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I'm married, She's married

Hi everyone. I'm in a romantic dilemma. I have this officemate of mine whom I've fallen in love with. I'm older by ten years. I'm married, she's married. She still doesn't know that I'm in love with her.

We're constantly together. In lunch and coffee breaks, and I walk her to the bus stop. And because of this constant togetherness, I've fallen for her. I never thought I would feel this way again. I thought this was kidstuff. I think she likes me too, and if I say my feelings to her, I'm confident she'd confess the same. I don't want to destroy my marriage, and she's the clean type of woman. I don't know why she likes me.

Please give me advice. I see her everyday and I'm helpless to avoid her. One smile from her and I melt.

I'm so depressed because I know I can't have her.
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Comments

  • NilsNils PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    enjoy the times u are with her dude... nobody can stop u from being happy when ur together... and nobody can stop u from loving her... but as u've said, may asawa ka, may asawa sya... with kids i suppose... so before u confess ur love to her.. isipin mo muna... r u really sure u are ready to give up ur family for her? are u sure na ur ready to lose her if ur wrong about her feelings for u? are u sure na kakayanin nyong dalawa ang pressures ng society if u are right about her feelings for u?

    if one of ur answers happens to be no... i'd just channel the feelings for her into something like love of an older brother/special friend/best friend... its not that hard... been there, done that... and oh... spending more time with ur wife and family would help too
  • realize why you got married.....if you ned to be reminded, allow yourself to remember....

    even if you do tell her your feelings, and she returns them....it will not change the fact that acting on how you both feel would result to so much heartache.....and non-togetherness still......
  • ohmyohmy PExer
    hindi ba masarap ang luto sa bahay kaya na gustuhan mo yun pagkain sa labas?

    i would try to spend more time with your wife (i mean you and your wife hehehe) put more quality time and try to spark up something new.

    that way you wont even bother to think anything romantic with that officemate of yours..

    just my 0.2
  • No, I will not give up my family. I love them. And I know neither will she. We both have kids and wonderful marriages. And I'm ready to lose her if I'm wrong about her feelings for me. Yah, I think its a great idea to treat her just like a best friend. I'll try that. I do spend some quality time with my wife, and I give her all the love she needs, but sometimes I'm tempted to call out the name of my officemate when we make love.

    However, if I tell her my true feelings, do you think it will take the load out of my heart? Or will I crave for more of her? I know I'm bound for a serious heartache.

    This is making me crazy, like a foolish teenager.:shedtears:
  • tin28tin28 PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    when you tell her what you feel its like opening Pandora's box,ang daming emotions na lalabas, on your part relief na nasabi mo na,on her part confusion,sa inyong dalawa it might happen na may isang ma-ilang...sigurado ka ba dyan sa nararamdaman mo???bka mamaya infatuation lang yan...ingat ingat ka sa actions mo...are you really confident na she'd confess the same feelings to u???bka all she sees in you is just a buddy...
  • BlisterBlister PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    sometimes if we get into a very long relationship like yours, imagine 10 years, we miss the excitement of fresh romances... like what ohmy said, "pagkain sa bahay", we sometimes like to eat at fancy restaurants sometimes even if we love the "lutong bahay"... different ambiance, different food, unlike the usual :D don't worry, you'll snap out of it... specially when you get to see your kids and how your wife treats you... eating at a fancy restaurants costs too much right? :D go figure ;)
  • well, there's really nothing with being in-love. pero consider the circumstances uif itutuloy mo ung nararandaman.

    being friends is better. Please don't be a home wrecker!!!:cool:
  • I woudl suggest that you not tell her how you feel.

    telling her woudl only open up a pandora's box that I dont think either of you will want.

    so just be friends. and as much as you hate it. keep it to yourself
  • NilsNils PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Originally posted by EarlKlugh
    No, I will not give up my family. I love them. And I know neither will she. We both have kids and wonderful marriages. And I'm ready to lose her if I'm wrong about her feelings for me. Yah, I think its a great idea to treat her just like a best friend. I'll try that. I do spend some quality time with my wife, and I give her all the love she needs, but sometimes I'm tempted to call out the name of my officemate when we make love.

    However, if I tell her my true feelings, do you think it will take the load out of my heart? Or will I crave for more of her? I know I'm bound for a serious heartache.

    This is making me crazy, like a foolish teenager.:shedtears:

    serious heartache? nahhhh... i dont think so dre... i've been there a couple of times... nobody said you wont be able to love another person when you get married... u'll love.. and u'll love again... and again... and again.. the human heart has an infinite capacity to love...(hell, christians are even told to love their enemies.. how much love do you think that takes?)... its how you show ur love that defines who u are...
  • Originally posted by tin28
    when you tell her what you feel its like opening Pandora's box,ang daming emotions na lalabas, on your part relief na nasabi mo na,on her part confusion,sa inyong dalawa it might happen na may isang ma-ilang...sigurado ka ba dyan sa nararamdaman mo???bka mamaya infatuation lang yan...ingat ingat ka sa actions mo...are you really confident na she'd confess the same feelings to u???bka all she sees in you is just a buddy...

    Confusion on her part - please elaborate further, because I will not ask her for a relationship. I just want to let it all out to relieve me, whether she feels the same or not.

    Infatuation or whatever, its giving me a hard time.

    If she sees me as a buddy, then why does she prefer us to be alone? But she always calls me "friend". Months ago, she told me, "Bakit ba napaglililihan kita?" That was when I was still not hung up on her. Up to now, I still don't know what she meant.

    Yes, I'm very careful. Thats why I'm seeking your advice.
  • Originally posted by Blister
    sometimes if we get into a very long relationship like yours, imagine 10 years, we miss the excitement of fresh romances... like what ohmy said, "pagkain sa bahay", we sometimes like to eat at fancy restaurants sometimes even if we love the "lutong bahay"... different ambiance, different food, unlike the usual :D don't worry, you'll snap out of it... specially when you get to see your kids and how your wife treats you... eating at a fancy restaurants costs too much right? :D go figure ;)

    Yes, I agree. I am bored with my domestic life. I do hope to snap out of it.
  • Originally posted by Sad_Joker
    well, there's really nothing with being in-love. pero consider the circumstances uif itutuloy mo ung nararandaman.

    being friends is better. Please don't be a home wrecker!!!:cool:

    That is whats distressing me. I'm a committed man, till this woman came along.
  • Originally posted by Assassin_Mage
    I woudl suggest that you not tell her how you feel.

    telling her woudl only open up a pandora's box that I dont think either of you will want.

    so just be friends. and as much as you hate it. keep it to yourself

    Can you describe to me the possible scenario?
  • Originally posted by Nils

    serious heartache? nahhhh... i dont think so dre... i've been there a couple of times... nobody said you wont be able to love another person when you get married... u'll love.. and u'll love again... and again... and again.. the human heart has an infinite capacity to love...(hell, christians are even told to love their enemies.. how much love do you think that takes?)... its how you show ur love that defines who u are...

    What makes you think I can handle it? You mean you've had affairs? Well, how did you escape those relationships, if you did?
  • NilsNils PEx Influencer ⭐⭐⭐
    Originally posted by EarlKlugh


    What makes you think I can handle it? You mean you've had affairs? Well, how did you escape those relationships, if you did?

    nope... was able to distance myself before that happened... just spent more time with my wife... relived the old times... i am still fond of the women i fell in love with.. but that fondness is that of a good friend... nothing more... and oh... i didnt tell them... just kept it to myself... wouldnt do any good if u told them since ur not going to be able to offer them anything in this society...
  • That situation of yours is kinda hard -- both of you are not free anymore. I don't think that telling her what you feel will make a difference. Feeling ko, lalo lang masakit and yes, baka magka-ilangan kayo. Okay lang to continue the friendship - Just always remind yourself where you stand. Also, avoid being alone together kasi mahirap na, baka hindi maiwasan ang "tukso";)
    If you truly love your wife, you will not do anything that would hurt her - remember that!:)
  • This is a common infidelity issue.
    Happened to many of our employees.
    I just hope you're not my employee.

    I'll give you a possible scenario that happened with one of our own employees:

    ...You get the girl pregnant.
    ...But the husband thinks its his.
    ...You become ninong of your own child.
  • BlisterBlister PEx Veteran ⭐⭐
    Originally posted by EarlKlugh


    Yes, I agree. I am bored with my domestic life. I do hope to snap out of it.
    you will... and i'm not telling you this bcoz i just thought of it... i'm speaking based on my experience... i was romantically involved with a married man before... pero i'm single... but i was the one who tried to explain to him why we can't push our so called "love story" before... so.. ayun... it ended :D he had a long vacation with his family... and it ended there...
  • Baby_LeechBaby_Leech PEx Rookie ⭐
    Originally posted by edwincasimero
    This is a common infidelity issue.
    Happened to many of our employees.
    I just hope you're not my employee.

    I'll give you a possible scenario that happened with one of our own employees:

    ...You get the girl pregnant.
    ...But the husband thinks its his.
    ...You become ninong of your own child.
    Boss! :toofunny: are you from hollowville? :lol:
  • Originally posted by Nils


    nope... was able to distance myself before that happened... just spent more time with my wife... relived the old times... i am still fond of the women i fell in love with.. but that fondness is that of a good friend... nothing more... and oh... i didnt tell them... just kept it to myself... wouldnt do any good if u told them since ur not going to be able to offer them anything in this society...

    Your right nils. Thanks for the sound advice. Thats what you call experience.
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