"PINOY JOKES!..." hahaha...

[Meanie!!]

Narinig nyo na siguro sa radyo:

Man: Ano ang tawag sa chocolate na secksy?
Kid(s): ANO??
Man: Eh di, Hot Choco!!
Kid(s): Acheche!!


lol natawa ako dun sa "acheche." Old school.

[jandeaux]

asing: (pagewang-gewang na naglalakad sa kalsada at nakabangga ng isang matabang babae na may dalang aso…)

babae: ay peste!!!! bwisit 2ng lasing na to.. ndi 2mitingin sa dinadaanan.. Umuwi ka na ngang lasing ka!!!!

lasing: hahahahahahaha………
saan mo aman napulot yang baboy
na iyan???

Babae: ang lakas pa ng loob mong 2mawa..
hindi naman baboy ang dala ko…
Aso to…. **** ka!!!

lasing: Wag kang makisabat!!!
Ang aso ang kausap ko!!!!

[belle281]

i got this from pugad baboy sunday comics 2!!!

Dagul:Imbes na mane e almonds ang pinabili ko kay brosia.
ayon sa isang study e ito ang perfect food para maiwasan ang heart disease.may healthy fats,vitamins E at B2,magnesium,potasium,protein,fiber,calcium,phosphoruos at iron.perfect talaga

Polgas:Kaya lang mahirap maghanap nito diba?mabibili mo lang yan sa mga duty free shops at malalaking grocery stores

Brosia:nahirapan nga akong maghanap niyan kung saan saan ako nakarating.kaya bumili na lang ako ng kisses with almonds tapos sinipsip ko yung tsokolate

[jandeaux]

Erap & some companions went to a drinking bar,

when he noticed a warning sign “Below 18 not allowed”

Erap said,wag na tayong tumuloy,11 lang tayo eh.

[craypas14]

anong sabi ng ngipin sa kulangot?

ngipin: anong ginagawa mo dito???

[art727]

Mga sinabi nila bago lumabas:

Utot---mauna na ako sa inyo!
Tae---- ano ba? walang tulakan!

[spoiledbiatch]

A non-Christian vendor selling a Last Supper painting:

"Ma'am bili po kayo ng frame, maganda po ito, 'Hesus and Company."

[naluch]

Kwentong LORO

Isang babae ang naglalakad sa may bangketa ng
makita nya sa harapan ng Pet Store ang isang
loro.

"Miss ang pangit, pangit mo !", sabi ng loro
sa babae.

Nagalit ang babae, ngunit pinabayaan nya na
lang ang loro at sya ay pumasok na.

Sa kanyang paguwi, nakita na naman nya ang
loro at muli sinabi sa kanya ..

"Miss ang pangit, pangit mo talaga", talagang
naiirita na sya, pero deadma lang sya.

Nang sumunod na araw, ang loro na naman.

"Miss, talagang super pangit ka"

Sobrang inis na ng babae kaya pumasok sya sa
loob ng pet shop at sinabihan ang mayari na
kung hindi titigil ang ibon ng kasasabi sa
kanya ng pangit ay idedemanda nya ang store
at papatayin ang ibon. Nangako naman ang
mayari na sisiguraduhin nyang hindi na
magsasalita ulit ang loro ng pangit.

Ng muling dumaan ang babae pauwi sa kanyang
trabaho tinawag sya ng loro

"Psst Miss"

Sumagot sya "Bakit?"
"Alam mo na", sabi ng ibon

[F-A Soldier]

From the internet:

Isang araw sumakay ng Bus si Lola

Konduktor: Lola pasensiya na po kasi puno na! Payag po ba kayo ng patayo?
Lola: Tinamaan ka ng lintek! Kung inabot mo lang ang kabataan ko, kahit patuwad payag ako!

[F-A Soldier]

Once again from the internet:

Judge: Miss ilang beses ka ba ni-rape nitong akusado?

Rape Victim: Tatlong beses po!

Rapist: Sinungaling, dalawang beses lang.

Rape Victim: Bakit, di ba counted yung nasa ibabaw ako?

[jandeaux]

GMA: I'm planning to stop poverty and "mass starvation."

Erap: Alam mo Gloria..yung poverty madaling pigilin...
pero ang "MAsturbation"...Aba eh magisip-isip ka muna...
human rights violation yan!

[art727]

Sa isang korte:
Judge---"Talaga bang nakita mo ng barilin ang biktima?" tanong ng
hukom sa testigo.
Testigo:---"Opo! sa gitna po ng bukid at umaga po noon!" sagot niya.

Judge---"Ano naman at nanduon ka sa gitna ng bukid?"

Testigo--"Tuma-tae po ako mahal na hukom!" sagot uli ng testigo.

Judge---"Kung talagang nakita mo ang pagbaril, ilang hakbang ka duon sa dalawa?" tanong ng judge..

Testigo---"Pahakbang-hakbang ba kapag tumatae ang tao?"

[Rocky Road]

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9 Corny!

[torchie82]

Honeymoon:
BRIDE: Kinakabahan ako. Baka di ko makaya.. Parang natatakot ako.
GROOM- Kaya mo ito. Diba dati may alaga kang ahas?
BRIDE- Oo nga, pero takot talaga ako sa UOD!!

*****************************
Pagalingan: Job Interview

An Italian, French and Pinoy went for a job interview in England .
They were told that they must compose a sentence in English with three main words: green , pink and yellow .


The Italian was first: 'I wake up in the morning. I see the yellow sun.
I see the green grass and I hope it will be a pink day.'


The French was next: ' I wake up in the morning, I eat a yellow banana,
a green pepper and in the evening I watch the pink panther on TV.


Last was the Pinoy: 'I wake up in the morning, I hear the phone
' green green', I ' pink ' up the phone and I say 'yellow '.

*************************************

Sa jeep…
NGONGO: Mama, mara lang a tami!
(Tuluy-tuloy ang jeep…; )
NGONGO: Mama! Inami nang mara. Eh!
(Huminto ang jeep).
DRIVER: Ori, ah?! Aala o, niloloo mo lang ao eh!

********************************
Oh my gulay...
Boy : di na ata magiging tayo....

Girl : bakit?...

Boy : yung kuya muh kasi ehh..

Girl : hindi noh? .. gusto ka nga ni kuya eh...

Boy : yuhn nga ehh... gustu ko dihn siya : b l u s h :

*********************************

Filipino, German, Pakistani

A Filipino, a German and a Pakistani got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia , so for the terrible crime they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."

But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was also led away whimpering loudly.

The Filipino was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from one of most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," the Filipino replied.

"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.

"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.

"And what is your second wish, ?" the Sheik asked.

Filipino smiled and said, "Tie the Pakistani to my back" !!!

********************************

Techie Pinoy

Three men, singaporean, japanese and filipino were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound.the singaporean pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly.

"that was my pager" he said,"i have a micro chip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang. The japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he expained,"that was my mobile phone. I have a micro chip in my hand."

The filipino felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him.

The filipino finally ! Said......."aysusmaryosep, will you look at that?! I'm getting a fax..."

******************************

Use it!
use COPY, PASTE and lastly BOOK in a sentence....



























































Hoy! tigilan mo nga yang copypastebook! Sayang kuryente!

*************************************


(yan na lang muna.. hahalukay pa ako ng iba)

[art727]

Makikita nating may tatlong madre sa palengke at nanduon sa nagtitinda ng talong..at ganito ang usapan:

Unang Madre: "Magkano ho ang talong?"

Tindera: "Apat ho trenta pesos!"

Pangalawang madre: "Tatlo lang ho ang kailangan namin!"

Tindera: "Hindi po puwede kailangan ho apat!"

Pangatlong madre: " Hindi na bale! kukunin na natin..ULAMIN NA LANG NATIN YUNG ISA!"

[ishinimrod]

Heto ang Joke para sa mga matalino lamang. Sayang at English na *** joke pero Tagalog ang original nito. Kung Low IQ ka, ***** next year ka pa tatawa after mo itong mabasa. JOKE STORY

[mr_kunat020]

sasali narin ako sa ka cornihan...

sa isang game show

HOST: Tanong! anong karaniwang floating device na nakikita sa beach at swimming pool, Starts w. letter S

Contestant 1: ahh alam ko yan! Sirena!

HOST: Mali! Hindi to babae

Contestant 2: ahh hindi babae? eh di Syokoy!

HOST: Mali parin!

Contestant 3: Syoke!!!

Corny hahaha

==================================================

Host: Ano ang first name ni Basilio

Contestant: alam ko yan LACTO!!!

ngeeeee

[jandeaux]

A married man was visiting his “girlfriend” when she requested that he shave his beard. “Oh
James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.”
James replied, “My wife loves this beard, I couldn’t possibly do it, she would kill me!!”
“Oh please?” the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice…
“Oh really, I can’t,” he replies…”My wife loves this beard!!”
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in.
That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife is awakened, somewhat feels his face and replies “Oh Michael, you shouldn’t be here, my husband will be home soon!”

[bambi7]

Miss Universe Q&A

Question: Ms. America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. America: Well, I would say that, male organs in America are like gentlemen.
Q: Why do you say that?
Ms. America: Because it stands everytime it sees a woman.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Spain, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. Spain: Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own bullfight.
Q: Why do you say that?
Ms. Spain: Because it charges everytime it sees an opening.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Great Britain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. Great Britain: Male organs in our country are like Shakespearean actors.
Q: Why do you say that?
Ms. Great Britain: Because it cries after every performance.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Iran, how would you describe a male organ in you country?
Ms. Iran: Well, I can say that male organs in our country are like thieves.
Q: Why? Ms. Iran: Because they always enter thru the back door.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. India, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. India: A male organ in our country is like a laborer.
Q: Why do you say that?
Ms. India: Because it works day and night.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Philippines, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. Philippines: Ahh..well, opcors, hi,hi,hi…I can say dat male organs in our country are like chismis!
Q: Chismis?
Ms. Philippines: Ayy sorry!!..It’s ano.. Kuwan… It means GOSSIP in our language.
Q: Hmm.. Interesting comparison.. And why do you say that?
Ms. Philippines: Ayy..diyahe!! Hihihi, Kasi… I mean… Because…it passes from mouth to mouth.
(STANDING OVATION)

[jandeaux]

3 men die and go to heaven. At the gates, they meet St Peter who tells them
‘Before you come in here, you have to answer one question. According to how you answer the question you will get a mode of transport. The mode of transport you have determines your status in heaven, do you understand?’
‘yes’ answer the men
‘ok’ says Peter and he turns to the first man. ‘Tell me truthfully, how many times have you had an affair???’
‘Well’ said the first man ‘I must admit I’ve had an affair 5 times’
‘You get a bicycle then’ said Peter and off the man goes into heaven
The second man answers, ‘I’ve had an affair 2 times’ and so he gets a mini cooper and goes off into heaven
Finally the last man answers ‘I can honestly say I have never had an affair in my life, I love my wife’ and so he gets a brand new bmw and goes off into heaven.
A time later, the first man sees the last man sat next to his brand new bmw crying.
‘What could possibly be wrong, you have this wonderfull car?’ asks the first man.
‘It’s not that, I think that’s great’ says the man crying, ‘it’s just that I’ve just seen my wife go by on a skateboard!’