spend some time apart so we can truly test if this friendship is for keeps.

    Ham: Nope, it's not you. You're one of the nicest guys on the planet. <;g>;
  • Err... what's the catch? Do I have to buy you iced tea or pizza? Grabe gising ka pa?
  • Giving up on friends isn't one thing I'm really inclined to doing. I prefer giving them the space and time they need to shape up and to think about where their life is going.
  • AdaAda Administrator PEx Moderator
    Ham: I'm on graveyard shift. Oh, pizza would be nice. ;)

    I'm happy to report that my friend and I have patched up things between us. He apologized for what he did and I forgave him. The end.
  • *hugs ada. pwera chancing.* buti bati na kayo ng friend mo. :)

    ako, di ko pa din nakakausap yung friend ko. i heard he moved out his apartment because his dad is really sick and dying. now he's staying with his folks again. i'd really like to help him and his family... but the thing is, i don't know if he'd take my helping hand. magbe-birthday pa naman yung tao next week. :( :( :(
  • AdaAda Administrator PEx Moderator
    wolverine: Thanks for the hug. :) Maybe now's the time to try and talk to your friend. Perhaps he's had a change of heart after 6 months. You'll never know unless you give it a try right? And I'm sure with his dad's cancer, he needs all the love and support he can get right now.
  • siguro panahon na ang makakapagpabalik sa dating tamis ng pagkakaibigan. kasi tulad ng nangyari sa aming magkaibigan mahigit isang taon kaming hindi nagpapansinan. nagalit siya sa akin kasi hindi niya nagugustuhan yung ginagawa ko, tapos nung saka ko narealize na mali nga humingi na ako ng sorry pero matigas siya edi nagmatigas na rin ako. hanggang graduation(elem) na namin hindi parin niya ako pansin. miss na miss ko na siya noon tapos hanggang nagusap kami tapos ayun okay na kami hanggang ngayon close parin kami pareho kaming taga DLSU at minsan sabay kaming umuwi.

    kung talagang gusto mong mabuo yung pagkakaibigan ninyo mahirap kung ikaw lang ang maygusto pero syempre kung gusto mo talaga gagawa ka ng paraan pero kung ayaw pa niya bigyan mo siya ng panahon, pati ikaw bigyan mo yung sarili mo ng panahon para magisip kung worthy ba talaga tong taong ito na pilit mong gustong makasa bilang kaibigan. Sarap magkaroon ng kaibigang pangmatagalan .
  • I've personally not given up on friends.. but circumstances sometimes make us lead different lives and we end up losing touch..... or differences just end up appearing and subconsiously, you drift apart......
  • Originally posted by Ira
    I gave up on a very, very good friend when I was in medical school, because I didn't get along the guy she ended up with. She made lots of efforts to fix things up with us, but I never met her halfway. Finally, she gave up.

    Looking back, I deeply regret not trying to patch things up with her. I miss her a lot, and mutual friends tell me that she asks about me still. However, the awkwardness will always remain between us.

    While there are a few relationships that should have closure, most true friendships should be kept alive, and disagreements patched. It wouldn't really be friendship without the differences in opinion and the forgiving, would it? If you're torn between trying to patch things up and just giving up, I suggest that you patch things up. It's better to try now and see if things will get back on the same footing, rather than not try at all and wonder or regret about what might have been.


    if i werent me, id think i was u...the exact thing happened to me except that i never was in med school...

    now i really miss the bestest friend ive ever had...
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