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Confessions and Perceptions

Why confessions and perceptions?
I just want to share my views, to tell my deepest darkest secrets and longings. I don’t want to use the blog. I don’t have any reasons why I chose to post my insights here. Maybe because here I’m an unknown entity, I don’t really exist. I’m just a name with out a face. Like a phantom or a shadow, nobody can criticize or hurt me but I hope someone out there somebody will care for a phantom. Someone who will share his or her secrets and dreams. A person who might contradict but respect a phantoms perceptions. Someone whom a phantom can call friend.


082503
1957

Last night I’m chatting with a friend. I want to stop him talking about coitus. It was our first time to chat and I want to talk about life or other things except coitus. Oh don’t get me wrong I love doing “it” or talking about sexual prowess or anything about sex but last night was different. My mom told me I’m a selfish man it was painful to hear this words from my mom. Truth really hurts and I thank her for hurting me because now I’m doing my best to change her perception about me. When I mentioned this personal tidbit to my friend, he disregarded this and again he talked about sex. I was disappointed, I thought there’s something between the two of us I was wrong. When I told him to change our topic he asked me what’s the reason why I changed my plans, I changed my plans because I wanted to be good for my crush. My crush helped me understand and love myself. This person ignited something within me that I can’t describe. I started living again. My crush doesn’t know I exist and that’s fine with me. Someday I’m going to post my thoughts about my crush.


My confession and perception for the day

Being gay doesn’t mean being promiscuous. For just a second forget the stereotypes. I tend to love men not women and that’s the only thing that differentiates me from all of you. I’m also human like the rest of you. Being out of the “closet” (here in PEx) doesn’t mean I’m going to wear women’s clothes or act like a girl. I’m a guy; I act and punch like a man the only difference is I adore men.
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Comments

  • welcome to Pex...

    :)
  • sky clad :wave:

    welcome sa Personals :)

    wala namang problema about ur sexuality, as long as ur nice ;)

    :handsdown: for being out of the "closet" dito sa PEx... a brave act indeed...
  • 082603
    1418

    “The meaning of life is us trying to be perfect but we can’t be perfect all the time so we must also accept our imperfections”

    I know it’s just an idiot box series but the story is so sweet and I can’t help myself to write about it. It really touches a chord in me. One of the stories is about a professor who hooked up with her ex-lover and thanks to an old dimwitted colleagues intervention they’re back with each other’s arms again. This reminded me that we must give people a chance to prove themselves again and again because in every person who hurt us there’s also something good inside a person’s heart. We must give those people another chance because we don’t know what we’re missing, but you can only come across this concept in a perfect world. It’s really hard to forget those we loved who impaired our emotions. It’s really easy to forgive but its tough to forget.

    Unforgettable line “ I loved another man but not as much as I loved you…” I can’t remember what exactly the guy replied to that statement but the gist of it is something like…wondering about a lost love if she is the one who’s fated for him.


    · It's often difficult to gain acceptance. People don't understand, and it's human nature to reject things they don't understand.


    · Not all gay people were limp wristed and spoke with a lisp J
  • I'm going back to school because I'm bored with my life. I'm tired of being a professional bum. It's been two years since I graduated from an unknown College. I took a 6 months hiatus before studying for my licensure exam and when I passed the 3rd most difficult licensure exam here in this God forsaken country nobody wants to hire me. I'm just another number in the statistics. Thank God my parents can provide for me but I'm tired of watching the idiot box 24/7 or reading my books (novels). I hate it when I'm asking my mom to buy me a prepaid. it's so embarassing but I need to be connected with my friends or I'm going to be insane.Well I'm already insane. I did something foolish yesterday. I send a PM to someone asking that person to be my confessor. I did so many psychotic acts because of my boredom. I'm a nut case a candidate for bedlam......


    Thank you for the warm welcome jaypogi and wonder chaser its nice of you to drop by and say those welcoming words I hope I'll see your name here in my thread sharing some views and dark secrets....:D


    Not all gay people were limp wristed and spoke with a lisp
  • 082703
    1135

    Because of my sexuality I always think I have to be on my guard more than the others


    Il Libretto, La vita e bella

    Romantic song from the movie 'South Pacific', its very apt for what I’m feeling today…

    'Younger Than Springtime'

    "I touch your hands and my heart goes strong Like a pair of birds that
    burst with song My eyes look down at your lovely face And I hold a world in
    my embrace"

    "Younger than springtime, are you Softer than starlight, are you Warmer
    than winds of June Are the gentle lips you gave me

    Gayer than laughter, are you Sweeter than music, are you Angel and lover
    Younger than springtime are you Softer than starlight are you Warmer than
    winds of June Are the gentle lips you gave me

    Gayer than laughter are you Sweeter than music are you Angel and lover
    Heaven and earth Are you to me"

    "And when your youth and joy invade my arms And fill my heart As now they
    do

    Then

    Younger than springtime am I Gayer than laughter am I Angel and lover
    Heaven and earth Am I with you"

    "Heaven and Earth Are you to me And when your youth and joy Invade my arms
    And fill my heart As now they do

    Then younger than springtime, am I Gayer than laughter, am I Angel and
    lover Heaven and Earth Am I with you"


    "I'm as corny as Kansas in August, High as a flag on the fourth of July,
    I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love With a
    wonderful guy." (in my dreams……..)
  • Welcome to PEx sky clad... :)

    a brave act indeed to share your longings...your secret desires here at pex, i guess everyone of us has its own secret desires...for some reasons, we doom to curb our self and let these desires dwell into our thoughts...pother that once we open the lock of our desires, ppl might judge us and worst, hate us for that matter.
    “The meaning of life is us trying to be perfect but we can’t be perfect all the time so we must also accept our imperfections”

    this is so true. for one to live a fulfilled life, one must regard and admit that nobody is perfect. being that, our life can never be perfect. we should accept our weaknesses, our limitations for that reminds us that we are humans...somehow, our imperfections are the things that make us beautiful... :)
    This reminded me that we must give people a chance to prove themselves again and again because in every person who hurt us there’s also something good inside a person’s heart.

    I abhor hypocrisy, and though i admit that more often than not giving other ppl a second...a third..or a forth chance is hard to take...but still like Pollyanna(a too-good-to-be-true kid who always saw something good about everything), i would like to believe that no matter how awful...no matter how many times ppl around us hurt, betrayed, deceit us, always there is a good side of things...and that no matter how bad we thought this person who hurt us, as you've said, there is always something good inside of this person. We just have to open our eyes wide enough to see and find the goodness in him/her.
    Not all gay people were limp wristed and spoke with a lisp J

    definitely true :)

    hope to see you around sky clad :)
    and good luck to you :)
    hope we can be friends...deym, i so miss my "gay" friends back at home...
    see yah.... :drive:
  • 082703
    1903

    Communiqu? (from BBC)

    Skilled people here in our country are lured by prosperous country due to higher compensation. Experts predicted that in 5 years healthcare services In our country will be in utter chaos due to lack of healthcare providers, because of these future problem our (disgusting) government are asking the WHO regulate the migrating trend of skilled workers.

    I understand the plight of my colleagues. Who can blame them; they only want to improve their lives.

    When I was deciding what course I?m going to take, I chose a healthcare provider course with the wrong intentions. I want to go abroad to escape this God forsaken country, earn dollars and to top it all I?m going to be involved in providing care to all the good looking Caucasians. These are my evil intentions, I thank God even if I had wrong intentions I passed all the exams needed for me to become a professional healthcare provider (and I hope He will continue in blessing me with good grades when I?m going to enter medical school, now with good intentions).

    A couple of years ago when I was an intern we were assigned in a community where we give free treatment to our less fortunate brothers and sisters. These people who live in shanty?s with almost nothing to eat and who were suffering from medical illnesses helped me realize that I was ?called? in my profession to serve the people of God by alleviating their pain or helping them cope up with their disabilities. Back then some of my co-interns are just fooling around, maybe because our schedule was so toxic and we were always tired so instead of giving these patients the proper care that they are entitled some interns lie to these people and just go back to their quarters and rest or do some paper works. When we were interns it?s really hard to do the right thing when everyone is fooling around. I did also some foolish things especially when it comes to paper works that in my humble opinion our inconsequential but I always give my patients the fitting treatment even if it takes the whole day to administer their needs. When I take care of these people I feel their gratitude and it was a blissful feeling whenever you see these patients improving. It was different when I?m nursing ?privilege patients?, I also feel happy when these type of patients improve or when we achieve our medical goals but it was not as fulfilling when I?m helping less fortunate people. Because of these very exhausting but gratifying two months of helping the needy my purpose as a healthcare provider where forever changed.

    Whenever a friend or a colleague ask me if I?m going to practice my profession or have a plan to work abroad, I always answer ?I?m more needed here, I want to serve my countrymen? it sounds ?plastic? but this is the reason why I?m still here, to bring goodwill in this God forsaken country. I care for my countrymen but I still abhor this country.

    Living a lie is always a prescription for disaster
  • hellow!:wave:
  • SoPhlst :wave:
    Thank you for gracing my thread with your insights about
    "Imperfections makes us beautiful" that was another way of seeing our imperfections, with this thought in my mind I can see myself in a new light. Maybe someday this may help me love myself more.


    To answer your comment about revealing my sexuality here...
    I'm a coward
    Pex is a good place to reveal things that I cant do when I'm in the real world its because nobody knows who I am so I can post all things that I feel without fear. Writing my thoughts, perception is my therapy.


    I also hope that you'll be my friend and to see you here in Pex so we could exchange/share our insights.

    Twas really nice to see you here, thank you for the warm welcome and for wishing me luck

    God bless and may you have happy days ahead

    Until our next correspondence…



    The world can be an ugly and disheartening place for any couple, gay or straight. It's always been the lovers against the haters
  • Skilled people here in our country are lured by prosperous country due to higher compensation. Experts predicted that in 5 years healthcare services In our country will be in utter chaos due to lack of healthcare providers, because of these future problem our (disgusting) government are asking the WHO regulate the migrating trend of skilled workers.
    I understand the plight of my colleagues. Who can blame them; they only want to improve their lives.

    I certainly understand where youre coming from. Indeed with the current situation of our country, it is right to say that nothing seems to be going right. The peso is falling, the never-ending corruption that sad to say entirely eats the whole government of this country... and for us, we remain hopeless (and poor).

    Not a surprise for me if more of our countrymen would seek GREENER pastures elsewhere. And I, myself have nothing against with it. But it put me into much grief when i hear most of our ppl saying its hopeless back there. That life would be better and RICHER elsewhere. Philippines may be in its hardest time but as said, if youre DOWN...there is no other way but UP. Certainly it will take A LOT OF TIME...A LOT OF WORK and A LOT OF CHANGE...

    well enough of this :P
    I'm a coward. Pex is a good place to reveal things that I cant do when I'm in the real world its because nobody knows who I am so I can post all things that I feel without fear. Writing my thoughts, perception is my therapy

    I have to agree with that one. Somehow this online "journal" help us to express our thoughts with all honesty and make us feel a little better about ourselves. Things that we wished we could do in the real world.
    But what we have in reality is a very judgemental world. Being that, we cloak ourselves inside the closet and wish that one day...we''ll be out soon.

    I have a friend back here who hide his true "self" for several years from his parents, to some of his friends (minus me) and even sadly, he tried to convince his SELF that he isnt supposed to be the person that he thinks he is. I do understand his plight. He was scared of rejection. Rejection from his family, from his friends and to the society that he have loved so much. I became his confidante. Once in a while, i would see him cry. Ive seen him lonely and heart broken. It has been an agony for him living inside a closet, every day it has become more and more of a burden for him.
    But one day, he finally have this strength and the courage to come out of his closet...And we were so happy because it turned out okie in the end. Although his parents were shocked..they eventually accepted the fact the my friend was gay.

    If homosexual wasn't such a taboo and if the "society" had learned to accept and respect the fact that they exist... And if the society, "Christianity" and our parents have not set up such overwhelming pressures...things might have been different. I wouldn't have seen my friend in such sorrow and difficulties, you wouldn't have the need to use Pex in that regard.

    I wish nothing more but for you to be able to be free in that "bondage"... Always remember even if you weren't the person that your family have known for years...You are and will always be the same person they have known. And accepting and loving you isn't predicated on you being a gay and behaving in a certain "fashion"

    Goodluck to you and Godbless :)

    see yahhh :drive:
    byeee :wave:
  • Innovative prose up front (WIO series)

    Terminally Ill
    “Most medical people don't know how to handle the inevitability of death. We’re trained to heal. Death is a defeat we rather not face”. Fortunately in my two years of being a rehabilitation specialist nobody died in my care. I had a co-intern who experienced a patient died during their treatment session. I don’t know what will happen to me (emotionally) if I’m in my co-interns position. Every time this situation crossed my mind I shudder.
    I was assigned to a geriatric hospice and I enjoyed working there. Every morning we take the sisters to sunbathe and do their exercises, reminiscing the scenes never fail to bring a smile in my lips. My patients are all old I think the oldest is 101 and she’s blind and always complained of fatigue, most of my patient had a memory problem. It was a very exhausting job. One time I treated 3 patients at the same time, one is screaming due to pain, the other one is mute due to stroke and the last one is deaf because of old age. It was a very chaotic situation but I enjoyed it. Sometimes when I rehabilitate my patient I sing or I say soothing words when they’re in pain and I get so much satisfaction whenever I see them smile or when I give them a hug. They are old and I know and feel that their last act-- in a play called life-- is coming to an end. “Dying is a lonely work” and I believe I’m blessed because in my profession I can “bond” with these patients. I hope I can give these patients the care and the love that they need so they don’t feel alone during their last days here on earth. They endured so much suffering and I hope in my little own way I can alleviate some of their pain and loneliness. I don’t really know why I want to do this kind of work but I guess it’s because I know the pain and the loneliness that they’re suffering and I suppose by helping these terminally ill patients somehow I can also assuage the loneliness that I feel…I believe if this is my intention of helping people it’s a very selfish notion maybe someday I’ll know the reason why I want to help terminally ill patients but now it makes me happy to be of help to them.
    Giving care to old people is a gift just as me being gay. I consider gayness as gift because if it isn’t I will hate me. Hatred will destroy me, which will generate more suffering to those people who cares for me (I hope someone out there cares for me).


    “Grief the feeling you have when someone dies or when our ideal mental image of someone dies. But it isn't just loss of people or our ideas about them that we grieve. We can grieve almost anything we perceive as negative. We grieve sometimes when we fail to achieve an important task, we grieve the failure to attain our dreams, we grieve loss of health, we grieve loss of wealth, and we grieve the loss of relationships. We can grieve a change in our sense of self. We can grieve the loss of anything we prize when it's taken away. And if we allow it to, grief can destroy us, inch by inch, until there is nothing left but a bitter shell. Every joy in life can become ashes when grief defines us. And most of mankind is deeply grieving one thing or another, and suffering because of it. Unfortunately, people get stuck in the grief process, and never make it back on track to enjoy life.”
  • SoPhlst :wave:

    Twas nice to see you again :D
    He was scared of rejection. Rejection from his family, from his friends and to the society that he have loved so much

    This is the main reason why I'm scared to come out to my family and my friends. I was rejected many times. I thought this will numb the effect on me because i experienced rejection over and over again but I was wrong. It only became worster and worster, its like a Cancer cell that when it keeps on multiplying the patient will feel so much pain that s/he wished s/he was dead so that the pain will stop.

    See when I told you I'm a coward I really am a coward :(
    "I wish nothing more but for you to be able to be free in that "bondage"... Always remember even if you weren't the person that your family have known for years...You are and will always be the same person they have known. And accepting and loving you isn't predicated on you being a gay and behaving in a certain "fashion"."

    Thank you my dear :D reading your response made me ponder about my situation. I already told my sister about my sexuality and she's still in denial (this is supposed to be my line), she always changes the topic when our conversation is about homosexuality. We argued about the morality of my situation. She's a tolerant person when it comes to homosexuality but in my case it’s not tolerable. I'm still praying that someday she'll accept me.
    My best friend also prays for my soul that someday (in the so near future) I will be enlightened and be "straight" again. When we see each other she always pair me with a girl. I love her so much and I understand her misgivings about homosexuality...I hate to blame the gay stereotypes but because of them its very difficult to come out and be accepted, maybe I'm also to blame with this because I'm a weakling.
    My close friends know I'm gay but they're all living in the metro and we just communicate trough text messages and phone calls.
    I have a handful of gay acquaintances but I have no gay friends who're living here in our province.
    I really have no one to talk to but thanks to YOU and PEx everything is change.


    Coming out of the closet- a day for beginning the road to acceptance for all concerned, or else the first step into an angry and despised rejection by those closest to those concerned.

    Things are improving to some degree out there for gays, but chances are we're going to have to work a lot harder to do what we want to do than anybody else. It's not right, but that's the way it is.
  • sky clad :wave:

    A sad misapprehension of the society with gays is that something must have been wrong with them. that being gay would make them a totally different person. Some would even consider them immoral knowing the stereotype concept of a gay and that would be having lisp when talking, womanish walk, limp wrist and so on... knowing that, ppl then judge gays incongruously.

    Coming out of the closet and honestly telling the ppl around them is the hardest and the scariest part. For there are only two things after the "coming out" that'll occur...Acceptance...and rejection. You might wonder how much i understand these stuff...honestly, it was all because of my friend. He opened my eyes and he let me understand how hard it is for ppl like him battles the misconception abt gays. And with that, I had much respect to him and to ppl like him.
    This is the main reason why I'm scared to come out to my family and my friends

    I think for all of us, hurting our family, our friends and the ppl that we love most is the last thing in our mind... Because we love them, we are so scared and afraid that we might disappoint them and the possibility of loosing our relationship with them.

    People might have associated the term "coming out of the closet" to mostly gays, atheists and those who are considered deviant in their own social group. But i know its not only them who hides in their closet... Everyone of us does so. Everyone...and that includes me as well. Somehow i painted a mask so i'll be "perfect" to the eyes of the people that i love much. And like you and same as those who hide themselves inside the closet...im hoping that one day...ill be out freely.

    While some of our reasons for hiding might be valid, but the reasons for coming out FAR OUTWEIGH those for hiding. I know like you i am hiding a part of myself because of fear of rejection as a result of this, those who love me are SO ignorant.

    You are entitled of your own happiness like everybody else. It is important for you just as it is important for your family. But as my friend told me and his family, "I will not live my life in a way just to make you happy. Because that in turn would make me unhappy."

    Being a gay doesnt change who you are because "IT IS" who you are. If one day you'll finally be out in your closet...remember that it doesnt change you a bit as a person that your family have known... the only difference is that they know MORE about you. It just happen to be something that has just been kept a secret for years..

    well then..good luck to you..and to me as well :)

    i'll see yah around... hafta eat dinner :)

    c'iao :wave:
  • 082703
    1442

    Perception of mine

    I think I’m a ba$tard and a b!+ch. I’m flirting with my girl friend who don’t have an idea that I’m gay. I’m sending her signals that I like her, well I like her but not in a romantic way. I want her as a sibling. I think she like me but maybe I’m wrong she’s my friend since we were toddler. I had a crush on her when we were in grade school. Our teachers always tease us that we look good as a couple and when I’m depressed and feeling lonely I want to court her just to have someone whom I can cuddle with here in my cold bed. I’m tired of being alone but even though these thoughts crossed my mind I’m not going to pursue this pure madness. I’m not insane to hurt somebody I care. When I said I’m a ***** maybe I really am because I’m also flirting with a guy friend who’s attracted to a married guy who left his wife to court this friend of mine (this guy who married his wife is a bas+ard).

    After writing these thoughts I think I’m neither a ba$tard nor a bi+ch because this mindless thoughts just crossed my psyche when I’m bored. Boredom is really a sin due to boredom my mind wonders, if I’m not thinking about evil deeds my thoughts are on lustful things. I should be punished.


    Confession for the day

    Writing is the only way I can express my thoughts and emotions. I’m a person who listen I can’t contribute my thoughts through verbal communication, I’m not a good talker because I’m afraid of committing a mistake in front of people, I’m afraid of rejection…. hmmm a classic case of low self esteem.


    Confession is good for the soul.
  • SoPhlst I dont know what to say, I cant write a thing that could encompass what i'm feeling right now (after reading your response). I'm in a state of bliss because finally someone understand what I'm going through.

    Thank you for sharing your insights.

    what a great feeling it was to be with someone with whom there were no barriers, no secrets, no defenses
  • hey sky clad :wave:
    (hehehe :lol: its me again)
    I’m sending her signals that I like her, well I like her but not in a romantic way. I want her as a sibling.
    Quite honestly, this is what i hate about guys. (or maybe its us to be blame). We always ask for signs for us to know if this particular guy like us, and if they did...We rejoice and jump our fatty *****$ out only to find out later that they are not... they are just being... uhm... "FRIENDLY' and "NICE" (what the??? :confused: ) oh bloody mary, Men really are from Mars (as Women are from Venus).
    After writing these thoughts I think I’m neither a ba$tard nor a bi+ch because this mindless thoughts just crossed my psyche when I’m bored. Boredom is really a sin due to boredom my mind wonders, if I’m not thinking about evil deeds my thoughts are on lustful things. I should be punished
    :evilgrin: :grindvl:
    Thank you for sharing your insights.
    You are welcome sky clad :) I have fun actually...being able to share my thoughts with you. Its very odd to know that for some reason i had a "strange" friend online, someone whom i can share my thoughts as well. I thank you too my friend, for giving me this chance :)

    One of our friend finally have the courage to come out of the closet...the other day, we even have a "goodluck" party for him. He has a very "light" personality. He never take things that serious for that matter. In the group, he was always considered as the "Clown"...but for the first time, i saw him quite serious...he too was troubled if coming out (at last!) of the closet would make things better if not...worse.

    Because he was that of a joker...even telling his family, he josh about it. After dinner...while everybody is talking...having fun and whatnot...he barged in, and told everybody that he does have CANCER...that the doctors told him he does have tumor in his brain and it was too late for an operation... Then everybody was silent...then he brake the ice by telling that it was all joke... if i rmmber correctly he did say "Oh cmon guys...im only kidding...IM GAY actually..." Then everybody laugh and hug him...another free man huh? :P
    Confession is good for the soul.
    Indeed... Its healthy for us, emotionally, mentally and spiritually

    Just a thought:
    No matter what it costs you, if its what you want...Dont be afraid to pay the price. For sometimes we have to pay some pretty high prices just for the cause of it... :)

    God Bless :D
    see yah :wave:
  • Hi again... :wave:

    I practically have nothing to do today so here i am (again)...sitting my *****$ infront of my computer...Its very cloudy outside and it seems that everything is so quiet, so dull and so boring. I came back btw to share a very interesting story with you about the Golden Buddha which i hope would help you in your process of making a decisions with regards of coming out in the open.

    So here it goes...

    Back in 1957 a group of monks from a monastery had to relocate a clay Buddha from their temple to a new location. The monastery was to be relocated to make a room for the development of a highway through Bangkok. When the crane began to lift the giant idol, the wieght of it was so tremendous that it began to crack. What's more, rain began to fall. The head monk, who was concenred about damage to the sacred Buddha, decided to lower the statue back to the ground and cover it with a large canvas trap to protect it from the rain.

    Later that evening the head monk went to check on the Buddha. He shined his flaslight under the tarp to see if the Buddha was staying dry. As the lgiht reached the crack, he noticed a little gleam shining back and thought it strange. As he took a closer look at this gleam of light, he wondered if there might be some thing beneath the clay. He went to fetch a chisel and hammer from the monastery and began to chip away at the clay. As he knocked off shards of clay, the little gleam grew brighter and bigger. Many hours of labor went by before the monk stood face to face with the extraordinary solid-gold Buddha.

    Historians believe that several hundred years before the head monk's discovery, the Burmese army was about to invade Thailand (then called Siiam). The Siamese monks, realizing that their country would soon be attacked, covered their precious golden Buddha with an outer covering of clay in order to keep their treasure from being looted by the Burmese. Unfortunately, it appears that the Burmese slaughtered all the Siamese monks, and the well-kept secret of the golden Buddha remained intact until that fateful day in 1957.

    :)

    Interesting story isnt? After I have read this story, I began to think that "WE ARE ALL LIKE THE CLAY BUDDHA COVERED WITH A SHELL OF HARDNESS CREATED OUT OF FEAR, AND YET UNDERNEATH EACH OF US IS A "GOLDEN BUDDHA", A "GOLDEN ESSENCE" WHICH IS OUR REAL SELF". That somewhere along the way, as we go on in our own odyssey, we begin to cover up our true self...
    And that one day will come, when we finally start to seek and find all the barriers with in ourselves that we have built, much like the monk with the hammer and the chisel, we will discover our true essence...our true self...once again.

    hope this make some sense :)

    see yah around :wave: :)
  • 082903
    2207

    Tabernacle

    It’s been a long time since I visited the Chapel of love, when I’m there I’m with the Lord. I can feel His presence I feel peace and comforted. All my worries are transiently gone.
    When I’m with Him I sing Him praise and talk to Him. It was assuring to know that even if I cant tell to my friends my sufferings, the nightmares that plaguing my dreams, my fears and insecurities He’s always there to listen. I felt comforted when I’m with His presence. Sometimes I just keep quiet, trying to hear His voice especially when I’m in desperate need of His guidance.
    Back then, when I’m in my teens I disregarded Him, I hear mass every Sunday but just go for the attendance and to be with my friends. I hear mass for the wrong reasons but when a friend asked me to join her in seeing the Blessed Sacrament all was changed. I saw people making the sallah position and kissing the floor, I was ashamed of myself and with this realization I made a covenant with Him.

    O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee.
    My soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh also longeth after thee,
    In a barren and dry land where no water is.
    Thus have I looked for thee in the sanctuary,
    That I might behold thy power and glory.
    For thy loving-kindness is better than the life itself:
    My lips shall praise thee.
    As long as I live will I magnify thee in this manner,
    And lift up my hands in thy Name.
    My soul shall be satisfied, even as it were with marrow and fatness,
    When my mouth praiseth thee with joyful lips.
    Have I not remembered thee in my bed,
    And thought upon thee when I was waking?
    Because thou hast been my helper;
    Therefore under the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice.
    My soul hangeth upon thee;
    Thy right hand hath upholden me.
    These also that seek the hurt of my soul,
    They shall go under the earth.
    Let them fall upon the edge of the sword,
    That they may be a portion for foxes.
    But the King shall rejoice in God; all they also that swear by him shall be commended;
    For the mouth of them that speak lies shall be stopped.


    Change is good but sometimes when we’re tired and sick of the constantly changing world its nice to know that there’s a place that we can go that we know it’ll never change…the house of God, the church, a place where time is lost in eternity.
  • SoPhlst{/B] :wave:

    We always ask for signs for us to know if this particular guy like us, and if they did...We rejoice and jump our fatty *****$ out only to find out later that they are not... they are just being... uhm... "FRIENDLY' and "NICE" (what the??? ) oh bloody mary, Men really are from Mars (as Women are from Venus).

    I dont know but guys sometimes are really pain in the butt.I cant blame the ladies if they're waiting for a sign.Its really hard to deal with rejection.Its better to wait than be rejected. Where also living in a double standard society. Its not nice for the lady's reputation if she showed some signs for the guys because guys will gloat and brag about their "conquests".If a lady bragged about her relationships people will talk and she'll be branded as woman of the world.
    No matter what it costs you, if its what you want...Dont be afraid to pay the price. For sometimes we have to pay some pretty high prices just for the cause of it

    I'm going to give you a brief family history.
    My Grandpa from my father sude is a retired navy and my grandpa in my mom's side is a priest. I'm an only male and the eldest grandchild.
    Being the eldest it was engraved in me that i must be a good example for my cousins. I know there's nothing wrong about being gay but there are many bigots in our community.
    I'm afaraid to shame my family name and because of this I think I perfected the art of lying but everyday its getting harder and harder to keep the pain and the loneliness that i'm feeling, this is the price of living a life with lies.
    I'm starting to build my strength because I cant take it anylonger.
    I can feel that the end of my lies are near, i just need a little more time to ponder and I'm going to shock them with my secret.
    "WE ARE ALL LIKE THE CLAY BUDDHA COVERED WITH A SHELL OF HARDNESS CREATED OUT OF FEAR, AND YET UNDERNEATH EACH OF US IS A "GOLDEN BUDDHA", A "GOLDEN ESSENCE" WHICH IS OUR REAL SELF"

    Amen. I only hope people will see whats inside a person.

    till our next interaction.
  • hi sky clad! :wave:
    thanks for posting in my thread. :D hope you're doing great! take care and have a nice day tomorrow. :)
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