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My Pathetic (and lonely) Life

kobayashikobayashi PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
Hi there people! This will be my first time posting here, but I’ve been lurking around pinoyexchange.com for quite some time now, and I really like it here, topics are very interesting and informative, and so are the people behind those thoughts posted.

Seeing that this is the “love-courtship-marriage” forum, I have one topic to share among you, well how can I start?? First let me begin by saying that I’m depressed now, to the point of calling myself pathetic, why? Well I have this infatuation with a certain showbiz personality, ever since I saw her, I was awestruck, smitten by her lovely smile, every time I see her on TV, I just keep watching. Though I know nothing about her personally, I know off her, through the internet I’ve been getting bits and pieces of information about her, but that’s about it. Oh and by the way, she is a former bold star, but now does only sexy appearances on a daily noon time show (I can hear some of you saying “Aha! Libog lang pala yan!) well I assure you it’s not, and I assure you also that I’m not a single-lonely-perverted fan who touches himself whenever she appear on television or gets a big hard on. Yes she is a bold star, but please believe me when I say that never I had dirty thoughts about her whatsoever. Anyway, hanggang dun lang naman yun, I go on with my life, go to work, hang out with friends, have fun, but every now and then whenever I turn on the TV and catch a glimpse of her, smile nalang talaga ako, “suntok sa buwan” I would always say, as soon as I turn off the TV, she is gone, she is just a crush, a distant memory. Gone.

But all of that changed just last week, one of my closest buddies, whose family owns a nationwide retail company, called me up to tell me (albeit excitedly) that their company will hold a, kinda like nationwide profit sharing rallies and their guest performer will be HER! My crush! And that he will give me a backstage pass to meet her personally, Aba syempre ako naman, kung ano ano na ang naisip ko, saying to myself that “this is it!” “A dream come true”, “next girlfriend ko” (pathetic diba?) and every imaginable “romantic” scenario that could happen. I was like that for 3 days.

Then the big day arrived, I was early at the venue, my friend and I had a plan, may skit pa nga kami, I even prepared a speech as to how to approach her, kabado ako! Finished ata one pack of cigarettes just waiting back stage. Then her assistant came and led us to her dressing room, when I saw her, I died right there and then, she was stunning, radiant, And BEAUTIFUL!!! The assistant introduced my friend first then ako na!!! shook hands with her and I just muttered “Hi” then photo-op na, then all of a sudden about a dozen or so guys came barging inside the dressing room, from the staff, security personnel even the janitor came in to catch a glimpse of this showbiz personality! So what happened after that? Wala na, natabunan na ako, just had one picture of her and lahat nag tulakan na and all, I can’t blame them, it’s not everyday you see a sexy star diba? The assistant kinda got pissed coz of the commotion and ordered everybody out, she shouted “5 minutes till curtain call! (she was the opening number kasi eh).

Then after went na to watch the show, I was seated on front row, saw her danced and sing, kagulo mga tao, pero as for me, I was just there, just watching, didn’t actually care about her number, I was still mesmerized by her beauty and graciousness. After her number my friend dragged me again to the backstage, hoping that maybe we can still get in, and maybe do our skit again, but when we saw her, she was running na outside with her assistant behind her, entered a car, then sped away. May pupuntahan pa raw na show. And that was it.

I was devasted.

Went home shortly after that, I was all alone, quiet and in deep thought, “what might have been” Couldn’t sleep that night. My fault really, dami kasi expectation eh, kung ano ano ang iniisip. Suntok sa buwan naman talaga.

The next day I attended a wedding of one of my best friend, I cannot concentrate on the wedding, still reeling from last night’s (mis)adventure. I was really down that day. Along the way home I kept on thinking, asking myself why am I like this, I feel so pathetic talaga, but you know what? I realized that it goes beyond deeper than the showbiz personality, it exposed one of my greatest, how should I say this, fear or rather frustration, the fear of being alone. One of my favorite saying is “The greatest tragedy that can ever befall a man is the feeling of not being wanted” and simply put, I do feel that way, for years, I have been lonely, mind you there is a difference between, being alone and being lonely. How I long for companionship, true love, and just plain loving someone. I just hope that one day I will meet this special someone, one that I can love will all my heart and might.

Well that’s it, this story of mine could have been longer, I can go on and on but I think the moderators here might ban me. I feel better now, having shared my thoughts and frustrations among you.

Pasensya nalang dahil mahaba talaga, pero wala na akong masabihan at the risk of getting laugh at, well at least if your going to laugh at my story, the animosity of the internet will work for my favor.

I thank you all.
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Comments

  • :depressed:
  • Wawa naman bebe...

    Sino ba kasi yang noontime show host na yan? Tsaka anong show? Lunchbreak? Sabihin mo baka makatulong ako... o kaya baka ako yang tinutukoy mo... :-)
  • dont be sad.. magiging happy ka rin in God's time :)
  • :noevil:

    aww...sad namn...haaay..nways ngayn lng yan..u'll find d gurl na ryt for u nd she's going luv u back..wag ka mashado malungkot pare..nd dnt keep tellin urself na ur lyf iz pathetic..di magandang ugali yan..
  • LaTtE`MLaTtE`M PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    ang mga bata nga naman, kapag umiibig! :glee:
  • Originally posted by LaTtE`M
    ang mga bata nga naman, kapag umiibig! :glee:

    d man lang nagsympathize.... :hopeless:
  • Ang mga isip-bata nga naman, oo. pagdating sa mga sex threads, wala man lang maipag-maybang na magandang karanasan :glee:
  • LaTtE`MLaTtE`M PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Originally posted by lost_kitten


    d man lang nagsympathize.... :hopeless:

    Eh, I'll let him bask in the joys of growing up.

    Falling in love with celebrities included :glee:
  • dnt keep tellin urself na ur lyf iz pathetic..di magandang ugali yan..

    yes tama yan! and don't think na suntok sa buwan yan!

    "It prepares your spirit and your will, because there is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it's because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It's your mission on Earth."

    Just do it pare!!

    GoodLuck!!!
  • uhm...what do you intend to do with your pathetic and lonely life, kobayashi?
  • kobayashikobayashi PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    Thanks for the encouragement guys.

    I just try to keep myself busy, thank you for asking. Though it's kinda tough especially with the holiday season and you're just alone.

    Take it one day at a time, pray to the Lord.

    Decided that I should be the one who will make myself happy, so that no one will take that away from me.
  • LaTtE`MLaTtE`M PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Originally posted by kobayashi
    Thanks for the encouragement guys.

    I just try to keep myself busy, thank you for asking. Though it's kinda tough especially with the holiday season and you're just alone.

    Take it one day at a time, pray to the Lord.

    Decided that I should be the one who will make myself happy, so that no one will take that away from me.

    good for you dude
  • r u in love with her or its just an admiration?
  • phalluscolossusphalluscolossus PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    Eh, sino nga kasi yang boldstar na yan?! :p
  • hay nako kobayashi... i so know how you feel. pero unlike you, di naman sa celebrity...mine naman is to a good friend whose kinda engaged! and though the odds of him leaving her is zero to none... i can't seem to shake the feeling off... haay! :(
  • feeling ko si ara mina. hindi naman kaya ikaw yung stalker nya, kobayashi? :D
  • mac_bolan00mac_bolan00 PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    basta ang dalawang crush ko ngayon, si julia stiles at si love a?over. i like cute, chubby faces. :inluv:
  • Originally posted by spidervein
    feeling ko si ara mina. hindi naman kaya ikaw yung stalker nya, kobayashi? :D

    :noevil:

    wag ka na gumawa ng issue.. :glee: it aint yow business.. harhar..
  • hi there! i noe how it is to be alone and lonely....... sigh! ako nga eh... i nevr had a boyfriend for the past nineteen years of my life, not even a single suitor....... now, thats sad......... wel, thats life...... pero ngaun, naghahanap nako........ im tired of feeling this way kc...... i want this emptiness inside meeh to be filled by sum1, with love........... i noe u cant hurry love but, i really cant wait....... as the saying goes 'seek and you shall find'....... take care! :rolleyes:
  • kobayashikobayashi PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    r u in love with her or its just an admiration?

    you know, I believe that love takes time. Diba? I mean dapat talaga kilala mo na sya talaga or you've spent many moments (good and bad) with each other, accept her for who he/she is, no matter what. So with that reasoning, I don't think I'm in love with her. but....talagang iba eh! :blush: Can't stop thinking about her!

    feeling ko si ara mina. hindi naman kaya ikaw yung stalker nya, kobayashi?

    Nope it's not Ara Mina and hindi ako isang demented stalker! :lol:
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